|
Tyrannosaurus posted:Don't be stupid. If you challenge the manager to a duel, the manager gets to choose the weapons HR Here: If you are going by Marquis of Fantailler rules: Employee to Employee combat: Employees grab the nearest item available to them. This is often an improvised weapon, but in some locales, this may very well be an actual weapon. Winner Take All. Employee to Manager combat: Manager chooses the weapons, however: the manager is discouraged from choosing weapons that cause mortal wounds. This often favors the employee, who is, in fact, trying to mortally wound the manager. Employee to Manager combat with HR Present: HR chooses the weapons. HR has no compunction over which body goes out the door. No matter how it shakes out, HR is only going to end up filling an line employee position.
|
#
¿
May 14, 2014 22:38
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 15, 2024 15:18 |
|
|
Okay, someone break this down, what jobs has benny had? Like, specifically where?
|
|
#
¿
May 29, 2014 01:18
|
|
|
I guess my biggest question, which thus far has been unanswered by this thread, is why is benny enabled by the thread? Or is it entirely for the hilarity of laughing at benny?
|
|
#
¿
May 29, 2014 17:46
|
|
|
JakeP posted:Get on new meds if you cannot function with your current meds. If you are yawning so much that people are actually talking about it that is an absurd ammount of yawning. While I am sure there is medication that will make you drowsy all day every day, yawning won't be the only symptom. It also won't be the only medication he can take and it will indicate other functions are impacted above and beyond just being "drowsy". I would wager that he does not have a regular sleep pattern, which causes his exhaustion, exacerbating the effects of the medication, if there are any to begin with. Most medications that have drowsyness as a side effect are not something you are prescribed to take daily, or are required to not operate heavy machinery/drive/etc while on them. Especially if it impairs him to such a degree his coworkers are recognizing him as a dude that yawns way too much. Edit: And stimulants like Caffeine will only mask the symptoms to a degree. However, this is the problem with anyone who has a mental disorder. They go untreated or poorly treated for various reasons, and need extensive care to put them on the right path to be productive. Benny is pretty far from the mark because he has not received anything remotely like "extensive care" insofar as can be determined in this thread. Worse yet, people giving him "advice" that he cherry picks only results in him playing benny bingo on excuses. I don't know whether to be angry or sad. I want people who are mentally ill to get better or put onto an ice flow. Whichever is easier really.
|
|
#
¿
May 29, 2014 18:53
|
|
|
Aqua Bear posted:edit: How long were you at that job? Three weeks? Do you put something like that on a resume? HR Here: No. If you change multiple jobs consecutively, and each job is held for less than 90 days, you are better off leaving them off your resume and being unemployed. Saying you had work experience for 3 weeks is a red flag and I will auto-bin you for that. When I get 100 applications, I am looking for disqualification criteria. Things that make me not like you. So lack of experience in the field/job you are applying for, red flags such as short job terms at other companies, multiple resumes for different jobs in the same company, things like that. If your resume stands out, you might avoid the last one, but it needs to be good. So then when I narrow it down to 10 resumes, I am looking for qualification criteria. Things that make me like you enough to give you an interview. What makes you better than the other 5 people I am going to side-line or bin. If you hold a job for 90 days, and it isn't in something that is a variable industry like, construction, then you have no excuse. You are a lovely employee and got blasted by your employer. That flags you for every other employer that bothers to read the resume. If they don't bother, then it doesn't matter.
|
|
#
¿
May 30, 2014 17:01
|
|
|
Pope Corky the IX posted:
NO. THAT IS A LIE. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE HE IS THAT STUPID.
