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Bit of a cross-post from the CineD general thread: Yesterday me and my roommate were at Starbucks, sitting on one of those two-person couches. Said couch was pretty close to where you order. In comes a mom with a five, maybe six year old kid. As he gets close, he does a confused double-take at us, but specifically my roommate. Both of us notice him, but don't say anything. A second or two later, the kid takes a deep breath / gasp, tugs on his mom's coatarm with one hand and points at us with the other, and screams "Mommy! This guy's girlfriend looks like you!!" The mom (who I guess looks like my roommate) is embarrassed and chastises the kid (who still has a  look on his face), and me and my roommate just chuckle.A few minutes of silence, and we decide to have the "What the hell are we / Are we dating and just too chickenshit to admit it" talk.
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Nov 25, 2013 22:40
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| # ¿ May 1, 2024 18:22 |
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Nihonniboku posted:Yea, this is the more interesting story. And? It really isn't that interesting: we came to the conclusion that we didn't want to be that couple that does the "We're not dating, we're just ~seeing each other ~ doing something ~totally different than anyone else ~" bullshit, and if our relationship has all the signs of us dating, we're dating. And more importantly, we both think that's pretty cool. (I know that saying all this is  MY GIRLFRIENDy , and that's why I didn't say it, but you asked. Sorry for the derail.Late Edit: In apology for the digression, here's a story that I'll try and keep short, about an adventitious little kid: 4-year-old son of a waitress at the bar I go to was told to stay still while she talked to her boss. The kid decides to translate those words to mean "Go! Explore! Now is your chance to explore the world! You! Are! Free!" Runs off, chased by one of the staff, and he decides to hide in the lady's dressing room. As someone in there (who, I'm told, was wearing pants but didn't have a top on) escorts him out, she jokingingly asks the kid if he came in because "he really wanted to see some boobies". For the rest of the time he was there, whenever someone asked him how he was, he'd  ly say "I SAW BOOBIES!". When he told me, I acted as if I didn't know what boobies were. His response? "I DON'T KNOW...  BUT I SAW BOOBIES!"
MisterBibs has a new favorite as of 04:49 on Nov 26, 2013 |
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Nov 26, 2013 02:57
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Related to this topic, there's a series on youtube called Kids React, which is pretty much what you'd expect it to be: you show a bunch of little kids things (movies, video clips, whatever) and see how they react to them. My favorite is Kids React To Rotary Phones, but there's plenty of other ones that are amusing. (There's also Teens React and Elders React, but they aren't as entertaining.)
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Apr 11, 2014 19:36
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Between my apartment building and the theater we were going to is a small park and play area. Since me and my girlfriend were waiting for someone else, we decided to wait/play on the swingsets. This is because you're never too old to play on swingsets, especially when they aren't the rickety-rear end ones we had when we were kids. As we're waiting, a mom and a little kid (horrible at ages, maybe 3-4) sees us, and the kid starts bawling. His mom asks him what the problem is, which he articulates between sobs:  "I WANTED TO GO ON THE SWINGSET AND WE CAN'T NOW! YOU SAID WE WERE GONNA PLAY ON THE SWI-HI-HI-HI-NGSET" We get out of the swings to show the little kid that he can swing, and he near-immediately stops crying and, between sniffles, says "thank you!" and gives us both leg-hugs. 
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Apr 21, 2014 02:59
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Earlier today I was babysitting my cousin's five year old twins. To keep this mind-safe, let's just say I have some GI issues that can go from "Am I about to have an issue?" to "Danger!" in an instant. So I'm playing with one of the kids when I have one of those moments. I steer the kid to my girlfriend and as I get up, I unthinkingly say to myself "Danger, danger, danger" in my worst Steve Irwin impression before walking to the washroom. I didn't hear it, but my girlfriend asked the kid what I was doing. The kid's response? "He's taking the Danger Poo!"
