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My kid's almost 4 so I got plenty... I was teaching him to pee, so I had him watching me pee and when the water got all frothy he looked up at me with awe in his eyes and said "Daddy? You have bubbles in your winky?" And then when he started peeing he wanted it to be a group activity and would say "Daddy, let's go make bubbles together" Edit: Also he decided that his name is now "First Middle Last Star Wars" and that all superheros share a middle and last name with him. Wolverine Middle Last. Thor Middle Last. Silver Surfer Middle Last. omnibobb has a new favorite as of 21:58 on Nov 4, 2013 |
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Nov 4, 2013 21:51
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| # ¿ Apr 30, 2024 07:15 |
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My son doesn't understand the difference in beating someone (like in a race) and beating them up. This leads to a lot of weird looks when he finishes his dinner before the baby and says loudly "I beat Bailee up!"
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Nov 5, 2013 14:30
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Lizard Wizard posted:This is probably cheating as there were no words involved, but one day while I was pushing carts at Wal-Mart, there was this Indian (I believe) baby just flipping people off left and right and looking pleased as hell with himself. I stopped, staring for a moment, and the baby straight up shot me a double deuce. Ugh, cool babies rock. I worked in a military clinic and was walking through a waiting area and there was a toddler chilling against a pillar and wearing sun glases. There was no immidiate parent around, but plenty of people in the waiting area so I figured this kid was being supervised. As I walked past I waved at the kid and he gave me a thumbs up.
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Nov 13, 2013 21:59
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A Buttery Pastry posted:Sounds like the kid was the one doing the supervising. You're lucky you passed his ocular patdown. No duster.
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Nov 13, 2013 22:06
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All week long my son (3) has been whining about not wanting to go to school. He's had a mild cold but nothing worth keeping him home for. I had to take a half day at work today already for errands and a dogs medical appointment so I decided to make it a full day and let him stay home with me. He flipped his poo poo and threw a tantrum about how he had to go to school today because it's show and tell day.
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Nov 15, 2013 13:43
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We were at a restaurant and my som dropped his fork and grabbed mine out of my hand and said "haha got your fork." Then took a bite, then looked at my wife and said "daddy doesnt have his fork anymore" and then took another bite. My wife's airman is a cutie and our regular babysitter. She watched our kids all day while we were moving. When we came home, my son asked us if Ms. Jessica could come live with us. I told him no, she'd have no where to sleep. He said she could share his bed.
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Nov 16, 2013 03:17
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The other day, while my wife was getting my kids ready, I gathered up all the clothes off the floor and threw them into the washing machine and then went about helping her with them. About 10 minutes later, we go to get their jackets on and we can't find my daughters heavy jacket. We looked around the house for at least 15 minutes. I told the kids who ever finds it gets a high five. Eventually, my wife found the jacket in the washing machine and tosses it to me to put on the baby. My son, who is almost 4, saw my wife throw it but just went with me finding it and he got real excited that I found it and was giving me high fives and telling my wife how "daddy found it!" My wife, of course, protests since she was the one who found it, but nope, he was all about daddy finding it and I sided with him. It got to the point he was following my wife around jumping up and down and yelling "Cheers for daddy! Cheers for daddy!"
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Dec 20, 2013 22:01
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Esser-Z posted:As a child, I liked to give myself new names. I was also a massive fan of construction equipment. This led to me refusing to listen to my parents unless they called me whatever vehicle--or long string of vehicles, in order--I was currently calling myself. My son decided to add "Star Wars" to his last name. If you ask him his name it's "Bobby Middle Last Star Wars" He also does the name calling thing but it's with superheros. One time we were grocery shopping and he insisted on wearing his Batman pajamas and I was wearing a Spider-Man shirt and my wife was wearing a Superman shirt. So I had to say things like "Batman, you better put that down and go see Superman or I'm going to be mad." Or my wife would say, "Spider-Man's gonna spank you Batman if you don't behave."
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Dec 23, 2013 14:43
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Shath Hole posted:My wife and I were watching TV one night when in the background we heard a song coming from the bathroom. It was our 5 year old, and this is what she was singing: Was it to the tune of what does the fox say?
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Dec 23, 2013 20:46
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Every time I poop (like right now!), I sing "what does my poop say? Plop plop plop plop pa plop"
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Dec 28, 2013 15:43
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The other day, my kid found some dog pee with his foot. He freaked out about it being yucky and I cleaned him off. The next day he went to get his chair for his little table and started freaking out about stepping in pee again. I went over and looked and there was no pee so I showed him there was no pee and he was freaking out over nothing. He looks at the floor and then back at me and says "it was ghost pee daddy!"
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Jan 2, 2014 19:36
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The other day we got our first heavy snowfall of the year. My son and I just got in the car from where we were shopping and as I was pulling out he said "Daddy, my mouth is sick." "What do you mean your mouth is sick?" I asked. "I ate dirty shoe snow." 
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Jan 6, 2014 22:26
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Smiling Jack posted:Daddy, you need a nap. "Ugh, Bobby I'm so sleepy" "You need to go to bed daddy. Dont forget your pillow!"
