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anthonypants posted:Yep. But it's not tax season?
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Oct 3, 2013 21:59
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mewse posted:We want someone who will do everything for us but we're not going to pay them accordingly and they have to have a healthy disrespect for authority. Only the strong survive Well, I just got out of prison after doing 5 years for murder (guess the parole board liked me). This seems like a pretty good job for me.
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Dec 12, 2013 18:32
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I recently finished a job search and I found that giving target salary plus bonus up front was hugely beneficial. It weeded out basically all of the poo poo jobs. Did I conceivably leave money on the table by not using ninja kung fu salary negotiation tricks? I don't care because I gave a number significantly on the high side of what I wanted and I'm happy with it.
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Dec 23, 2013 18:54
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Fil5000 posted:It's not being evasive, it's making them start the negotiation off. As soon as you name a figure ( let's say your desired salary) they can lowball you. What happens if they were prepared to offer 200k and you say 100k? They're not going to offer you the higher figure if they don't have to. Eh... If you're going into a position that pays $200k market and you think you're worth $100k... maybe you're worth $100k because you don't know how to do even the most basic research. Just forget the stupid playground "no, you first!" bullshit and name a number you've determined is past the high side of market rates and say that you're flexible depending on the overall benefits and work environment.
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Jan 3, 2014 22:22
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Things not pissing me off at my new job: twin 30" displays, a 24" display for my laptop docking station, high end i7's in laptop and linux box, 16GB RAM in both, and a really cool team to work with. 
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Jan 13, 2014 22:25
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Smoke posted:Apparently my coworkers are unable to read timestamps or previously-sent mails. Time to wave your dick around like you just don't care. If you're being marginalized, not respected, and your workplace ignores cold card evidence you produce, you need to revamp your image. Probably this means a new job, but just maybe if you jump right to literally "these coworkers hosed up and wasted time trying to do what I did and failing at it", you might be able to get some respect.
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Apr 5, 2014 23:03
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Ynglaur posted:Once your vendors figure out you only buy based on price they will happily through quality and customer service out the window. Doing those things well is rarely cheap, after all. What's that, you want real time data for X? OK, we'll bid $5, here's your binary. Oh, you need the binary format? That's $50k.
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Apr 23, 2014 04:26
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poo poo not pissing me off: lazy and useless clock punching geriatric got shown the door as a direct result of me pointing out that he is in fact lazy and useless.
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Apr 29, 2014 02:46
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Dilbert As gently caress posted:I don't have any problem coming in, but.... Had a call with some people from California yesterday. "Got to go, the fire is getting too close and we need to evacuate" - pretty good excuse.
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May 17, 2014 04:12
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MC Fruit Stripe posted:I recently got the high pressure sales pitch from the company about getting a company credit card. It turned out that this would be a credit card in my name, with bills sent directly to me, and I would submit receipts for company approval on expenses. Sometimes you don't have a choice - use their credit card or don't get reimbursed for travel. Pick one or lose your job because you can't travel. On the scale of things that suck, it's pretty low on the list though unless someone's terrible with credit cards.
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May 20, 2014 19:05
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Che Delilas posted:It's low on the suck list unless you've been burned one or more times by your company failing to reimburse you for something and taking months of you pulling teeth to get your goddamn money back. At that point, it jumps up to "gently caress you, do me a favor and fire me I'm not putting up with you loving thieves" territory. Submit a ticket/email to the people who reimburse you: "This is affecting production support, please do the needful. Unable to perform job duties until reimbursed."
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May 21, 2014 01:23
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You know your day is going well when you spend an hour talking to sales and marketing about what you can do about getting around limitations of the speed of light and whether radio waves really travel at that exact speed.
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Jun 3, 2014 20:42
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Sickening posted:Why did you take the call at all? I'm in R&D, so this is actually the exact sort of question I'm employed to answer. Sales and marketing wants to run a demo about the virtues of their new product, which allows LTE extension of specific local radio wave based transmissions, and they want to create a dynamic graphic demo of the comparative speeds of the various forms of communication. They did not like that radio waves transmit a couple of orders of magnitude faster than LTE transmissions, even when the LTE transmissions are enhanced with a local co-located server. I managed to convince them that the real value proposition was range and not speed though the question "what do we need to do to make our LTE faster than [proprietary radio transmission technology]?" was asked a great many times.