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May 14, 2014 22:19
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Saw this on Twitter with the comment "she wrote what she thought was "I Come In Peace". edit: vvv Not sure if you're being sarcastic, but a thumb'd it anyway. MisterBibs has a new favorite as of 18:24 on Jun 13, 2014 |
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Jun 13, 2014 17:44
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Two stories of kids getting mad at animals: Bad Birds The other day me and my partner randomly encountered an old friend of ours, with her 3yo kid outside of the local grocery store. While my gf caught up with the adult, I interacted with the kid. Kid: Why are there all those holes? (pointing to the rarely-used half of the parking lot that's riddled with potholes because the snowplows put all the snow there, I guess). Seagulls and Canada Geese tend to hang out there. That part, I've always been confused about.) Me: I don't know. What do you think there's all those holes? Kid: (pauses, looks down for a second, in deep contemplation, then turns to the ambling birds)  "STOP MAKING THE HOLES YOU BAD BIRDS!" It was the most  thing I've seen in a while. He even did the little fist thing!Bad Bears We're at the zoo today, which is a great place to be around kids. They're just so goddamned excited about stuff. Bears were one of the ones I kept hearing, and sure enough, there were a lot of kids in the bear area. The kids, pressed against the glass, just so happy to see the  bears bears bears !The polar bear one was the most crowded, because one of the bears was right by the observation glass. It's looking at the crowd, occasionally pawing at the glass in a way that spiked my "these kids would be dead if not for the glass, holy poo poo" meters. Still, kids loved it. Then the polar bear decides to walk away, slowly trundling away. The thing stops moving, drops a massive poo poo, then continues to wander off. If it was a human, it would've been a gently caress-you move for the ages. The kids go nuts for this blatant disrespect: "MOMMY! HES DOING A POTTY OUTSIDE" "THATS AWESOME!" "EW GROSS WHY DID HE DO THAT?! "THATS MEAN!"
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May 3, 2015 07:34
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Echoing the "kids can't use their mouths right" stories, my dad likes to remind me that I could not, for the life of me, pronounce 'velociraptor' right. It'd come out as vell-oh-cy-rap-tore almost every time. The second part of the story is that I said it right once but was so excited about saying it right that my brain immediately forgot the muscle motions to say it right.  This lead to me, at times, repeating the word over and over just to re-figure it out.
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May 13, 2015 00:19
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Not a personal example, but an oldie/goodie: I respect this kid's position re: cupcakes.
MisterBibs has a new favorite as of 06:28 on May 25, 2015 |
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May 25, 2015 06:20
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I'm not sure this counts, but this kid has an awesome reaction to something.
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Jun 21, 2015 06:00
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Heard this conversation between a father and his two young kids (I'm bad at ages, older one was maybe 4 and the younger 2ish): Father: You don't have to tell (younger kid) what to do. You're not his boss. Kid: (perfectly timed pause) But I am his boss!
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Sep 27, 2015 03:04
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A 4yo neighbor kid taught me how to drink yesterday while we were kid-sitting: - When you "drink like a ball", you fill your mouth up, and then gulp it all down. The more gulps it takes to empty your mouth, the better. - When you "drink like a string", you gulp down the liquid as you're pouring more in. According to the child, you're "being rude" if you think milk like a string, or of you drink water like a ball. Orange juice has to be drank like a ball.
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Dec 21, 2015 09:53
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I was awoken mid-nap to this (and failing fists) by a 4yo my girlfriend was babysitting today:  "You've got a cap-pit-iller in your leg! you've got a cap-pit-iller in your leg!" The "cap-pit-tiller" in my leg was my calf muscle cramping up that didn't hurt enough to wake me up and release it.
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Jan 23, 2016 04:20
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Little kid running past the Deadpool stand: "Mommy, it's Pider Man! Pider Man! Pew pew pew!"
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Feb 12, 2016 23:53
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Kid: Are you sad you can't have babies? Girlfriend:  Why do you say that? Kid: 'cause Mommy told me babies come from the Mommy's tummy, and *pokes girlfriend's stomach* a baby couldn't fit in there! Babies are big! This kid we babysit is a better flirt than I. 
MisterBibs has a new favorite as of 09:57 on Mar 1, 2016 |
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Mar 1, 2016 09:55
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While shopping earlier, this little kid (maybe a year old or so) in a stroller was going "bob bob bob" on and on, while I was trying on shoes. When his mom pushed his stroller closer to me (while giving me a "sorry, he hasn't stopped in weeks" look) he immediately noticed me and started talking directly to me. Bob bob bob! Bob bob!" I guess singing the intro to Barbra Ann wasn't the best thing, but the kid sure did, because as I was finishing it up, the kid would repeat "bob bob bob, bob bob rah am!" over and over instead.
