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i'm so glad my family doesn't fight at gatherings, we just drink like three bottles of cheap sparkling each and pass out on the floor but we're pretty close and like run around naked in front of each other and poo poo so i guess it's our family culture
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Nov 26, 2013 02:53
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| # ¿ May 15, 2024 12:31 |
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last family gathering i went to i tried on one of my grandmother's dresses and it got stuck over my head because she's like a leprechaun and she comes in to find me stark naked trying to get this lacy thing off my face she rescued me but only after i ran all around the top floor of the house going HOO HOO HOO like an owl and all the neighbours saw her chasing me around
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Nov 26, 2013 02:57
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your families are all terrible we develop superpowers when we're drunk, we all pile into the nearest rsl and just clean up on the pokies while screaming poo poo poo poo poo poo at each other until they call security and then we go rollicking home and brawl (but it's all in good fun) or more often we blow all our savings but we don't remember those times, either way we end up slapping each other
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Nov 26, 2013 03:03
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yeah just drop by after about 9pm and hug everyone and we'll just assume you're meant to be there, a new cousin pops out of the woodwork every few weeks so we just go with it at this point don't worry about learning any names, they're all interchangeable
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Nov 26, 2013 03:08
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ngl i really enjoy pooping in other people's toilets because it feels like i'm establishing my territory i always scrub and squirt the air freshener afterward though, i'm not some sort of monster
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Nov 26, 2013 03:20
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well my poop is already quite mildly scented and has a subtle - even delicate - bouquet that is all its own so i feel that to obliterate it entirely would defeat the purpose also, upon entering someone's house, i eat one [1] item from their pantry, usually a piece of cereal or a single nut i purchase a replacement to the best of my ability and leave it behind when i go
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Nov 26, 2013 03:26
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working out more is a good idea regardless of context but from what i can tell you're already too good for him on account of not being a gigantic shithead he'll find an actual gigantic shithead and be so miserable and you'll be swole
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Nov 26, 2013 03:42
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seriously being on the internet makes me so grateful for my family, most of the men are hopeless (except for two of the uncles, they're cool) but the women make up for it a flock of drunken screeching violent generally-nude harpies fighting each other over scrabble and brie
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Nov 26, 2013 04:17
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my grandmother is kind of racist in an old-person way, but i'm 1/4 romani and since i started learning more about it and telling her stuff, she's been saying "romanies" instead of "gypsies" and when her racist-old-person friends make antiziganist remarks she gets stern with them  i mean obviously it's just a drop in the ocean of racist old people but she's trying so hard she's also fairly jewish (being jewish is not binary, there are good ones and bad ones and technical ones and really terrible ones like my grandmother) and a few years ago she got all guilty because a friend, who is also jewish, hadn't been invited to her family's christmas dinner (  ) so she invited her over to our family gathering. we're also fairly catholic because the men in our family just gently caress everything with legs and things escalate quickly, so we basically celebrate everything. christmas day comes along and there are all these jews getting drunk to hell on the verandah, eating prawns () and talking about Hitler (...). seriously we ate prawns and drank champagne and talked about Hitler for like six hours and it was fantastic. i really like my family
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Nov 26, 2013 06:33
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lots of people have terrible grandmothers so i try not to be smug about mine but she's just so great i can't help it she randomly oscillates between religions, a few years ago she got all teary watching crucifixion enactments on tv the night before easter and decided she was going to go to dawn mass the next day for the first time in her whole life, but then we stayed up until 4am drinking champagne and didn't get out of bed until the next afternoon so she missed it and was too hungover to go to the evening one also i was looking in her freezer once and i found a box of kosher imitation bacon bits right next to a box of actual bacon anyway that's enough about my grandmother, you can all go back to talking about your southern gothic nightmare families
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Nov 26, 2013 12:13
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these puppy photos are very old but they're still a puppy and a very australian puppy at that  look at that blue pudding
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Nov 26, 2013 15:59
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under that velvety exterior he was 98% needle teeth (the other 2% was kisses)
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Nov 26, 2013 16:00
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i pressed my forehead against a boiling urn because it had a reflective surface and i was mesmerised by my own beauty miraculously it didn't scar, idk how dogchat: cattledogs tbh, the blue pudding from before was 2% kisses as a baby because cattledoglets exist only to consume, but as an adult he was approximately 90% kisses (10% sitting around with his legs splayed and his dong hanging out and his eyes pointing in different directions, they are majestic beings)
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Nov 26, 2013 23:32
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please feel free to ask me at any time for a detailed rundown of what women find attractive in a man as i consider myself the last word on the subject
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Nov 27, 2013 05:16
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VendaGoat posted:You feelings on; Hawaiian shirts, Jam shorts, crocs and a fedora. the above sentence is also what i say to men who are trying to seduce me (see below) but sometimes i will consider them if they provide evidence that they'd be a suitable mate. possible mating displays include buying drinks (coffee yes, cocktails yes, bottled water no, methylated spirits no), ostentatious dress/peacocking (alarming wig + feather boa + horn-rimmed glasses + sequined nipple pasties combination yes, fursuit no) dancing (quickstep shuffle yes, white guy convulsions no, poledancing maybe) or straight-up dropping their pants and waving their dong at me in front of everybody (only consider this if your dong is impressive or you are prepared to physically battle the 2-5 policemen who come to arrest you, which i find quite erotic but only if you win) behaviour is everything, physical traits like skin/hair/eye pigmentation, body size and general hairiness are less important than generally assumed as long as you're not one of those creepy british guys with bright red skin ginger hair and no eyebrows as i will not have that poo poo in my bed, i will not have it (exceptional cases will be considered on a case-to-case basis) note: hawaiian men are exempt from the no-hawaiian-shirts rule
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Nov 27, 2013 05:49
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females respond to advances from unsuitable mates in various ways depending on the individual; my personal display is lying down on the floor and peeing straight up into the air while screaming loudly, which i believe is quite common and distinctive. if a woman does this, it is time to leave.