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Jan 8, 2014 15:11
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Ezzer posted:How can you get mad at a 4-year old? Come on. You're not a parent, are you?
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Jan 9, 2014 20:21
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AlistairCookie posted:That's lovely of them. Small children are naturally curious and will point out anything different they notice around them. They mean no malice or harm, certainly. It's a teachable moment (albeit an awkward teachable moment), not something to get all pissy about dwarf family from the past! We were in line at a crafts store with my mom and the lady in front of us has one of those walker/chair thingies. My son asks me why she gets to have a chair and he doesn't. I explained that sometimes people need to rest more when they are out and about. He went up to her and asked her about it and she let him sit on it and wheeled him around a bit.
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Jan 9, 2014 20:51
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I grew up in a very non- relgious house and my birthday is on Christmas. When I was little, I just assumed all the lights and decorations were because everyone was celebrating my birthday.
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Feb 7, 2014 17:38
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My younger sisters birthday is in early December as well so my parents were always very good about handling my birthday as its own thing and making it special and making sure I received a similar amount of gifts. My friends when I was older were lame though.
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Feb 8, 2014 16:42
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My kid just had his fourth birthday and one of his friends gave him a 10 dollar bill. I took him to the store to pick out and buy a toy - the first time with his own money! What a big boy he is! As we were riding home and he was playing with his toy, he asked what happened to his dollar bill. I told him he gave it to the cashier so he could get the toy. He then asked "Well, when is she going to give me my money back?" If only it worked that way...
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Feb 24, 2014 18:18
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When my kid discovered the difference between boys and girls, he asked a lot of questions. "Do you have a winky?" "Yep" "Does Bailee have a winky?" "Nope" "Does mommy have a winky?" "Nope" "Does Michael have a winky?" "Yep" "Does Amber have a winky?" "Nope" "Does Aunt Marcy have a winky?" "Nope" "Does Uncle Dallas have a winky?" "Nope"
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Mar 5, 2014 14:36
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bamhand posted:So what's up with Uncle Dallas? He's my brother and I thought it was funny to have my kid think he doesn't have a winky.
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Mar 5, 2014 16:59
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Subjunctive posted:Wife, to 4-yo daughter: "Remember, if you don't cooperate you won't get a cookie." My wife is in the military and has been gone for a couple of months now. When she first left I had a conversation with my son about how he needs to be my big boy helper and listen good and help with the baby and all that stuff. He's been kind of having attachment issues so he's been sleeping in my bed and says that Zen Aku (a bad guy from Power Rangers) is in his room and he can't sleep in there. So for the first month-ish any time he was acting up I'd say something like "hey, is that how my big boy helper acts? Do I need to make Bailee my big girl helper instead?" And he'd straighten up and do what I asked. Eventually though, that wasn't working anymore and he was saying that he didn't want to be my big boy helper anymore, so I told him that only big boy helpers got to sleep in my bed and if he wasn't my big boy helper then he'd need to sleep in his own room. Eventually, that stopped working too. So one day I told him if he wasn't good he'd have to sleep in his own bed and he goes "its ok. i like zen aku more than you now"
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Mar 5, 2014 19:34
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I was talking to my sons friends mother to plan a sleepover for the boys. As I was picking up my son from daycare, I was talking to the other boy and asking him if he was excited and telling him the fun stuff we were planning. At some point in the conversation, I mentioned his mom (they are Puerto Rican), and this other kid comes over and pulls on my pants leg. "Um, Bobby's dad?" "Yeah, buddy? And he leaned in and whispered to me like it was a big, dark secret, "Arthurs moms face is brown."
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Apr 18, 2014 16:15
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Tea Bone posted:Yesterday I saw a child (looked to be about 4 or 5), walking with his Mum. The kid tripped over and fell on the floor. He picked himself up and started crying. Through his tears he looked up at his Mum with pure anger and and shouted "What did you do that for?". That cracked me up, the idea that in this little kid's mind it's far more likely that a parent would trip him over on hard pavement for shits and gigs, than it is he'd just trip over his own feet. My son used to do this all the time. Like he'd spill his drink as he was toddling around and forget he did it or not realize it and get mad at us for drinking it.
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Apr 20, 2014 16:00
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bringmyfishback posted:The new fashionable insult amongst my second graders is "baby underpants." My son will try to bribe people into saying "underwear" for him doing what they want.
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Apr 25, 2014 05:50
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I asked my son to get my shoes for me so we could go out and he brings them to me and he goes "heres your loving shoes daddy!" Just as happy as he could be about it. I tried to see if he was saying funky or something. But best I could figure out, they are loving shoes.
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May 10, 2014 07:37
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We just moved across the country. On a potty stop, I brought my kid into a stall and he pooped and then I peed. As I started peeing, he flipped his lid and started screaming about me peeing on his poo. When I finished he had calmed down and he said "wow daddy your winky is gigantic!"
