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So a little bit of background. My parents are devout Christians. Not going to say which specific denomination. Me and my brother are adults. We still live with our parents and neither of us are employed. I just graduated college and I'm in an internship while my brother is still studying. Both our mom and dad have made it clear that they don't want any form of media that could be considered against the Bible in our house, but for the longest time we've maintained a sort of unspoken truce. As long as we keep it to ourselves and away from the family, they tolerate it. I can't watch an R-rated movie on the TV in the living room, but I can watch it on my laptop away from everyone else. That sort of thing. Moving on. On this night, my brother, who I will call Danny, was watching some TV show. I think it was Chicago Fire. Well, one particular scene included two women kissing eachother. My mom was doing work on the family computer next to her and saw the scene. Since homosexuality is, according to my parents, a sin, she demanded my brother to turn it off. Danny refused and things escalated. He insults her, she gets belligerent, and then she rushes after him to take away his cellphone. The two of them rush into my room where I'm typing away something for my blog and she starts getting violent. My dad comes in to hold her back and I threaten to call the police if she doesn't calm down. My mom retreats to the living room while Danny stews away here in the room. Now the underlying issue is, besides our choices in media consumption, financial issues. My brother alone owes Mom about a thousand dollars in credit card bills. Money is tight and Dad is receiving unemployment benefits while doing part-time work. Mom is working as a teaching assistant while taking classes to earn her credentials. Since none of us make an income, we are unable to contribute significantly into groceries or rent. So the whole culture clash between our parent's conservative views on morality and our more liberal sense on what media we consume was ultimately the trigger to the larger stresses of financial uncertainty. Now here's the thing. My mom has threatened and demanded us to throw out anything we hold on to that is sinful in nature before. The last time was a giant freak out when she saw me watching porn on my computer. She went as far as to threaten to throw my computer out, stop paying for internet, throw the TV out, etc. I counter with telling her that I'll press charges of theft and property destruction. She turns around and tells me she can have me thrown out of the house. Dad, while not as belligerent, more or less agrees with her. To put it simply, I live in a house where my family wants to censure what we can read, watch, and listen to in this house and doesn't want us holding anything that would be deemed offensive to their beliefs. Since this whole thing started over a lesbian kissing scene, you can pretty much figure out their views on what's offensive. And that's pretty much our situation. I collect comics and a substantial number of them are mature-rated indie series stored away in boxes. I can see that over the horizon, my parents are going to go thru my collection and demand that I throw them out. Goons, this collection has been done over a couple of years and as childish as it may sound, there's a real sentimental and monetary value to them. I love comics. I love reading them and collecting them. As much as I am in no position to live independently, I still feel I have a right to buy, consume, and own whatever media I chose. And for them to destroy or throw it out would be what I feel is destruction of personal property. But ultimately they have the leverage of this being their place and the ability to throw us out if they choose. What do we do, Goons? Do we rent a place to hide our books, games, and movies away? Should we confront them about all this? Neither of us can move out at the moment or rent a place together, so we're dependent on the lodging, food, and utilities that our parents provide. What should we do? EDIT #1: both me and Danny are actively seeking employment. We're also contributing for groceries and the phone bill thru meager savings. My internship is for a political campaign that, while unpaid, does look promising for connections and networking. EDIT #2: Yeah I sound like a winny teen for thinking "my stuff!" first before "move out as soon as I can". With no employment, I'm not going to invest in a place to stay in right now. Nor a car because I want regular employment for upkeep (gas, repairs, etc.) I've kinda resigned myself that I'm going to stay here for a while. EDIT #3: I realize also that I'm sounding like a entitled little poo poo too. I came here to E/N not for sympathy or ego-stroking, but for the swift rear end kicking I'd recive. I needed a reality check, perspective, and advice and I got it. Thanks goons. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 18:21 on Jan 31, 2013 |
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Jan 31, 2013 08:48
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So okay. I can see the general gist of the posts are "their house, their rules." Now I will admit, I am over-reacted about the whole "pressing charges on property damage" and that I sound like a whinny teen. I accept that  Also, no. I don't plan on pressing charges. It's more of a "oh yeah?!" petty thing that I realize now makes me look stupid. Sorry. My brother is looking for a job. I am too. I've been pounding the pavement passing out resumes to ever office and filling out applications to every place that says "now hiring". So it's not like me or Danny are doing nothing-we're trying to find employment for ourselves and this family. My internship is non-paid, but it's for a political campaign that I can't comment on becuse I signed a confidentiality statement. However, it will provide connections, networking, and will look really good on my resume. I'm also waiting on a tutoring service to schedule another interview. A couple of weeks ago, they wanted to do an interview but because I don't have a car, I had to secure transportation first. I missed that interview, but I called the company back and they said they'd make a note that I'm still interested and that they will schedule an interview in my home town. I just have to wait a couple of weeks from now untill it goes down  Professor Dog posted:You mention the police/pressing charges a couple of times in your post. Have you ever felt the need to do so? ...well, there was a point where the drama between my parents escalated to the point that my mom got violent and started hitting my dad. I was only a kid so I got scared and called the cops. My mom was charged with a misdemenor and taken to prison for I'm guessing assault. Since then, she lost her really nice job teaching at a kindergarten right down the street and we lost government aid to pay for rent. I kinda hosed us over beause of that. And as for how I'm paying for my hobbies: meager savings. I held down a couple of part-time jobs while I was in school for the first couple of years and since I've made every effort to find another one. This economy sucks, so I decided instead to double-down on studying. I'm not buying too much, just two or three a month. Also I am actively contributing to pay for the cell/internet bill and groceries a month. The agreement we all have is once I get a job, I start paying rent. I'm not going to invest in a car right now because I want regular employment to pay for upkeep (gas, repairs, etc.)