|
|
#
¿
May 31, 2014 17:10
|
|
|
Queen Elizatits posted:There is a zero percent chance Benny would be accepted into any branch of the US military atm. They are cutting thousands of active duty they aren't going to pick up an obese dude who has never held a job pretty much and still lives at home with his parents in his 20s. I agree. Get on disability. I was going to be mean, but I don't know if it would actually have any effect to motivate any action, one way or another. Just accept that you failed and you can try again next time as a pig or a bird or something.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 2, 2014 18:02
|
|
|
cname posted:Honestly, people cheering on "get disability" do you draw the line anywhere? Would anything qualify as "disabled" in your opinion? At what point does "bootstraps" become valid? If I came in here calling him a poor retard that should bootstrap himself into the capitalist system, people would call me a troll. It would not be entirely unjustified, mind you, but it would be 100% true. Benny's parents may have failed him, and vice versa.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 2, 2014 19:26
|
|
|
JakeP posted:I'd become a 9,999 person society and build a loving fence to keep him out. I would experiment on him.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 2, 2014 19:36
|
|
|
Accretionist posted:I worked at a gas station. It was easy. Last time I was there, my old co-workers told me about a guy who comes in high sometimes and once, while drooling, tried to give someone $40 in change instead of $2. Apparently he tried: Benny the Snake posted:
Even if that is fake, I can totally see it being real.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 2, 2014 19:49
|
|
|
Eris posted:Benny, your issue isn't really getting a job, it's keeping it. Because benny needs to learn how to function in society, not on the periphery.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 2, 2014 21:38
|
|
|
Darth123123 posted:Benny, how does it make you feel when people in this thread say you are so bad at life that you should give up and apply for SSI? I routinely have people tell Rhonyn Peacemaker, Capitalist, Job Creator, Utilitarian Liberal-Corporatist to die. Yet that would not feel as bad as being told to go on SSI. Just saying.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 2, 2014 21:49
|
|
|
HR Here: Here is some science guys. I don't read cover letters. Most people send them as an attachment and I don't even read them. If they are in the body of the email, I skip them and go onto the resume. There is nothing in your CL that I care about. Because if you are applying via email, you are not important enough for me to waste my time reading an extra page on. You get 1 page, and that 1 page is your resume. Make it count. Send me your resume on 1 page. Attach your resume via PDF or Word doc. Do not use RTF or Txt or any other loving format. (If I see someone else send me a powerpoint of their resume it goes right into the trash, no matter what their qualifications are). Your intro should be: Dear Sir or Madam (if you do not know the name of the hiring manager) I am applying for the job posting you had at XYZ (website or location or bulletin board or bathroom stall). I have attached my resume for your purusal. My contact information is on both the resume and on this email. Please do not hesitate to contact me directly. Respectfully yours, Abigbagofdouche C.999.999.9999 Email address If your position matters, send me your CL. But if you do, you know me by name.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 2, 2014 22:08
|
|
|
Darth123123 posted:Letterhead? Maybe I'm old but I use letter head for my work correspondence with the company logo, etc. what would Benny's look like? I want to see the logo badly. A snake eating itself.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 2, 2014 22:09
|
|
|
If I have a job posting up and it says email Human.Resources@buttstuffsincorperated.com You god drat better email that and not the HR Manager. I am not having to sort 2 email boxes because someone internet detectived me out. Seriously, any goon that says to do this is not in HR. I am telling you as someone who is an HR Director to not do this..
|
|
#
¿
Jun 2, 2014 22:21
|
|
|
Dex posted:Benny, find the office you're applying to then show up in reception holding a boombox over your head blasting the song that best describes you as a potential employee. Honestly, there are times when I am desperate enough that this would get someone a job. I wish I was kidding.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 2, 2014 22:38
|
|
|
Alkaiser posted:Has anyone ever seen any proof that Benny's degree is real, or is it going to be a future "Hey I need to come clean" post? Sure would explain a lot. Well, in order to graduate from a polytechnic, you need to pass a Graduate Writing Test, part of your senior year you need to either perform a project or an internship. So if he did an internship, where did that go? If he did a project, what was it and why is it so lovely that it literally not worth contributing. Mid-way through they have you take "This field and you" courses. Both at the 200 level and 400 level. This ensures you know what you are getting into, and at the 400 level it prepares you to place into that field. If he did all that and couldn't place, he is literally retarded. Or the degree doesn't exist. Polytechnics are unique in that they are applied schools. You earn bachelors of Science not bachelors of Arts unless you are specifically an arts degree. I have had numerous friends go to them. Good schools.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 3, 2014 00:45
|
|
|
i am he posted:he interned for a political campaign but never got his letter of recommendation or reference or whatever lol No, you have to have them give you a referral to pass the internship for graduation. I had to write one for a kid interning for my company for a polytechnic. If she went back home without it, it was like the internship never happened. It is sorta a big deal. Graduation requirement level.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 3, 2014 01:00
|
|
|
