- Bape Culture
- Sep 13, 2006
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Bunch of youngins' in here...
I'll be straight with you—I'm 46. Hold your applause. I remember being 37 when The 40-Year Old Virgin came out and thinking to myself in the theater, "...nah. Won't happen to me. Any day now." For awhile, I kept holding out for that day, but by now? I've basically given up.
It's kind of ok. I'm not depressed or anything—I just get, and am comfortable with, the knowledge that I'll never have sex. It's just a curiosity for me now. It's something other people do, which is fine! It's just an experience I won't have. To me, it's kind of like wondering what it'd be like to live in, say, Libya. I'm never going to do it. I'll die not doing it. I'm sure it's nice.
Besides, it's hard to meet people where I live. I'm a classic townie—graduated high school, lingered home for a few years, and next thing I know, I still live in the house I grew up in, which I inherited after my mom died. In a small, rural place like this (I live in Illinois) that most people just leave from young, so the dating pool is basically just high school girls and women in their fifties, usually married.
The closest I ever came, before I gave up, was four or five years ago, with my neighbor down the road. Like I said, this is the country, so while I can see her house from my yard, we're not exactly neighbors in the classic, shared picket fence sense. I remember late that summer starting to see her walking by every weekday afternoon (I'm unemployed, thanks to a lifelong non-visible physical disability.) I'd never seen her before, and over the course of a couple months, I found myself always, almost subconsciously, looking forward to seeing her walk by on her way from the school bus. One day I was sitting outside, on my little lawn chair, with a glass of lemonade, and she happened by, and we struck up a conversation. It was nice, and we ended up exchanging a few words every weekday from then on out. We got to know each other: she was a senior, new to town that year, a real military brat. She didn't like the town, but didn't mind too much either since she'd already been accepted to Cornell, and was even set up to move there come summer, so by April, I was starting to think to myself, y'know, now or never. So one hot Friday I invited her in for a drink, and she obliged. I was so excited. I just stood there in my kitchen, fingering the label of my beer, keeping real quiet, so, so nervous. By the time I finally spit it out, I'm sure she'd already puzzled out what I wanted to say. She didn't seem surprised. At least she let me down easy. We just stood there for an hour, talking it out and negotiating. In retrospect, it was a really great, intimate conversation, among the best I've ever had, and even though it didn't end in sex, I'll always remember fondly how she stuck around so long to talk it out, especially since I could tell she was a little uncomfortable for a lot of it. I stopped seeing her much after that, though we did reconnect as Facebook friends a couple of years after she moved.
So anyway, I've remained a virgin my whole life, and that's the closest I've ever got to crossing over! Not too close, right? Well, I guess you've got a point. But it was close enough for me. At least I tried, y'know? No harm, no foul.
So you were 41 and trying to bang a school girl?
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Feb 18, 2014 00:30
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May 18, 2024 23:12
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- Bape Culture
- Sep 13, 2006
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AFAIC, somebody loses their virginity in any meaningful sense of the word if they have consensual sex with somebody else. Have you been skydiving if somebody pushes you out of a plane without a parachute? Well, kind of, but not really. They are pretty alike on the face of it, but you might not claim to have "gone skydiving" if anybody asks. Rape/abuse and sex are also, on the face of it alike, but treating them the same is pretty insane.
There are all kinds of underlying assumptions of an ability to be intimate and possessing social competence (not even necessarily required) tied in with losing your virginity that make it more nuanced than just a consequence of having done or been subject to the physical act, at least on my way of looking at it.
If that seems like wishful thinking, you could always just draw the line not at having had consensual sex, but having had sex by choice, i.e. somebody who has never had sex who rapes somebody loses their virginity in the process. But then what about having sex with a braindead person or something equally macabre? I think some people would say the former counts, while the latter doesn't, despite both being non-consensual. That kind of inconsistency is why I would say mutual consent is vital to any meaningful understanding of losing virginity, because why should it differ if you have sex with an unconscious person/unwilling person if you're treating both of them like an object for your own ends?
Others just say sex under any circumstances removes it, but to me that just harkens back to quasi-religious ideas of innocence and hymens and all that junk. What even is "sex"? Sure as poo poo isn't just the penetrative act, unless all gold star lesbians are also virgins.
For those rambling and incoherent reasons, I'd say: No. You don't lose your virginity if you are raped, or if you rape somebody. Consent is paramount.
Cool.
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Feb 24, 2014 17:35
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