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Jan 31, 2013 17:49
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almightyerin posted:Good lord I picked a name out of the air. Substitute Papa Johns for Dominos, whatever. My whole point was that there are part time flexible jobs that you can get as a second job. And yes, actually, Dominos will hire you for just the volume shift, albeit as a driver usually. And yeah, fast food I get that. The local McDonald's isn't hiring, but I've been applying to every other place too. I'm literally walking around town, looking for retail/fast food places that say "now hiring" and dropping off resumes at offices and making a good first impression. And I'm making regular intervals around said places to catch the "now hiring" signs. I just applied at a sandwich place yesterday that is hiring. Just want to make it clear I'm not just sitting around doing nothing.
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Jan 31, 2013 18:03
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Jkid posted:You need to use those savings to find a cheap locker you can own somewhere in a city. Not a storage place, a locker place. AngryRobotsInc posted:Sorry to burst your bubble, OP, but your comics probably aren't worth poo poo. Unless they're bagged, boarded, in perfect condition, and often, graded, you'll be lucky to get anything for them, let alone anything substantial. The big name comics like Amazing Fantasy #15, Action Comics #1, Detective Comics #27, etc. make people think their X-Men #whatever is worth some big bucks, but they aren't. Unless you have some things like the first appearance of characters, they're worth maybe a buck or two a piece, each. Even less if they're fairly recent in the scheme of things. I'm going to talk to my parents about it and assure them I'm looking for work and that I'm going to move my comics, etc. away from the place if I can' negoitate anything else. Fair's fair. Thanks goons. I appreciate the swift rear end kicking I'm getting from each and every one of you. I came here for the reality check and the helpful advice and you guys delivered. Thanks a bunch.
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Jan 31, 2013 18:12
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Quixotic posted:You should probably balance the praise your family is getting for supporting you against the fact that your mother at least is a violent, controlling homophobe and set all your sights and plans on getting out, out, out. I don't support the stigma that adult children shouldn't live with their parents (lots of cultures do this, and it's perfectly acceptable, even when you get married/have your own kids), but the environment you're being given is toxic, even while they are financially supporting you and your brother. Vietnamwees posted:Good grief, how many serious/joke posts are there going to be about the OP being a lazy slob? And almost everyone seems to view collecting comics as some kind of of extremely nerdy and unacceptable hobby. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 18:45 on Jan 31, 2013 |
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Jan 31, 2013 18:39
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Horrible Smutbeast posted:OP the problem is you and your brother are being selfish and trying to treat your parents like they're landlords when really you're grown rear end children still living at home. You have never moved out and been on your own, then got invited back to live with them when things got too tough. You never got laid off or divorced and just needed a place to stay until you got back on your feet. You've never left so there's no reason why they'd treat you like adults. I'm doing my part by contributing and more importiantly not abusing my parent's credit. My brother's a selfish rear end in a top hat. I'm just as big of one. But I know not to escelate poo poo. I'll let you guys know first thing when I get a job. Belive me: I'm going to contribute signifigantly more. waste of internet posted:No, your mom "kinda" hosed you over, because of that. Normal adults in a normal relationship don't physically abuse each other. Perhaps your mom should have thought about the consequences like a responsible parent.
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Jan 31, 2013 19:40
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Well people have been asking what industry am I trying to get into and what my internship responsibilities are. I graduated last fall with a BA in English Literature. My focus now is a job doing general office work (notary, secretary, organization, etc.). I'm passing out resumes to offices, mostly law. My internship responsibilites include voter outreach (putting names and numbers on a list, making calls) and social media (facebook, twitter, etc.). This is all so I can find a profession. In the meantime, I'm looking for part-time work to suplement myself and my family.