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Apr 3, 2016 00:39
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"Why does your mouth sound like a wizard when you say hello to her?" Evidently he thinks a bad cockney accent is a Wizard Accent. I told him it was a habit, I didn't have the stones to tell him the somewhat-complicated somewhat-  origin for why I greet random friends with a bad cockney "ello, darlin'".
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Apr 18, 2016 16:28
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"I'm going to put a ring on her when she falls asleep watching TV with me an' take it off before she wakes up and she'll get used to having a ring on so when I give her a ring she'll want to marry me." The 5yo boy we babysit's plan to marry my girlfriend. I'm not sure if this kid is insane or a genius.
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May 11, 2016 06:18
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"The price of growing up is smaller cookies." This wisdom is brought from my cousin's 6yo, after I told him today at a resturant that when I was a kid, the cookies were huge, and nowadays they are tiny.
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Aug 20, 2016 02:18
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The kid we babysit noticed a bunch of shot glasses we had drying on the counter, and asked "Why do you have baby glasses?" I explained that they are called shot glasses, and that they are for big boys and girls when they don't want to drink a lot of something. He seemed to accept that. Few hours later, his mom calls us. Evidently the kid thinks he's a big boy (at 5), so when asked about what he wanted to drink with his snack, he replied "I'm not too thirsty, can I get a shot glass of apple juice?"
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Oct 10, 2016 21:47
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A crosspost from RGD, a goon-run podcast that runs on this principle:greatn posted:Childish Games Only listened to two episodes so far, but it's incarnate.
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Nov 24, 2016 05:44
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"Someone stole your bumps! We need to call the doctor police!" I have tiny patches of psoriasis on my elbows, and some of the kids I work with are fascinated by them. And, evidently, very concerned when you accidentally loofah them away in the shower.
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Dec 21, 2016 20:57
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"Ew! He did a {long pause while thinking} mouth booger!" A non-productive cough I've had for about a week decider to randomly become productive while I was holding something and couldn't bring my hand up in time.
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Dec 28, 2016 20:47
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Another podcast that tunes into this theme: Cadavercast: a Father-Son Monster Movie Podcast is pretty much exactly what it says on the tin. A dude and his five-year-old kid discuss monster movies. I've only listened to the newest and the first episode so far, but the kid just exudes . Dude knows his poo poo already concerning monster movies.
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Jan 10, 2017 06:55
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New kid where I work: Me: Hi there! What's your name? Girl: (whispering) I can't tell you. Me: Awww. Why's that? Girl: (with actual venom) because you're a stranger. We had a brief conversation so that I wasn't a stranger and she warmed up to me, but I about lost my poo poo when she was escorted away, because (as my parents are wont to tell anyone and everyone), I once refused to talk to a friend of theirs because - wait for it - he was a stranger, and you do not talk to strangers.
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May 2, 2017 02:45
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Kevyn posted:Ah yes, the Pennywise method. We bonded over our mutual fondness for peanut butter cups and the color green.
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May 2, 2017 04:05
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An eight-year-old I work with took me aside and asked what the "place the boobies come together" is, because he saw it - on a girl! - and didn't know what its name was. Turns out, he saw one of my co-workers on a break outside, eating lunch, earlier. Since it's 85 degrees today, she took off her overshirt and ate in a tank top, which showed enough cleavage for an 8 year old boy to notice. I told him that he'll find out when he gets older, but told him that it's not nice to look there, and you should always look at a girl's face. His response was a grumpy "that's not as fun as the place the boobies come together".
