Ask me about Bartending - The Revenge - The Something Awful Forums

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navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Welp. And here I've been saying I wanted to turn in my keys and get a daytime grown-up job. Maybe wear a necktie.

I'm just hosed, aren't I?

# ¿ Aug 9, 2012 01:35

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 15:05

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Nth Doctor posted:

Am I a loving weirdo for drinking the Old Fashioned? Well over half the time, the bartender looks at me like I grew a second head. Around a third of they time, they lack either bitters or sugar.

And, as was pointed out in an earlier thread, don't go to your local hole in the wall or sports bar and order classic cocktails, because you will be disappointed. Save your Old Fashioned and Manhattan drinking for a nice lounge, or go to the bar at the nicest hotel in your city and you'll make better practice.

# ¿ Aug 9, 2012 05:43

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

TwoPair posted:

So how does one get into bartending? I've applied a few places, but it seems like every place wants prior experience, and I can't get any experience without getting hired somewhere. It's a real catch-22.

There are a couple of other things. Watch for new places that are opening, as they will be hiring all fresh staff. Lie about your experience, but don't make it ridiculous (I bartended at Chili's for 3 months is fine, I was the Head Bartender and Snooty's Cocktail Club for 3 years is not). Other than that, what others have said is true. Start off as security/barback and work your rear end off, that's what I did.

Daric posted:

James, can we try to get a list together of all the bartenders that post in these threads and what types of venues they're working in?

navyjack: Manager/Bartender - High-volume sports bar.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2012 00:23

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Sheep-Goats posted:

Hispanic barbacks.

That might be a regional thing? Around here (Colorado, and Indiana before that), barbacking is still very much a skill position and the pre-bartender job for men.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2012 03:32

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Speaking of being management...there goes the last of the Jim Beam Devil's Cut that an overly optimistic distributor dropped by awhile back. Time to hit up the "what the gently caress is this poo poo" section of the liquor room again.

On the other hand, as the only guy on our management staff who is a "beer guy," I should have multiple six-packs coming my way as everyone starts to show off their fall seasonals.

ps. being a manager sucks don't do it ever.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2012 12:12

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Masonity posted:

lovely Barbacks

All my barbacks come from my security staff, and if they make me unhappy, they go back to that area.I don't hire barbacks, I hire security men, if they make me happy, they barback, if they suck, they don't. My secmen (I am a post-apoc dictator) make 25% what the bartenders bring in (plus their 6 bux an hour) the barbacks make 50%+6/hour so I have a big money stick to beat people over the head with. If you suck as a barback, I'll see if a few shifts as the "dress code guy" doesn't shake loose some extra effort.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2012 12:32

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Ok, and before Crawl for Cancer hits me in....7 hours. What should customers NOT do?

1) Don't do poo poo in my bar sober you wouldn't do in a McDonalds poo poo-faced?

# ¿ Aug 11, 2012 12:39

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Sondheim posted:

I'm 23, can't keep up with the young 'uns anymore.

What's your guilty-pleasure girly mixed drink? Everyone has one.

I'm 38 and the young 'uns can't keep up with ME!

Also, Blueberry Stoli and diet Sprite! Don't you judge me!!

# ¿ Aug 11, 2012 22:27

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

So, this is a little random to ask in here, but I figure with the amount of experience, someone will know for sure. There is this thing going around that managers are not allowed to keep tips off of credit card tabs, even if they serve the customer exclusively because those belong to a tip pool.

Give you an example. Say Customer A walks in, orders a drink from me(manager), pays cash tips cash. Now, I'm not allowed by law to participate in a tip pool, so that money all goes to me. Same thing if he pays and tips with a credit card.

Now say that customer B comes in, starts a tab with me (manager), and I serve him all night and he tips. Under the way we currently do things, that money still goes to me. If he had started the tab with another bartender, and happened to close out with me, then that tip would go into the communal pool that I am not part of.