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Jan 31, 2013 21:13
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I probably should've posted some details earlier. But anyway, everybody is going to have a meeting about this. Hopefully I'll be able to mantain our truce. But yeah, I'm gonna talk to one of my uncle on my mom's side of the family. They'd be a little more sympathetic. But I need to find a job in order to contribute anything. I'd love it if me and my siblings were to rent a place together, but none of us are employed. My little sister is brilliant. She's studing at a university to become an astro-physicist. She loves math and science and she's the smartest one in the family. I love her to bits. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 23:20 on Jan 31, 2013 |
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Jan 31, 2013 23:15
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Darth123123 posted:I'm wondering how an Eng Lit BA. Has to do with office work, or Law? Where did you plan on working whilst you were taking all those courses? quote:But really, how much. Do you spend on weed and comics in a month?
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Jan 31, 2013 23:24
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CountingCrows posted:If you think that's irrelevant then you've really learned nothing from this thread. Darth123123 posted:So why aren't you writing? How does the party work your doing leverage that? Or advance that? Write user manuals, gently caress write fanfic on the side. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 23:43 on Jan 31, 2013 |
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Jan 31, 2013 23:39
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Decrepus posted:Everything you post is bullshit, isn't it? God help your poor mommy.
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Jan 31, 2013 23:42
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WickedIcon posted:OP you know what the real solution to your problems is, you must prostrate yourself before Jesus and beg for forgiveness for your sins
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Jan 31, 2013 23:48
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in_cahoots posted:He's claiming to spend $20/month and is contributing to bills- is he really not supposed to spend a single dime until he has his own place?
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Feb 1, 2013 02:30
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Grandpas a Racist posted:Don't ever take a McJob. You'll get in a rut. Don't ever take an unpaid internship. Your time is money. And right now you're losing both. Use this time to spruce up the résumé, gutcheck it with the rés thread here we have in SA. Get a decent entry position job at some office that allows you to pay rent and think about your future. Also respect your mom bro
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Feb 1, 2013 05:57
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waste of internet posted:OP, since Gnack says you're trying to find a job, let me ask, what are you doing in efforts to find a job? Don't reply with "I'm applying all over the place!" 1)I'm currently using the services provided thru my university's career center. I've applied to job agencies, but most of them are warehouse work. I've heard enough horror stories from my dad who's worked in warehouses. So they've been a dead end. I haven't looked into unemployment because, well, it's an issue of pride. My dad is busting his rear end working lawns and seeking a job while receiving unemployment benfiits. He's not abusing them, but I'd feel wrong to receive benifits when the head of household is seeking them. I know it's stupid. 2)There's a job fair here on campus comming up this month which I plan to dress professionally, have resumes ready, and have my pitch down cold. 3)I've had a goon, the career center, and my academic advisor (and favorite professor) look at it. I'm confident it's a great resume. 4) I make individual cover letters made specifically for the job. I feel it's better than re-using cover letters. 5) Depends on the job. I tend to wait a week or wait entierly on them when it comes to a part-time job. If it's something professional (like the tutoriing position), I follow up exactly one week. I don't have a calendar, but I'm really good about remembering these things. 6)Well I'll call back within a week. Unless of course I get a "we're sorry but" response. If it's in person I make sure it goes straight to a manager. If it's online, I'll call and ask for a manager. And right now I don't feel like giving out more information. I'm discussing this situation with some freinds and, serendipitously enough, a life coach overheard and he wants to help me resolve my issues with my parents. I'm kinda emotionally drained right now, but I promise I'll get back to you guys as soon as you can. Thanks, and I'm sorry.
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Feb 1, 2013 21:26
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gigawhite posted:Yes, but why aren't you doing more??? If you really wanted it, you'd have a job by now bub.
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Feb 1, 2013 21:38
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turnways posted:Benny, how close are you to where you're looking for employment, exactly? I ask because you mentioned not owning transportation, and the cost of a car might be prohibitive. Depending on your location and feasibility, as goofy as it sounds, would a scooter or even a bike get you far enough to potential jobs, or maybe even open up a larger area for you to look? 
