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Daddy, you need a nap. Yes. Yes I do.
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Jan 8, 2014 15:00
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Smiling Jack posted:Daddy, you need a nap. "Ugh, Bobby I'm so sleepy" "You need to go to bed daddy. Dont forget your pillow!"
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Jan 8, 2014 15:11
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That boy is right, I tell you what.
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Jan 8, 2014 17:34
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The other day neither the wife or I felt like making an actual meal, so I just threw a pizza in the oven and we had that for supper. Cue my 5-year-old while eating: "Daddy, pizzas don't have necks." I almost choked. But damned if the kid wasn't right.
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Jan 8, 2014 18:02
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pookel posted:My 6-year-old is still having issues with potty training (again, autism) and my 8-year-old decided to try to offer him some helpful advice: This is the worst advice.
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Jan 8, 2014 18:14
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My 4-year-old nephew has learned to say some interesting stuff. While I was talking with his mom (my sister) over coffee, he was in the corner fiddling with her iPhone, and at one point pipes in with "I'M PLAYING DEER HUNTER! WHEN I SHOOT THE ANIMALS, BLOOD COMES OUT!  "Obviously this cracks my sister and me up, and we jokingly tell him not to say stuff like that in public since people might think his parents are psychopaths. Then he's eerily quiet for the next five minutes, until... "WHEN I KILL THE ANIMALS, THEY DIE "This kid.
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Jan 8, 2014 23:35
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The four-year-old I babysat liked to make videos of himself. Once, he and I were recording and he was telling me a story he was making up - a story about a lady named Pththya-lyi! She was on a boat at sea, but fell in the water! : (gasp) Did she drown?: YES!
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Jan 9, 2014 01:08
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I was apparently very talkative as a kid, and reasonably observant. Cue my father pushing me through a shop on a shopping cart, and me announcing loudly "no, father, the beer is over there". In my defense, I was right. In his defence, he didn't actually drink that much.  (And yes, I thought "dad" was a bit childish. At age 3. I've gotten slightly better.) Computer viking has a new favorite as of 11:33 on Jan 9, 2014 |
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Jan 9, 2014 01:17
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I was also a smart kid : Mom, do we believe in God? No goodAnd apparently I was also musical: At bedtime, my mom would sing to me. My mom is not a singer. So at some point I just went "Don't sing mom, just leave".
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Jan 9, 2014 11:04
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My niece got a pretend doctor kit for her birthday one year. We're sitting around after her birthday party, and she is going around and "doctoring" all of the grown ups. She gets to me:  Uh oh, you've got a biiig ear infection. There's wax and tubes in your ear. A lot. Aw man, am I gonna make it doc? Almost. But no.
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Jan 9, 2014 17:02
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My extremely over-tired four year old ran face first into a wall last night. Just turned around and immediately wrecked herself. After comforting her for a bit and verifying that she was, infact, still intact, I decided to rib her a bit. "You know there's a wall there, right?" : Why!? Why was there a wall there!?
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Jan 9, 2014 17:07
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When I was about 4, I was eating in a restaurant with my parents, when a family of achondroplastic dwarves came in. I stopped eating, stared at them for a little bit, then at the top of my voice exclaimed "MUMMY, LOOK AT THOSE FUNNY LITTLE PEOPLE!"  She was mortified and they were furious, gave us a filthy look, and stormed out. Sorry dwarves! 
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Jan 9, 2014 17:28
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zbn posted:When I was about 4, I was eating in a restaurant with my parents, when a family of achondroplastic dwarves came in. I stopped eating, stared at them for a little bit, then at the top of my voice exclaimed "MUMMY, LOOK AT THOSE FUNNY LITTLE PEOPLE!" Depending on where you lived and when you were born "Little Person" was the accepted term. Doesn't excuse shouting about it in a restaurant of course. Although being four probably should have.
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Jan 9, 2014 19:19
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How can you get mad at a 4-year old? Come on. I have a similar story, the first time I remember being in a hospital I was visiting my Grandpa. On the way up the stairs we passed a man who must've been in his 80's. Being 5 years or so, I stare at him dumbfounded before saying "Wow, You're old!" I think he took it pretty gracefully, though needless to say my mom was shocked 
Ezzer has a new favorite as of 19:46 on Jan 9, 2014 |
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Jan 9, 2014 19:43
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I hear this story a lot. Apparently, while I was like three or something, my mom was giving a ride to a couple of friends of hers, and I just gave her the most judgemental look and said, "Do I have to sit with that man?" In my defense, he had a beard.
