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Most of my idiot stories are from Basic/AIT and they don't involve a dick in some way/shape/form so they're not funny. Working at the CSH in Iraq did lead to me meeting a lot of Darwin Award Winners, though. Like the guy who got injured cutting wood with a circular saw. By cutting it on his lap. He missed his dick by half an inch. Or the mechanic who wore contacts in Iraq, splashed battery acid, rinsed his eyes out for 10 seconds with water and wondered why his eyes hurt so much 30 minutes later. I guess having your contacts melt and fuse with your eyeballs would do that to you. Or, finally, all the loving people huffing air duster.
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Nov 28, 2012 07:48
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DoktorLoken posted:That's definitely a I've met one, he was an E6 who got busted down to E2, and was reclassing as a Medic when I was at Fort Sam. Awesome dude.
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Jan 28, 2013 01:59
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moment. I can only imagine the hilarity of a former DS getting out and then coming back in as an E4 for whatever reason and having to redo BCT due to a break in service. I'm sure it's happened.
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Best I ever saw was when I was mobilizing through Dix, and the bottled water there was called H2Hooah.
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Feb 5, 2013 10:12
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The one dude I knew named Josh was a pretty alright dude. He kept talking about using Magic-Shave on his balls though.
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Feb 27, 2013 07:39
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Tuesdays at Speicher in OIF3 was surf and turf for dinner chow. Tuesday nights at the CSH at Speicher were food poisoning nights.
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Apr 19, 2013 15:04
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 Holepisser1982 was the best part of that thread.
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May 3, 2013 04:50
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Nostalgia4Infinity posted:SLIT 
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May 3, 2013 04:59
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 man that was a great thread
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May 3, 2013 05:05
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 Man I clenched reading that one. God drat.
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May 29, 2013 05:43
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Painsaw posted:I got pretty good at swabbing dicks. 420 freeze genital warts errday
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Jun 8, 2013 19:44
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When I was going for my paramedic certification I had to do clinicals in a hospital ER. My first patient was a dude who was popping wheelies on a highway on his bike. He drove past a cop while in mid-wheelie, got surprised when he saw the cop, and fell backwards. He slid about 60 feet on pavement, grass, and gravel. On his rear end. He had no more rear end after that. It was gone. He was brought in to the ER, and we had to scrub the gaping wounds where his rear end once was to get the gravel and pavement out of his flesh. I never wanted to buy a bike after that day.
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Jun 10, 2013 00:26
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Pufflekins posted:That's because you dealt with a literal retard. gently caress him Well, yeah. EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:What do you even do with that, get an rear end transplant? Lots of skin grafts.
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Jun 10, 2013 00:40
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These sound a lot like the old Humper-Monkey stories. I gotta find those again.
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Sep 17, 2013 02:18
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Mike-o posted:Humper Monkey is dead? Yeah. 
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Sep 17, 2013 02:26
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MC Hawking posted:I know it's not exactly in the vein of this thread, nor am I a GiP poster (nor really affiliated with the armed forces at all save as someone who sells alcohol to servicemen); but as an individual who has chronicled and has a pretty hefty folder of the stories of notable posters on the SA forums it saddens me to hear that Humper Monkey passed. I had a txt doc of the Humper-Monkey saga, that I used to read through every now and again. Glad to see I'm not the only one
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Sep 17, 2013 04:41
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I watched Three Kings with our Iraqi translator and a local national in the ER one quiet night. They were crying like hell for half the movie, and then our translator talked for a while about life under Saddam. poo poo was insane. It was like watching Schindler's List with a holocaust survivor.
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Sep 18, 2013 22:25
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Admiral Bosch posted:I never got to deploy to Iraq. I realize this is sort of a broad question, but were most LNs that you talked to glad we came in? If they weren't they didn't say it to us. Which is probably pretty smart.
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Sep 18, 2013 23:57
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Best Friends posted:
They're both also pretty awesome
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Sep 20, 2013 05:39
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:Das Boot Best sub movie ever, find the uncut version if you can.
