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Migishu posted:The only 2 certificates worth getting are BSc and SSc And the astronavigation exam.
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Aug 14, 2013 20:57
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wa27 posted:The guy here never uses a subject line in his emails, ever. And he ends all his emails with: At some point he probably had auto signatures turned on for every email and then it got turned off and he forgot.
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Aug 29, 2013 14:16
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demonachizer posted:blackswordca is the corvettefisher for the new thread. Be fair, he's sending out resumes and even had an interview.
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Sep 10, 2013 13:39
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The important thing is that you're not being a door mat. If they don't pay you, you don't give them the site, whether you go with small claims or not. Also you don't flip it out of maintenance mode until the cheque has cleared.
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Sep 10, 2013 16:34
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Alctel posted:Is 'disruptive' the new 'innovative' marketing speak? Anyone else noticed this? I believe it's synonymous with "game changing". So yes.
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Sep 11, 2013 20:08
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EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:We just get each user to email us their password and then church them against a list of common passwords I hope everyone that actually mails you their password instantly loses and/or gets sacked for failing to observe proper security protocols.
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Sep 22, 2013 18:34
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sfwarlock posted:In other news, I've been notified I must take a drug test before reporting to work tomorrow, my only alternative being to resign. This oughta be interesting... Surely you have the alternative of doing neither? IF they want you to leave surely they have to actually fire you.
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Sep 23, 2013 11:57
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Nativity In Black posted:I was drug tested as a condition of employment and they reserve the right to random ones, but they generally only do it if they have cause to believe you are showing up to work hosed up. In a right to work state, drug tests seem particularly baffling. I mean, if they thought you were taking drugs and it was affecting your work they could just fire you and say it was because it was Thursday, right?
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Sep 23, 2013 16:41
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Inspector_71 posted:I tend to furrow my brow and respond with "No..." but people seem to want an explanation as to why the answer is no. Thankfully they usually are fine with "They're separate accounts." "We have a distributed expertise structure. A knowledge cloud."
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Sep 25, 2013 18:54
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blackswordca posted:Welp just got an email that they fired two phone agents. Guess who got their tickets. For the love of god get out.
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Sep 26, 2013 20:02
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GreenNight posted:"Eight bits" "Or "four shaves and a haircut"s."
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Oct 3, 2013 18:50
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MJP posted:An interview came in... It's for a company that manufactures baby mincing machines.
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Oct 15, 2013 16:33
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Paladine_PSoT posted:Now if we could just get a fuser and a toner cartridge in there... A ticket came in: user was doing the needful but has been burned badly.
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Oct 31, 2013 19:02
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Migishu posted:Find out if he's cool or not. Why would destroying 10% of him help?
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Mar 22, 2014 08:37
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Today I got added to an email chain that had no less than four "please do the needful"s and three "please revert back"s. Mostly because this thing had been passed through about a dozen layers of organisational structure before finally landing with my department, where it needed to be. Hooray.
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Apr 7, 2014 12:19
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evobatman posted:Reply to all with "Please summarize". The very first mail in the chain contained the stuff my team needed to do, it had just been bounced through so many layers of the organisation before it got to us. It was pretty funny once I worked that out.
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Apr 7, 2014 15:25
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CommanderApaul posted:Any place that is so concerned about productivity that they want to know how long I spend on the shitter each day is not a place that I would want to work. I'll put ten bucks on this conversation or similar happening somewhere in that organisation: Manager 1: "Dude, you know you've got someone in your department that's out of the office like half of every day. It's ridiculous and people in my department are getting pissed off that he's getting away with it. You really should do something about him." Manager 2: "You can't prove that, and anyway some of YOUR department probably take long breaks sometimes!" HR: "Clearly we must start measuring all breaks for everyone otherwise someone might sue us."
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Apr 15, 2014 16:15
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Blackswordca, I've been reading your stories with a mix of incredulity and horror for a while now. Congratulations on getting out from under that poo poo. Remember to turn on audit trails just before you go out the door on your last day.
