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I was skyping with my son, talking about 5 year old stuff and my 3 year old starting throwing a poo poo fit screaming how she "had to talk to daddy" and she had "to tell daddy something" so her uncle put the camera on her and she brushed her hair out of her face and said "um daddy? Youre handsome!" and then ran away to go play
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Jun 21, 2015 21:19
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I woke my kids up this morning and my 5 year old son comes up to me and says "daddy im very angry at you. I was dreaming and you woke me up and i didnt finish my dream" I asked him what he was dreaming about and he goes "i just got my charizard and i didnt get to battle ANYONE before you woke me up. When i go to bed tonight im gonna finish my dream"
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Aug 8, 2015 03:06
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A couple of things from my kids visit: Im rubbing my sons head as he falls asleep and my daughter wakes up and says "why are you petting my bruddas head when hes not a puppy?" My son pointed to some Chinese writing and asked me what it said, when I said I didn't know he said "you dont speak ninja?" My daughter told me my butt was too big to wear a skirt
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Aug 24, 2015 02:37
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I asked my son what he wanted for Christmas tonight and he said "I want star wars toys and star wars legos. All the star wars toys need to be good guys and all the star wars legos need to be bad guys. If you get me anakon skywalker he needs to be a toy but darth vader needs to be a lego. Also i want star wars playdough so i can make star wars things. Or not star wars things"
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Nov 26, 2015 07:06
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Im spending xmas with my kids over at my brothers house. Between us, we have 4 kids ages 3-6. After stockings, but before presents my nephew (6) says to me: "Uncle Bob, what if Santa isnt real and its just grown ups putting our presents under the tree and thats why we have to go to bed early?" "Michael," I say, "that's ridiculous."
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Dec 27, 2015 03:01
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bitterandtwisted posted:Child at playschool was asked what he wanted for Christmas and said "a wanking watch". That caused some confused looks. Its a FitBit
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Apr 2, 2016 19:28
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For a while we had a really attractive babysitter. One day, after watching the kids, I was about to drive her back to her dorm and my son asks if she can stay with us. I tell him no, she needs to go back to her place with all of her stuff, and besides she doesnt have a bed here, where would she sleep? He says "she can sleep in my bed with me daddy!" I really wanted to high five him but his mom was nearby.
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May 11, 2016 14:09
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Last night, I was talking to my kids and I asked them what they did today and my 4 year old daughter goes "none of your business, thats what i did today". Her mother and I both started saying things like thats not how you talk to people, dont be rude, etc and she goes "mom i was just being tricking rude, not really rude!"
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Jun 23, 2016 15:36
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In a couple of weeks Im going on vacation to see my kids. I asked my 6 yer old son what he wants to do while im there and he talked a lot about pokemon. I asked my 4 year old daughter what she wants to do and she talked a lot about riding bikes. Then she says she wants to go hang gliding. I tell her shes too little for hang gliding and she picks up her water bottle to show me how good she is at holding on.
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Jul 16, 2016 14:53
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Last week my kids met my coworkers including a nice lady named Crystal. All weekend long, my daughter kept wanting to invite my coworkers with us wherever we went but she could never remember Crystals name and kept calling her Diamond.
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Apr 12, 2017 12:53
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Last weekend, my ex-wife texted me to let me know our daughter was sick. Not going to the hospital sick or anything, just in bed all day so I could call earlier than normal to talk to them. I'm talking to her and asking her what's the matter and she goes "I have a runny nose and the sniffles and a cough and Im sneezing" I go "Oh baby, is that all?" "And my foot is itchy" God help her and her itchy foot.
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Apr 28, 2017 14:22
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I was helping my daughter in the bathroom and said "oh my honey, you had a huge poo!" and she said "i wanna be like you when i grow up"
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Jul 26, 2017 03:59
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I was planning the big final summer thing I was doing with my children before they went back to their moms for the school year. I told them we'd go out and have a nice breakfast to start off the day. My 5 year-old daughter said "I don't want to have McDonalds for breakfast cause I don't want you pooping all day"
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Aug 25, 2017 14:39
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My daughter has trouble remembering the names of some folk. For instance, I work with someone named Crystal and my daughter calls her Diamond. At the start of this summer, she was having trouble remembering the name of my sister and called her "That girl that lives with Uncle Peter" for the first half of the summer. This weekend she got upgraded to "My aunt that lives with Uncle Peter"
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Sep 28, 2017 15:29
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Joey Freshwater posted:Which one is the actual blood relative? It'd be great if the sister was but your daughter only remembers her husband. Yeah, sister is the blood relative. edit: oh and they aren't even married, just boyfriend girlfriend who live together.
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Sep 28, 2017 15:53
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My son has been telling the family that him and his sister are "toy rich" now.
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Dec 26, 2017 00:54
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Powaqoatse posted:"browny" ( My son got some dollar store ninja toys for christmas and two of them are solid black plastic and two are solid red. We were in a drive through being served by a black guy and my son was playing ninjas in the back and yelled "get down black man!"
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Jan 1, 2018 15:34
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... great opportunity for having that talk i guess)
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I was talking to my son tonight and he told me he was happy for the long weekend and I asked if he knew why it was a long weekend and he said "yeah, its martin luther king junior day." I asked him if he knew why mlk jr gets a day to honor him and he said "yeah, he stopped bad things from happening to brown people." "What kind of things?" I asked. He goes "Brown people had to use old rusty stuff and white people had new stuff!" I cannot wait until he moves out of South Carolina...
