GOM posted:

Pissflaps knows poo poo all about cooking a turkey.

You want a good, juicy turkey, do the following:

Obtain the following ingredients now:

10 sprigs thyme
6 sprigs sage
4 sprigs rosemary
4 cloves garlic, chopped
2 teaspoons celery seed
1/2 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper
1/2 cup kosher salt
2 tablespoons sugar

Use a food processor to mix it all up. Take the mixture and coat the turkey with it, using it with abandon, or generously.

Put the turkey into a seal able plastic bag (a 2 gallon size will likely be required).

Refrigerate for 3 days.

On the 4th day, take the turkey out of the bag and wash off all the mixture. Return the turkey to the bag and refrigerate for another day.

Cook:

Preheat your oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit.

Put the turkey on a rack in a roasting pan.

Upon putting the turkey in the heated oven, reduce the heat to 325 degrees.

It will take 20-30 minutes a pound to be done; use an instant read thermometer to double check; should read ~165 in the thickest portion of the thigh.

When done, take out of oven and let it rest for at least a half an hour.

Carve and serve.

If you stuff the bird, the time will go up. I recommend not stuffing the bird and making stuffing, if desired, separately.

The dry brine will ensure a juicy and flavorful bird. gently caress pancetta as it will not give you the results the above will...

And a 4 kilo bird is loving small, by American standards.

Edit: the heat should be reduced to 325, not 350, so I fixed it.

BTW, this dry brine never fails.