I can't sleep, so I wrote a valentine's day poem for you all.

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > I can't sleep, so I wrote a valentine's day poem for you all.

Rashaverak: May 13, 2001; "Cock'n'Balls" is a pinnacle of modern medicine.

Happy Valentine's Day to all my forums friends,
to those who like me and to those I must make amends,
to those who truly care, and to those who just pretend,
I dreamed up this prose, which I have just penned.

Some fat dorky white midget tired of being called names,
bought himself a bow and decided to play a fun game.
"They think they'll get away with the name-calling and jokes,
but once I'm done they'll have learned to fear the little folks."

Murder and mayhem might have been the original plan,
but once he found that strange arrow, there was no stopping the man.
He bought all he could and cackled with glee,
still unaware that this would be no ordinary killing spree.

From his vantage point high in the clouds
he could see all of humanity, a great teeming crowd.
Nocking his arrow, he found a target downrange.
A happy young couple, though that would soon change!

Loosing his arrow, it flew straight and true.
Though he'd aimed center mass, he'd hit the heart too!
He watched through the scope as the man fell to his knees.
He should feel happy, but yet, there was a growing unease...

No shouts and no screams rose from below.
He looked at his target, but the blood did not flow!
Suddenly he heard cheering, clapping, applause...?
Frantically looking, he could not find the cause!

Cupid looked on in horror as the man seemingly rose from the dead,
placed a ring on her finger and shouted "We are to be wed!"
All of his training in archery and Counterstrike couldn't have prepared him for this emotion.
In his haste, he'd misread the arrow's box - it read not poison, but potion!

So if you dare venture outside, take care, duck and cover.
Lest you find yourself suddenly stricken with a new lover!

We Texans, however, have nothing to fear.
That chubby weird dude won't come anywhere near.
We don't take kindly to someone shooting others for fun
And down here in Texas, we've all got a gun.

Rashaverak fucked around with this message at 21:42 on Feb 14, 2014

# ? Feb 14, 2014 21:40

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 6, 2024 10:33

Carrier: May 12, 2009; 420...69...9001...

im glad

# ? Feb 14, 2014 21:42

Rashaverak: May 13, 2001; "Cock'n'Balls" is a pinnacle of modern medicine.

Carrier posted:

im glad

Aww, shucks, thanks! This forum is so nice.
I just hope that I didn't roll the dice.

# ? Feb 14, 2014 21:44

Sponge Baathist: Jan 30, 2010; by FactsAreUseless

here i sit
lonely hearted
tried to shitpost
but only farted

# ? Feb 14, 2014 21:46

Cool Blue Reason: Jan 7, 2010; by Lowtax

Rashaverak posted:

Happy Valentine's Day to all my forums friends,
to those who like me and to those I must make amends,
to those who truly care, and to those who just pretend,
I dreamed up this prose, which I have just penned.

Some fat dorky white midget tired of being called names,
bought himself a bow and decided to play a fun game.
"They think they'll get away with the name-calling and jokes,
but once I'm done they'll have learned to fear the little folks."

Murder and mayhem might have been the original plan,
but once he found that strange arrow, there was no stopping the man.
He bought all he could and cackled with glee,
still unaware that this would be no ordinary killing spree.

From his vantage point high in the clouds
he could see all of humanity, a great teeming crowd.
Nocking his arrow, he found a target downrange.
A happy young couple, though that would soon change!

Loosing his arrow, it flew straight and true.
Though he'd aimed center mass, he'd hit the heart too!
He watched through the scope as the man fell to his knees.
He should feel happy, but yet, there was a growing unease...

No shouts and no screams rose from below.
He looked at his target, but the blood did not flow!
Suddenly he heard cheering, clapping, applause...?
Frantically looking, he could not find the cause!

Cupid looked on in horror as the man seemingly rose from the dead,
placed a ring on her finger and shouted "We are to be wed!"
All of his training in archery and Counterstrike couldn't have prepared him for this emotion.
In his haste, he'd misread the arrow's box - it read not poison, but potion!

So if you dare venture outside, take care, duck and cover.
Lest you find yourself suddenly stricken with a new lover!

We Texans, however, have nothing to fear.
That chubby weird dude won't come anywhere near.
We don't take kindly to someone shooting others for fun
And down here in Texas, we've all got a gun.

stfu

# ? Feb 14, 2014 21:46

Ignoarints: Nov 26, 2010

so you live in texas but are trying to sleep at 2:40 pm

get a jeorb

also what are you doing tonight? probably going to mcfaddens

# ? Feb 14, 2014 21:48

ballass: Jan 16, 2014; by XyloJW

tl;dr but I love to get "jacked up" and drive real fast lol - lates

# ? Feb 14, 2014 21:50

Effectronica: May 31, 2011; Fallen Rib

amazing. doggerel is a step up.
consider the course your life has taken
do you think that, thus far, you are all right?
or perhaps you understand now that
your life, your existence, is tragedy

# ? Feb 14, 2014 21:51

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: Apr 27, 2010; I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

poop
and
---- pee
--------------------------fart

# ? Feb 14, 2014 21:54

Swamp Fancy: Apr 6, 2003; Look, I'm not exaggerating when I say the success of your mission hinges on how you use that cardboard box.

thanks luv, happy valentines xxx

# ? Feb 14, 2014 21:54

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

Effectronica posted:

amazing. doggerel is a step up.
consider the course your life has taken
do you think that, thus far, you are all right?
or perhaps you understand now that
your life, your existence, is tragedy

Comedy is tragedy plus time.