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Feb 2, 2013 03:24
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cda posted:Hey OP, do you even want or need advice about finding a job? Because it seems to me like you're doing a pretty good job, all things considered. Allright, here's a more or less accurate re-creation of the incident that sparked this thread. Danny's in the living room, watching Chicago Fire. My mom's on the family comptuer. She's only on there for doing Avon or online banking, so finances are on the mind. Suddenly she peeks over and sees too women kissing. Since according to her, homosexuality is a sin, she tells Danny to turn it off. Danny, being the beligerant jerk he is, refuses. He feels that he's entitled to watch his favorite show, morality be damned. Mom shouts at him, he tells her to gently caress off. Then for some reason she wants his cell phone. And that's where things escalte. I'm in our room typing away on the computer when suddenly I hear screaming in the hall and Danny rushes in with Mom after him. She starts hitting and kicking him, then struggles to get the phone out of his hand screaming like a banshiee. Dad shows up to restrain her. I jump out of my desk, hold my cellphone, and shout "Everybody be cool, or I'm calling the cops!" Mom and Dad retreat to the living room while Danny stews elsewhere. Mom breaks down saying how she saw the scene in question and how Danny was being a little poo poo and how he owes her about $1000 in credit card bills. Not going into that, I've allready aired out enough dirty laundry for now. And that's my broken family. What scares me even more than them is how I'm just as broken as them 
Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 04:32 on Feb 2, 2013 |
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Feb 2, 2013 04:28
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Okay guys. This is going to be a megapost where I try to be as concises as possible. I'm going to answer a few questions, give out a bit more information, and ask a very importaint question. Thanks guys for being understanding. -I haven't asked anybody in my political internship for job positions. I've just started and I only know a handful of people: the fundraiser, the field manager, the candidate, the PR handler, and another intern. This is a special election and we're in the primary mode. I talked to Jon, the feild manager, and he told me we're going to fly under the radar untill the primaries are over and we know wether we're going to see the big show. I'm waiting untill more people come in and/or I actually have put in enough time and expirence to where I show that I'm a hard worker. If you guys think it's best, I'll start networking and asking for jobs right now. -I don't want to get into too much detail but among other things, Danny's credit card bills include a brand new ipod and a suit to go to the homecomming dance. Some of these charges were made a long time ago and he still makes purchases on the card for stuff on Amazon. He's getting financial aid too, but it looks like he's dodging the question of wether he has money when Mom brings up that he needs to make a payment. We were all given cards under her account for school purchases. I make sure above all else to pay her in full for any purchases I make for school. -Back when Danny had a part-time job, he bought a used car. Don't know how much he paid, but he did it before he got insurance or even a liscence. He planed to work towards both and get the car first. Well, he was let go from his job. One of the windows of the car was shattered buy a random punk. It's been a money sink, and Mom wants it sold as soon as possible so he can pay back his debt. Don't know if it's been sold or not, but as far as I'm concerened it's still sitting in a lot. This is to give you an idea about what kind of person Danny is. -I've graduated. I'm expecting my diploma soon: a BA in English Literature with a Minor in History. I love reading, intepreting, and discussing stories, so that's why I got into English Lit. You can study what you love, or what makes money. And it's rare that you can do both. -As far as violent incidents, outside of the first time I called the police when my mom assaulted Dad, they're haven't been any incidents betwen us (me and my siblings) and them (my parents) untill now. Me and my brother have gotten into fights before, including one time he almost broke my nose. Mom has made it clear that next time it happens, she's calling the police. -Along with making monthly payments for the phone and groceries, I'm also doing regular chores. Vacuming the rooms, sweeping, taking out the trash, cleaining the restroom, moving things around, organizing the garage, washing and putting away dishes, helping preparing dinner etc. I'm pulling my own weight as far as what's expected of me as a resident. -If it sounds like I'm being unreasonable and paranoid, it's because I was raised to belive the apocalypse is nigh. Every time something bad happened in the world, Dad would quote Revelations and say how the false church and the antichrist were to take over the world and subject the true belivers to all kinds of misery untill Jesus comes down to rescue us all and have the sinners burn in the lake of fire. I know way too may details about that book (the four horsemen, the seven seals, the seven trumpets, the beast with the seven heads and the ten horns, the lamb who speaks in flames, etc.) I want to make clear that they're not building a bomb shelter, but still. Ever since I could comprehend what he was saying, I have been fixated and scared beyond all reason about world events in relation to the end of the world. I can't stand apocalypse stories that use wholesale Revelations (Southland Tales, Evangelion, The Faire Queene, etc.) and to this day I've been incredibly paranoid about current events as if there was a giant hourglass running out. I can deny it all I want, but it's been imprinted deeply into my psyche. Our big discussion is happening tonite. I've formulated "nuclear options" as a deterent and leverage in order for us to negoitate with our parents. I feel that they don't respect us as adults and as much as they belive that brining materials in for our private viewing or consumption would "undermine their faith", we should still have the right to ownership of said materials as adults. As far as I'm concerned, they're insecure in their faith. After discussing this incident with friends and a life coach, I've discussed my plans with Danny. Danny is to apologize for violating the rules of the house and insulting Mom. We are to negotiate that our privacy as adults is to be repsected, as well as our ownership of our items. I'm prepared to move my comics, etc. out into a storage unit or have a friend who's willing to hold them. However, most likely they'll want us to dispose of them. Despite that I/we own our items. I'm going to ask that before we do anything, we bring in a third party unafiliated with us as