Now, a couple of bartenders are insisting that any tab credit card, since a customer COULD start the tab with me, get served by other bartenders, then come back and close out with me and tip me, that that tip should go in the communal pool (whether or not any of them served him or not). They're claiming it's part of the law, but none of them can point to a source.

Any of you guys really up on your tip-pool law and know where I can find this answer?

# ¿ Aug 13, 2012 10:27

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Sheep-Goats posted:

Tip pool stuff

My previous bar experience before this most recent bit was before tip pool laws became such intricate things, so I don't know how other places deal with this stuff, so I'm really interested in what you think and what you've experienced. When you say "the manager" do you mean just the GM, or everybody with the power to "hire, fire, and discipline"? Cause that is the criteria we are told applies to who may or may not participate in tip pools. I think that specific language comes from the Choi vs Starbucks ruling, but I'm not sure. We had to change the title of our shift supervisors to "bar leads" to make it clear that they didn't have that ability. As an assistant manager in the company I work for, I am paid at the lowest legal rate for a salaried employee and expected to sing for my supper behind the bar Friday and Saturday nights. If they paid me at that rate and I couldn't bartend, I'd just quit or take a demotion, because I can make that with 3 decent shifts a week with immeasurably less stress (Hell, I've considered it anyway).

At the end of the day, it doesn't directly matter to me. I'm conscientious about making sure I don't take tips that don't belong to me (although as long as I have to spend Friday and Saturday nights deep in the weeds for hours I'm sure as poo poo gonna take the ones that DO!), and if my company is doing it wrong, it's their rear end, not mine, but I wish there was clearer guidance so that I could KNOW.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2012 14:07

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

twigplant posted:

My first job in the service industry was as a hostess on the opening staff of a restaurant in Florida. One of the things the owner/chef drilled into our tiny little skulls before we opened was that you do not, under any circumstances, scoop ice with the destination glass. Glass is clear and glass can break - the gently caress are you gonna do if you break a glass in the ice machine/ice bucket?

I'm now a shift manager at a hotel/restaurant/bar in New Mexico, with my duties primarily being on the hotel side, but I spend a reasonable amount of time in the bar and restaurant. I see bartenders scooping ice directly into glasses, and it kind of freaks me out. Is that a frowned-upon thing or did I just have a really anal retentive owner/chef back in Florida?

It is 100% wrong and a health inspector or bar spotter will bust you for it. However, you will probably never stop it. Ever.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2012 02:04

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Nice perk to management...all the TVs are on Shark Week for lunch/happy hour today and no one can stop me!

# ¿ Aug 16, 2012 19:10

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Dirnok posted:

I'm mostly with you on the running. I expect everyone to be hustling. A light sprint from one end of the bar to grab something, cool with me. But anytime I catch anyone really hauling rear end out of the corner of my eye, my brain assumes BIG DEAL and I go to follow them. I've got one bartender that is awful about doing this, and while his argument is that he is quite literally moving as fast as possible, it breaks everyone else's rhythm and drives us all insane.

I can't relate on the danger of someone running into me though. We have the biggest behind the bar space that I've ever seen in a bar. Aside from some hip checking right against the well, we've got plenty of room to avoid each other.

yeah, I'd I see someone in a dead run, I'm after them, so I don't miss out. I went over the bar one time cause my GM saw a old girlfriend from college and I misunderstood his sprint.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2012 05:52

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Rotten Cookies posted:

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Made the most I've ever made in one night tonight! It was a blur of 7 hours (Party lasted 4 hours, though) and I walked away with $500 (not counting my $10.50 hourly), got to see some woman walk into the bathroom, come out obviously having done coke. Later, thanks to security, I got to see her taken away screaming. Other guests (her friends) told me that was "just like her."

I love those big money nights. I want to get my tip-out in $1 and roll around on them until they form a protective belly armor.

Don't worry about getting 'snippy.' At least once during every busy shift, I'll lace into somebody for being an rear end in a top hat.