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Jan 9, 2014 20:14
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Ezzer posted:How can you get mad at a 4-year old? Come on. You're not a parent, are you?
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Jan 9, 2014 20:21
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zbn posted:When I was about 4, I was eating in a restaurant with my parents, when a family of achondroplastic dwarves came in. I stopped eating, stared at them for a little bit, then at the top of my voice exclaimed "MUMMY, LOOK AT THOSE FUNNY LITTLE PEOPLE!" That's lovely of them. Small children are naturally curious and will point out anything different they notice around them. They mean no malice or harm, certainly. It's a teachable moment (albeit an awkward teachable moment), not something to get all pissy about dwarf family from the past! This past summer, at a local animal attraction, my five year old points out a lady with a prosthetic leg. (It was one of the really awesome ones that has shocks and allows running and such, with a pneumatic knee joint.) He loudly shouts "Hey MOM!!! That lady has a ROBOT LEG!!" I had a split second where I freaked out inside, thinking this is one of those parental moments I do not want to gently caress up. Before I can even open my mouth, she pipes right up and bends down to speak to him. Told him that a long time ago, she was in a car accident and hurt her leg so badly doctors had to remove it and give her this one instead. All with a smile, in the kindest way. He gives her rapt attention. Asked if it hurt (nope, doctors have special medicine to give you when they do something like that). Asked her if she could run and jump (she said she could). He told her that her robot leg was awesome, and he wanted one. I thanked her for her grace and patience, to which she responded with chuckles and dismissive clucking. She said there was nothing to thank her for, and no reason for her to be upset at an innocent kid being a kid. And that her grandkids think it's awesome too. 
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Jan 9, 2014 20:30
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AlistairCookie posted:That's lovely of them. Small children are naturally curious and will point out anything different they notice around them. They mean no malice or harm, certainly. It's a teachable moment (albeit an awkward teachable moment), not something to get all pissy about dwarf family from the past! We were in line at a crafts store with my mom and the lady in front of us has one of those walker/chair thingies. My son asks me why she gets to have a chair and he doesn't. I explained that sometimes people need to rest more when they are out and about. He went up to her and asked her about it and she let him sit on it and wheeled him around a bit.
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Jan 9, 2014 20:51
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AlistairCookie posted:That's lovely of them. Small children are naturally curious and will point out anything different they notice around them. They mean no malice or harm, certainly. It's a teachable moment (albeit an awkward teachable moment), not something to get all pissy about dwarf family from the past! I'm pretty sure any five year old boy is going to think a robot leg is the coolest thing ever. Your son probably considered cutting off his leg at some point so he could get an awesome replacement.
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Jan 9, 2014 21:16
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When I was young I had a great grandfather who was in WWII. He'd been hit by a bullet or some shrapnel from a land mine (I can't remember which) And had only lost the thumb on his right hand. But since he could no longer fire a gun, he was given a Purple Heart and sent home. He said it was the best thing that could have happened to him because he got to come home to his family. He had just enough of a nub left that he could hold a pencil. He was too stubborn to learn to use his left hand. One day (I must have been 3 or 4) I was watching him do a crossword puzzle using his nub to write. Grampa what happened to your thumb? I lost it in The War. ... Do you know what a war is? No... Do you want to know?I looked from him to his thumb and back. No...He told me I was wise and then changed the subject
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Jan 9, 2014 21:23
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My almost four year old niece is a well of hilarity. Her latest: While discussing how cats freak out if you put bows in their fur, she announced that she 'doesn't freak out when there is toilet paper in her butt'. Her suggestions for her mom's birthday gifts were balls, mice, and strawberries. But then she got too busy to talk about it, because she 'has lots of work to do'.
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Jan 9, 2014 23:29
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Slime posted:Your son probably considered cutting off his leg at some point so he could get an awesome replacement. Haven't we all?
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Jan 10, 2014 02:39
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My grandfather lost his leg in an accident long before I was born. When I heard the story of the amputation, I asked "you didn't let your leg go to waste, right? Did they feed it to wolves?" My mother was horrified but grampa thought it was hilarious.
