shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

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PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

STDH crosses generational lines. I went to a family reunion and some old guy told us about the time a cashier checked his $100 and he told her "don't worry, I just printed it this morning." He said the cashier laughed so hard she gave him a stack of coupons.

I worked retail for 4 years so I cringed pretty hard listening to his story.

PUGGERNAUT has a new favorite as of 11:51 on Aug 12, 2015

# ¿ May 9, 2014 04:12

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# ¿ May 12, 2024 16:32

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

# ¿ Jun 1, 2014 20:40

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

That landlord story could be like three lines long and still get the point across. Why are all of these stories so long? Do you really need 3 paragraphs of backstory for your totally sick ice burn?

# ¿ Jun 4, 2014 19:08

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Reddit is a shithole.

quote:

Cashier, checker, scan jockey. That's my job at Grocery Store Chain. First, because it's important to the story: I am a stubborn person who insists on having an unnatural hair color. It's pink. Yes, yes, it is weird and you can look at me funny all you want, but it's what I wanted. Fortunately, the store I work at has no policy against unnatural colors. The only thing you can't have is a visible tattoo.
Bible Gal is a young woman, probably in her early to mid 30s. She comes through my lane, notices my hair and bends down to tell her daughter: "It's okay honey, we'll be out of the satan lady's line soon." Daughter was like 4 years old and didn't care. I pipe in and say, "Is everything alright, ma'am?"
"Your hair is satanic."
At this point I am flabbergasted by what I've just heard. Maybe if the color was red, since Satan is red (right?), but it's pink. Someone should have informed me of Satan's fabulousness sooner.
"I don't understand, miss," I respond.
"Stop talking to me and get me your manager! I don't want any of your voodoo or curses! I'm a single mother and I have given my life to the Holy Spirit!"
She then grabs her cross necklace and holds it up to me, as if that would banish me back to the underworld, or something. I get her Joe Notarealname, my manager.
"Hi, I'm Joe, the on-duty manager. What can I help you with, ma'am?" says he.
"Are you aware that you hired a practicing satanist? Are you aware that this offends me and my daughter?"
"I'm sorry, ma'am? Larissa Pseudonym here is one of our best workers. I don't think what she does outside of work matters."
To clarify, I am not a satanist. I consider myself an atheist.
"Well then this entire store is going straight to hell. I hope this business goes belly up. I will certainly be voting with MY dollars," replies wacko bird.
Then she leaves without buying her things, and we're all left putting back the things in her huge grocery cart...

quote:

I saw another thread on here earlier about customers assuming retail workers are stupid or unintelligent because of the field we work in and it reminded me of something that happened a few years ago when I was working in my senior year of high school.
I was working at a local chain bakery in a fairly upscale neighbourhood one Saturday when this happened. For some backstory, in our store our manager always told us to ask a lot of questions when people just asked for "bread" because otherwise customers had a habit of returning later and complaining/trying to score free stuff. I'm not talking a lot of questions either, it was literally stuff like "seeds or no seeds, brown or white bread, thick or thin slice?" and we always moved and worked while talking so we could provide fast service.
One day I was working alone and this guy came in, clearly in a massive hurry. He was the only customer so I was doing my best to be courteous and get his items bagged up quickly for him, asking the usual questions when he looks up and snaps at me. "Are you loving stupid or something? I just want a loaf of bread. You'd better work on your customer service skills because it looks like you'll be in sales for the rest of your life." At this point I'm kind of in shock because I was honestly just going through the usual routine and trying to work quickly for him and no one had ever said anything like that to me at work before. Never mind the fact that I had good results in school and was on track to law school, I was totally stumped about what to say to him, whether to defend myself or just take it. That's when this voice pipes up from over the man's shoulder. It's my English teacher and he says "Actually, this cashier is a student of mine and in the top 5% of her grade, you absolute dick." The man looks flabbergasted, slaps his money down on the counter and stalks off with his loaf of bread. I just looked at my English teacher and he smiled, apologised for swearing and kept walking with his coffee.