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May 29, 2014 09:06
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SlayVus posted:I know of a database that is really bad. If two users try to submit an evaluation at the same time the database rejects one of them and accepts the other. The employee who made the database left the company and is now working as contractor for the company at like triple the pay. All the stories I hear about this database sound horrible. Is it an access database?
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Jun 4, 2014 09:26
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univbee posted:The correct way to prevent keyloggers is having your computer towers inside a locked chassis only IT can open (usually a steel-reinforced desk with extended corners such that it's "open air" but you can't physically access the rear of the computer). Of course, this would require an actual budget. Then how would people charge their iPhones?
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Jul 11, 2014 14:47
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Sir_Substance posted:If your employer takes security seriously enough that they are legitimately concerned about security breach via an attacker physically accessing the machines and placing covert keyloggers between the keyboards and computers, holy hell you should not be letting people plug their phones into your computers! Preaching to the choir here - I was just predicting what most employees in most businesses would say in response to IT putting their PC in a metal box they couldn't get at.
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Jul 11, 2014 15:01
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hackedaccount posted:When someone called me a "resource" to my face I told them not to ever call me that again. When they dismantled my department and made me and a fuckton of my colleagues redundant, the HR person kept referring to it as "This piece of change". I guess that's because "showing you the door and sending your work to Poland" doesn't trip off the tongue as well.
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Aug 31, 2014 22:21
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Renegret posted:You'd think someone who allegedly has a CCNA would know that "Putty" is not a verb and would know what "Invalid Input" means. And know what tab and ? do in the Cisco IOS. I can remember a temp getting hired at my last workplace for a pretty low level clerical job. He kept asking about getting a permanent position, kept emphasising his MCSE qualification (which had no relevance at all to his role). He was asked to produce a bar chart of some data that was already in Excel. He drew the chart in paint, pasted into the excel sheet, typed some labels into cells and then drew arrows from the cells to the bars.
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Sep 8, 2014 15:49
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nexxai posted:IF you're insinuating that he should have known how to make "proper" Excel charts because he claimed he had his MCSE, you're just as bad as most users who think that IT should just intuitively know how to use every piece of software ever written. Just because he is qualified (certified?) to work on Microsoft desktop and server products doesn't mean he necessarily knows how to make a pie chart in Excel. The two things have nothing to do with each other. No no, I just found it hilarious that he kept touting the qualification as a reason to hire him permanently when it had no bearing whatsoever on the role. And like others have said, I'd be amazed if he had the wherewithal to get that certificate without even the slightest idea how to hit F1 and type "bar chart".
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Sep 8, 2014 16:34
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peak debt posted:Hello I am an IBM salesperson just fill out this simple form and I will tell you for only $2 million Spoilers: it's an old copy of lotus works.
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Oct 12, 2014 17:56
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DigitalRaven posted:When dealing with one of those, the wait time started at twenty minutes. After twenty minutes, they were claiming 10. After an hour and a half, I shouted "gently caress YOU" down the phone. A co-worker tried the call as soon as their lines opened; he was still on hold for an hour (and they claimed 5 minutes throughout). Most of the time the messages are just things that the call centre switches on when they're either getting overwhelmed with calls or expecting to get overwhelmed. It's pretty rare for places to invest in a system that actually makes an effort to calculate a genuine expected wait time. My favourite ones are the ones that give you the option of pressing a button to schedule a callback once an agent becomes free, although I've only ever encountered one of those once.
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Oct 16, 2014 09:24
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Inspector_666 posted:Not hearing back from a place you interview at is the loving worst. I've had two jobs where I've applied and just not heard anything back, even after repeated attempts to communicate with them, and even with personal connections/references. When I was jobseeking last year I had about five interviews before I landed on the job I got. Of those only one didn't bother to even say "Thanks but no thanks" and I thought the interview had actually gone alright. It's really crappy and honestly seems like a waste of the time of everyone involved.