# ¿ Aug 19, 2012 10:51

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

leica posted:

I've found that busier doesn't always equal better tips. When it's steady but not too busy you're able to give better service and actually talk to people, those are the days I bank. When you're in the weeds people are always waiting and get pissed, they reflect their displeasure in the tips. So you work twice as hard but don't get nearly what you thought you should. My bar manager did the math and figured out once we get to a certain sales number the tip percentage starts going down in a hurry.

Also if your managers are going to fire a bartender because of timeliness complaints when it was busy they are idiots. Bars get busy, and people have to wait. Losing cards happens too, and nine times out of ten it's the customer that loses it after it's given back. Unless your fellow bartender was rude to the customers there's no reason to fire her.

This is so true. I'm a pretty personable fellow (with a huge comp tab), so if I have time to grip and grin, tell some jokes, treat the homely ones like beauty queens and the awkward ones like pro athletes I can pull in 30% or even 50%. When I'm 5 deep, scowling in concentration, barking out "next!", and not even able to take the time to be nice to the nice ones....yeah.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2012 22:50

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Septic Knothead posted:

Maybe a dumb question, but what kind of whiskey do you usually get if you order a whiskey sour without specifying? What the hell kind of whiskey should I specify? Bourbon? Jack Daniel's?

if you don't specify, you'll get well. Since you're mixing with a strong-tasting mix, this shouldn't be a bad thing.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2012 00:22

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

WampaLord posted:

Is this impossible to do if you just plan on running a tab and have no cash on you?

Protip: Have cash.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2012 02:53

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

leica posted:

Pretty much. I've had people promise me a good tip when handing me the card then getting screwed. Cash is king.

Yeah, if I had a buck for everybody who wanted me to "hook it up" for a "fat tip" it would bring their lovely tipping levels about up to par.

If I don't know you, but you've been a good guy and run up a decent-sized tab, then odds are you're gonna get a little cinnamon-flavored surprise shot with your tab. Ask me for free poo poo or to "hook it up" and you are immediately dumped in the cheapfuck loser category.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2012 03:10

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Sheep-Goats posted:

If they don't have to get out their wallet they won't tip, since the beginning of time.

That's why I don't buy Birthday shots anymore except for hot 21-year old girls(it is me, I am the feelthy old man). I told a kid last weekend who wanted a birthday drink that I save my free drinks for people who tip well and that if he kept it in mind, he'd do well in his bar travels. He said thanks, ordered a Jack and coke, tipped me five bucks.

Well played, kid. Well played, here have this free shot.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2012 19:13

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

James Woods posted:

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted but a ton of crazy stuff has been happening at the bar and with my other job so I haven't had much time to put a good writeup together. I am however leaving work tonight at 3am and going directly to the airport to head to Denver for a bachelor party with all the maniacs I grew up with. Should be a yarn or two to tell there.

Welcome to the Mile High City, enjoy your stay. Watch out for the altitude, it's a killer!

# ¿ Aug 26, 2012 03:26

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

HAHAHA! Some lady just came in to the bar and tried to sell me this. I literally just started cracking up at her while she tried to tell me what a great deal it was for us.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2012 23:51

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

everybody posted:

Awesome ideas.

Now I wish I'd at least taken the brochure!

# ¿ Aug 31, 2012 05:07

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

leica posted:

Anything with blue curacao sells like hotcakes at a beach bar. All it takes is one blue Long Island and next thing you know the whole bar is drinking them.

We call that the "Adios, Motherfucker" and it is such a pretty blue that it definitely causes a chain reaction as people go, "Ooh! What's that??"

# ¿ Sep 8, 2012 01:08

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Respekt posted:

Is it legal in California for an employer to cut out 20% from all CC and automatic 18% gratuity tips from the employees tip pool?

If it's not legal.. I have the saddest face as I would have missed out on $$$$$

edit for clarity: My boss has been cutting 20% from all of our Credit Card tips. So if you tipped me $10, I'd be only getting $8 at the end of the night, and I'm just wondering if its legal for the boss to do that.