# ¿ Jun 7, 2014 05:13

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

FrozenVent posted:

Stolen from the schadenfreude thread:

I remember this joke from bash.org! Also that teacher has lovely handwriting and apparently grades with one of those huge sharpies.

# ¿ Jun 10, 2014 12:21

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Even if the student doesn't deserve a good reference, that letter is needlessly harsh. But I can definitely believe that happened because some academic types can be smug dickholes towards their students.

# ¿ Jun 12, 2014 12:25

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

who else but Reddit posted:

Here's a tale from the customer side. I worked retail for many years and know the "big box" system pretty well. I always have a receipt for my returns, exercise patience with new people, and say thank you to those that help me. I never thought I would have to resort to violence. Yesterday was I was wrong.

I am at a very busy home improvment store that has two returns lines. It is Father's Day and the store is packed. My return is a snap ring plier set that broke on first use. I was just going to exchange it for the same product. I had my receipt and had waited about 10 minutes in line for my turn. Three people in front of me was a beligerent gentleman of color. He was returning a sump pump that was not working. It was also covered in what looked to be dried sewage and smelled horrible. The guy did not have a receipt and they called up the plumbing manager for assistance.

This took a good five minutes and the guy was starting to get more and more agitated. The manager arrived and got his story. His sewer line broke and backed up into his basement. He was using a standard sump pump used for keeping ground water pumped out to pump out raw sewage. This won't work as it is not designed for that. The manager explained this and looked at the pump. It was not even one they sold. He didn't buy it there. The manager said there was nothing they could do for him except sell him a sewage pump. The guy didn't take this well and started screaming profanities and questioning the plumbing manager's mother's heritage. The manager walked away and left the guy there with his horrible smelling pump.

The next two people get thier returns done and the guy is still there getting madder and muttering something under his breath. It's my turn for returns and the cashier is visibly upset and shaking. The other return person called for a store manager. As I'm starting my return the guy interrupts and yells, "Bitch, get the loving manager up here before I start killing mutha fucka's up in here." He is litterally less than two feet from me. I turned and said hey there is no need for that. He then said, "Ima startin' with you" and reached under his shirt. I snapped and hit him square in the face. He dropped everything and was on the floor. I got on top of him and pinned his arms down. Another customer ran over and from behind me sees a gun in his wasteband and grabs it to keep it away from the guy.

The manager arrived and some others had already called 911. I stayed on top the guy for a good 20 minutes until the police arrived. In that time the guy tried everything to get away. He struggled, threatened me, my family, tried kicking out, anything but I kept him pinned. The police got there and cuffed him and me. Once witnesses got the police informed of the real story I was let go. Come to find out this guy was a gang member, with two warrants for two separate murders. He likely would have killed me and a few others with me. They said he likely wouldn't be prosecuted for this incident since he has two murder charges already. Happy Father's Day!

TL;DR: Stopped a shooting at the hardware store.

PUGGERNAUT has a new favorite as of 00:55 on Jun 17, 2014

# ¿ Jun 17, 2014 00:51

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Grape Juice Vampire posted:

This is my dad. I've had to sip all kinds of nasty "good" beer since he started getting into it like five years ago. Now my mom's getting that way about whiskey.

It's very hard for some people to accept that I don't like beer and I prefer wine or hard liquor. Do people get this obsessive and pushy about other drinks? Like are there people passing out Mexican Cokes at parties insisting that non-soda drinkers just "haven't had the right soda yet"?

# ¿ Jun 18, 2014 01:41

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

quote:

a few months back I was trying to get out of downtown onto the highway when a car with two 20-something girls in it tried to drive around all the cars waiting to get on the onramp and squeeze in ahead of me.

well, gently caress that right?

The car behind me let them in though, and the bitch driving proceeds to honk her horn over and over, flash her lights and flip me off. whatever, it wasn't bothering me a bit. Then the passenger chick leans out and chucks a 1 liter bottle of diet pepsi at my car, which thuds off the back and rolls onto the sidewalk.

