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My 7 year old daughter made up a song: "How do birds die-i-i-i-i? And also poop?"
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Feb 15, 2023 00:31
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| # ? May 4, 2024 20:49 |
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We're playing a card game, and I draw a card that says the other players have to either pay me a compliment or lose points. My kid thinks for a bit, and finally says, full of admiration: "Your head... is massive."
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Feb 18, 2023 01:31
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 "Hey, Dad, I'm gonna tell you a thing that's funny, but also stinky... STINKY BUTT!!!"
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Feb 25, 2023 07:00
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Rollersnake posted:
You should probably buy him an account already. He will fit right in
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Feb 26, 2023 18:59
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my son's first two-word phrases have been variations of telling us who poops. Mama bee... pap pap bee... dada bee... pap pap bee... nana bee... baby BEE... pap pap bee.... (my parent's cats names) bee my dad poops a lot aparently, and/or my son just loves thinking about my dad and wants to tell me more about him
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Feb 28, 2023 03:36
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My nephew (4) to my sister, early in the morning: alright mom, maybe you should turn down the charm a notch
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Feb 28, 2023 10:14
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"I love you Dad, but I like Mom more'
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Mar 2, 2023 03:52
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My mom told me recently that when I was a little guy, apparently I loved my godparents so much that I took their last name. For weeks. Miss you, aunt Barb and uncle Bob ❤️
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Mar 2, 2023 20:27
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The kids in the kindergarten have begun to play a game called "mean teacher". The game as far as I understand it consists of one of them waving a stick in front of the others and shouting meaningless sounds at them.
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Mar 3, 2023 21:35
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reminds me of my friend picking up his son (7-ish?), some other kid yells "hey old man, your life will soon be over!" hes way younger than me, only like 39 
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Mar 3, 2023 22:30
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My 4 year-old, watching one of those inflatable wiggly guys at a used car lot: "What does it WANT?"
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Mar 6, 2023 20:53
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Stolen from the Blessed Pictures thread.
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Mar 9, 2023 22:58
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Carthag Tuek posted:reminds me of my friend picking up his son (7-ish?), some other kid yells "hey old man, your life will soon be over!" My partners 10 year old son has been scolded a couple times for telling me just how old I am. Just because I am older than video games as you know them doesn't mean I'm ancient drat you!
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Mar 18, 2023 18:22
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Beachcomber posted:Stolen from the Blessed Pictures thread. When I first saw this, I thought it was a kid who didn't understand the structure of a joke. But then I turned on the sound and no, he absolutely does.
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Mar 18, 2023 19:19
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My customer’s toddler today, halfway through the appointment, completely unprompted: “Mummy, where are your toes???”
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Mar 21, 2023 18:10
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Butt Detective posted:My customer’s toddler today, halfway through the appointment, completely unprompted: “Mummy, where are your toes???” How is the toe amputation business these days? Does it pay well?
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Mar 21, 2023 18:55
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Beachcomber posted:How is the toe amputation business these days? Does it pay well? Big Toe is really keeping the mom and pop operations down unfortunately.
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Mar 22, 2023 03:44
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My mom is EXTREMELY house-proud, and make the mistake of asking my 4-year old if he liked her house. Kid: "Not really. I kind of like the outside, I guess." My wife (trying to soften the blow): "But doesn't Granny have lots of cool things in her house?" Kid: "Where?" He also yelled "HI, FARTBUTT!!!" at me when my wife was picking me up from work yesterday, but I strongly suspect that may have been her idea.
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Apr 14, 2023 04:26
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I've been out of retail for years, but I'll never forget this story. I was on a register. A woman with a small child came though my line. Nothing unusual happened until the kids blurts out "Why do you have such a big belly?" The mom was MORTIFIED. She immediately rushed out the door without paying, apologizing all the way out the door. I actually thought it was funny as hell. My 3 were pretty young at that time and they'd done similar things. If that woman had stuck around I'd gave told her it was totally fine. I do have a big belly. But I'm working on it. 20 lbs down now, but a long way to go.
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Apr 14, 2023 14:24
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A small child I witnessed at work the other day, upon turning the corner in the store and seeing a row of induction and gas hobs: WOOOAAHHHH 
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Apr 14, 2023 23:01
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poo poo sticks sometimes: a couple decades ago when i was still a teenager, i was at the grocery and a woman was packing her bags. her toddler was like "mom help me with the step" over and over and i felt bad for the mom so i helped the kid down the step, and they were like "mom! the man helped me!" and the mom was like "thank you" and i thought "uhhh im not a man, im barely 18 but thanks anyway" but i felt some pride about that for a bit, enough to remember anyway weird
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Apr 15, 2023 03:13
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My niece is six now and her cat just died. She wrote my mum a birthday card and that was clearly still on her mind. 'Dear Nannan, Happy birthday! Moomoo is dead. I hope you have a lovely day! I love you very much. Love <niece> and all her friends x++x+ <3<3<3'
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Apr 15, 2023 12:51
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My four year old loves going to museums. It's probably her favorite thing to do. Ever since we watched Lion King for the first time she has been asking to go to the museum so she can see "Simba's dad's bones" because he is "really really dead now so he's turned to bones".
