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Writer Cath posted:My nephew is just shy of two at the moment and he absolutely loves my dog. His default word when upset is "Bell!" If we ever dare to show up without the dog, he stands at the door and just waits for her "Auntie hurts?" "Yes, owie." "I [sic] tiss it better?" She then leaned over and gave my knee an awesome open-mouthed and slobbery kiss. I've also been noticing that she's picking up songs and tries to sing along with stuff, so I'm educating her on Metallica. Someday ill have her sing Master of Puppets with me. Now a nephew of my ex was an awesome kid, when he was five or so, my ex's whole immediate family gathered together for Thanksgiving, about 30 or so people were there. The kid took his shoes off, and the smell was so bad I told him to go wash his feet. Give or take five minutes I hear from the bathroom "hey, somebody help me with this." He then comes out of the bathroom, completely naked but cupping his junk in his hands to cover it, and just cruises past everybody to find me so I'd help him start the tub.
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Oct 9, 2013 06:37
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| # ¿ May 8, 2024 21:36 |
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I have a two-year-old niece that I very frequently babysit. I've ruined her through my interactions with her, as the last time we went for a car ride, she said she wantes to listen to rock. I smiled and acquiesced. She didn't want just any rock, though, she wanted German rock. I put on Megaherz for her. Then she threw up the horns.  Also, she figured out how to use the child safety locks in the kitchen, and she actually explained to her daddy how they worked.
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May 14, 2014 19:59
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My nephew: "hey aunt Katie, are you gonna put your parents in a home soon? Me: dude! Theyre only in their sixties, no. Nephew: ok, but youre going to eventually, right? BecAuse when you do I wanna live downstairs and turn it into my bachelor pad and you can visit and play Skyrim with me. Kid is ruthless. He said that after only spending a single day living with me.
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Jun 8, 2014 21:57
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Today was my niece's 3rd birthday, and the whole day had been chock full of cuteness. She started her day singing in her bed about how she was three now, followed by sincerely thanking and kissing everyone who said "Happy birthday" to her. She then got her cake with a single candle. When asked to make a wish, she leaned in, whispered "I love you little candle" then blew it out. She wished for pudding. When asked why, she said "it isnt a party without pudding!" At some point I ended up being put in time-out. She told me she loved me, but that i didnt listen to her mommy (about going after the frosting on her cake), and that i had to go to my room for twenty minutes. The kid is a constant joy.
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Dec 1, 2014 04:57
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So i have another real gem for you guys, in thr continuing saga of my niece. She brought me a piece of paper and a pencil, and demanded i draw her mommy. I majored (briefly) in art in college, so what the hell, instead of a stick figure, i tried to legitimately sketch my sister. Bad idea. My niece took a very critical glance and gave a huge frown. "You messed up my mommy. Her face is crooked!" She then pointed to my sister, who began laughing. "She looks like that!" She didnt stop there. Oh no, she was channeling Simon Cowell. "You ruined my picture! I cant keep this!" She frigging threw it away while I watched. "I have to throw this away now because you ruined my mommy!" My sister was in tears at that point. My niece then apprpached me, and said "you hurt my feelings with your drawing. Dont ever do that again!" Im so glad I dropped out of art classes. Only her daddy (a graphic designer for a local company) is allowed to draw now.
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Dec 16, 2014 08:24
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A couple more gems from my niece, who is "three-and-a-halv" now. She told me she needed the potty, took off, and when she opens the door I hear her say "one, two, three, hit it!" before turning on the light switch. She also later put on a pair of her dad's subglasses and said "cool story, dude". Finally, I picked her up from her grandma one night, and she asked for rock and roll. Typically she'll jam out to Rammstein with me (I'm aware the lyrics are terrible, so I'm weaning her onto Megaherz, Linkin Park and the like,), but I put on the radio and the Offspring were playing. Cue the most amazing carseat dance ever. She even had me turn up the volume for the guitar bridge. "Gotta keep 'em separated!" So basically she's a bro that likes princess dresses.