# ? Feb 14, 2014 21:57

Drunk Driver Dad: Feb 18, 2005

roses are red
violets are blue
OP is gay
and so are you

# ? Feb 14, 2014 21:59

ballass: Jan 16, 2014; by XyloJW

I get jacked up
and listen to metallica
when im done
I go for a drive

# ? Feb 14, 2014 22:00

Blind Rasputin: Nov 25, 2002; Farewell, good Hunter. May you find your worth in the waking world.

Rashaverak posted:

Happy Valentine's Day to all my forums friends,
to those who like me and to those I must make amends,
to those who truly care, and to those who just pretend,
I dreamed up this prose, which I have just penned.

Some fat dorky white midget tired of being called names,
bought himself a bow and decided to play a fun game.
"They think they'll get away with the name-calling and jokes,
but once I'm done they'll have learned to fear the little folks."

Murder and mayhem might have been the original plan,
but once he found that strange arrow, there was no stopping the man.
He bought all he could and cackled with glee,
still unaware that this would be no ordinary killing spree.

From his vantage point high in the clouds
he could see all of humanity, a great teeming crowd.
Nocking his arrow, he found a target downrange.
A happy young couple, though that would soon change!

Loosing his arrow, it flew straight and true.
Though he'd aimed center mass, he'd hit the heart too!
He watched through the scope as the man fell to his knees.
He should feel happy, but yet, there was a growing unease...

No shouts and no screams rose from below.
He looked at his target, but the blood did not flow!
Suddenly he heard cheering, clapping, applause...?
Frantically looking, he could not find the cause!

Cupid looked on in horror as the man seemingly rose from the dead,
placed a ring on her finger and shouted "We are to be wed!"
All of his training in archery and Counterstrike couldn't have prepared him for this emotion.
In his haste, he'd misread the arrow's box - it read not poison, but potion!

So if you dare venture outside, take care, duck and cover.
Lest you find yourself suddenly stricken with a new lover!

We Texans, however, have nothing to fear.
That chubby weird dude won't come anywhere near.
We don't take kindly to someone shooting others for fun
And down here in Texas, we've all got a gun.

But did he get head?

# ? Feb 14, 2014 22:03

Rashaverak: May 13, 2001; "Cock'n'Balls" is a pinnacle of modern medicine.

Ignoarints posted:

so you live in texas but are trying to sleep at 2:40 pm

get a jeorb

also what are you doing tonight? probably going to mcfaddens

I work with sick and broken children at night.
I can fix broken bones, suture cuts, heal infections.
Always, of course, under a physician's direction.

Sometimes no medicine can cure their fright,
as the worst wounds come not from a gun or a blade,
but from their parents, who were supposed to love what they made.

All I can do is hold them and say it will be all right,
or give the kid a teddy bear and say it will protect them.

Though knowing deep down that I had lied,
and sadly, I was right, because two weeks later the kid died.

# ? Feb 14, 2014 22:09

Effectronica: May 31, 2011; Fallen Rib

Rashaverak posted:

I work with sick and broken children at night.
I can fix broken bones, suture cuts, heal infections.
Always, of course, under a physician's direction.

Sometimes no medicine can cure their fright,
as the worst wounds come not from a gun or a blade,
but from their parents, who were supposed to love what they made.

All I can do is hold them and say it will be all right,
or give the kid a teddy bear and say it will protect them.

Though knowing deep down that I had lied,
and sadly, I was right, because two weeks later the kid died.

The demands present in the nurse's course,
Or that of the PCT and PA,
Still are no excuse for the deficiency
in meter you demonstrate all over.

# ? Feb 14, 2014 22:11

Tinestram: Jan 13, 2006; Excalibur? More like "Needle"; Grimey Drawer

I tried to read your verse, it's like a hammer to the head
I'd rather chew the moistened assholes of the rotting dead
I'd rather marry Pele, gently caress her til my dick fell off
I'd rather get my rear end pounded by David Hasselhoff
I'd rather glue my nutsack to a rocket, pre-ignition
I'd rather mutilate my dick beyond all recognition
I'd rather delve into the cavern of the goatse man
I'd rather be a child and climb into an unmarked van
So next time you feel motivated to compose a sonnet
Please remove the pin from a grenade, and then sit on it

# ? Feb 14, 2014 22:24

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

runupon cracker posted:

I tried to read your verse, it's like a hammer to the head
I'd rather chew the moistened assholes of the rotting dead
I'd rather marry Pele, gently caress her til my dick fell off
I'd rather get my rear end pounded by David Hasselhoff
I'd rather glue my nutsack to a rocket, pre-ignition
I'd rather mutilate my dick beyond all recognition
I'd rather delve into the cavern of the goatse man
I'd rather be a child and climb into an unmarked van
So next time you feel motivated to compose a sonnet
Please remove the pin from a grenade, and then sit on it

Burma-Shave.

# ? Feb 14, 2014 22:26

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: Apr 27, 2010; I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

VendaGoat posted:

Burma-Shave.

# ? Feb 14, 2014 22:30

Rashaverak: May 13, 2001; "Cock'n'Balls" is a pinnacle of modern medicine.

Effectronica posted:

The demands present in the nurse's course,
Or that of the PCT and PA,
Still are no excuse for the deficiency
in meter you demonstrate all over.

Children crying, parents lying,
patients coding all around.
Alarms dinging, phone keeps ringing,
where's that drat physician at?

High speed car crash, major road rash,
should have buckled the kid in.
She's not breathing, heart's not beating,
where's that goddamn preacher at?

# ? Feb 14, 2014 22:33