By this time I was just entering the intersection...NOPE, now it's on. I stopped and got out of the car blocking traffic in every direction. Nobody so much as honked because the bitches had been makign such a ruckus that everyone had seen the whole thing and I assume were eagerly waiting to see what was going down.

So I walked over to the drivers window and said "Let's just pull over to the side and wait for the police to get here".

Now the chick looks terrified as she realizes they've gone way too far. The passenger is saying "we're sorry, we're sorry, we're sorry" over and over and the driver looks like she's about to cry.

Now I've mentally declared victory and am going on my way, when I see the 1liter diet pepsi bottle on the sidewalk, it's full and shaken up enough that the cap is leaking and fizzing. So I picked it up and said "You dropped this" and tossed it into the bitches open window.

Where it hit and exploded.

The bottle took off like a rocket inside the car, bouncing off the windows, the seats, the bitches...it looked like a brown car wash inside the car.

I thought "oh gently caress, now I gotta GO!" and headed back to my car as a homeless dude yells at me "gently caress yeah man, that poo poo was awesome!".

and it WAS awesome, really, really awesome.

# ¿ Jun 22, 2014 00:20

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Sorry of the double post, but good god:

someone on /r/talesfromretail owns a dictionary posted:

Everybody knows a grinch. A scrooge. A C. Montgomery Burns. Somebody who, for whatever reason, makes it their mission to ruin the happiness of others.

In normal, everyday life, we can ignore the scrooges, or if they're particularly horrible, just punch them in the face and be done with it. But when you have a Scrooge for a customer, you can unfortunately neither punch nor ignore him.

Such is the case with my store's Mr. Green (Name edited to protect the innoce-well, assholish). Mr. Green is on the winding down side of a mid-life crisis; his anatomy has reasserted itself and is slowly but steadily pushing the hairplugs out of his head. He seems to have developed a tolerance for diet pills, because his spare tire has returned with a vengeance. The credit cards he was issued to finance his new childhood are coming up declined more and more, and his 2008 Mustang Convertible has ancient birdshit stains on the leather from the numerous times he's parked it without putting the top back on.

Were it not for his pugnacity, Mr. Green would be a pitiable fellow.

Mr. Green comes to our clothing shop at least three times a week, always following the same routine. On Monday, he will come in and purchase a lot of clothing.

On Tuesday, we'll get a call from Mr. Green, informing us that he's dissatisfied with the clothing.

On Wednesday, he'll come back to the store to return the items he's dissatisfied with.

On Thursday, we'll get another call, in which he insists that one of his many soon-to-be-defunct credit cards was not credited back the proper amount.

He gives us a day off on Friday, though we don't know why.

On Saturday, he'll come back in to argue and haggle with our manager to try to get more money than he is owed.

Week in, week out, this is how it goes with Mr. Green.

Unto itself, this would not be reason enough to hate the man. A customer may be very difficult, even demanding, but that alone doesn't make him an rear end in a top hat.

Being an rear end in a top hat about it is what makes him an rear end in a top hat.

He has, on numerous occasions, insulted our staff, even using the n-word on one of our cashiers when the total of his purchase exceeded his original estimate. He parks in handicapped spaces. Spaces, plural; he will drive his gross Mustang in, facing the store laterally. Whenever he's confronted about it, he shrugs, saying "The sooner I'm done here, the sooner the spaces will be free again. Chop, chop!"

He's been asked to leave several times after sexually harassing female (and usually underage!) customers, each time vowing to sue if he was manhandled.

And he would always get away with all of it, because the owner was his best high school buddy.

That is, until recently.

Last week, our owner sold out his franchise to the corporate company from which he had purchased the license. We (the employees) had feared this meant that the store would simply close, and we'd be out of jobs. But mercifully [Teenage Hipster Clothing Store Inc.] decided to keep our location open. They promoted one of our floor managers, Tony (who had been called the n-word by Mr. Green) to the position of General Manager. AND our hourly wage was raised by twenty-five cents. Suffice to say, we're all ready to give a salute to our beneficent corporate overlords, but the best was yet to come.

The night before his first shift as General Manager, a Friday (and obviously, after his promotion had been announced to the rest of us employees), one of the guys asked Tony what he planned to do about Mr. Green.