friends/family/community. So a conselor and/or family law. This is an importaint legal question. I'd appreciate if only those who have expirence working in the law (lawyers, police officers, etc.) were to answer. To reitreate, I've prepared "nuclear options" purely for leverage, but I'm prepaed to see it through if I have to use it. I want to make it perfectly clear that I wouldn't have prepared them if I didn't feel justified in needing them. Here they are: Nuclear option #1-charge Mom and Dad with theft/destruction of property. I've discussed this with the life coach and he pointed out it's still their house and that would swing the law in their favor. This would only be used if Mom and Dad demmand to have our stuff thrown out and not moved and/or they physically put their hands on them. Nuclear option #2-charge Mom with assault against Danny. Mom's a distirbued indivdual. She's been abused as a child and she has moments where she gets beligerent and starts screaming. Rarely does she get violent, but it's happened. Such as what happened Wednesday night. This option is beyond the whole "ownership" argument: it's the fact that above all else, she was unjustified in harming my brother and deserves to face the cocnequences. If she's made it clear that the cops will be called when me and Danny fight, well she'd better be willing to be subject to her own rule. The life coach pointed out that Mom can turn around and charge Danny with domestic abuse for cursing and insulting her, but abuse trumps that. There's a reason why I call them "nuclear options": because these are to be used only as a last resort. The ideal situation would be that we observe the rules of the house that materials deemed offensive to God can't be veiwed or shown in front of everyone, and our privacy is respected to where we can hold on to any materials and view them in our own privacy. They can't be priviy to our choices or interests because as adults, we are all expected to tolerate and respect eachother as long as none of us impose upon the other. And I feel above all else that we're being imposed by them. My plan is to use the "nuclear options" as leverage to bring my parents to negotiate if they still insist on being unreasonable. Ideally, I'd have a physical conract writen up and signed by all parties, have it noterized if possible, and copies made. This would untimately be a temporary solution untill I move out or we as siblings could all rent out something together away from them. My question is: are said options justified? Are they legally sound? Am I being unreasonable? Should I use them? And how so? If I had the means and resources to move out, I would have. I'd be planning to right now as we speak. But I don't. Above all else, I don't have a job. Once I secure employment and have saved enough, then I will move out. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm not just going to burn the bridges: I'm going to blow up the drat bridge and salt the earth beneath it. I'm going to make it entirely sure how I had to endure a toxic enviornment and how I despise each and every one of them (except my little sister ). I've had to endure this kind of poo poo for years. I take full responsibility for my actions and descisions as a person. I'm aware I've been a terrible person. I'm aware I still am. I only expect others, especially those I consider family, to hold themselves accoutable and responsible for themselves as well. And that's the end of my megapost. Now I'm depressed. Maybe I'm too emphatic for my own good. If my ideas sound stupid, I accept that. I'm going to go keep myself busy. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm just very anxious and stressed for what's going to happen soon is all. Thanks everybody for being understanding and supportive. I love you all. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 20:01 on Feb 2, 2013 |
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Feb 2, 2013 19:55
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readingatwork posted:Not a lawyer, so I won't comment on the legality of either option. However I'm familiar enough with the law to know that dealing with the police/court system is almost always a colossal pain in the rear end and probably not worth it for NO1. You're better off just ditching your comics sometime today and politely telling your parents to go gently caress themselves of they decide they want your stuff thrown out. Yeah they'll be mad, but probably less so than if you'd dragged their asses to small claims court. I should've posted that, but it's not out of spite or anger or revenge or pettiness. And to be honest, it's beyond "my stuff". It's that my parents are going to intrude upon my privacy. First it's get rid of my stuff. Next it's monitoring what I bring in to make sure that I'm not "undermining their faith". Next it's going to be an open door policy so what I may watch or do online can be "properly monitored" so that it's not an affront to God's word. Hell, they might even say I should get rid of my computer alltogether. I use it as a tool to apply for jobs, continue my writing, and recreation. I shouldn't have to be moniotired for the smallest little slight against what they consider "right" in a moral sense. Morality undermines itself not by what a person surrounds themselves but when they impose it. I'm doing it to stop the imposition. I don't impose my views or my likes upon my family. If it was me instead of Danny, I'd change the channel. And this is only because I know I'm going to be here for a while. I can't say untill I have a job. But I'm discussing these options to know what's avalible and if it's a good idea or not. Just wanted to reiterate that. Alkaiser posted:I don't think you get it, there's really nothing for you to leverage on them. If you want their respect then talk to them about a reasonable plan about how you're going to be become more independent and move out. You keep talking about right to ownership, they have the right to decide whether you can live in their house; as long as you want to live there, their rights trumps yours. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 20:48 on Feb 2, 2013 |
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Feb 2, 2013 20:43
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Alkaiser posted:You really need to change your point of view about all of this. Morby posted:For gently caress's sake, do you not have friends you can call? Other relatives? A United Way agency or a homeless shelter? I'm serious here. You need to get out. Who gives a gently caress about your computer or your comics or whatever? There are things that are way, way more important in this situation. If I have to do away with things, I will. I have options and resources. I can always go to a library or a Starbucks or wherever. I'll stay here untill I'm drat sure I can make it on my own. I don't want to get out, only to have to come back. I might be poisoning myself, but as far as I'm concerned, it's only making me stronger.
