PYF shit kids say: Video tape is ghost?

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF shit kids say: Video tape is ghost?

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

MisterBibs posted:

"The price of growing up is smaller cookies."

This wisdom is brought from my cousin's 6yo, after I told him today at a resturant that when I was a kid, the cookies were huge, and nowadays they are tiny.

that is zen as gently caress

# ¿ Aug 20, 2016 02:19

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# ¿ May 7, 2024 09:43

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

JustAurora posted:

Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2017 17:34

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

(Edit: My hair doesn't usually look that bad. That picture was taken right after I had crossed the HK/Shenzhen border on foot during one of the most humid days of my life, got lost, got into a fight with two beggars, and jumped over a bush and rolled down a hill. Don't ask.)

[timg]attachment:848404[/timg

Don't ask.

_{Don't ask.}

_{_{Don't ask.}}

... but I wanna :smithfrog:

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 20:57

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Short version, because the real version involves a reenactment:

Boss asked me to let his friend escort me across the border on my way in and out. I (rightly) guessed this was for guangxi/money purposes, so I allowed myself to be herded, despite the fact that I had lived in HK before and didn't want or need any help. Guy was annoying in a very eager, sweaty way, so when he didn't show up to the meeting to go back to Shenzhen, I said "oh no i can't get ahold of that guy oh gee oh gosh" and just went ahead. It was extremely hot and insanely humid. Like water dripping off the walls humid. There were approximately sixty kajillion people also crossing the border and it took forever. When I finally got to the main Shenzhen station for the border crossing (forgot the name), I needed a minute to collect myself because I was so hot and cranky. Stepped outside to get some air and was immediately set upon by two women begging. I couldn't get away my them and after a few minutes, they each grabbed one of my hands and started shouting at me. Luckily, one of them was also carrying a baby, so I muscled myself away easily and started running as best I could with my little carryon suitcase. Threw my suitcase over a bush and jumped after it, figuring at least the one with the baby wouldn't follow. I didn't realize there was a slope, so i slipped when I landed and ended up rolling/sliding down into the parking lot below (for like two seconds), where a young woman looked at me with a totally neutral expression on her face and said, "Airport taxi one hundred and fifty yuan." Bargain at that point, and I took it. I took the picture after I had checked in and had a few drinks. Then Rihanna asked for a picture of me and I sent it to her as a deterrent, never realizing what her ultimate plan was.

These are the things we always cherish though. thanks for sharing

# ¿ Mar 3, 2017 01:43

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Grand Fromage posted:

Rihanna was one of the ringleaders in a student strike today, where they all took over the office and spent hours yelling at the principal/refusing to go back to class. There's a manifesto taped to the principal's computer and when I left they'd stolen fancy padded chairs from somewhere and replaced the lovely ones in their classroom with them.

This is unrelated to the previous manifesto and not exactly a thing someone said but since there are fans here I thought I'd update.

Rihanna is kind of a badass :colbert:

# ¿ Mar 29, 2017 18:42

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Seriously is there a "ask me about being a teacher in china" thread im missing out that has all the backstory and like great firewalls of china why you arent in jail or something for being redgoons?

# ¿ Mar 30, 2017 22:53

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

maybe not creep on anybody :shrug:

# ¿ Apr 5, 2017 12:28

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Slime posted:

#alllivesmatter

*smack* bad slime.

# ¿ Apr 5, 2017 12:34

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

# ¿ Apr 5, 2017 14:07

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

I didn't even know Dr. Frogout could go Super-Saiyan!

i dont get a chance to use that one often so hey win-win :haw:

# ¿ Apr 5, 2017 15:00

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

U-DO Burger posted:

My five-year-old daughter and three-year-old son were playing together. My son started waving around a toy sword, so my daughter picked up a heart pillow with OXOX embroidered on the front.

"This is my shield. The circles are the monsters' eyes. This shield turns their eyes from circles into X's, and then they die." She ran forward and hit the side of a bookshelf, then looked down.

"The monster is dead" she declared, smashing the air in front of her with her pillow a few times for good measure. Then she knelt down and started digging with her hands. "Now I'm looking for meat inside the dead monster."

After a few moments she sighed and stood up. "There was only white meat inside the monster. The ants can eat this," she said dismissively as she casually tossed the invisible meat to the side.

For the next monster she tried to get her little brother to "punch a hole" in the monster so the meat would just fall out. He wasn't cooperating, so she picked up a balance disc. "When I push a button, the spiky side becomes really sharp. It will poke holes in the monsters so all the meat and blood comes out."