Tony, already the model of a corporate-type, said only, "Just do your jobs like you already do, and don't worry about it."

The next day (Saturday) Mr. Green showed up just like always to try to eke more money than he was owed out of us. He parked across the two closest handicap spaces, just like always. He marched into the store, and asked to be shown to the Mens' section, even though he knew where it was by heart.

But before anyone could even approach, Tony was already there. Tony had positioned himself between Mr. Green and the rest of the store proper, on the tile 'foyer' directly in front of the automatic sliding doors. Tony had an object in his hand which I didn't immediately recognize. I feared momentarily that it might have been a weapon.

I couldn't hear what Tony said to Mr. Green, but the voice with which he said it was low and menacing. My fears grew. Is Tony about to shoot Mr. Green??

Mr. Green's eyes grew wide as Tony spoke. At first, I attributed this to being threatened with bodily harm, but I watched the expression grow from one of surprise to indignation.

"What the gently caress are you talking about?" Mr. Green screeched. "I want to see [Former Owner's Name]! Right now!"

More rumbled conversation from Tony, who had begun to draw himself up to his full height of 6'3". I was now certain that Tony was about to murder Mr. Green right there on the tile floor.

"gently caress you!" Mr. Green roared. "I've been coming here for years! You can't just throw me out! I haven't even done anything!"

At which point, Tony produced the item. He held it in front of his own face, and I finally recognized a Polaroid camera. It flashed as Tony held it steady, momentarily confusing Mr. Green who then launched into a full-on conniption.

Tony walked away from Mr. Green. As he passed by me, toward the offices in the back of the store, he growled, "Don't let him have poo poo. And make sure he doesn't steal anything."

Not far behind him, jogging and all-the-while cursing a blue streak was Mr. Green, demanding that picture Tony had taken was his property, that he had no right, etc., etc.

When he got to me, I politely interspersed myself between him and the entrance to the office, explaining, "I'm sorry, Mr. Green. Employees only."

"Bullshit!" he declared, trying to walk around me.

I quickly backed up, putting myself direclty in front of the doorway to the offices. "I'm really sorry, Mr. Green, but you can't go back there."

He looked about ready to body check me at this point, so I shrugged and moved out of the way. Mr. Green gave me a filthy look as he moved and tried to open the door, which was locked.

Mr. Green began to pound on the door, making threats legal, bodily and metaphysical. He went on like this for about a solid minute before Tony opened the door and stepped out.

Mr. Green steeled himself as Tony returned, ready for a fight. But Tony side-stepped him and walked straight to me. He handed me a stack of papers; each was a flyer, which bore the words "PERSONA NON GRATA," above a photograph of Mr. Green in mid-tirade.

"Put these on all of the entrances and behind every cashier's station," Tony said, speaking slowly, his voice an andante bass of angry determination.

Mr. Green had leaned over to see what it was that Tony had handed me, and started anew his protestations. Tony paid him no mind and brushed past him back into the office. Mr. Green continued his howling and pounding on the door, looking like the Big Bad Wolf, if the Big Bad Wolf had let himself go and tried to cover it up with hipster clothing.

He spied me turning to walk to the entrance and came towards me, saying "If you put those up, I will sue you for defamation of character and discrimination."

I was unsure of what to do, because I don't want to get sued (even if it's pretty unlikely), but relishing the idea of humiliating Mr. Green.

I was saved from hesitation by an announcement over the store's PA. It was Tony's voice, calmly announcing, "To the driver of the Yellow Mustang Convertible, your car is being towed."

There was a moment of silence as both Mr. Green and I came to understand what that meant. And quicker than I've ever seen him move, Mr. Green skittered down the aisle towards the entrance.

I followed, and looked out the large glass doors at the entrance to our store to see Mr. Green hemming and hawing at the tow-truck operator who had already begun to load his car into the bed of the truck.

When I turned around, there was Tony, with a grin a mile wide on his face, the same grin which blossomed on my own face.