Management is not allowed to touch employee tip pools period. They can set rules for who gets what, but they don't disburse the cash. Def shady practice.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2012 09:55

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

FaceEater posted:

rrrrggghhthhthrhrhghg and then there's Sunday nights, where the industry and the best regulars on the planet come out and end up tipping me 40+% of the entire night's ring. gently caress ME leaving this bar is hard.

And god bless everyone posting and lurking in this thread (including myself) and everyone that works as a service employee for being awesome customers, generally great people to serve, and most often being pretty understanding of when they gently caress up and when I have to call them on their bullshit and in the end STILL tipping and being polite the rest of the evening. Thanks, from a dive bartender.

gently caress that poo poo, I had nothing but drunk goddamn football fans. Plus, I am beginning to believe that my staff is intentionally engaged in a conspiracy to drive me out of my loving mind.

# ¿ Sep 10, 2012 11:32

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Fontoyn posted:

Anyone have any advice for a college student applying to bounce at a downtown bar? I'm submitting a resume and cover letter and am looking for advice on how I ought to present myself.

Notable about me:
2-0 Amateur MMA Fighter
190lbs

But I don't want to focus on physicality because I don't want to come off as some guy who can't wait to rough up drunks. I also debated varsity policy for 4 years, placed at state, etc.

I just don't know what to lead with/focus on.

I hire and manage the security at my bar and when I hire, I'm looking for confident, alert, articulate, problem solvers. I don't need a lawsuit because some meathead wants to solve every problem with his fists.

On the other hand, some places put a premium on size or bad-assness. If you work at one of those places, you will probably get to fight a lot, if that's your thing.

# ¿ Oct 10, 2012 00:46

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Shooting Blanks posted:

Physicality is a good thing in a bouncer, however needing/wanting to use it is not.

Are you submitting in person or electronically? If you can, submit in person and see if you can get an interview on the spot. In the interview, rather than focusing on your MMA training, ask them about their dress code. If you can get some insight in how to spot fakes (seeing as it's a college town), that would also be good to mention. Similarly, ask them how proactive they'd like you to be in stopping problems before they begin. There will always be idiots spilling drinks on each other, but if someone is there immediately with a towel so they can wipe themselves off, it's much easier to defuse the situation.

You could also ask them how many bouncers they typically have on any given night, and what the bouncer/patron ratio is.

Personally, I'd probably leave the MMA stuff off the resume/cover letter - that makes you sound like a trained fighter (which you are). You want to emphasize your ability to resolve situations without resorting to hitting anyone, instead separating problem individuals, identifying people who need to be ejected before they're an issue, etc.

This is way better than the way I said it.

# ¿ Oct 10, 2012 05:28

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Daric posted:

To go with what we were talking about earlier in that some people just buy the most expensive thing because it's expensive I had a couple come up earlier that wanted 2 Bloody Mary's...with Belvedere.

Way to go buddy, you got a premium vodka and drowned it in cheap Zing Zang mix.

Grey Goose and Red Bull. The best was the guy who kept ordering Goose and Red Bull with a shot of Goose on the side then mixed the shot into his drink after a few sips.

Maybe if he'd tipped worth a poo poo, I'd have mentioned that if he'd ordered Doubles, the 2nd shot would have been half off.

# ¿ Oct 13, 2012 09:50

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Coohoolin posted:

Happened to me when we (me and my glaswegian then-manager) finally told a bunch of probably coked up girls they were too drunk to get served. Cue hysteria:
coked girl 1: "wha the gently caress dae ye think ye ar, fucken weegie bam! get tae gently caress!"
coked girl 2: "calm doon, we're gaan awa onyways"
coked girl 1: "I just da like being judged like, ken!"

At this point I can't help myself and smother a giggle which ends up being a snort, which sets girl 1 off again. "fit the gently caress are you laughing at!" and tosses her wine across the bar. Sloppily enough, however, that we stayed mostly dry and the glass smashed on the floor of the bar. I laughed them out of the pub.

Why do I find that accent on a woman oddly hot?