After murdering another monster, she sighed again. "No meat in this one, just skin. I'd better look for another monster to kill."

This continued on for some time.

i think your kids may be Jrpg characters :frogon:

# ¿ Apr 5, 2017 18:19

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

TOM: "One-pump chump."
FREDDIE: "Booty call."
JAYDEN: "One-night stand."
ME: "What are you talking about?"
TOM: "Nothing. I am only six years old. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING."

I'm completely stealing this brilliance as an excuse for when i need it.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2017 12:00

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Huzzah! posted:

https://twitter.com/atticanibal/status/855275978305568769

# ¿ Apr 22, 2017 00:44

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

quote:

�Hate Has No Home Here�

I read, with great interest, Mr. John Natale�s colossal misunderstanding of the �Hate Has No Home Here� signs. Natale�s first mistake was claiming the signs read, �Hate has no place in this home.� Mr. Natale is incorrectly assuming that the owners of the sign are finding it necessary to state that there is no hate in their home. But, as the American flag depicted on the sign signifies, the posters are referencing the entire U.S.A., a country that does not tolerate hate in spite of its current leadership. Those people who have chosen to place a �Hate Has No Home Here� sign on their lawn are standing behind their belief that the country should be free of hate.

Mr. Natale also lists questions that have remained unanswered, so it is my duty to define his burning inquiries:

1. Question: �Who are the haters that you, the sign owner, are referring to?� Answer: Bigots who are trying to take away protections for transgender students, deport refugees and build a very expensive wall to keep illegal immigrants out (which is completely pointless and not helping your cause, but I digress).

2. Question: �What, or whom, do the haters hate?� Answer: Perfectly innocent human beings who happen to be different from the haters.

3. Question: �What is the evidence that there is significant hate in our community?� Answer: Me getting called homosexual slurs by students and adults alike.

4. Question: �Obviously, you are so morally superior that you may declare everyone who disagrees with you a hater (side note: this first part is a statement, not a question). Where, when, and how did you become the Lord High Decider of Morality?� Answer: Never. We just put a lawn sign down. Calm down, dude.

As I stated previously, the signs are not talking exclusively about Winchester. The signs are about the whole United States. They also aren�t implying you are a hater if you disagree; where did you get that idea? Also, Mr. Natale, if you�re going to ask us to do you a favor and take the signs down, do humanity a favor and take your Trump signs down. Finally, if you are going to say signs exhibit �snowflake sensitivity,� take a moment to think about how you are writing an angry letter to a newspaper about a lawn sign.

� Luke Macannuco, seventh-grader, Brookside Avenue

http://winchester.wickedlocal.com/news/20170429/letters-to-editor-of-winchester-star

# ¿ Apr 30, 2017 13:50

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Alligator Pie posted:

I work in a call center which schedules medical appointments for children. On Friday, a Mom called in regards to her son's appointment, and she told me his name so I could look him up.

As I did, this little voice piped up in the background, "Yup, that's me! Andy* with an 'A!' I'm sitting here right next to my Mom and here I am!" and he just kept rambling on about how he was right there too.

It made my day.

*Obviously not his real name.

Another time, a kid who sounded about five or six answered the phone, and as I'm trying to explain where I'm calling from and that I need to speak to his parents, he says, "I'm not sure what you're looking to do, here." I had to hold in my laughter and ask to speak to his Mom or Dad. When he finally handed over the phone, Mom explained that he loves to answer it so they sic him on telemarketers or any unknown callers.

this is great.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2017 16:44

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

First of all, this was totally unnecessary.

Second of all, you're a lovely Canadian for thinking of hockey before curling.

curling isnt a sport, its just an ancient tribal ritual of cleaning up your room really fast before your violent mother slides by on the floor of ice. :colbert:

# ¿ Jun 30, 2017 00:49

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Neurion posted:

To playfully discourage a child from smacking a 2 foot Stormtrooper statue made out of LEGO I jokingly told him that he'll wake up the bees inside his helmet. The child stared at me for a second in wide-eyed disbelief before whispering to his mother "They keep bees in there!"

Good job creating a mythos bee-goon. :frog:

# ¿ Jul 25, 2017 12:30

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Taeke posted:

Hell, wasn't it a thing recently that women were putting crushed wasp nests in their vaginas because of Gwyneth Paltrow or something?