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Jun 4, 2014 04:03
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Dick Trauma posted:I get regular calls from toner scammers and it brightens my day. Just tell them it's a Xerox 914.
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Jul 9, 2014 00:38
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: Hi, this is Brett calling about the copier. Can I get the model number real quick?
: Don't even try that with me. Go bother someone else.
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Bob Morales posted:"Wellll there seems like something you can do to prevent it from happening in the future I expect you to look it up" Get quotes to surround the building with a Faraday cage.
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Aug 11, 2014 22:48
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Chalets the Baka posted:What the gently caress is this "scrum" bullshit and why is my team forced to do it? "Yesterday I worked on and closed help desk tickets. Today I'm going to work on and close help desk tickets. There are no roadblocks to me working on and closing help desk tickets." It works pretty well when you have one or more larger projects the team is working on together, not so much if everyone's doing their own tasks as in a help desk role.
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Aug 12, 2014 16:27
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The fun doesn't start until you need to be ISO 9000 compliant as well as Agile.
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Aug 12, 2014 16:32
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Sickening posted:Your boss is trying to build up his/her resume. You mean his Scrum Master and Product Owner?
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Aug 12, 2014 17:00
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MC Fruit Stripe posted:I've been put into a position of authority, over a few people who don't feel like I deserve it and who have no incentive to listen to me. Awesome. Time to lay down the law and start replacing the deadwood.
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Aug 22, 2014 17:16
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MC Fruit Stripe posted:We're going to have a meeting about it on Monday. I'm going to go with the "I'm not mad at anyone but we need to understand that a SQL box in test which houses a single database does not need 16GB of memory" approach. Is it causing problems or directly costing money though?
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Aug 24, 2014 16:34
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dennyk posted:This. gently caress touching bathroom doors, and gently caress places that don't put a trash can within easy reach of the last door I have to pull to open on my way out (although I will at least make an effort to properly dispose of my paper towel somewhere else, even if I have to carry it for a bit; just dropping it on the floor is pretty dumb). Personally, I lick my hand before and after opening bathroom doors. Saliva dissolves food so it should dissolve other things too I figure. Also, I have an immune system that's been trained to Rambo levels of effectiveness by now.
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Aug 26, 2014 05:02
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good jovi posted:The four in hand is both the easiest and best looking. Just learn it. Best looking? It's a sloppy rear end looking knot. Half windsor is probably the most well-known as is best for day to day use unless you want to look like you don't care about knowing how to tie a tie any better than your 14 year old nephew.
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Sep 2, 2014 13:54
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good jovi posted:symmetricality is for ESPN anchors Take your four in hand and go out partying in style, or to a friendly dinner all you want. Wearing one for business is generally wrong though.
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Sep 2, 2014 14:00
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Sir_Substance posted:Be honest here, name one practical reason for wearing a tie. You can't even make the argument that it makes you less naked. It exists only as an affectation, and it's inconvenient to wear. People wear it only so other people will see them wearing it and go "oh, look how professional that person is". Looks like someone hasn't heard about autoerotic asphyxiation yet!
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Sep 2, 2014 15:17
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Wicaeed posted:My Chinese coworkers and their inability to communicate, at all. It's interesting how I can empathize, albeit for a different reason. I work with people with thick accents from from India, Japan, Eastern Europe and Russia, the UK, Southern US, and South America, and don't have any particular problems, but everyone from China I meet has an English accent I just can't parse around 25% of the time.
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Sep 19, 2014 06:00
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Dick Trauma posted:Every two weeks I send an all-staff email warning about phishing, with examples. Sent the most recent one three days ago. Last night I get an email at 1215am from the CEO forwarding an obvious phishing email about his Apple ID. Even though the grammar is terrible and it says "Apple UK" and we're in loving California he logged in to their fake website and then backed out. I like to think that the typically bad grammar in phishing emails is there on purpose to allow the scammers to sleep well at night knowing that they're only thinning the herd by hurting stupid people.