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Jan 8, 2015 16:12
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Renegret posted:Mike Hunt At my last job, one call centre agent ended up with the login ID "poologs". I wish I'd been the one to hand that ID out.
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Jan 14, 2015 13:18
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Lightning Jim posted:Install BonziBuddy And Limewire.
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Jan 20, 2015 16:34
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President Ark posted:See, everything but that could be excusable as wear and tear, although I'm not sure how a laptop could rack up that much unless he was using it to practice his Gallagher routine or something. Screws, though? I speak from experience when I say that it's hard as poo poo to remove laptop screws when you actually are trying and have the correct tools; there's no conceivable way someone could remove the screws by accident unless he hit it with a magnetic sledgehammer or something. If there's literally nowhere for you to work, does that constitute constructive dismissal?
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Jan 20, 2015 17:04
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AAB posted:"I need to know how to disable spelling and autocorrect so that I can fully express myself with my linguistic style" This can't be real.
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Feb 3, 2015 16:30
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Bhodi posted:A government agency creating a situation that's so bad that you jump at the chance to pay them to bypass it. Hey, if you don't pay that agency to bypass it, it wouldn't have enough money to continue to operate!
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Feb 26, 2015 17:32
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Merijn posted:Reminds me of that time when I was 8 years old and 'cleaning up' the computer. I can beat that. "Oh, what's this FDISK thing? Hey, this primary partition thing is taking up 100% of my hard drive! That's bullshit, I'll just go ahead and remove it. Now I can reboot and finally install Strike Commander as there'll be room!" 
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Mar 3, 2015 16:24
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autoexec.bat? When something needs executing, I'll do it myself! *delete*
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Fortis posted:The new senior accountant asks the hard hitting questions about our backend inventory management software: I can't think of any problems with the end users being the administrators of any system! I was once part of a team that migrated the bank I worked at from one version of our workforce management software to another. There were somewhere between two and four hundred admin users when we started (difficult to tell as they were spread across three schemas) across about a dozen departments, all of which could see each other's data, edit it, delete it, activate and deactivate each other's accounts, change how the system interpreted different scheduling codes, throw away people's holiday bookings and generally ruin each other's poo poo. When we were done there were five admins left and they were us. Six months after that only one of us was left and the rest of us were made redundant so I'm betting by now everyone is an admin again.
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Mar 10, 2015 17:54
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hihifellow posted:Requirements for a web application that another department wants to use came across my desk; Is your office bigger on the inside than on the outside? If so, I think you may have hit a switch on your desk by mistake.
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Mar 11, 2015 16:50
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Wilford Cutlery posted:Today... is ChristopherWalken's BIRTHday. When... you talk... to PEople, do so in HIS voice. Ok.
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Mar 31, 2015 12:37
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Agrikk posted:Back in the day I watched a cartoon called M.A.S.K. and they fought a group called V.E.N.O.M. and we always wondered what venom stood for. One afternoon we were pontificating about it, tossing random words around and my dad tossed one out: I *think* that VENOM stood for Vicious Evil Network of Mayhem, despite that being clearly a stupid name for anything.
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May 14, 2015 08:53
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spog posted:Needs some piecharts Ideally an area chart with the queries received by type over time.
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May 14, 2015 14:54
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GnarlyCharlie4u posted:4:3 monitor is best monitor. If those Dell 1920x1200 monitors embarrass my grandchildren then I'll disinherit them. Those things are sweet.
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Jul 26, 2015 17:25
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Thanks Ants posted:I tried watching CSI Cyber for a few episodes and it turned out it was all just normal crime but with a laptop involved at some point because cyber crime on TV would be incredibly loving boring. I mean, she CAN, she just clearly isn't bothering even slightly for this. Everyone else does their best to sell it despite it being garbage.
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Sep 6, 2015 21:27
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