I am going to say that he does not have the degree until some sort of proof is provided. Which means that this thread should be goldmined forever.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 3, 2014 04:15
|
|
|
Bardeh posted:Benny, did you or did you not graduate from University? Do you have a degree? Tell the truth. No, you need to be more specific. The university he has been claiming he has graduated from this whole time, with the degree he has been claiming he has graduated with, the four year bachelors of arts degree in English literature. Including completion of ENG466 (That my cursory google search tells me you would need)
|
|
#
¿
Jun 3, 2014 04:28
|
|
|
spacing in vienna posted:Serious question: could this be some kind of paperwork error? Like, the administration accidentally graduated Benny when they weren't supposed to? It would fit the "I went to apply but they said I was graduated already." The Cal State system does a "Grad Check". You literally cannot graduate unless they itemize every class you have taken against your completed class list. It would have to be a colossal fuckup to allow someone to graduate without having the credentials. I mean, we are talking I have never even heard of it happening with numerous friends/extended family going to various schools in California in the Cal State system. They fuckup paperwork all the time, but loving up something where they could get more money out of you is approximately zero.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 3, 2014 18:46
|
|
|
Pfirti86 posted:Eh, put me down on the 'Benny probably did graduate' side. "probably"
|
|
#
¿
Jun 3, 2014 19:00
|
|
|
Geoj posted:Regardless of how low the bar is to be a TSA agent do you really want the deaths of tens or hundreds of travelers on your conscience when he fucks up and allows a bomb through the security checkpoint he's manning? Maybe doing something or maybe not doing something does not constitute a job. That constitutes not a job. Ergo, SSI.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 3, 2014 21:01
|
|
|
My Firefox spell-check actually corrected purusal to perusal. But I had to change it back to see if he would bother changing it. Trap sprung. Good to know that in 3 months time I will be able to Google for "abigbagofdouche" and get hits on "examples of the worst cover letters ever"
|
|
#
¿
Jun 4, 2014 17:17
|
|
|
Queen Elizatits posted:He doesn't even have to call you can check the status online. And the current processing time for medi-cal applications is 10 business days. Wait. what. what.  I read the first post. Let me guess. It was a lie.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 4, 2014 20:12
|
|
|
This is the longest form troll ever. Just put it into purgatory and put everyone who ever posted in it on a 1 week probate for benny-aid 2014.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 5, 2014 04:49
|
|
|
oval office raja posted:THERAPY!!
|
|
#
¿
Jun 5, 2014 23:49
|
|
|
almightyerin posted:At times, when I read this thread, I find the thought drifting across my mind. "What would this kid do if he was given the get out ultimatum from his parents?" Watch porn in the living room and then threaten to sue them.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 6, 2014 17:45
|
|
|
Sotar posted:Trying to set up a show about Benny's life seems creepy and stalkerish I'm super glad you could come in here and say that. Would you like to actually re-read the thread and see how entirely valueless the rest of the thread has been for the last 140 pages? It would literally be the only thing accomplished since its beginning. Otherwise:  Edit: Benny needs a reality show, because nothing short of an intervention is going to help him.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 8, 2014 23:15
|
|
|
I will wait for the round of applause I receive for turning the thread on Benny by pointing out his total lack of Diploma. Someone make Gang Tags. Snake Thunderdome
|
|
#
¿
Jun 9, 2014 19:17
|
|
|
Okay...maybe... This is going to sound bad. You know how they have like Deaf porn and all that? Maybe Benny could...Pretend...Well...act like he has a mental disorder and do. retard porn. there I said it.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 10, 2014 22:28
|
|
|
Benny the Snake posted:How do they exploit the disabled? HR Here: Disabled individuals often get paid significantly less because of their disability because of institutionalized limits on pay because of their limits. Otherwise they would be entirely unemployable. So the government tells businesses "okay, you can pay this mongoloid 50% of the normal wage because they are 50% as fast as a normal". Now they can make an income and be a semi-functional member of society. Edit: Fact Sheet #39: The Employment of Workers with Disabilities at Special Minimum Wages http://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/whdfs39.htm MS Paint fucked around with this message at 00:13 on Jun 11, 2014 |
|
#
¿
Jun 11, 2014 00:10
|
|
|
nerve posted:lmao this is the post he replies to I was going to chastise him for that, but its because we are still suggesting things other than disabled-porn as a job option for benny.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 11, 2014 00:14
|
|
|
Thank you for this.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 11, 2014 20:42
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 15, 2024 15:18 |
|
|
Spanish Manlove posted:I just want to make sure that there is no more comedy that can be wrung out of this thread, and therefore make the mistake of prematurely goldmining this one hundred, sixty two page long thread. I am pretty sure that Benny's chances of impressing us with any more "stories" of overcoming the adversities of facing his bleak and depressing life have already hit zero. In fact, even if Benny were to post his diploma, so much time has passed that everyone would think it was a fake. Ergo, Benny has failed at the fundamental assumption of being saveable. Goldmine this thread and let it be a warning to all other goons seeking help from E/N: No Quarter will be Given to You if You are Literally Retarded.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 11, 2014 21:42
|
|