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 oh where to beginSo I'm sitting in the toc in fallujah at like 5 am and was watching the women's yoga on tv after I just got done calling home. We had just packed all our laptops up because we were moving to a different fob soon and all the sipr laptops were lying in the open box next to the rto. We had this one e5 who was no poo poo like 50 years old. He wasn't full on tarded or anything like that, he was just dumb. Dude's on his laptop trying to watch a movie. For whatever reason it won't play. He looks over, sees the sipr laptops, looks back at his laptop and sees that it's the same model dell as they are and you could see the eureka moment click in his eyes. He tears the cd drive out of one of the sipr computers, slaps it into his own and loads in his cd. Dumbass couldn't understand why we had to confiscate his laptop. Then there was the overweight E6 who was our area beautification NCOIC. He was fat, dumb and loud. Totally useless outside the wire, almost loving died of heat exhaustion his only time out. Losing his squad must have been a hidden blessing for him because it let him pursue his real passion, building murals. No one in the command ever gave him any direction or orders or anything remotely resembling responsibilities. It started off with him wandering our AO collecting whatever junior enlisted didn't know any better to fill sandbags and make little sandbags perimeters around our buildings. Then he graduated to sign making. While wandering around the fob he found the shop that made signs. Within two weeks there were signs on loving everything. Every office in HQ had a sign. The CHUs had signs saying who lived there. The terps had signs. The OE254 had a sign. The shitters had a sign. There was even a sign in the middle of the AO that said "SIGN COMING SOON" when he was in the process of having a company motoroster sign being made up. After that things went loving pro. When he ran out of poo poo to put signs on he moved onto painting murals. He had KBR come in with cranes to move T-Walls around our AO to the spots where he wanted to paint. gently caress-off big cranes. KBR probably charged the government a couple grand to satiate this man's lust for T-Walls that caught the sunset at just the right angle. He then proceeded to paint  poo poo all over the AO. There were crying eagles. There were statues of liberty. There were memorials to fallen comrades that never fell since no one ever got killed from our company. George Bush would have said gently caress the aircraft carrier if he saw how patriotastically good this place was. Of course he got his BSM.
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Nov 28, 2012 09:54
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 14:14 |
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Free Bradley Manning.
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Nov 30, 2012 22:20
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I feel as if we should replace Beetle Bailey with the Adventures of Gerry.
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Dec 19, 2012 03:13
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dscruffy1 posted:dang your right Nah man, stick to your homophobic guns. Romney 2016. To be fair people that throw sexuality in your face at work are pretty annoying regardless of their orientation. I've worked with gays that can't so much as introduce themselves without informing you of how much they love dick/tits and then you have every other junior enlisted male in the military that thinks it's appropriate to tell you about how he spent his four day doing German hookers and blow. It would be nice being able to go to work every now and then and at least pretend I'm at a normal job.
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Dec 19, 2012 20:12
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Aww hell who am I kidding, German hookers and blow for everyone!
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Dec 19, 2012 23:06
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On the bright side it sounds like they're fully qualified to become Iraqi EOD.
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Dec 20, 2012 17:16
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I've met a bunch of old lower enlisted/junior NCO dudes who were in during the stone age, got out and then decided to get back in. They were with a few exceptions always creepy fucks or something was off with them somehow.