# ¿ Oct 22, 2012 02:47

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Hangout bar:

$4 Wells & Domestics
$4.50 Imports/Micros
$5 Guinness/Bass/Cider
$5.50 Calls
$7 Premiums

Most shots are $4-$7 with most being 5 or 5.50

# ¿ Oct 24, 2012 06:25

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Dirnok posted:

Aauuugh..

Our GM's 25th anniversary of working at the bar is on Wednesday.

Oh god this makes me want to kill myself.

I'd be 63 years old... :suicide:

# ¿ Oct 26, 2012 06:42

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Hoops posted:

You also can't be openly rude to a customers face and then complain about not getting tipped, it's one or the other.

Gotta agree with this. I have had occasion to decide that a customer has pissed me off beyond my ability to give a gently caress and proceeded to make them know that they are bad people, but if they then don't tip or complain about me, well, I kind of expected that when I told them "If you don't snapping your loving fingers at me, you're going to die of thirst, cupcake."

# ¿ Nov 12, 2012 04:24

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

FaceEater posted:

One more indulgence into the field of tipping: Man, I had 4 different dudes tipping me $1 on each plastic cup of tap water for a solid 2 hours this weekend, and yes, I did at one point openly tell a couple of them that their gratuity on the first glass was noticed, and thanked them.

They kept doing it. And they also never waited more than 30 seconds (I imagine) for refills on water.

Not a tipping comment, but my pet peeve are people who try to usurp the whole waiting process with "I JUST want a glass of WATER!" It's still a drink, I still have to make it, and since it comes out of the guns about a quarter as fast as soda or coke, it takes longer than to make a pair of vodka sodas. Water tippers are, of course, awesome.

# ¿ Nov 13, 2012 01:41

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Dirnok posted:

I really want to invent a soda gun that pushes water out as fast or faster than everything else. Not only would I be rich, I would be in the debt of every bartender on the planet and never have to pay for a drink again.

I like where your head's at!

# ¿ Nov 13, 2012 12:10

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Masonity posted:

We have a hybrid system at work, and it's awesome. The soda guns don't do still water, only soda, coke, lemonade, diet coke and tonic. We have these amazing "water guns" though positioned under our bar. You can both fill a glass with them really fast (they have great pressure), or turn a lever the other way and use it to get hot water for cleaning. We call them taps, and I strongly recommend you invest in some!

Smartass. Sass is what it is.

# ¿ Nov 13, 2012 23:27

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Oh god I love Blackout Wednesday!!$450 in 3 hrs.

# ¿ Nov 22, 2012 10:54

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Coohoolin posted:

That would be Ireland.

I always forget the difference.

# ¿ Dec 4, 2012 14:38

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

SubponticatePoster posted:

As I no longer bartend, I would like to extend my condolences to everyone that has to work tonight. New Year's aka Amateur Eve is probably the shittiest night to have to work in a bar.

gently caress that. I'd rather be behind the wood making $$$ than out in the crowd spending it. I'll have my NYE with my staff later this month.

# ¿ Dec 31, 2012 23:06

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

Benny the Snake posted:

So Mr. Woods, would you please settle a disagreement?

My bartender insists that a whtie russian is made with khalua, vodka, and milk. I insist it's Bailley's and not milk. Is it still a Russian if you put Irish cream?

Irish cream instead of milk or cream makes it a Blond Russian.

# ¿ Jan 19, 2013 12:46

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 15:05

navyjack: Jul 15, 2006

nrr posted:

Needs a touch of grenadine.

In "it's fun to be a bartender" news, I got tipped in gold the other day. Had some guy and his son in from somewhere in the south of the US and after taking care of them for almost an hour, he stopped me and pulled a little bag out of his pocket and said, "Listen. From time to time, I like to give these out to people who deserve them..." And handed me this little thing that looked like a shiny penny. Turns out, it's one of these.

I've seen an inordinate amount of crazy and hilarious poo poo in my time behind the bar, but I thought this was a new level of cool.

I would just quit my job bartending at that point because it is impossible to top that story.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2013 13:47

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