dexter6 posted:

Can someone recommend a lube that doesn’t start feeling like a sticky mess after a few mins?

GoGoGadget posted:

Not in the way that I was with my ex wife, no, but that is unfair to compare against as we were together almost 20 years from the time I was 16. She has shown a willingness to adjust to my physical wants and needs despite her inexperience and not being as physical of a person as I am. So I feel we are compatible in theory, but that it will take time to more closely match.

Laserface posted:

Counterpoint, religious girls are the horniest/most depraved I have ever encountered.

Bar Ran Dun posted:

Waiting until marriage doesn’t mean no sex after marriage. It’s quite weird some of y’all are conflating the two.

It’s also pretty normal for either men or women to have problems reaching orgasm for a while with a partner the first time they have a serious partner.

Grassy Knowles posted:

I haven’t seen any suggestion she has trouble experiencing pleasure only that he doesn’t like the way she does experience pleasure.

It’s not about orgasms for everybody and its just as likely that she has a mental block about orgasming before marriage as it is to make assumptions about how she will like sex in ways she hasn’t tried. I’ve been with partners who have some sort of mental block against orgasm that they needed to work out on their own and many successfully have done so.

GoGoGadget posted:

Thinking about it more, it isn't so much about the orgasm as it is that she doesn't seem to enjoy the majority of what I do for her. She doesn't dislike it...she's just very neutral about it. Telling me something I'm doing feels good is rare, and happens at most twice per encounter. She can't articulate what it was that felt good when I lose it, so I can never get it back. The baseline is no reaction at all and seemingly no pleasure.

Grassy Knowles posted:

She doesn’t “seem to” disagrees with the actual words the human being is saying about being happy with things.

All this being said, have you all discussed specifics of how you expect sexual behavior to be changing AFTER the marriage or is it just known that it will be changing somehow?

Violet_Sky posted:

This whole conversation kinda worries me. I'm someone that for whom sex is physically difficult due to a disability It sucks rear end that I can't do much in bed. Also patriarchal sex bullshit blahblahblah. I'm worried that I won't be able to please my future partner. I'm a cis woman, btw.

whydirt posted:

I don’t know the exact ownership structure, but the team at unboundbabes.com has queer and POC folks

StrixNebulosa posted:

she's uhhhh problematic

https://oracledelphii.tumblr.com/post/159265101251/charadreemurr-nate-why-do-you-hate-erika-moen

thotsky posted:

That blog seems a bit over the top. I mean, even if you agree with the general thesis that cis people shouldn't "play" with gender expression, how is it the comics fault that strapless strapons are not particularly good for loving?

Anne Whateley posted:

Silicone lubes are a pain because they stain, can’t be used with toys, and — not mentioned yet but super important — if you get even a drop on hardwood, tile, or the bathtub, it’s a murder weapon. And it can last for like a week+.

There are thicker silicone lubes for butt stuff, but you have to seek them out. You might also want to look into hybrid lubes.

You could look at Sliquid — they have a quiz you can take to pair you with the right one, and/or they have variety boxes so you can sample. Samplers are always more expensive per oz, but once you find the best one, you can buy a bigger bottle for savings.

The Real Amethyst posted:

Cum blood resolves when I don't have sex for a number of days but always comes back after I have sex. This is an interesting development.
Yes I know you are all going to say "go to the doctor" but right now I cannot.

Rolo posted:

She took another negative test yesterday morning and today the missed period showed up.

Thanks for the replies, I was definitely getting anxious. We got a vasectomy thread?

Rolo posted:

Thanks goons. I was pretty up in the air about having kids someday until this happened and even though it wasn't that close of a call it scared the poo poo out of me. I think my feelings about kids are shifting to where I'd rather risk a lengthy undo-procedure after changing my mind later than risk a pregnancy happening before then.

Got some stuff to think about, I'll be reading the snip thread in the meantime.

John Lee posted:

i mean very possibly but that costs money

But for real, it's annoying as heck to get the response I did - I was just looking for pro tips to do my own research on male sex toys, but I just got "just use your hand, it's more natural, and have you tried having sex with your wife a different way?" If I had made a post saying I had a vagina and was looking for fun sex toy recommendations, nobody would have said "drat gal I dunno, but you shouldn't buy any sex toys for sure and maybe you're doing sex with your husband wrong," because people have asked in this thread before and people have been pretty supportive.

e: and it's not like I'm on the Side of the Penis here, I don't want a penis, it's awkward and I hate it, but if I have it I at least want to try and make it feel decent, you know?

John Lee posted:

John Lee posted:

And, you know, what am I supposed to say, like, I'm autistic and my best guess is that I should have really strong emotional affect, but I don't see how it makes me more believable in practice and if it doesn't work to make you more believable than I just look like a (white, cis, male) rear end in a top hat throwing a fit. I already modify my behavior to have more emotional affect because otherwise people don't believe that I'm accurately self-reporting my emotional state, but I don't want to become a drama hog just because other people think I'm a liar if I'm not.

John Lee posted:

And reporting my own, personal experiences are usually what tilt people the MOST. I feel this way? No I don't. I experience this? Nuh-uh. Or when people make broad sweeping statements about sex and gender, and I have a relevant anecdote that contravenes common wisdom, it pisses people off. You're framing it like my personal experiences are inarguable, but my lofty opinions might not be either welcome or warranted, and in my experience the actual things that have happened to me and how I felt are the least likely things to be welcome or listened to. And yeah, me and another person, especially a more openly queer person are likely to have significant differences in experience that inform our perspective, but I'd naively think this would make me more interesting as a source, rather than something to be dismissed. If somebody else says something that seems absolutely wild to me about, like, sexuality or gender, I might not end up agreeing with them, but I'll rarely regret listening, especially if they have experiences relating to that conclusion.