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Nov 27, 2013 05:52
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Sabel posted:Really pretty men that look like women unless they've got some freakish juxtaposition going on where they take their shirt off and it's just this monstrous thicket of hair and a python cock hanging to their ankles and i think, my god, you really are a man and what a man, i'm blessed to perceive you otherwise, unsatisfactory
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Nov 27, 2013 06:49
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i was basically raised by dogs and sometimes i still growl when startled people like to touch my jewfro but they never do it again
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Nov 27, 2013 23:17
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seriously though let your dogs raise your child while you get drunk every night, it has hilarious lifelong social repercussions
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Nov 27, 2013 23:18
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customers asking my age happened all the time, i'm 23 but apparently i look 16 they also asked my ethnicity, like straight up just walk up to my counter and say "hey what country are you from" or sometimes they tried to guess it which was pretty funny. lots of disappointed old greek ladies retail is an interesting environment, luckily i got in a screaming match with a deranged american air hostess who was throwing olives at me and no longer have to worry about working retail (now i have to worry very much about eating and paying my rent instead but it's ok)
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Nov 27, 2013 23:25
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r nasty posted:all women touch their own hair, it's calling preening we also take frequent dust baths to promote lustre and sheen
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Nov 27, 2013 23:53
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i wait for a dust storm to roll around and then i strip off and run through the fields like a gazelle
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Nov 28, 2013 00:00
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to strengthen your boobs, lift dumbbells with them
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Nov 28, 2013 00:49
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i tried to dye my hair grey when i was 13 and it turned bright purple i tried to dye it "cinnamon" when i was 17 and it turned bright purple again and i tried to dye it bright purple when i was 21 and it turned black gently caress it
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Nov 28, 2013 03:17
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i can't afford to go to the cinema so i read movie reviews and compose the entire thing in my imagination and then get confused and belligerent when other people discuss the film and it doesn't match my version
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Nov 28, 2013 07:24
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glowing-fish posted:You are only supposed to do that with politics.
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Nov 28, 2013 08:53
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write her a poem about how even though she's wealthier than you and won't give you any of her goddamn money, you still regard her fondly due to socio-cultural emphasis on familial bonds especially between female relatives alternately, buy her some wine
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Nov 28, 2013 17:17
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Pick posted:fused glass jewelry is pretty cheap and it's so shiny it's really hard not to like it if you decorate her bedroom with bottlecaps it will feel more luxurious, there are birds that do that and it works for them; just make sure you keep it a surprise
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Nov 28, 2013 17:27
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Rita Repulsa posted:wine's a good idea anyway this year my presents are all hand-drawn watercolours of birds and fish, idk what your artistic ability is but good family members love handmade gifts; or you could always commission a picture from some internet person who's not too expensive (not trying to pimp myself here, i live in australia so i'd be wildly inappropriate plus i'm sure you can find someone better) does she have a favourite creature and/or plant? if she's renovating now you can find out her house's new colour scheme and ask for something that complements the colours AND includes a thing that she likes! plus it would be unique and personalised your sister sounds cool tbh and you sound like a good sister too so i hope things work out
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Nov 29, 2013 00:30
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narwhal tusk
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Nov 29, 2013 09:09
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i have a tender delicate shrinking violet of a vagina and am intimidated by this discussion
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Nov 29, 2013 23:06
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A Spider Covets posted:are you talking about a vaginal flaying beast or something???
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Nov 29, 2013 23:56
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a homeless man yelled YUMMY at me the other night i was quite aroused
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Nov 30, 2013 03:19
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my favourite was a crazy old hobo who yelled at my mother and i "I'M GONNA GET YOUSE BOTH PREGNANT WHEN YOU'RE READY!" very considerate of him, in all honesty
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Nov 30, 2013 03:36
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rocketpig posted:An old guy once stopped his car, shook his head at me, then he drove off. he was wearing a yarmulke so idk if my dress wasn't up to orthodox standards that day or what (it wasn't)
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Nov 30, 2013 03:38
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Nov 30, 2013 10:33
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as previously established my dog is basically a cat anyway
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Nov 30, 2013 10:34
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poo poo wait that was another thread nvm anyway my dog is basically a cat, he buries his own poop and everything 
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Nov 30, 2013 10:36
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oh man i just realised i lost my icon when i got banned, r.i.p. avshafairy 2013-2013 i can post again now and i'm drat happy. ty to my comrades in the irc channel for keeping me sane during this terrible, terrible time. you are all actually p cool dudes and/or dudettes this is how you make me feel: 
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Dec 8, 2013 01:30
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| # ¿ May 15, 2024 12:31 |
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i have a baby animal photo for every occasion my Idyllic Rural Childhood also included horses (well not really but someone randomly gave us a free standardbred mare a few years ago and things escalated) this is tommy, racing name Bone Machine. he's about four years old now but these photos were taken during the most important time of his life   he's currently in training to be a glorious trotter, his sister was p. good until she broke her leg (r.i.p.  ) so we have high hopes
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Dec 8, 2013 01:42
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