Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

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not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

You're assuming that the sandbags were going to something useful (I don't know I'm just assuming it's not, not being useful being the most likely)

# ¿ Jan 6, 2015 04:24

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 03:56

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Oh, I'm not arguing that. I'm arguing that it's not just gay at first glance, but gay from every angle, every glance, even gay from satellite imagery.

# ¿ Jan 6, 2015 04:42

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

For prostitution? Errr, yeah.

# ¿ Jan 11, 2015 02:21

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Why is it a problem if people gently caress in boot camp? Is it the drama that would cause problems?

Blah blah blah, discipline, blah blah, good order, blah blah, soldierly conduct blah blah

# ¿ Jan 11, 2015 06:28

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

justice4trayvawn posted:

i describe boot camp as a really unfun summer camp

Except you might learn about bugs or something interesting useful at summer camp, where as you will learn nothing of use at basic.

Well, you (army) learn how to shoot a gun, but if you've ever shot a gun before then you didn't learn anything.

Some people learn to drive in the army, I suppose, but that is shameful and you should keep it to yourself. They always become terrible drivers.

# ¿ Jan 11, 2015 23:28

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

USMC503 posted:

Seriously, what is with Motor T and being terrible, terrible drivers?

I mean I get that if you're in Motor T you are by default a retard, but god drat.

Transport is pretty loving bad, but having been to the benning licensing centre for a whole month getting qualified to drive buses and poo poo, the license dude easily put the worst drivers as the RTB and 3rd ranger batt. I think it may have something to do with how hooah your job and unit is, telling you that you are special snowflakes blah blah blah.

The old dudes there would tell me all kind of hosed up stories about how a ranger batt CO used to get a SSG and send him out with a bunch of joes for a ride around the block, and the CO would sign off on all their licenses to qualify them to drive pretty much anything. You'd get the usual accidents, but then a couple of morons played chicken with a couple of bluebirds but no one chickened out. 2 bluebirds hosed, both drivers dead and a bunch of injuries for everyone else.

Then you got them racing around on quad bikes on the road like a bunch of idiots who have never ridden 4 wheelers. I personally saw a loving crazy rollover where a dude rolled it over with some speed, and the quad rolled over him, and either he hung on or it dragged him back up and flung him about 8 feet up in the air ragdoll style. He hit the ground in a bad way, I doubt he's armying anything anymore.

I'm not sure what RTB does with their vehicles but we used to share a motor pool so they could borrow our FLAs and humvees if they had to. After a month of not a single vehicle in our motorpool being operable after they hosed them all up, we quit that poo poo immediately.

Master Bateman posted:

I learned how to drive in Iraq.

I'm sorry the army helped you become a bad driver.

# ¿ Jan 12, 2015 00:42

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

I had to tell a 30 year old who learned to drive in the army what off camber was in regards to a road and why it was a bad thing.

# ¿ Jan 12, 2015 01:20

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Enjoy your stay in Leavenworth, homie.

# ¿ Jan 14, 2015 19:05

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Then go AWOL.

# ¿ Jan 15, 2015 01:06

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

If they aren't quality blind made products that don't fit properly I'm gonna be pissed.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2015 05:47

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Even though the one I had issued to me looked to be about 40 years old, and was faded and thin as gently caress, it was still a reasonable bit of kit.

# ¿ Feb 13, 2015 06:48

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

theres the asvab, which just makes sure you can do basic addition/subtraction and read at a 3rd grade level.

Which if you score too low they can and will waive it. I think the minimum score is like 35 for the army. In basic we had 6 score around the high 20s, and one was so low that our drill sergeant smoked him when he saw it, and he refused to tell us what it was.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2015 19:26

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Well, in mediocre defence of the ASVAB all these guys were loving idiots. One nearly shot a drill sergeant, the other crashed one tank into another, and any that made it through have been kicked out or are in prison.

Oh, except for one, he got a DUI recently but was somehow allowed to reenlist.

Edit: Woah, how is your GT score so high and your line scores suck rear end?