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Sep 19, 2014 14:46
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meanieface posted:Pissing me off: me. Guess who had a new bee moment and declared a one character variable as char(2). It's a slippery, slippery slope. The path to Hell: 0. I guess I should run the code and check for correct output before I deploy it and let users know it's ready 1. Hey, maybe having an environment other than production that I can run stuff in is a good idea 2. Woah, I totally ran this in dev fine, but now it's blowing up in production, but I don't have any logging to figure out what's up 3. Man, I broke a ton of poo poo during development just now and I can't figure out what's going on, maybe version control is a good idea so I can start over 4. Every time I make a change, I break something I had tested before! Maybe I should give those unit tests a go 5. I'm totally swamped with requests, maybe I should get something to track and prioritize them and then bring on more developers 6. Testing my own code leaves me blind, maybe I should do code reviews with other developers 7. There are problems that aren't apparent until you look at a systems level, let's hire dedicated QA people 8. I keep making dumb mistakes when I configure production, maybe I should automate configuration management and make my application easy to deploy 9. There are too many tasks for the developers to keep straight, let's add product owners, scrum masters 10. Now the tasks are getting abstracted and becoming big and nebulous, let's add architects to do large scale design 11. The product owners and architects care too much about their own product and can't look at the big picture, let's have more meetings to make sure everyone's interests are aligned 12. The scrum masters are starting to attempt to take over every meeting they get invited to because that's really all they have in life, while being simultaneously misinformed and out of touch with everyone else. 13. A deliverable deadline wasn't met due to a team being sidetracked by a different issue. Burndown charts are now the most valuable metric of a team's usefulness. 14. There are too many engineers to keep straight, let's bring in engineering managers to handle HR, but maybe they should be technical too so they can attempt to play at being architect when they're not giving performance reviews or attending meetings 14. Communication is breaking down between development teams, let's have a scrum of scrums to solve this 15. Even with scrum of scrums, inter-team dependency communication failure resulted in a failure to test integrated products until they were live. Project managers have now been hired to work with product owners to identify cross-product risks and dependencies 15. Development teams aren't attending scrum of scrums and the scrum masters have declared blood feuds against each other. Let's have only the team leads (who will have ever decreasing/siloing knowledge of the teams work due to the meetings they attend) meet separately to have technical knowledge transfer meetings 16. A product owner understated risks of deploying a product and the customer was very unhappy. Let's have daily all-hands meetings about this until the product is working again 17. A developer with too many privileges accidentally logged into a prod box and broke it. Let's create a new team to manage and support production deployment only. 18. Production support took 4 weeks to deploy a new product, which would normally take a couple of hours. Production support blames lack of documentation. Technical writers hired. 19. A bug involving inter-dependencies between 5 different systems makes it to production and blows everything up. Mandatory change control forms with line manager approval required. 20. Line managers are giving approval too quickly and due to another bug that slipped through, a change control committee has now been appointed. The committee meets once weekly and no commits will be allowed without their approval. 21. A bug still make it to production. Two new layers of deployment have been added, and the tiers are now DEV-Staging-UAT-Prod. Change control is required for either UAT or Prod. All changes must exist in each environment for at least 2 weeks. 22. Someone incorrectly filled out a change control form but was approved anyway. Production is down, but there is no way to fix this until two months from now. We've lost 90% of our customers and have to fire everyone but a single team working on an unrelated project. 23. The remaining team's morale has hit rock bottom and they have taken the sole remaining scrum master hostage after rigging the building with explosives. SWAT is called in. 24. Everyone dies.
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Sep 25, 2014 06:38
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MC Fruit Stripe posted:That was amazing, did you just write that off the cuff? I love everything about it. Thanks, it was off the cuff but heavily inspired by my experience at a startup.
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Sep 25, 2014 14:52
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Skex posted:Oh and the brilliant folks in our software department have decided *AGAIN* that Thursday night is the perfect day to roll out an update, because that's worked out so well every other time they've done it. But that way you have all of Friday to fix it.
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Oct 30, 2014 03:54
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Manslaughter posted:For the past two years I have been serving part of my job as an uncompensated email monkey for another employee. Back when I started there were three of us watching a shared email box and grabbing the incoming issues based on what the ticket was about. Fast forward to today and the activity for this email box has greatly died down. Now there is only one person handling 99% of the issues that come through that email, but for some reason this joker won't add it to his watched inboxes, so I have to forward every email that comes in to his address directly. This wouldn't be so bad, but then instead of writing the client back himself he just replies back with a "tell them this:" message, so that I'm the one that inevitably handles all communication with anyone and ends up getting called or emailed for issues when I haven't worked with the product in a long time. Hi Jerk, I have some great news, you're not going to have to deal with the encumbrance of working through a middle-man for handling the issues I've been forwarding you anymore. Please subscribe to this email box by following the process below as I will no longer be monitoring it myself. This will allow you to work directly with clients, saving you time and effort. http://link/to/documentation Thanks, Manslaughter
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Oct 30, 2014 16:51
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Scaramouche posted:"Hello - Your weight attribute is protected in the jewelry category, please submit a manual list of SKUs and their new weight" Print that poo poo out and mail it to them.