We haven't seen Mr. Green at all this week, and I'm starting to think that we never will again. 2014 might be a very good year, indeed.

TL;DR
Jerk customer doesn't get what he wants for Christmas. Tow-truck driver meets the grinch.

# ¿ Jun 22, 2014 00:32

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

"The day I called my customers wife an overpriced whore"

quote:

I do car sales, and I had a customer place an order for his dream vehicle (He was active duty) his wife was next to him, and it was a special order from the factory.

All said and done and we are waiting for the car to arrive when one day he comes in all sad eyed and things like that and I'm like "Dude whats up" he goes "The wife says I can't get the car cause she wants a BMW" and I said "But I thought you had just bought your wife a lexus 2 yrs ago and now was your turn?" He goes "Yea...but she fell in love with a BMW" and I go "Well do you like it?" He goes "nah I want my Challenger" I said "I understand...I mean why don't you just tell her its your turn and you want your dream car she already got hers...she can wait for the BMW." He responded "She told me to cancel" I fired back "Is she your boss?" (this is a summary of the conversation)

He agreed he should stick with his dream car, he has the money, great credit, and its a gift they agreed upon. He was going home and going tell his wife what was up.

He came back the next day with his wife in tow. They came in sat down and said she said "we are going cancel this order right now" we went back and forth reminding them they aren't going get their deposit back etc, all because she wants a BMW. She finally says "Look I deserve the BMW I work hard and I deserve the best of the best" (keep in mind the BMW was clearly out of this mans price range costing near $70k) so to which I said "O what do you do?" she goes "I give him the best booty on this earth" and I respond "So what your saying is your extremely pricey whore?" she said "excuse me!" my customer is sitting as far back in his seat....strangely enough with a smile on his face. She asks me to say it again...so I do. She says I have no right to say that. I qualify my statement (most likely shouldn't of done that) I was having a bad day she of course complained to my management who scolded me I shrugged it off...gently caress her she's a bitch.
Deal was canceled, customer didn't get his money back although he was told if he did decide to come back we'd let him use his deposit in addition to another deposit on any vehicle.
3 weeks later he came in, said after I bought up the "whore" idea it set something off in his mind and he did some digging...Apparently she really was a whore and had 2 affairs ongoing...he was getting a divorce so he reordered his challenger.

After math

BTW she was incredibly bitchy.

Bit more backstory I'm actually still in contact with this guy as I am most of my customers. He got successfully divorced because of the evidence he had on her she basically got nothing in the divorce. She ended up marrying one of the guys she was having an affair on.
My customer took her lexus and traded it in when the Challenger came in (Car was in his name)

The Challenger was R/T in header orange with the T grip shifter, sunroof, navigation, upgraded sound system. He since put on some very tasteful rims, and done a bit of exterior additions. Car looks pretty sweet.

My customer is doing well, and very happy with current situation.

As per my comments to his wife...management didn't "shrug it off" I did get in quite abit of trouble and was very nearly suspended (which is something we never really do) also exceptions to our rules where put on restriction. AKA all my deals had to be perfectly clean for the next month which is INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT to accomplish.

I've also been advised not to make a habit of calling my women whores...its bad for business.

If your curious why I didn't get fired...well I'm a really good sales person with really good results and a great customer service record...This was one serious ding in my reputation.

# ¿ Jul 1, 2014 00:08

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

reddit posted:

Long time lurker, first time poster. I don't work retail currently, but I have in the past and most of my friends are in the service industry; thus, I have little tolerance for over-entitled asswipes giving guff to people who are just trying to get through their day and make a buck (and, my being in the US, not very many bucks at all).

This past Sunday morning, I found myself - regrettably - inside of Fast Food Chain looking for some cheap greasy crap to get me through a wicked hangover. Needless to say, I'm not in the best of sorts; however, I'm still able to eke out a smile for Nice Girl working the counter. She's super nice, gets my order down, jokes with me about liver abuse, shares a laugh. Like I said, cool as all hell. I'm waiting for my nasty, beautiful cheese and bacon croissant when a tempest of bitchitude storms into the door. She's your typical TFR horror story: Blonde, skinny, obviously wealthy, late 30's and, to cap it off, is sporting a giant cross around her wretched little neck. In the back of my head, I knew poo poo was about to get real.