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Feb 2, 2013 21:08
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You know, I was on my way to put in time at my internship. Then I realized that the route I usually take over to the office changes on weekends. So I'm standing there at the stop. Wondering how am I going to explain to Jon, the field manager of the campaign, why I was late. Then I started thinking if I can even put on a straight face and put in time. And then it dawned on me. It finally broke to me. I just saw my mom, the person who gave birth to me, assualt my brother, my own flesh and blood. I realized that I'm traumatized. I called Jon and told him that I'm in no shape to put in time today. I told him it was family issues and he said he understood. He'd call tomorrow and we'd discuss my hours next week. Now I'm sitting here in a Starbucks. Tears rolling on my face. I realize how I'm a terrible person. How as much hate and disgust I have at my family, that I'm just as bad if not worst than them. That I've reduced my life to not bettering myself. Not even survival. But a win state. I had to hold on to my belongings. I had to prepare to call the police on my mom if neccessary. I had to prepare to go to war with my own flesh and blood. Because I had to show them that I'm a better person. Because I had to win. Because I was keeping score and I fooled myself that we were all doing the same. Because my hatred was making me stronger. Because my hate, my fustrations, my bile, and my vitriol against them were all I had left. I fooled myself into thinking that way. I fooled myself into thinking I was doing this to win. I convinced myself all that. And now I'm breaking down. Now I'm typing on my laptop to you guys completely.disgusted in myself. Now I realize that I need help. I'm going to call my uncle and ask if I can stay at his place for the night, maybe even the weekend. I can't deal with this. I can't go back home. Not now at least. But right now I have to calm myself down. I'm staying here for an hour to think things through. I'm not going back untill I'm sure that they're not there. So I can pack some clothes and take off. Goons, I'm sorry if I've infuriated you. I'm sorry if I've fustrated you. I'm sorry if I've wasted your time. I'll be fine. I just need to get away for a while. I'll be back in a sec. 
Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 08:26 on Feb 6, 2013 |
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Feb 2, 2013 22:31
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Guys I just want to make clear that it's not the religion. At least, not so much that. It's that Mom's a broken person. That she's been abused as a kid. And that her beligerence is a product of that. If it sounds like I'm being apoligistic, it's because I know there are perfectly wonderful people who go to their church. I don't want to paint that it's the relgion so much as it is the person. But right now my uncle's comming down to get me. I'm really scared that now this whole thing is going to spill out into the extended family. We're all close. And I don't want a feud to start. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 08:29 on Feb 6, 2013 |
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Feb 2, 2013 22:53
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Well I'm sitting here at my Uncle Jim's place. After some discussion, he helped me see the light. As much as it was wrong for my mom to hit Danny, Jim pointed out that there is no equality between us and our parents. They are still within their right to hit us when we're being little shits. And to call Mom out on assault when she insists she'll do the same if me and Danny scrap is bull. I'm not their judge, their equal, or their friend. I'm their son, first and foremost. The big thing that I realized is just how much despair Mom's going thru. Dad's receiving unemployment benifits. He refused a really great job offer from Jim. He's a prideful jackass. Me and Danny don't have a job and we're taking advantage of the living situation. When it comes down to it, what's making Mom crazy is that she, not Dad, is the breadwinner. She's the one providing the most income in a family of three grown men. And that is shameful. What happened between Danny and Mom was theirs and theirs alone. I over-reacted to that situation. I panicked. I felt my situation was threatened. And as much as it was, I took it out of proportion. I'm panicky by nature. I'm also too emphatic by nature. Danny's got his own issues. Their issue should be handled between the two of them. The best thing I should do when I see her tomorrow is negotiate a tennant-landlord agreement. Where I'd contribute more a month in excange for my own space. My space would be respected, and my items and belongings are mine and mine alone to touch. I'm not sure how it would go, but I'm pretty sure I can convince Mom of this arangement since she desperately needs more financial support. That's my plan when I get back. If I want to be respected as an adult, I have to take more responsibility. I'll double the rate I'm paying a month. Once I get a job, I'll pay half the going rate of renting a room out a month. If it means peace, I'll be willing to do it. It's time I stop taking advantage and acting like an immature manchild and step up my responsibility. And all it took was help from someone close that I look up to. Jim's a great guy. He's hard working, loves his family, and he's hospitable to a fault. He drove twenty miles to get me and he treated me to dinner at a restaraunt. I love him. And I thank him for giving me some much needed perspective. No nuclear options, no threats, no leverage. Just responsibility and comprimise. I guess all I have left is to find a drat job. My aunt reccomended the National Corps. I'll look into that. I'll get back to you goons after me and Mom negotiate. 'Till then, thanks so much.