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Apr 24, 2015 03:56
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Chamale posted:The lyrics are German. I remember when I was babysitting some cousins around that age and they were enjoying Rammstein. I freaked out when one of their more obscene songs came on, then I remembered that none of them can understand German anyway. Are you worried that she's going to ask for a translation? Mother's request, not gonna bother fighting the lady on that one. 
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Apr 24, 2015 08:29
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Let's see, some more gems from my niece: "Hey Nana, I have magic ice powers. Close your eyes and I'll show you." *dumps glass of water on Nanas head, runs away laughing* When Papa had his car wreck, we got some touching calls from her while he recouperated in the hospital: "Papa, were you killed?" "Papa, when are you coming home? ....a week? But I love you! *tears*" We attended her mother's baby shower yesterday, and she tried to compete in one of the games (empty a baby bottle of apple juice through the nipple). When she lost she wailed like she'd broken a bone. She still loves rock and roll, for the record (finally got her to stop throwing up the horns at everything, like when her food arrives at a restaurant). But now she loves Frozen more and everything sucks. gently caress you, Disney.
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Oct 12, 2015 20:00
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More quotes from the niece (endless source of entertainment, it helps to live with her). While giving her a bath, I handed her a couple of fizzy tablets that color her bath water. I guess it wasn't fizzing fast enough because she yelled at it to "do [its] job!" I also took her to the grocery store, gave her stuff to put in the cart. I handed her a package of sausage, and told her "put it in our cart". She turns around and just Kobe Bryants the hell out of it, like with a jump and everything. Into a stranger's cart. Also, she refers to the new (awesome) minivan that her parents got as being "automatical!". Also, she once told her daddy that she wanted to cut off his head because she loved him? On another note, you guys need to keep an eye out when your five year old spots the candy at check out when you're shopping, because as a cashier I can tell you an insane amount of kids will sneak candy or chips to me so I'll ring them up. I had to give a kid pointers today that if you're gonna sneak Doritos past Mom, don't swing them around behind your back, she'll hear it.
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Oct 20, 2015 02:36
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My niece has grown into a real trip of a 4-year-old. She's learned sass. Today she slunk away from her parents in a parking lot to sneak into my car so I would take her home. She closed the door, and when her dad went to get her, she rolled down the window, looked him right in the eye and clicked her seat belt. "Too bad, so sad, I'm already in here." She can also keep a Warhead in her mouth for a whole seven seconds and con a person into making her scrambled eggs with a single smile. Gangster.
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Jun 22, 2016 22:43
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My five year old niece has had a lot of wonderful zingers, most of the notable ones have been documented in this thread over the past 3 years. I now bring you the latest installment. "You want a hot dog, black maaaaan?" (Said with all the sass she could muster. She was referring to Sascha Baron Cohen's character in Through the Looking Glass, who notably wore all black clothes. A discussion about adjectives was had) "I LOVE A GOOD CATFIGHT!" ("That's when you fight a cat, right?") "Chapter sixteeeeeeeen! *throws a stick at me*" (?????) "You played Final Fantasy without me?!?! You have to start it over, that game is in my heart!" (She loves Prompto, I'm more of a Gladiolus woman) I frickin love her.
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Mar 15, 2017 23:42
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| # ¿ May 8, 2024 21:36 |
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My niece is becoming increasingly macabre as time goes on, which is both awwsome and terrifying. I took her to the park, and there is a creek that runs through it. They constructed a couple of concrete walls to channel the water, and she kept trying to stand on it to watch dandelions and the sort float by. Being in Protective Aunt mode, she got too close and looked down, and my brain flooded with thoughts of death and broken necks, and I yelled at her. "GET AWAY NOW!" "WHYYYY?" "BECAUSE YOU'LL FALL AND BREAK YOUR NECK!" "Oh, will it kill me?" "Well, yeah." "DEATH IS COOOMING!" And so she ran away past a very concerned woman walking her dog. I guess she also once chased a waitress into a restaurant kitchen demanding a quarter.
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Apr 30, 2017 17:30
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