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My five year old daughter told me a joke today. Why did the apple cross the road? It wanted to get to the poop.
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Jan 5, 2021 06:17
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| # ¿ May 17, 2024 18:08 |
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My 5 year old daughter: "I want a cupcake!" me: "We don't have any cupcakes, honey." Her: (exasperated) "Well NOW how am I supposed to eat a cupcake?"
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Feb 21, 2021 01:12
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Id pay to see Macaroon 5 in concert. My son, with the same tone and reverence as if he just made the greatest discovery in the history of mankind. "Dad!! I just realized something!! Burps are just mouth farts!!  "
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Feb 27, 2021 00:16
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My soon to be 7 year old son drew a picture of two people and showed it to me. Him: "This is a mom and a dad. They're happy because they don't have any kids." Me: "Well if they don't have any kids then who will they play with?" (He runs off and comes back a minute later) Him: "They have a dog"
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Mar 28, 2021 03:22
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My son, to an entire waiting room full of people at the doctor's office today: "When I turn 18, I want my Dad to get a job!" I'm a stay at home Dad because all 3 of my kids have various special needs. Thanks, kiddo.
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Mar 15, 2022 04:52
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Setting: in the car. The radio is on. "Ironic" by Alanis Morrisette plays. Me, singing "An old man...turned 98..." My son: "I read about this song in a book!" Me: (immediately turns into dust and blows away in the wind)
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May 10, 2022 21:08
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We had male and female mallard ducks that used to be regulars in our neighborhood. Our then 5-year-old son named them Microwave and Lightbulb
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Oct 2, 2022 04:37
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BigBallChunkyTime posted:We had mallard duck couple that used to be regulars in our neighborhood. Our then 5-year-old son named them Microwave and Lightbulb
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Oct 2, 2022 04:37
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Rollersnake posted:presenting my 3 year-old's masterpiece, "a woman falling down to the ground from the stinky wind, but her shoes help her float"" Makes Van Gogh look like crap. Id put that in a museum instead of a bunch of swirls and poo poo.
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Feb 14, 2023 00:54
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My 7 year old daughter made up a song: "How do birds die-i-i-i-i? And also poop?"
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Feb 15, 2023 00:31
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"I love you Dad, but I like Mom more'
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Mar 2, 2023 03:52
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I've been out of retail for years, but I'll never forget this story. I was on a register. A woman with a small child came though my line. Nothing unusual happened until the kids blurts out "Why do you have such a big belly?" The mom was MORTIFIED. She immediately rushed out the door without paying, apologizing all the way out the door. I actually thought it was funny as hell. My 3 were pretty young at that time and they'd done similar things. If that woman had stuck around I'd gave told her it was totally fine. I do have a big belly. But I'm working on it. 20 lbs down now, but a long way to go.
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Apr 14, 2023 14:24
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I was making breakfast the other day, and I admit I had the heat up a bit too high on the stovetop. My daughter comes over and asks "When you're done burning the eggs, can I have some juice?" Kids are savage.
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Apr 20, 2023 15:55
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| # ¿ May 17, 2024 18:08 |
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Beer_Suitcase posted:So my kiddo gets these fun lil activity boxes and this one was a printing press. She's decided to make NFTs .(Novas Fancy Things)of her character Buttboy I would buy the hell out of Buttboy merch. I think we found the next billion dollar movie franchise
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Dec 22, 2023 12:50
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