I can't believe that's a sentence is just typed.

Your kids say some really weird poo poo friend.

# ¿ Jul 25, 2017 22:22

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

tribbledirigible posted:

My 2 year old son now yells "Good Morning, Blinkin!" to the robot vacuum when it starts its scheduled sweep without fail. I'm confident when the AI revolution comes, he'll be ok.

always nice to your machines seems a good future world survival plan

# ¿ Aug 6, 2017 14:26

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

U-DO Burger posted:

When my daughter was two we made very flimsy bat wings that she could wear, and she was the happiest kid for a few minutes. After pretending to fly inside for a bit she pointed out our sixth floor apartment window.

"Want to fly...... outside?"

She looked at my wife and me with excitement in her eyes, as she was clearly envisioning herself flying through the sky. We explained that she couldn't do that, and her smile vanished as her arms drooped to her side. She looked down at the floor and spoke softly.

"All done bat wings."

I still feel like poo poo for not being able to break the laws of physics somehow and let her fly for real

you are the best human :3:

# ¿ Oct 16, 2017 22:53

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

U-DO Burger posted:

What kind of rear end in a top hat names their kid Von

Fock yooou.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2017 15:49

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Pasketti posted:

I've been substitute teaching for a few months now and I hear some things, man.
Literally every day I get questions or comments about how short I am or how young I look from the kids, I'm used to that. The kids always ask if I'm a teenager or if I'm "a real adult". Every once in a while I get something completely out of nowhere about my appearance, though.

A few weeks back, a kindergartner asked me "Why are you SO white?". Threw me off, especially since the girl was black so I thought she was asking me some deep question about race and I had no idea how to respond, until I realized she probably meant "white" as in "pale" since I'm pasty as a basement dwelling nerd. I think I just shrugged and said I don't know

a few days later it was Halloween and I was subbing for a 5th grade class. I wanted to dress for the holiday but I was worried I'd get mistaken for a student if I wore a costume so I just wore a tacky Halloween sweater and a cat ear handband. I overheard the kids in the hallway talking about me before they came in, just leaning in to peek at me and whispering.
"She looks like an Asian youtuber!"
"Is she Asian?"
"I don't know but she has cat ears so maybe"
what does that meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean

Today a 4th grade girl kept saying she was going to take me home with her and "see you tomorrow!" even though I told her I'm working at a different school tomorrow...
Also I got lost because it was my first time in the building and every staff member I asked for directions thought I was a new student.

when you start getting around 40 its somewhat entertaining to get accused of having a fake id.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2017 21:59

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

*blink* yes i suppose that is true.

# ¿ Nov 21, 2017 20:26

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

owning your farts is a good headstart to being fearless.

kiddos going places.

# ¿ Mar 22, 2018 21:40

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

U-DO Burger posted:

do you not know what a knight piece looks like

I for one am shocked.

# ¿ May 10, 2018 12:35

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Misterbibsyouareincrediblyincorrect.jpg

# ¿ May 11, 2018 19:53

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

karate

# ¿ Oct 25, 2018 23:34

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

chris hansen as in bad taste especially for this thread pedo "joke".

# ¿ May 23, 2019 21:19

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

This is why we can't have nice things :smithfrog:

# ¿ May 24, 2019 12:01

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

bibs popping up immediately after hot dogs are mentioned itt had me giggling this morning good job thread

# ¿ May 25, 2019 13:44

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

it is for the children though

# ¿ Aug 5, 2019 16:26

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

As someone with a 10 month old who now says dadadadadada like a mantra, I look forward to contributing

# ¿ May 14, 2021 04:30

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

my 2 year old saunters over to my desk after lunchtime and leans up against it as im writing an email..

"daddy, so mayyyybe, you are hungry for pudding? we can share"

# ¿ Apr 24, 2023 17:05

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

my 3yr old: "firetrucks put out out fires, usually"

me: "what do they do unusually"

him: "not put out fires, if they are red"

me: "what about other colored firetrucks?"

him: "thats none of your business"

# ¿ Oct 22, 2023 15:19

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

" have you ever seen poopy pants?"

no son.

this is a complete stunner for me.

# ¿ Feb 20, 2024 01:58

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# ¿ May 7, 2024 09:43

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

seriously vibing with cephelopod girl.

kiddo just explained to his grandma that "no mass is different from density" and uh if you have young kids physics for babies is solid.

# ¿ May 1, 2024 22:19

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