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Apr 15, 2023 17:25
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I've been living in China for almost six years now, so my Chinese has gotten pretty fluent in the meanwhile. Overheard this exchange between a father and son as we were passing each other by in a residential community: Kid: *giving his theory on how rain works, I didn't catch the specific details* Dad: "Oh really? And where did you get that idea from?" Kid:"That's what my *head* came up with!" The kid seemed really proud of coming up with this theory all on his own.
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Apr 18, 2023 04:26
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I was making breakfast the other day, and I admit I had the heat up a bit too high on the stovetop. My daughter comes over and asks "When you're done burning the eggs, can I have some juice?" Kids are savage.
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Apr 20, 2023 15:55
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Just got reminded of this one from a Facebook memory. When my nephew was around 6 his mother had dressed him in some track/warmup pants for the day that were very noisy from all the swishing. He said "Whoever made these pants, I think it was their first time making pants."
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Apr 20, 2023 16:52
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I was having a brief moment with my wife in a doorway yesterday, caressing her, trying to turn her on... it was working and she gave a kind of horny convulsion. My 11-year-old thankfully didn't see me stroking her mother (I don't think) but did pass by in time to see the result, and so asked why mummy "popcorned". (You kind of need to know guinea pig terminology for this, but suffice it to say when they are happy they do these little joyful kind of jerky spasms, and for fairly obvious reasons it's called popcorning). She pressed the issue again later, so I basically told her the truth: that mummy and I were having a moment and mummy shivered because she felt sexy... somehow my daughter didn't believe me - as though that is the sort of thing one makes up to fob off a questioning child - and chose to corroborate this explanation with my wife, after which she accepted the no doubt distressing truth that she witnessed something sexy happen between her parents. Anyway, having it described as "popcorning" amused my wife and me quite a bit.
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Apr 24, 2023 16:34
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my 2 year old saunters over to my desk after lunchtime and leans up against it as im writing an email.. "daddy, so mayyyybe, you are hungry for pudding? we can share"
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Apr 24, 2023 17:05
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My 18-month old nephew knows how to fist bumps now, and knows to make an explosion noise!
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Apr 24, 2023 18:54
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Aphrodite posted:Just got reminded of this one from a Facebook memory. Harriet Carker posted:Hey, for every pants maker out there this has got to be true one time. (Today I thought I'd start reading the thread over from the beginning since it's been going for a while now, and was amused to see the same story being posted 10 years earlier!)
1 has a new favorite as of 15:33 on Apr 25, 2023 |
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Apr 25, 2023 15:29
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Wow, yeah. This thread is older than his younger brother.
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Apr 25, 2023 16:38
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Kid: (singing) M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-C! Wife: It's M-O-U-S-E, you know. If it were C, his name would be Mousc. Kid: Actually, my brother's name is Mousc. My littlest brother. Wife: Uh huh. Kid: You know, (cousin's name) is my sister! Wife: I thought she was your cousin? Kid: She's BOTH!
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Apr 27, 2023 04:23
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https://twitter.com/bencjenkins/status/1651441630170472448
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Apr 27, 2023 05:26
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I think "Canned Spam" wins.
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Apr 27, 2023 05:41
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Rollersnake posted:Kid: (singing) M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-C! Kid's already a world-class bullshitter, I love it.
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Apr 27, 2023 05:54
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oh my god My almost 2 year old, rising up from his tiny chair: "Butts OFF! Butts OFF! Butts OFF!" blast off
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May 15, 2023 02:21
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(My 11-year-old is on the autism spectrum and suffers from a speech delay, meaning he's not anywhere as fluent in his native language as other kids his age. However, he has compensated admirably by teaching himself more or less adequate English over the years via YouTube and other internet sources. Of course, this sometimes leads to him using words in an unusual manner.) He has this game where he keeps slapping my butt playfully until I react by pretending to be a monster and scare him, or chase him around the house, or pick him up and drop him on the sofa - your standard roughhousing dad-and-son stuff. Just now I wasn't really in the mood for being provoked, and, somewhat annoyed, I asked him (in German) "Why do you keep doing that?" His reply (in English): "I want to get into funny shenanigans."
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May 28, 2023 14:56
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My nephew is 19 months old and he’s so loving cool. He likes doing the dance moves to “If You’re Happy and You Know It,” “The Wheels on the Bus,” and he’s started echoing the “Rock!” in Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock!” His mom is 8 months pregnant, so he knows that in some way that “baby” is associated with a woman’s tummy. This leads to him pointing at my other sister’s stomach and saying “baby” despite her being pretty thin. He calls her Teetee, which we think is derived from Auntie.  I swear to god he can throw a spiral football. Dr Christmas has a new favorite as of 20:51 on May 31, 2023 |
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May 29, 2023 21:09
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(I start playing an album to listen to with my 4 year-old. There's audience noise, and chatter from the band.) Kid: Oh, I don't want to listen to this. Me: Just wait a minute, they haven't started yet. This is a real concert. It's live music. Kid: I want to listen to dead music.
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Jun 16, 2023 01:56
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| # ? May 4, 2024 20:49 |
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lmao time for goth
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Jun 16, 2023 06:58
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