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Jan 13, 2018 04:33
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For the first time in my kids life, I shaved my beard. My almost 6 year old daughter told me that my beard was bald and I look yucky. I had a couple of days of stubble and she gave me a kiss on the cheek and then goes "daddy your face hurts me im not gonna kiss you anymore" and then kissed my hand
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Mar 24, 2018 03:50
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U-DO Burger posted:drat she savage af She is low-key my fav
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Mar 25, 2018 02:38
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My son and I were listening to songs on youtube and Party Hard was about to come on. During the opening, I asked him “what do we do when it’s time to party?” He answers “yell out a cuss word”. What kinda parties is this kid going to?
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Apr 22, 2018 13:57
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No photos, but I gave my 8 year old my phone last night and told him he was in charge of my facebook. He immediately put Weird Al on the computer and started making music videos.
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May 6, 2018 12:44
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Last weekend, my daughter (6) told me she knows all of her sight words. "Lovely baby!" I proudly told her and she told me she could spell all of them and I could ask any and she would spell it for me. "Oh honey," I say, "you're mommy does homework with you so I don't know your sight words!" She replies, "Daddy, it is any small word like and, or the, or for. Any word that is easy to spell. Not hard words like onomatopoeia."
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Nov 22, 2018 04:25
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I recently moved to a new town and an old friend from high school lives nearby. She came over for a weekend and we explored the town. The next weekend, I had my kids and I was showing them pictures of the stuff we saw and did and she was in a few of them. My son asked who she was and I told him she was my “friend from high school”. He goes “daddy, aren’t you too old to be hanging out with girls in high school?” Yes son. Yes I am.
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Jun 2, 2019 10:52
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About once a year, I shave my beard completely off and let it start fresh. After coming out of the bathroom, my daughter says "Daddy, can you grow your beard back right away? I don't want to kiss your face like that." 
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Jun 24, 2019 16:02
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My son was walking my dog last weekend. He brought her in and said “she pooped but i couldnt hold her and pick it up so im gonna go find it.” He comes back in like 5 minutes later saying that he couldnt find it. I told him our neighbors are a bunch of snitches so he will need to find it. He comes back 5 minutes later “Daddy, the good news is i found the poop. The bad news is i found it with my shoe”
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Nov 28, 2019 17:09
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This week my daughter told me she wanted to marry a girl when she got older. I said “oh thats neat. Why do you want to marry a girl?” She deadass says “i want to be a mom but i dont want to be pregnant. My wife can deal with that”
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Jan 1, 2020 05:39
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I've lost a lot of weight recently and had my kids this weekend. My daughter was giving me a hug and said "I don't want you to lose anymore weight cause I like resting my head on your big soft belly"
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Feb 17, 2020 23:42
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BigBallChunkyTime posted:The other day my daughter was trying to climb up on the counter and I told her "No! That is not safe and you're making poor choices. You need to get down." My daughter said something similar to me this last weekend and I go “excuse me, what did you just sat to ME?” And she says “nothing, i know not to talk to grownups that way”
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Feb 18, 2020 19:01
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My daughter got some fake glasses and she goes "Daddy, now we are both big nerds who are bad at looking at things!"
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Mar 17, 2020 00:13
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AlbieQuirky posted:I love this thread and a lot of people here have great stories but yours always make me Thanks. She's a sweetheart who is always thinking about others and wants to share everything she has. There's a group of about 5 people here at work who always get excited when I have her and her brother for the weekend to see what she does.
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Mar 17, 2020 19:48
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This weekend, I shaved part of my beard so I look like Lemmy from Motorhead. When I called my kids, my son said it looked like "half my beard fell off" My daughter said "Ew" and gave the phone back to her brother.
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Apr 13, 2020 22:39
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searching for "i wonder what's inside your butthole remix" on youtube is surprisingly safe
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May 5, 2020 18:56
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For this story you need to know my som was a vaginal birth and my daughter via c-section. My kids got phones recently and my daughter is her moms shadow. She was texting her all weekend, trying to facetime her, etc. Eventually, her mom told her “im going to go run some errands. Ill call you when im home.” After several hours, my daughter was very concerned. “Do you think she is home yet?” “Why hasnt she called?” “Im going to call to make sure she is safe.” I kept telling her to calm down, let her mom have some peace and quiet, come hang out with me, until the point I got frustrated and said “can you get out of your moms rear end and be here for the day?” She goes “umm. Ive never been in my moms butt. [Brother] was in her vagina once, but I was cut out of her tummy.”
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May 29, 2020 04:20
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I told my daughter that I was working on getting less fat. She says "Daddy, you're not fat, your thick."
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Jun 12, 2020 00:41
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I'm going to have hemherroid surgery in the next few week and was explaining it to my kids. My daughter's takeaway is that they are going to cut out my butthole and give me a robot butt. I wish real life was this cool.
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Jan 22, 2021 21:43
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Im having hemorrhoid removal surgery and explained to my kids whats happening. My daughters takeaway is that they will be cutting out my butt and giving me a robot butt instead.
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Feb 7, 2021 03:22
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My kid's school recently had their annual standardized test and to get ready for that, they had a campaign that they were going to "rock the test" and come dressed as rock stars. I told my daughter it's a shame I don't have all the silly stuff I wore in high school that they could wear, and sent her pictures of spiked bracelets, chain wallets, and studded leather belts to show her what I was talking about. She said "You really used to wear this stuff? You used to be cool?" Then she goes "I mean, your still cool but you used to be super cool." cause she's so sweet.
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May 10, 2021 18:44
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I sent my kids some pictures from my bike ride including one where I'm gross and sweaty and exhausted back in the car. My daughter texts me back "what's the matter with you in the last one?" I go "Girl, I was beat!" and she goes "oh no! someone beat you up while you were riding your bike? did you call the police?"
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Sep 1, 2021 21:40
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| # ¿ May 17, 2024 01:19 |
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Please continue to support buttboy
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Dec 22, 2023 20:09
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