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Jan 10, 2014 08:45
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When my little brother was like 4 or 5, my mom was having people over for her birthday. He greeted some of the guests with, "my mom's old but she's not dead yet."
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Jan 10, 2014 10:54
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When I was younger I remember being fascinated by a friend of my parents who had an artificial arm, which was one of those plastic replacements. I couldn't fathom how she couldn't feel anything through it. At least she didn't seem to mind the questions, unlike the repair man when either my sister or I asked what was on his face (birthmark). It doesn't make sense to me to get angry at a kid for asking questions about things most adults don't like bringing up, they're not innately born knowing social queues. To get to recent kid talk, my niece was being teased by her mum about being frightened by "el diavolo", I'm guessing either from Catholic school or cartoons. :El Diavolo! Woooh! : Well GUESS WHAT, the devil is my friend! He's my best friend and we play at night ALL THE TIME!I told her maybe not to mention that at school.
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Jan 10, 2014 12:16
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Kids really do say the funniest things sometimes. It's even better when they don't realise they've said something funny. I've got a couple actually. One was from a young cousin. They visit quite often, and once we got a dog they were fascinated. Anyway, apparently one day she said something along the lines of "it would be sad if mummy died, but at least we could get a dog then." And when I was much younger I seemed to have some idea that adults had lived forever or something, because I asked my dad what it was like when he used to be a caveman. That gets brought up quite often, and it still makes me laugh. Actually, I've got another now I think about it. My sister thought for the longest time that mice grew to be really big. Because we were moving house years ago and selling the old one, and the cat had thoughtfully decided to leave a big dead rat in the garden. Well, my sister had a reputation as a big blabbermouth so mum told her it was a mouse so she didn't go blabbing to people looking at the house about rats. She was like 20 before she found out mice don't grow that big.
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Jan 10, 2014 12:46
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I was in the chemists the other day and this mum and her 5-6 year old son were in front of me in the queue. He had been running around, knocking stuff over and so on, so she said to him "just stay in that spot and don't move". He went quiet for a second, looking at the floor and moving in her circle, before he piped up "there is no spot here!"
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Jan 10, 2014 15:16
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My 6-year-old is convinced that people live to exactly 100. He and his older brother, who is 8, get on each other's nerves a lot. One day after they'd been fighting, the 6-year-old commented to me, "When I'm 99 years old, he won't bother me anymore." Me: "Because ... he'll be dead then?" Him: "Yeah!"
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Jan 10, 2014 19:23
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Here's something I said when I was a kid that my family still laughs about. I knew a lot of words and liked to use them, but I didn't always know all the different shades of meaning they had. Note that my mom was talking to Sherrie when I said this. Me: Sherrie's the kind of woman who wears red lipstick!My mom: What kind of woman is that?Me: A VAIN woman!Sherrie:  I knew that it meant "concerned with one's appearance," but not that it was a bad thing to call someone.  Fortunately, we're both still friends with Sherrie and we can all laugh about it now.
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Jan 12, 2014 03:27
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I love this thread. I honestly can't remember if I've posted this before but it's pretty funny. My nephew is one sharp dude. The kids call their grandfather B and his twin brother Dooby (no idea why). Apparently one day, nephew comes up with their new names. Beezer weezer and the Doobster. Also the same kid, I'm Australian and as such, say "bugger" a lot. It never crossed my mind that kids pick up these things. One of his first words, and only for a long time, was bugger. But he wouldn't just say it, he'd go "BUGGAAAAAA!!" repeatedly. It was awesome. We had to make sure he didn't say it at pre-k though, not sure they would have appreciated it.