# ¿ Feb 22, 2015 19:37

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Not really but I'm pretty sure my GT was the lowest one. It's like the opposite of yours.

Trying to work up the enthusiasm to find it now, because I have nothing better to do these days.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2015 19:47

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Well I think most of us have enough of the mush brains and sad brains that none of it really matters any more.

But here is my example of being the kind of opposite of Cole.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2015 20:11

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Holy poo poo.

# ¿ Feb 25, 2015 19:07

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

The cleanest uniform I've ever seen.

# ¿ Mar 20, 2015 09:11

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

I went to basic with a little filipino dude and worked with a malaysian fuckin' idiot at my last duty station and neither of them could rack a .50 cal. PT studs for sure though.

When the army says things about physical requirements my eyes just kind of glaze over and I think about my amazon wish list.

# ¿ Apr 8, 2015 16:22

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

The way I figure it the military will grind you up eventually, it's just a matter of when.

Women are in the envious position of it typically happening sooner, thus less suffering through stupid military poo poo in the long run.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2015 16:20

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

terrez posted:

How does anything get done in the marines? I feel like all the junior guys would be so pissed off and trying to hold off killing themselves and any E6+ is too busy rubbing his dick all over regulations to worry about doing actual work.

That quote from Generation Kill about the marine corps being this pissed off dog that gets unleashed on brown people makes sense.

When I used to see them around Benning - and the were stationed alongside our brigade so we saw them a lot - they were usually doing dumb poo poo enough that it made us feel sorry for them. Staff sergeants in the Marines look like literally the worst thing to morale and productivity. Down the motor pool pmcsing tanks? Well, pull out these TMs but now these 2 staff sergeants who may or may not have set foot in a tank before are gonna argue about pointless details that holds up work for almost the entire day. Gonna do some glass house room clearing? Well, there's gonna be a couple of staff sergeants who argue about what it says in the book and then argue for hours about "how they did it in their last unit".

And then peak stupid was one day during PT hours. Marine PT always kind of weirded me out as it seems like a never ending contest of who can shout the most motivational slogans at each other without running out of breath. Seriously like it's a caveman style marketing campaign where people are actively trying to promote their particular brand of "marine (tm)". At least twice a week though, there'd be at least 2, sometimes as many as 4 of these staff sergeants arguing about who had the most motivational chants and slogans, and what was most appropriate for a training environment and whatever other horseshit they managed to make up.

You'd think this would just be their hosed up way of getting out of doing poo poo but they almost came to blows several times.

No wonder peace time marines off themselves like cultists when the mother ship arrives. The marines do everything except supply the koolade.

# ¿ Apr 10, 2015 01:17

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Shooting Blanks posted:

Ok, someone help me understand this (the M9 story) since I never served.

I understand the importance of securing weapons as a general rule, and not wanting them to fall into enemy hands. specifically. I understand why this is especially important when you're talking about more technologically complex weapons like, say, hellfire missiles, or general technology like a helicopter (which is why EOD was sent).

But how on earth does it make sense to burn fuel for not one but two helicopters looking for a goddamn pistol that probably cost the army $300, if even that much? Purely looking at the expense, it doesn't make sense, much less when you factor in risk (which in this case went horribly wrong), how does that decision even get made? Is there some Army rule about accounting for every weapon, at any cost?

It's easier to kill 4 dudes, destroy millions of dollars in equipment and put countless others in danger with zero repercussion, than to do the paperwork to say a gat was lost in a combat zone.

And a FLIPL isn't even that hard.

# ¿ Apr 22, 2015 23:02

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Zeris posted:

Also 82nd

# ¿ Apr 29, 2015 22:55

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Should've been in Korea and it would've been a slap on the wrist.

According to the courts martials on the USFK page, Korea has gone back to giving O's and SNCO's a slap on the wrist whilst Joe is getting prison time and bad conduct discharges for the exact same crimes again.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2015 01:18

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

It always amazed me how bad combat arms were at shooting stuff. When I was a tanker, the fuckin' brand new LTs with their M9s, holy poo poo. You'd be safest standing in front of them.