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Jun 2, 2017 00:43
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lemon-lyme disease posted:You wasted a golden opportunity to invent a term and track its spread. ("That's called the clomshire, but don't tell the other kids. They might not understand.") I considered doing this as a joke, but two things stopped me: - Kids never keep things quiet. Especially when you tell them to, doubly so if it's a New Word - The lady whose cleavage was spotted is really conscious about her body, is saving for a breast reduction in part because she busts out of anything but the most conservative clothing, and told me once she likes working with kids because they tend to be young enough to not care about her figure. - If the kid (or anyone, really) started talking about her clomshire, I think it'd legit break her heart a little. Thus, the don't-be-a-creep-and-stare-at-a-ladys-rack lesson. MisterBibs has a new favorite as of 04:48 on Jun 4, 2017 |
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Jun 4, 2017 04:39
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The other day I met a local barista's three-year old kid for the first time. Very polite, a little shy, but warmed up to me when she gave me a high five and I flopped backwards on my butt. I got a report today that the third thing has stuck in her head the most. She has now regularly reminded her mom that her hand is "danger strong", magic, or asking her where "the strongness is" on her hand.
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Aug 4, 2017 02:09
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Kid: "I don't wanna go in the girls bathroom!" Me: "Sorry, little man, but the boys potty is broken. You have to use the girl's one." Kid: "But I'm not a girl, I am a BOY! (angrily) I have a pecker!" Me: "Oh, don't worry! We disabled the pecker alarm, it's okay to use the girl's potty.." (later on, after someone came to fix the men's toilet) Me: "Hey, Kid, why are you going into the girl's room? The toilet was fixed, remember the man who came in?" Kid: "BUT I WANNA HEAR THE PECKER ALARM!"
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Aug 12, 2017 01:30
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I think this counts here. You can practically quote the kid in your head.
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Aug 25, 2017 18:31
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To the tune of the Adam West Batman theme: "My name is Josh and imma Batman Batman, BATMAN!"
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Aug 31, 2017 22:29
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During a tantrum the other day, a kid I worked with socked me in the junk. The reason was that he still had an intense crush on Amy Jo Johnson from back when we showed them some of twitch marathon of Power Rangers a while ago, and showing him a picture of me with AJJ was not the Cool Fun Thing I thought it'd be, but an Actively Offensive Thing That Required Tantrumming Over.
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Sep 9, 2017 15:43
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Me: Hey buddy, what's with the bending over lately? Kid: I want to toot and the toot won't come out! Me: Oh, well, you shouldn't force the toot. Toots will come out on their own! Kid: (insistent) The toot has to come out now. Me: But if it doesn't want to come out, you might poop in your pants instead. You don't want to poop your pants, do you? Kid: Once you're not a baby anymore, you can't poop your pants. Me: If only... Twenty loving minutes later, the kid learns from personal experience never to force a fart. I had to be all kind and caring with this crying child, having to bite my tongue.
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Oct 11, 2017 00:32
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"Bibs! My punkin is broken! The stick is on the side and not on top!" *rolls the child's pumpkin from its side to its base* "Yay! You fixed it! You're a punkin master!" I'm still not sure if the kid was legitimately confused or not.
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Oct 26, 2017 07:13
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"YOU AREN'T WHISTLING, YOU ARE BAD WHISTLING!" I whistle with my tongue close to the roof of my mouth. Not sure where I picked it up.
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Nov 14, 2017 22:05
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A kid next to me seeing Justice League was super excited about seeing "Metal Deadpool" in the post credit scene. (It's actually Deathstroke)
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Nov 19, 2017 07:19
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I brought my Switch in to work today to let my kids play Super Mario Odyssey, because they've been good. They've spent more time getting Kid Angry or Kid Upset over what clothes the previous kid put Mario in than the game.
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Nov 21, 2017 20:34
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A kid I work with's family came to the restaurant that me and my partner were dining, and of course he wanted to spend a few minutes excitedly telling me of all the events of the few hours between me saying goodbye to him at work and right now. That is, until he got a look at our bartender, after which he asked me to pick him up so he could ask me a "secret question" in my ear. The question? "Is her butt pretty?" I gave him a brief reminder of the various and sundry "don't judge people by how they look" lessons we've incidentally had during our time together, and sent him back to his family.  Kid, you are five, and I am not the kind of person who desires to set people on paths of rear end preference.
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Feb 8, 2018 06:25
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Trans-LoafWithTail posted:I mean, is it? Sure, she's got a nice rear end as far as my preferences go, but I don't want to teach my kids to objectify like that. The world will do it soon enough.
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Feb 8, 2018 19:01
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