John Lee posted:

"I feel this way?" & "I experience this?"

John Lee posted:

"I have a relevant anecdote that contravenes common wisdom" & "this would make me more interesting as a source" & "gendered bathrooms are dumb and shouldn't exist in the first place"

John Lee posted:

I dunno how, like, incisive you thought this was, but it seems to me to be a fine way to be? Like, I'm parsing it as "You're refusing to change yourself to join a community, so it seems like all you want to do it join a community of like-minded individuals (derisive)," and... looking for a community of people who already agree with you is, like, the basic step of community? I don't join a small forum, discord server, and tumblr for niche hit show Sherlock Oaks (Sherlock Holmes But Trees) because I want to know what people say about it, I'd join because I'm already in favor of it. I don't know if this points to some key difference between how we're thinking about this, but something that you pointed at was the idea that nobody owes another person a long, grueling explanation of their personal code, experiences and how they inform each other, which is completely true and accurate! But on the other hand, the online sources I can find when I want to look up info so I don't have to bother anybody in person all have vibes like "Here's the things you should say and do, and if you do not say and do them you are Evil 😇"
I've had four or five trans friends, I live with an ace pal right now (who just brought me dinner), - I've just gotten bad results talking about anything in related spheres, so I don't ask them for fear of tanking my relationship (except my ace pal, they're ride-or-die and we're in agreement on most things) , so, like I said, I don't feel welcome in these communities.

Yangrendan posted:

Hi all.

I am a long-time goon, but I decided to make a new account to ask this question. I’m having some problems that I want to ask advice about but I don’t really have a place to turn…so strap in.

I am a 38 year old male. I’ve been in a relationship with my wife for 14 years (12 of those married). I was about 25 when we married and she was 31. So we got together when I was 23. She was my first actual girlfriend and I was a virgin before being with her (she had had other boyfriends/partners before me).

I have struggled with a couple sexual disfunctions since being sexually active. And still struggle to this day. I’ve always wanted to try going to see a specialist but was scared to, and asked my wife if she would go with me, but she always just shrugged it off and said no need. So I put it off until this past year. She always said that she was satisfied, so she doesn’t get what the deal is.

So the main things that I have struggled with over the years are:

1. Very severe premature ejaculation (for years I could only last 5-10 seconds. After a decade I was able to last for maybe 50-60 seconds.

2. Ever since being sexually active with her, I lost my ability to have an orgasm. I still ejaculate, but there is no feeling of pleasure. I haven’t had an orgasm in well over 10 years. I’ve forgotten what it feels like.

I’ve been taking SSRIs for the first problem and its improved (sometimes dramatically) for me. But I’m also wondering if there are any other tips anyone might have.

But even the doctor is unsure what to do about the second. I was wondering if anyone has had this kind of problem.

I’ve kind of wondered if it might be psychological? My first experience was traumatic for me (something my wife doesn’t really get). And its incredibly hard to get her to understand my my needs and feelings. Generally she just says I’m thinking too much and that she’s fine with how things are. I’ve wanted to work at fixing these things for over a decade but it just doesn’t seem like its working. I’ve wondered if the inability to have an orgasm is a result of trauma or psychological response to a lack of satisfaction. Again, wondering if there is any advice.

Sorry for the long post. But this has been a life long problem. I’ve realized I’ve never enjoyed sex and have questioned whether I’m even meant to (to the point of just wanting to give up and just not have it anymore). So, any advice would be appreciated.

trilobite terror posted:

apropos of “trying butt stuff”. Is there a tactful way to market oneself/weed out potential dates wherein I don’t have to waste a bunch of time and effort and money getting to the point where I find out that they’re never gonna meet my wants?

I don’t mean in some unrealistic or unrealized way. The kind/quality of sex that I’m looking for I’ve had, I had it frequently and regularly for five years, and it’s not particularly like outré or weird or niche.

I just mean like—is there a phrase you can put on a dating profile that’s like: “if you’re not into butt sex or bdsm, don’t even waste our time”?

I’ve been really put off dating for the past few years. My ex fiancée that I lived with in my 20s (I’m 34 now) was basically perfect in that regard, I could get into details and I probably will in another post because my hangups do go farther than this, there are attributes about her specifically that I would love to find in another partner, but at the minimum it would be nice to not be completely and utterly disappointed by the people that I date after having put in weeks/months of time and expense.

I don’t have a ton of time or money to throw at dating and when I do date it takes a lot of work to make it fit (I’m in the early stages of running my own business) and it sucks poo poo to get three-four dates in with a person, or four months like my last long-term relationship which shambled on for a year before I finally pulled the plug, start bonding with them/etc, and then have to come to a decision point like “this person will never, ever do butt stuff” or “this person will never be particularly competent or enthusiastic about blowjobs”, “this person doesn’t have nearly the sex drive that you have”, etc.

Like dating on OkCupid, etc, where you answer a bunch of questions about yourself has at least yielded somewhat better results than the times I’ve dated some whitebread becky with a good engineering job from Hinge, but also they’re OkCupid results (if you know you know) and OkCupid is arguably more of a relative backwater today than it was in 2018. Fetlife isn’t a dating site, though I’ve hooked up with a few people from there and they’ve been fun. But unless you happen to end up in bed together on the first night, you can’t go into a normal date guns blazing like “so how do you feel about anal?” without raising red flags. Mostly I’m just venting, I think, IDK that there’s an answer beyond “keep on keeping on”. Yes I’ve been to therapy.