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Sep 20, 2013 20:16
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GD_American posted:We were stuck with a Georgian contingent in OIFII. That was always the weird part about visiting Warhorse. The Georgians.
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Oct 2, 2013 03:03
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ghost bones posted:everybody already knows this and no one cares they're a fun read who cares
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Oct 9, 2013 22:55
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I know a dude who is batshit insane about Aliens. Has a room in his house basically decked out like the Nostromo with all his prop weapons, aliens, etc. It's not quite Star Wars/Star Trek, but people go fuckin crazy for that poo poo,
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Oct 10, 2013 04:59
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Godholio posted:Popeyes you fuckwits. gently caress charleys forever
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Oct 15, 2013 23:57
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compared to popeyes all other px/bx choices are the wrong choices forever
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Oct 16, 2013 00:04
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popeyes chicken crew you don't have to quote poo poo because i know youre too busy eating delicious food and being a good person, unlike charleys eaters who have to distract themselves with the internet to choke down their flavorless sludge
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Oct 16, 2013 00:27
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holocaust bloopers posted:you're literally a nazi do you know this?!? i tried to give roscoe some charleys once he cried and hit under the bed i had to coax him out with some delicious Bonafide® Chicken Tenders with a biscuit and tell him that the world is an ok place to be in, even if there are Charleys restaurants on this gay earth
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Oct 16, 2013 00:32
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gleep gloop posted:You're dog is just like it's owner! A stupid human being with dumb taste. gently caress you gleep glop
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Oct 16, 2013 00:39
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I mean, he set a goal and made it. I can't fault him at all for that.
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Oct 25, 2013 05:32
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Cojawfee posted:He made a terrible goal, but it was still a goal. I don't think people factor in maintenance when they buy expensive cars. Yeah, it's like when people win the lottery and buy million dollar homes. Any word on how much he got the bentley for?
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Oct 25, 2013 06:28
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friend of the family DEATH TURBO posted:let's see your bentley before you talk poo poo on dude Seriously, dude made a goal, held to it, and now hes rollin in a Continental
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Oct 25, 2013 07:19
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Snowdens Secret posted:I too did not purchase an airborne tab I did.
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Dec 20, 2013 03:49
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If you remember your asvab score then you have the saddest life possible.
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Dec 25, 2013 04:45
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Plus all the sand.
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Feb 3, 2014 19:24
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Casimir Radon posted:The DOD has posters of all kinds of nasty poo poo that can happen to your eyes with unclean contacts. The dude I saw in Iraq who got battery acid in his eyes while he wore contacts has pretty much made me a glasses-wearer for life.
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Feb 3, 2014 20:56
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Casimir Radon posted:She was a teenager when it was recorded (2004), she released it in 2011 after he threatened to take her car away. She was downloading ROMs from Kaaza and got a DMCA threat in the mail which is where the beating comes in. She deserves it for using Kazaa in 2011.
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Feb 10, 2014 05:54
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Painsaw posted:I'd rather read 50 Ft Ant stories all day. Been reading that poo poo since 2006. Never not loved it. Same. I've got the Humper-Monkey stories saved in a .txt file as well somewhere.
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Jul 1, 2014 07:35
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:My favorite medic told me not to ask him why he knows that spinal fluid tastes like bananas. 
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Jul 2, 2014 01:33
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Mine was the Martin Random poo poo lasagna thread, but yeah the humper money stories were always a good way to kill a couple hours when i was bored at work.
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Jul 3, 2014 07:04
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Victor Vermis posted:And it wasn't true, just like his West Wing exposé that detailed Cheney's hourly mouth rinse to counteract oral necrosis and Donald Rumsfeld's refrigerated underwear. Yep, dude was in law school in NYC last I heard (like 2006ish) and made it all up. Fun read, though.
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Jul 3, 2014 23:24
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At Fort Sam it was a tradition to bang in the bushes outside of the 232 dfac. Or in the music practice rooms in the Hacienda. On deployment, we had the ambulances with beds right in the back. No shitter loving for us.
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Jul 21, 2014 15:04
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