Bitchface: "Umm, yeah, I need another iced coffee. This one is too sweet."

Nice Girl: "I'm so sorry, ma'am. These things happen. I'd be more than happy to help. Wait: is that from our store?"

Bitchface: "No. I bought it at Higher Class Fast-Food Joint in Other State." (I live right near the border between two states) "Just replace my coffee."

Nice Girl: "Of course, ma'am. That will be [whatever coffee costs]."

Bitchface: "I'm not paying for it. I told you to replace it."

Nice Girl: "I'm sorry, ma'am. For one, it's not even from This Chain, and two, even if it were, the franchise company which owns This Chain in Other State is different than the one in here in This State. I simply cannot give you free coffee. It's practically stealing. However, I will give you the Senior Discount on a new coffee." (Wicked good customer service there, amirite?)

Bitchface slams the coffee cup down on the counter, spilling a little, proceeds to put her hand on her hips like a thirteen-year-old Daddy's Princess and stares at Nice Girl.

Nice Girl: "Ma'am..."

Bitchface: "I'm waiting for my coffee, you fat cow! Give it to me! NOW! Is there something about that you don't understand. Maybe if you weren't a high-school dropout you would understand English better! I bet those [racial slur for Hispanics] back there can understand me better than you." Et cetera and soforth. Nice Girl appeared to be on the verge of tears.

Now, again, I'm hungover. Hell, I'm probably still a little drunk at this point. I must have been, as that would explain what happened next. I snapped.

stowsucks: "Look, you f-ing c-nt! If there's a problem with understanding here, it's f-ing yours! It's not the same company! It's not even the same goddamn, motherf-ing state, you t-at!"

Bitchface: "Don't use that language with me!"

stowsucks: "What language? C-nt? C-nt, c-nt, c-nt, c-nt C-NT! Now get the f-k out of this store and leave the girl alone, you c-nt." (Yeah, I know, real mature on my end.)

Bitchface: "You need Jesus."

stowsucks: "Your parents needed to have an abortion. Unfortunately they were too f-ing stupid to get one, because here you are!"

Bitchface: "I'm so calling the police!"

stowsux: "Great. You can tell them I did this!"

And here, dear readers, is where I made a somewhat poor life decision. Not one that I regret, but very well could have regretted. I picked up her iced coffee, ripped the lid off, and splashed her nice, floral-patterned Sunday church dress with the contents of the cup.

stowsux: "There. How do you like your coffee now? Leave."

I grabbed my breakfast from the counter, walked out of the door calmly as a stunned Nice Girl and a wet-eyed Bitchface watched me, then ran like hell for my motor scooter and rode off before Bitchface could catch my licence plate number.
Hey, I can no longer wipe hamburger buns on my buns or spit in drinks, so I have to dispense justice on worker-abusing asshats somehow, right?

TL;DR: Never mess with fast-food workers. A fellow patron might be a little tipsy, take offense and ruin your day for doing so.

# ¿ Jul 8, 2014 18:57

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Ytlaya posted:

I can't help but imagine that this is partly influenced by it actually, in fact, being because they're ____ ethnicity a large portion of the time. Gotta make you pretty sensitive to it.

This is what baffles me - I've spent three years in retail, and I've only been called racist once (by another white lady). From these retail stories you'd think it happens all the time.

I can't help but think it might be a self fulfilling prophecy for some of the storytellers. The way they describe the customers in these stories is pretty gross (especially the really exaggerated ethnic stereotypes) and I'm sure it comes across in the quality of their service.

# ¿ Jul 10, 2014 07:03

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

someone who thinks they're a really good writer posted:

This happened over the weekend.

The wife and I got hitched about a month ago, but have been together for 6 years. We have been enjoying each other�s ahem company quite a bit since we got married. Something about saying �I Do� really got the freak juices a flowing if you catch my drift.