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Jun 6, 2014 21:13
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We were driving somewhere about 45 minutes away on the 4th and my 4 year old started whining about how long it's taking and how he just wants to go home. My wife told him if he didn't want to go out, she had plenty of work to do in the office. My son said "yes. Do that. Go to work."
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Jul 8, 2014 02:54
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My son has weird issues with peeing himself. I think it boils down to sometimes hes just having fun and has no time for a potty break. The other day i was playing with his younger sister, picking her up and making dumb noises, whatever. He runs up to is us yelling "i want to play. And i dont smell like pee!" And that is how i knew, he did in fact smell like pee.
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Jul 23, 2014 07:31
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Oh hells ya. Im currently fun employed and stay home with the kids. My daughter is 2 so we are working on potty training. I was making dinner and she told me she had to pee. I helped her pull down her diaper an sent her on her way. A couple minutes later she started yelling "wet! Wet!" So i went and looked and she had tried o pee standing up like her brother and I
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Jul 23, 2014 17:01
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My son told me earlier that I was being a bad boy and mommy was going to give me a spanking. I tell him "alright dude, im down" He gets this really serious look on his face and looks at me right in they eye and says "Im the mommy now"
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Jul 24, 2014 23:39
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 Sometimes they're good 
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Jul 27, 2014 06:17
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I think my son has been holding in his pee until I'm pooping cause he knows I'll tell him to go in the backyard. After a week or so of this, I finish up and head outside and not only is he peeing in the grass, but my 2 year old daughter has her pants down and figured out how to push her lady bits together and is arcing some pee into the grass too.
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Sep 19, 2014 13:17
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We had a new babysitter and after her first day I asked my son how she was and he said "a little good and a little bad" so i asked him why she was a little bad and he got real sad and whiny and said "she didnt let us play outside forever"
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Sep 21, 2014 13:57
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I turned on the car one time and there was an Eminem song on and he says "gently caress" very loudly and clearly before I can turn it down. My son: daddy did he say gently caress? Me: yes he did Son: is he allowed to say gently caress? Me: yes hes a grown up Son: im not allowed to say gently caress Me: no youre not. Only grown ups can say that Son: can you and mommy say gently caress? Me: yes, we are grown ups Son: can i say gently caress when im a grown up? Me: yeah when youre 18 Son: im going to say gently caress a lot when im a grown up but im not going to say gently caress now cause im not a grown up. Only grown ups can say gently caress
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Mar 3, 2015 04:38
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pookel posted:Just remembered this conversation with my autistic kid soon after he turned 3: My son would run laps around the background and after each lap he'd come inside and tell me leveled up and tell me what new power he got. Him: daddy! I can fire rockets out of my mouth now! Then he'd run another lap Daddy I leveled up again! I can shoot lasers from my eyes! Then he'd run another lap Daddy i can shoot bombs out of my butt now!
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Mar 31, 2015 19:26
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We once had one of my wife's coworkers babysit our kids and this lady is really, really pretty. We were moving from off base housing to on base and I had turned on the internet the day before and brought over stuff so she and the kids could watch Netflix. After a long day of moving we come to the new home and the babysitter is getting ready to leave. Son: can Ms Jessica live with us? Me: no buddy she has to go back to her dorm room. Son: please daddy? I really want ms jessica to stay! Me: no buddy, she has no where to sleep here. Son: she can sleep in my bed with me daddy. Homeboy has good taste.
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Apr 2, 2015 13:01
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I am at my brothers house (whom our mom lives with) and have my kids for the week Nana: i have to go down stairs and get pretty before we go out. Son: but nana, you're already pretty! Already a lady's man.
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Apr 30, 2015 05:12
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whiteyfats posted:drat, man, you and your wife split up? Yes
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May 12, 2015 19:47
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I've been dating this girl for about 2 months now and she has a son who is 5. She has a friend (who I've known for a while as well) who has an 8 year old and a 4 year old so all the kids hang out. The 8 year old very obviously has a crush on my girlfriend and is always trying to muscle me out of the picture. I went over to her house and the kids were all playing and then we went out to pizza for dinner. After we finished the pizza (we are still at the pizza place) he says "Bob, are you leaving now?" I go "No bro, I'm gonna buy you all ice cream!" So after ice cream we are walking back into the house and he looks at her "Bob is leaving now right?" and about an hour later when I did leave he walked me out and made sure to lock the door behind me. Earlier this week we took them to Chuck E Cheese for her sons birthday, so I go to her house and I grab the keys to her car (it has all the car seats in it). He didn't see that I had the keys so as they are all walking to the car he yells out "shot gun i get to sit next to [her name]!" She tells him that I'm driving and he pouts and says that he doesn't want to sit next to me. After Chuck E Cheese I take them to the comic book store to buy them all a comic, while I'm checking out, she takes them out to get them all buckled and he asks her if I was staying there and if he could sit up front with her.
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May 22, 2015 18:57
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| # ¿ Apr 30, 2024 07:15 |
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My 3 year old daughter asked when she was gonna get her winky.
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Jun 5, 2015 01:29
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