Scouts are just the loving worst though. SSGs just flinging rounds into the dirt, coming up with all these bullshit excuses. We even had 2 dudes who went through sniper school and one of them didn't qualify first time go. And they are all loving know it alls trying to tell everyone how to do it their way because reasons. Luke dude, just turn around and bother someone else so I can go and qualify then piss off early for a made up appointment.

If you're at Benning though go poke your head in at the range near the big gas station on Dixie Road, that's where the AMU practice for some of their pistols events. Holy poo poo, talking about threading the needle.

FOURTH WAVE LESBRO posted:

Strangely enough I shoot better outdoors in a Korean blizzard where the pop-ups are on an almost 30 degree slope than I do indoors on alt-c.

Hahahah, that fuckin' range. I remember being forced to wear that goddamned yoke on my IOTV with plates to qualify, and I literally couldn't aim up high enough in the prone position to hit anything past 200 metres because my helmet would push against the yoke and that was it. gently caress that range was steep.

# ¿ May 2, 2015 04:43

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

People standing at the ready like Magnum PI.

# ¿ May 2, 2015 14:26

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

It's the mags.

If you've got one that has CHECKMATE written anywhere on the fuckin' thing, you might as well throw it away. Something about the gubbmint not wanting to pay for genuine Beretta mags, but Checkmate hosed it up and used the wrong type of spring steel. I think there's also another brand that was an absolute nightmare as well, but my memory fails me.

An M9 will work with either Beretta or Mecgar 30 round magazines flawlessly, military just hosed it up. As per normal.

# ¿ May 3, 2015 02:08

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Jesus loving christ that site.

# ¿ May 17, 2015 00:56

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Some of you fuckers are lucky then, I was surrounded by ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIER fuckin' weirdos who would then proceed to molest children, beat and rape random women, and smoke a bunch of meth when they thought no one would bust them.

# ¿ Jun 8, 2015 21:38

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Wasabi the J posted:

Ugh, I have a .308 AR and it is the heaviest piece of poo poo; I cannot convince the people around me that it is a loving stupid round to try and fight with.

Fully loaded with optic, the M16A2 is lighter by 3.5 lbs, not including optics or rounds, which are half a pound heavier with 10 less rounds; combined with the fact that some of these tards can't hit the broadside of a loving barn with 5.56, I have to laugh at the image of marksmen they have painted of themselves.

But these super-POGs (myself included) will likely never fire a round in anger, or have to carry it on patrol, so they're convinced I'm just insane. An entire battallion of 25-series turds with a bunch of 88-series kernels sprinkled in, and more than half of them imagine they're fuckin' Rambo.

Having been in combat arms I had the delight of hearing this rubbish all the time. People spending too much time on the internet and blah blah blah 7.62 blah blah battle rifle blah blah bullshit. As it turns out, most people in combat arms are pretty tiny. Ever seen a company of infantry dudes or scouts where no one is bigger than 5' 10 and the "tallies" are just string beans? Seen enough of infantry, scouts, and even a few tankers that didn't have the muscle to rack a .50 cal that they should not be giving out .308 carbines to everyone.

Like one of my old drill sergeants said "if you're so fuckin' high speed that 5.56mm isn't good enough for your shooting then shoot them in the fuckin' head".

For reals though the green tip ammo is loving garbage.

# ¿ Jun 11, 2015 15:34

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

It's fine if you're shooting on Uncle Sam's dime, but otherwise it is a very low quality round.

I think the performance standard is 4 MOA out of an M4. Don't quote me on that, but it is horrendous.

# ¿ Jun 11, 2015 17:03

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

gently caress it, if it works for you then don't rock the boat.

I went to look it up but I got caught up on the new m855a1 with its 3100 fps and 5.5 MOA standard and gently caress it I'm just gonna get mad.

# ¿ Jun 11, 2015 17:36

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Hhahahahaha, oh lord.

The majority of people in the military are itching for a little bit more rank so they can be a bunch of bullying motherfuckers, because they were picked on in high school, or they are tiny, afraid people.