So Aunt Flow was supposed to visit last week but never showed up. That�s cool, we just got married and then we immediately moved and didn't really get a chance for a honeymoon. Stress can delay mother nature for a few days. It has happened with her before� But then my wife got one morning and spewed all over the bathroom. As she kissed the porcelain god, a wave of panic encompassed my being.
I, a man child of 26 years, could possibly have spawned another human being... My entire adolescence flashed before my eyes. Visions of little league games, late nights playing Halo, Ninja Turtle themed birthday parties, and drunken college shenanigans danced around in my head. I then pictured myself sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by dirty diapers while doing taxes. I have to be a grown up now� gently caress.

So my wife is freaking out a bit, but being the amazing husband I am, I tell her to lie(lay?) down and I head up to the store and grab her a pregnancy test. I get to the local CVS and start making my way down the aisles trying to find a plastic stick for my wife to pee on. As I am looking, I pass through the toy aisle with all the goofy, crappy, cheap toys they sell at drug stores. You know, the cap guns, the bouncy balls that don�t bounce, the puzzles, that stuff. Looking over these toys I am crippled again with Nostalgasm from my youth. I remembered going up to Eckerd (before they became �Rite-Aid�; whatever I still call them Eckerd to this day) and begging my mom for an awesome Beast Wars Transformer to play with. I smiled as I looked at this generation�s Transformers that don�t turn into tigers and raptors, but are still pretty sweet in their own right. It was right there that I decided that I need to get in some last minute youth stuff in order to come to terms with my fate. But what on earth could make me feel like a kid again? Oh poo poo They have Candy.

Sweet, sweet Candy.

I merrily skipped to the Candy aisle and began perusing their selection. I was determined to buy it all. Butterfingers, Snickers, Mr. Goodbar, Goobers, Reese�s (pronounced Ree-sez, not Ree-Sees for those of you who are illiterate Dickspanks) were all cradled into my arms as I began to beam with joy. Candy loving rocks and I�m going to eat it all and no one will tell me otherwise because I�m an adult (but I don�t want to be so I�m buying candy to feel young again). I was about to head to the checkout when I noticed a treat that I had not even thought of since I was a young lad: Fun Dip. For those who don�t know, this is fun dip. I remember getting hopped up on that crap before my mother would dump me off at my Babysitter�s when she had to go out somewhere and couldn�t take me. Then I remembered the amazingly tasty dipping stick and how you use your own spit to scoop out the sugar from the separate pouch. I actually said �oh hell yes� out loud, grabbed 3 Fun Dip packs and made my way to the counter. After paying for the Candy and then remembering why I went there in the first place, I grabbed a pregnancy test and drove home.

My wife was in bed, looking sickly and pale and I rushed in with the test and showed her my grocery bag filled with delicious treats beaming with pride as if I were a child showing someone my candy haul from Halloween. She was not as amused as I was, but Doesn�t matter, have candy. I open up a Reese�s and dig in as my wife trudges to the toilet to pee. As I wait for her, I continue my newfound quest for diabeetus and stuff my face with sugary treats. I finish off my Reese�s and decide now is the time to Dip into some Fun. I grab a pack and begin to furiously suck off the candy stick in a manner that would make Jenna Haze jealous. When it is good and lubricated, I jam the stick it into the sugar to coat all the moist areas that it may come in contact with, Throw that bad boy back in my mouth and accept the sugary scratchy goodness on my tongue. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Wife comes out of the bathroom, goes towards the bed and rests the pregnancy test on her nightstand without the cap (gross woman, you just peed on that) and tells me it is time to wait. Me being the observant and attentive husband that I am, Notice something off about my wife. I ask her if everything is alright and she starts to cry. I walk over to her as she sits on our bed, put my Fun dip down, and give her a hug. She is scared. Of course she is, she�s about to grow a baby, carry it around for 9 months then force it out of her body as it splits her in half. I�d be scared too. We certainly haven�t planned for this, but we decide no matter what happens, we will keep the baby and move forward. I try to cheer her up and I offer her some Fun Dip, (because I�m an amazing and considerate husband) and we make out on the reg, so why wouldn�t she want some? She declines and sniffles, so I try and make her laugh by maintaining eye contact and reaching for the pack and saying �Are you suuuuuuuuuuure? It�s delicioussssssssss�. I then jam the stick into the sugar and plunge it into my mouth. This is where I hosed up.