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Feb 1, 2013 02:46
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There are two idiots in this story, and one is me. I can't remember if I told this story before but my unit had this MSG who thought that being commo = TOC RTO. So for the first few months of our deployment all four of us comm guys had to do rotations in the TOC. Two guys would RTO on twelve hour shifts while the other two actually did their job. It sucked dirty terp balls and mainly consisted of surfing the internet, spending three hours on the phone with my wife, and watching that MSG watch AFN while we did all of the reports he was supposed to be doing for BN. So one day MSG is out running on the FOB in Fallujah while I'm doing up the perstat or whatever the gently caress it was. After only being gone for a few minutes he tears back into the TOC because there's a cord running across the road outside our compound leading to some kind of funny looking cone. He started ranting about how those dirty LNs who drove the poo poo truck must have enplaced it and blah blah blah and puts a squad out on the road to block traffic. He then has me draft up the UXO report to send up to EOD (I think they were marines, but they might have been navy). So I pull the grid off the BFT and he jots down all the other poo poo and calls up EOD on the VoIP. And we wait, and wait, and wait. Well, if youve ever used a BFT before then you know that wherever you last touched on the map is what its going to give you as a grid coordinate. While I had hit the center button to focus the screen on my position, the last part of the map I touched just so happened to be downtown Abu Ghraib. If you aren't familiar with the geography of Iraq, this is about 25km away from where we are and is the hometown of notable celebrities like Charles Graner, Lynndie England, and blair witch man being eaten by dog. EOD calls and wants to know where the gently caress we are and where's the security we said we had. They were not happy with our explanation. So they finally truck on back to Fallujah. I never got outside the TOC to see this thing but here's how it was related to me: EOD guy pops out of his truck and walks over to where our guys were at. He just stands there for what seems like the longest time. Then he shakes his shakes his head at the MSG, picks the thing up by the cord and throws in the back of his truck without saying a word. It turns out that some unit responsible for meteorology on the FOB wanted to provide more accurate weather. We called up a UXO report for a weather balloon in the wrong loving city.
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Feb 1, 2013 17:29
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oh if I weren't bound by attorney client privilege the stories I could tell
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Feb 5, 2013 00:15
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Stultus Maximus posted:Please, when our JAG left he gave the most amazing farewell speech. Just removed the names. Haha, I wasn't a JAG, I was the military's equivalent of a legal assistant. Ask defleshed what how that works, that's way beyond my station. The golden rule for us was simply to always keep your mouth shut regardless of whether or not the government was the client.
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Feb 5, 2013 01:09
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Tell me more about this diversity council.
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Feb 6, 2013 21:36
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Mortabis posted:There plenty of things about ROTC that I enjoy but there is a lot of bullshit too. The flag thing came up in a conversation I had with a couple other cadets in which I was insisting that our guidon is not only just a flag, but also not a big deal, and that they were severely lacking in perspective to think that this flag with its APFT, Land Nav, and Best Platoon streamers on it is something to take pride in. So we can totally wear our Ranger Challenge tabs around post right? I need to start drinking again.
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Feb 7, 2013 01:56
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I forgot about this one. When the Russians invaded Georgia back in 2008 I was in Iraq. I was watching CNN in the TOC with a MSG as they started showing BMPs rolling across the border. MSG was elated. Woohoo! Finally, we're not the only ones willing to go after these cave dwelling terrorist fucks. I hope they kill every last one of those bastards.Aside from being a predominantly Christian country, Georgia was part of that whole coalition of the willing deal and a close American ally. There were Georgians on our FOB until the poor bastards got flown out to go fight the Russians or whatever. I don't think he ever grasped that. NCOs lead the way!
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Oct 1, 2013 21:28
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I never bought fast food on post unless it was something I could absolutely not get on the economy (like the Chili's on Ramstein). The food tastes fresher off post. maybe the Germans use master racey livestock, whatever the difference was it was noticeable.
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Oct 18, 2013 21:23
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not caring here posted:Seriously, how can this guy not have a scandal following him around. He knows something and someone wants to buy his silence with rank to keep it on the down low. The sky's the limit since he responded to that "Freakishly large Shrek-looking top 4 douchey sideburn-hating bottom" ad
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Nov 3, 2013 23:07
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Godholio posted:I'm all in favor of mocking him for the dumb poo poo he'd do/post/build/probate over It was really funny until you stopped to think about how his family was living in that death trap. Then it was hilarious.
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Mar 14, 2015 10:29
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LCL-Dead posted:Grover apparently just earned a "Beyond the Grave" achievement. I barely pay attention to half the poo poo that goes on here. While we 're on the subject, why did Hageteka stop posting here?
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Mar 15, 2015 20:00
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 14:14 |
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Fart Sandwiches posted:he's dead jim like todt dead or dead to me like I am dead to my mother dead. Please elaborate TIA.
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Mar 17, 2015 22:08
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