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Jan 12, 2014 07:22
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sicDaniel posted:I just remembered, when I was around six years old, I told my parents I wanted to be a cashier when I grow up. Because people just hand them money all day every day, it must be the coolest job ever, right? When my nephew was about that same age he wanted to be a meat cutter at the grocery store I work at, I should ask him if he still does. This is the same nephew who told my mom when he was around four that his imaginary friend Boy Felix had an arch nemesis Boy Felix Jones. Radio Help posted:Hehe, my dad brought out the same reaction in all of my younger cousins. He's a super intimidating-looking dude with a massive mustache and dark features. My youngest cousin called him "Uncle NOO" for like three years. Couple of summers ago we went to an relative's wedding, we got there and found out that my cousin, who we were staying with, had a little girl who was about 2 and was terrified of beards, because not only the general kid reaction to beards but her grandpa apparently thought it was hilarious to chase her around and make her touch his beard. Anyway my dad has a full beard about 15 inches long and of course she freaked a bit when he got out of the van. So while my dad, little sister and I went for a ride in my other cousin's custom dune buggy, mom stayed and visited with the first cousin's family. Well when we got back mom had gone with the cousin's to their house, when we got over there ourselves we found out that the girl told her mom that [Mom Gib] could stay there but, "Him with the beard has to sleep in the car!"
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Jan 13, 2014 08:41
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My 5 year old niece, while playing with some Moshi Monsters toys, made one say to another: "I'm gonna kill you in the willy!" I couldn't stop laughing for about 10 minutes.
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Jan 13, 2014 10:56
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Elohssa Gib posted:When my nephew was about that same age he wanted to be a meat cutter at the grocery store I work at, I should ask him if he still does. When I was like 4 I wanted to be a garbage man. Still do. Tell them to hold onto those dreams.
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Jan 13, 2014 13:25
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Yesterday I was at a friend's house and her four year old was playing with paint without mom's permission. She went to her daughter and told her to put it away. The girl put her hands on her hips and said "You don't meet my EXPECTATION!" and walked away with her hand in the " talk to the hand" position. I didn't even try to hide my laughter. The other day I pointed at the cat and asked my toddler what it was. She called it "ouch" and really carefully petted it.
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Jan 13, 2014 16:44
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Something that a woman who I know through the dance studio I go to posted on facebook today: Jessica (her daughter, I think she just turned 7?) received a little lock box from one of her friends for her birthday. It has a numerical pinpad where you punch in a 4-digit code to unlock it. The default was 0000, and she got to pick her own special code - rule was that I had to know it too, to help her unlock it if she forgets. Out of the possible 10,000 combinations she could have chosen for a 4-digit combo, she chose the same 4 numbers in the same sequence as I use for my bank card pin. When I told her that, she looked at me with this completely blank expression and said 'well of course, I read the number in your mind'.
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Jan 14, 2014 02:40
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I'm a teacher, so naturally, I have a wealth of these. At my old school, a 5th grader said about his pregnant teacher: "That's Mrs. So-and-So. She's pregnant, but it's not my baby." My second grader threw down his headphones and exclaimed WHAT THE gently caress yesterday, much to the delight of my room full of fourth graders. He refuses to call me Ms. Perceptopolis. Instead, I am Silly Woman. He also likes to lie on the floor and say "I'm gonna die now. Call my mom. Tell my mom I love her. I'm gonna die," in a very dramatic fashion, usually in the hallway. When we had a guest speaker at our school, a first grader raised her hand and asked "Are we gonna wrap this up soon? Because I wanna go home and play Assassin's Creed." Not really a quote, but the little girl I babysat had an odd habit. Upon farting, she would promptly stand up, turn around, cup her hands over the area, and proceed to smell her own. She did this every single time from the time she was about three until I moved away for college. I never had the heart to tell her prim and proper English teacher mother.
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Jan 14, 2014 04:42
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Perceptopolis posted:Not really a quote, but the little girl I babysat had an odd habit. Upon farting, she would promptly stand up, turn around, cup her hands over the area, and proceed to smell her own. She did this every single time from the time she was about three until
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Jan 14, 2014 10:58
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^^ Not only did I read it the same way, I didn't notice it wasn't so until you posted that. When I worked in a day care I over heard one of the Kindergarteners telling someone else "you can't smell skin color."
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Jan 15, 2014 04:52
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CeramicPig posted:^^ Not only did I read it the same way, I didn't notice it wasn't so until you posted that. Aha, the solution to racism was right in front of us all along. We'll just blind everybody.
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Jan 15, 2014 06:55
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My son loves the Macklemore song "Same Love" and the subject matter opened up an opportunity for discussion about the Civil Rights Movement and what happened to black people in the 60's. Everything went great until we were at WalMart and he pointed at the water fountains and shouted "Mom is the little one for the black people?" ...on MLK Day. Jesus.
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Jan 22, 2014 03:51
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