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Nov 13, 2014 23:41
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Roargasm posted:First real meeting we set up the entire action list for the two month project and she set every single date for the next Tuesday, figuring we would just "push back" the stuff that didn't get done on time. So you didn't push back right there and say that nothing would get done by next Tuesday?
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Nov 21, 2014 20:17
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CitizenKain posted:Had my yearly review today, and I'm not sure the review could have done more to demotivate me without resorting to someone hitting me with a stick. I can't even really express what it felt like, but to put so much in and get a solid "meh, whatever" as a review is frustrating as all hell. Did you tell them that? A straightforward "that's really demotivating because I added value by doing X, Y, and Z" will if nothing else, make it abundantly clear that the company doesn't actually value what you're doing (as opposed to not really recognizing what you're doing), and in the best case, can get you a solid raise if you make it clear that you want to go somewhere where you add value to the company. Getting the balls/financial freedom to call em as you see em to your boss is extremely liberating and highly recommended.
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Dec 12, 2014 07:30
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Pudgygiant posted:Really, really, really, pissing me off today: I work for one of the alleged top 100 places to work. One of my good friends works for an absolutely nowhere near the top 100 places to work company. He's getting a company-sponsored catered event at a really loving amazing beer place, where they're handing out company Christmas cash bonuses and Nexus 9s. We got an invitation to a bring your own plate potluck, where the winner gets a $25 Starbucks gift card, and that's all the Christmas bonus that's going around. Who the hell decides these "top 100 places to work" and what the hell do they judge it on? I know there can sometimes be some weird politics involved with parties/events. After a major successful product release, an all-expenses-paid bender at a high-end place with some seriously top-shelf drinks and amazing food is almost expected, but we had to chip in for the regular Christmas party this year at the same time that some teams were having their drinks paid for the next day.
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Dec 17, 2014 06:34
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Simpleboo posted:It was his two year old daughters urine. I don't think his two year old is going to get busted for opium. No, but she will be taken away by CPS together with SWAT agents if they're unlucky.
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Dec 23, 2014 02:12
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Ursine Asylum posted:Maybe I'm just spending too much time around mangers nowadays but that seems like a really weird thing to lose respect for someone over. Yeah, it's pretty common jargon and there's 50 different reasons it makes sense to not discuss something in a group.
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Jan 7, 2015 05:20
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dennyk posted:Feels like I haven't gotten much done this week. Other than deploying a couple of new Puppet modules, all I've been doing is putting out fires and troubleshooting weird issues, half of them on systems/devices that I'm not technically supposed to be managing. Don't get me wrong, troubleshooting is fun and I'm glad I can help fix these things (or at least figure out what's broken for the ones that I don't even have access to fix), but it does get a bit hectic when I literally have two or three people lining up at my cube all waiting to ask me about different issues (sometimes even while I'm on a conference call about yet another issue Tell me about it, some dick deployed a couple of Puppet modules and then hosed off and didn't answer requests about why the modules broke everything.  Seriously, this happened and is coincidental, unless you work in Chicago in which case we may need to talk.
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Feb 13, 2015 05:56
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Eldercain posted:Try Now you just opened yourself up to a log file injection exploit.
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Mar 3, 2015 18:25
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Collateral Damage posted:I just mentally roll my eyes at people who repurpose technical terms for fleshware applications. I'm not saying we need to take this offline per se, but let's parking lot this story.
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Apr 22, 2015 15:26
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A3th3r posted:NOT impressed with my gaming laptop. What kind of gaming laptop overheats even when I bought a cooling pad for it?? Now my dad wants me to buy a bunch more random stuff I'm not going to buy and the laptop still overheats. What a joke. I think you're looking for this thread: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3555678
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May 18, 2015 00:06
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