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Feb 3, 2013 04:51
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Darth123123 posted:What are you paying today? Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 06:10 on Feb 3, 2013 |
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Feb 3, 2013 06:05
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Boy, do I have a lot of lot of questions to answer. First off, I'd like to reply Jizznastics posted:Wow, a adult man tells his mother to gently caress her self and shes in the wrong when she hits him. I'll look into unemployment come Monday. The nearest United Way office is about an hour away thru public transportation. I'll have to plan in advance for this kind of thing. I'll also look into the National Corps and AmeriCorps as well. One thing at a time: first I have to settle things with my family. I'm going to go around and look into warehouse jobs as well. Maybe apply to Fed Ex/UPS directly I wonder if the Y would offer similar services to United Way: there's one closer than a UW. Falibust: I figured after a while you blocked me on AIM. I'm sorry that I came off as an immature, whinny little poo poo. I don't expect you to reach out to me again. I just want to let you know that you were a great AIM buddy. In light of your reason why you blocked me and in retrospect, I'd just like to say sorry. I hope you're doing well.
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Feb 3, 2013 19:10
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Niwrad posted:Staying in the house is your best solution. I can't believe people are suggesting you look into homeless shelters. It's a lovely situation, but there are much shittier alternatives. I've applied to a job agency and a job at fedex. Next is McDonald's and Americorps. Starter Wiggin posted:OP, would you like information on Americorps? I am a current member and you're welcome to post and ask or PM. 
Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 20:58 on Feb 3, 2013 |
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Feb 3, 2013 20:55
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Jizznastics posted:Once you get a full time job and things at home still aren't optimal, You could save up and buy a cheap work Van and live in that for awhile, until you save up enough money. It's a suprisingly more sustainable way then trying to rent an apartment for yourself.
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Feb 3, 2013 21:09
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InterceptorV8 posted:Not so much unions, but it's faster and easy to train up someone to run a forklift and move more poo poo than with pallet jacks. Might change if you are a "picker" but warehousing isn't that bad.
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Feb 3, 2013 21:36
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Ransom posted:Do you have access to a car? Pizza delivery is a great job for someone your age. I did it in my 20s and made pretty decent cash. Plus it was a lot of fun. reflex posted:Posting this here so you don't look like a idiot:
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Feb 4, 2013 00:03
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Well, Mom just asked why I decided to get away from the family over the weekend. And for some reason, both her and Dad are suspicious I orchastrated this whole thing as an excuse to run out and party on Superbowl Sunday. This should tell you how obstinate these people are. Now, I told her that what I saw was assault. How it was that moment that made me panic. But more importantly I felt guilty for taking advantage of this situation and so very powerless in order to help alleviate the obvious stress in being the main provider for a family of four. I was going to say how I felt fully well justified in calling the police even now for assault, but it didn't matter because nothing good would come from it. It was about halfway through before Mom decided she wanted nothing more and went upstairs. I begged her to go back. Then she showed me bruises on her person that she claimed Danny did to her. It was apparent that she was still in denial how she is a belligerent person. So I calmed her down, I brought her back downstairs, and I finished the above point. And that's where I laid out my two proposals where they'd be benificial towards both parties. #1-I move my comics/items that would be considered "offensive". However, neither they or Dad would have any right to go through said items. I'd find either a friend or a storage place to hold them. #2-We'd enter a tennant-landlord agreement. I pay $100 a month and inexchage, my place in this home is respected as mine. What I bring in that space, what I decide to view/read/etc. would be my business. Once I found employment, I'd pay $2-300 a month. She told me she didn't know who I was any more. As if the moment I decided to stop going to church that I changed into a complete stranger. I'm still sure she feels that the mere presence of my comics/movies/books that would be "innapropriate" in her narrow mindsight would be considered "undermining" to her faith and an imposition. She wants to discuss this with Dad now. Time will tell. Hopefully she'll accept either or and we can avoid any unecessary conflict. Maybe even both at the same time. I feel both are perfectly reasonable. This is pretty much an abbreviated verson of what happened. Now I have to buckle down and weather the incoming storm. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 06:23 on Feb 4, 2013 |
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Feb 4, 2013 06:21
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spunkshui posted:Stop wasting time with all this bullshit and get a loving job. I hope in my ramblings I'm not inadvertently breaking any rules of e/n
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Feb 4, 2013 07:25
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Okay, quickie answers. The political intership is for a state special election. I'm staying for the campaign, as my candidate is known very well in the area so we're going to move past the primary to the proper election. Three, I talked with Jon the campiagn manager and he suggested I stay away from warehouse work and fast food. I invested time and money into my degree so I could avoid that work. Restaraunts and retail are a minimum, as I'm overqualified for everything else. Tomorrow I'm checking in with the job agency. I'm also going to use Monster, InDeed, and the classifieds of my local paper to find a job.
Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 07:03 on Feb 5, 2013 |
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Feb 5, 2013 05:54
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Carlos Spicywiener posted:Just leave the qualification off your CV if you have to.
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Feb 5, 2013 08:16
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Another concern is that by applying for fast food/warehouse work, I'm essentially fishing in an over-crowded pond. Sure I could jump right in to either handling packages or making fries but there's much more people reguardless of education status that I'd have to compete with for the same job. Besides I just got an response from a customer service position I applied to-they want to do an interview. I think my prospects are looking up.
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Feb 5, 2013 09:02
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BrainParasite posted:I'd rather work in a warehouse than customer service. They look identical on a resume. The pay is almost identical. Neither is very flexible in scheduling around your internship. Neither are mentally challenging. You have to deal with angry and wrote people all day in CS. In a warehouse, you just have to move everything from point a to point b.
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Feb 5, 2013 18:49
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Agro ver Haus doom posted:OP, I'm curious. Your father was offered a job by your uncle, but he declined. Edit: Just applied to my old McDonald's. I'm very sure that I'd get a job there. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 19:37 on Feb 5, 2013 |
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Feb 5, 2013 19:33
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Okay it's been about a week, give or take since the incident and my breakdown. Here's what's been going on. Since Sunday, not much has been said about the incident and my breakdown. Although Danny got a lecture from Mom and Dad about how these programs were meant to confuse him and stray away from God and all that. Like he was a drat twelve year old or something. I've been applying and sending resumes to all kinds of places. I applied into the local job agency where I have a couple of friends who work as agents. I stressed to them that my main priority was clerical positions, the kind of work that would fit best to what I was studying. My friend said that they'd do their best. Now my main resistance against warehouse work was the kind of stories I'd read in my local paper. About abuses by the warehouse employers against the workers. While my friend assured me that they'd do their best to put me in a reputable job, she essentially told me in the end it's at my own risk and that I have to be vigilant. As much as I'd like to take my Dad's word against working warehouses, I have to remember this is the same guy who refused a good paying job on his terms from my uncle. So at this point I'm not taking any advice from them. As much as I insisted how I wanted a clerical position, I made it pefectly clear that I'm open to a warehouse job. In the meanwhile, I"m following up with my applications at my local McDonald's and Starbucks. As a matter of fact, the store manager at the Starbucks told me if I don't hear from her in a couple of days to call her. Same with the McDonald's. I'm hoping I get called from Starbucks first. And as for the tutoring position I haven't seen an email or an interview time available yet. Still going to keep checking though. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 04:43 on Feb 9, 2013 |
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Feb 9, 2013 03:20
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reflex posted:You do realize not applying for a job because the newspaper found some dirt is bullshit right? Every industry has poo poo bosses and living in fear of finding one is just an excuse to not find out for yourself. I worked a warehouse job for four months between semesters and my boss was incredibly understanding, patient, and awesome. No newspaper wrote a story about him and being a killer teacher while I learned how to drive a forklift.
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Feb 9, 2013 04:08
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 02:07 |
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reflex posted:You have a BA and no job. You're don't have any pride to swallow. You have some abstract idea you are above this kind of work, but have no basis in reality for this superiority. Everybody has to pay their dues. You are not exempt because you have a BA and you think that entitles you to anything. Jesus Christ. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 04:26 on Feb 10, 2013 |
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Feb 9, 2013 04:48
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