The only time I've ever seen integrity in the military is dickheads using that word to try and get people to dime themselves out. As for discipline, I think I knew what that was before, but the army has hosed up the idea of it so much I'm not even sure what it is anymore.

# ¿ Jun 13, 2015 23:04

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

If I wasn't already married, and still in, I would've gotten gay married quick as gently caress.

Not to some other combat arms fuckin' idiot, some intel weirdo looking for internet cred so I got a shot at PCSing somewhere fuckin' decent.

# ¿ Jun 27, 2015 16:21

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Doesn't say enough.

# ¿ Jun 27, 2015 22:58

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

I do love someone who's in telling some wild poo poo. My wife was going to school with this fairly young woman and she had an equally young husband. I met him once, saddest little grunt you've ever seen, must've been about 120 pounds. Looked terrified just to be out in the sunshine.

So, grunts wife comes to school with a shiner, my wife is like what the gently caress, so out comes the river of bullshit that he fed to her. When he went to Germany, he had to stay 2 years because he went through SF training. He was totally 18 series guys. When he deployed to Kuwait, he LITERALLY KILLED over 400 dudes WITH HIS BARE HANDS. His PTSD gets out of hand some times, particularly when they have an argument that he's not winning.

Yet now he's in 3rd ID doing bitch details all day. As a 5 year specialist. I pointed out to her that no one has ever killed over 400 dudes with his bare hands, and he'd have the loving MoH about 7 times if he did. Looked up on my phone a citation for a silver star with valor of a dude who went hand to hand in Iraq, went to push the other dude's eyeballs into his skull, pussed out, so instead beat him to death with his helmet. Showed her that there's no SF school in Germany, that her husband doesn't speak any foreign language, and he's just a little bitch that likes to beat women because he's a failure at life. Showed her how to read an ERB, so she could go home and verify his bullshit.

Pretty sure she's still with him, even after he got a few months later and went back to Texas (I think). gently caress knows the stories he tells down the local Walmart now.

# ¿ Jul 1, 2015 16:07

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

I tell people straight up: if I wasn't a couple years early before the air force lifted it's age maximum age requirement, I would've been there instead of dumb gently caress army.

I ended up being 2 different breeds of combat arms stupid, and I tell people I would've gone the most poguey of pogue intel / satcomms / whatever if I was a citizen when I joined up. Combat arms is a chicken poo poo outfit that doesn't do anything a couple days of real training a cook couldn't do.

I nearly actually made it to pogueland but combat arms fuckin' idiots tried to kill me with their stupid and nearly succeeded. Now I'm broken as gently caress and live off disney disability fun bucks.

So I'm the idiot because I joined up. I do, however, try and discourage everyone I possibly can from joining the army, which I consider a community service.

# ¿ Jul 1, 2015 19:03

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Wasn't there some dude on here a while back who did his 20 as services in the air force? Like, dude was chilling at gyms and poo poo for 20 years?

That's pro level poo poo right there.

# ¿ Jul 2, 2015 16:54

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Never underestimate how dumb people are.

Having heard that I had lived in Australia for a while, many people in basic came up to me and asked me if they speak English in Australia.

Probably about 2 dozen, if you were wondering.

# ¿ Jul 9, 2015 22:04

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Soulex posted:

How many shrimp on the barbies bullshit? Saw this woman try to give a brief and asking people where they were from, trying to be funny. She asked this and other stereotypical poo poo "Japan? I love Sushi!"

It was like watching the worst night of open mic stand up ever

throw on a hillbilly accent impersonation and say something about popping your wife in her eye and then going off to gently caress your sister generally shuts idiots up.

or a brown dude asked me if it bothers me, so I asked where he was from. he said Puerto rico. oh, a tropical mexican! I say.

you eventually get your point across.

# ¿ Jul 9, 2015 23:45

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 03:56

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

if the army has taught me anything about dudes and the size of their vehicles, whoever owns that tractor must be about 2 foot 8, and probably only needs a 97 horsepower fiat to do the job he's doing.

# ¿ Jul 11, 2015 22:32

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

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