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When our kid didn't want to put down a toy or similar when it was time to sit down at the table to eat, we regularly had to threaten "we'll take it away". As in "Come sit down, we're having dinner" (kid sits down with his lego cars) "Come on, put those in the toybox, we're eating" - "No!" - "Put them away, you can play with them after dinner" - "No!" - "Put them away, or I'll take them away" - "Noooo!!!" (kid puts the toys in the box) Anyway, this went on for a while until he turned the tables on us when one day last winter he didn't want to eat his vegetables. "I don't want veggies, they're disgusting!" - "Come on, just one, they're good for you!" - "NO! Or I'll take the sun away!" The next day, it began to snow. drat kid made good on his threat.
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Aug 25, 2017 17:06
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I asked the second graders to draw their favorite things. My favorite student's answer was "Fleta-teacher and money and jewelry and diamonds!" This reminds me of the time my little sister (I think also in 2nd or 3rd grade at the time, back in the early 1990s) was asked to draw her favorite thing in school. She has two older brothers, me being one of them. We two boys used to spend a lot of time playing computer games on my old Amstrad CPC, and she used to spend a lot of time watching us play. Consequently, her drawing was a crude crayon rendering of this scene...  ...with special attention lavished on the little green head-kicking goblin. My parents had a bit of explaining to do to the teacher.
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Sep 4, 2017 17:43
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Taeke posted:Kids growing up now are exposed to zombies through things like minecraft. Plants Vs.
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Feb 6, 2021 23:46
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My 8-year-old is not a native speaker but picked up some English via YouTube. Yesterday he played with one of those Snapchat filters on my phone that pastes your eyes and mouth into a picture of a cow. This is what he recorded (in English): Hey guys. I'm a cow. (pause) Yeah. A cow. Um. So. (long pause) Guess I'm gonna poop some milk.
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Feb 21, 2021 07:39
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Had a talk with my slightly autistic kid yesterday about how third grade is starting soon, and the topic of his old kindergarten came up. Him: "I miss kindergarten so much." Me: "Aww, you do?" Him: "Yeah, I'm sad it burned down or whatever." Me: "Wait what?" Him: "Yeah, it's gone, that's why I had to go to school, didn't I?" Me: "Um, NO? When kids are little they go to kindergarten and when they get older they go to school. That's how it works for every child. It's not gone, the building is still there!" Him:  "Aaah, OK! I didn't know that!"Apparently he understood something wrong two years back. Maybe he took a phrasing like "kindergarten is over" to mean "the kindergarten is gone", and he's never brought it up since, just carried it around with him. You could literally see a burden getting lifted off his soul. 
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Sep 2, 2021 07:53
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Not that funny per se, but it gave me My autistic little one is having deep thoughts while explaining some video game's characters to me: "She hates violence." (Pauses, thinks) "Actually, 'hate' is violent. So it would be better to say she doesn't like violence."
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Aug 13, 2022 11:04
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Not really something he said, but this weekend my 10-year-old autistic kid's godfather came to visit, and we used to do lots of pen & paper roleplaying together before the kid came along. So we thought it might be fun to introduce him to the hobby, see if he likes it. Since it's a game mostly played by talking to each other, it could also be a way to train his free speaking (which he has trouble with). So my wife DMs and whips up an impromptu kid-friendly adventure of three villains (my kid, me, and his godfather) who have to steal a sacred wish-granting marmalade glass from a village festival. Simple rules, three attributes per person, nothing fancy. I roll low on intelligence, high on strength, and decide I'll be the stereotypical dumb muscle guy. Godfather rolls high on intelligence, medium on strength and decides on a thief. Kid rolls medium for both values. He's never played a role-playing game before (computer or pen & paper), has never really been into fantasy. So what does he decide on? "My character is a half-angel-half-demon who can fly and carries two swords." Even so, the game ended up being a lot of fun. And when the festival ended up being threatened by a huge dragon, the half-angel-half-demon managed to snatch the holy marmalade glass and wished for "one million ice cubes" to extinguish the dragon's fire, thus saving the town, so I guess we'll be playing again soon.
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Oct 3, 2022 20:33
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We're playing a card game, and I draw a card that says the other players have to either pay me a compliment or lose points. My kid thinks for a bit, and finally says, full of admiration: "Your head... is massive."
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Feb 18, 2023 01:31
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Rollersnake posted:Kid: (singing) M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-C! Kid's already a world-class bullshitter, I love it.
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Apr 27, 2023 05:54
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(My 11-year-old is on the autism spectrum and suffers from a speech delay, meaning he's not anywhere as fluent in his native language as other kids his age. However, he has compensated admirably by teaching himself more or less adequate English over the years via YouTube and other internet sources. Of course, this sometimes leads to him using words in an unusual manner.) He has this game where he keeps slapping my butt playfully until I react by pretending to be a monster and scare him, or chase him around the house, or pick him up and drop him on the sofa - your standard roughhousing dad-and-son stuff. Just now I wasn't really in the mood for being provoked, and, somewhat annoyed, I asked him (in German) "Why do you keep doing that?" His reply (in English): "I want to get into funny shenanigans."
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May 28, 2023 14:56
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As I may have mentioned a few times before, my 11-year-old is autistic and has trouble with his native German. He picked up a lot of English though, and sometimes finds it easier to express himself that way. Which of course sometimes means that he picks up phrases and uses them without knowing what they really mean. Last night we were talking to him and started to notice his attention drifting off, as he sometimes does when he's bored or can't follow a conversation. My wife: "Hey, can you focus please? This is important." Kid: (refocusing) "Sorry, I was just having an existential crisis."
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Oct 2, 2023 16:16
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Today at dinner, a propos of nothing, my kid asked: "Mom, why did you marry Dad at the worst possible time?" My wife and I exchange blank stares and shrugs: "What do you mean?" "I heard you married Dad when you were wet!  Why would you do that?" Took us a second to figure out he heard someone online talking about people being wed on the day of their marriage.
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Dec 23, 2023 20:43
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