Her eyes grow wide, and I immediately notice that this scoop of sugar tastes... off� and colder than it normally does...
I pull the stick out of my mouth, and to my horror, am looking at a pregnancy test covered in green sugar crystals. My mouth agape, I look at the nightstand, and see the fun dip stick, sitting by its lonesome, taunting me like the little bitch that it is, glistening from the slob job I had given it earlier. My bottom lip quivers, as a faint �no� escapes from my soul and out my mouth.

Cue Hysterical laughter from my wife as I scream like a 5 year old girl that just saw a spider and run to the bathroom to vomit all the sugar and chocolate that I had consumed not even 10 minutes earlier. She couldn�t stop laughing.

Test ended up being negative (she tried another one that wasn't "compromised"). She went to the urgent care down the road when she wouldn't stop throwing up and it turned out she had food poisoning. She got her period later that day.

TL:DR: Pregnancy scare leads to quarter-life crisis, that ends with me eating pee.

*Edited to fix the 'Cue' and to clear up the ending.

# ¿ Jul 31, 2014 18:23

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

I can't tell which option is worse: the boyfriend posting that or the girlfriend posting that.

# ¿ Aug 1, 2014 19:42

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Nckdictator posted:

Oh god , no, not cuddling, the horror!

C'mon dude haven't you been on the internet before?

Stereotypically feminine things = bad
Stereotypically masculine things = good

# ¿ Aug 1, 2014 22:34

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

an rear end in a top hat posted:

My wife and I had free tickets to the dollar theater. Hey, a free movie at the dollar theater is still a free movie. We check showtimes for 'Captain America: Winter Soldier' and of course get there with plenty of time to get drinks, find a seat and sit down. Now, there were only two showings, one around noon and one at 6:50, we were at the 6:50 showing.

At first I'm happy, my wife and I fought through the concession stand behind three families who think it's cute and a good idea to let their 3 y.o. daughter decide what kind of candy she wants (I work in sales, you know how I get people to make a choice? I hold up two options and I tell them to pick one. Putting kids in front of giant windows of candy and saying pick something is asking for the people behind you to punch you in the face over and over again). We get to the theater, sit down in an empty aisle and enjoy our food. The lights dim, I can hear a kid behind me which makes me make a joke about shutting up kids during the advert about turning off cellphones.

About 30 minutes into the movie the usher walks a family to the aisle my wife and I are on, and they sit down. The father's cellphone rings shortly there after and he sits there and takes the loving call. I sit there, watching the movie and say loudly "Hey rear end in a top hat, off the phone." He ends the call at that point. I then start to wonder if he'll be waiting for me after the movie ends. I don't care. About halfway into the movie the usher walks another family into the movie and to my aisle. This is pissing me off. This, by the way, has been happening in the entire movie. Families coming in and sitting down around me (I'm near the front of the movie theater because my wife has bad eyes), so I'm now surrounded by kids who don't want to be quiet. Okay, the movie 'Rio 2' is also playing, why the hell are you in 'Captain America 2'.

The usher escorts a family to my row and the mother comes up to me "Excuse me, can you please move, there my family needs these seats." I stay seated. My wife starts to move, I move my hand to block her. I look the woman in the eye and I tell her "No." She looks shocked. "I was here before the movie started, this is where my wife and I are sitting, now, leave, I'm watching this movie."

She says "But I need these seats for my kids."

"That's your problem." I reply, "Because if you're saying that you having kids means that you get to tell me to change seats, we're going to have a problem, I am not getting out of this seat until the movie is over."

She leaves and the usher shows up "Sir, can you please give up your seat."

"Bring me your manager." I order.

"I just need you to-"

"Get your manager because I want to let him or her know that I've been here this entire time and you are asking a paying customer to give up the seat he's paid for to a oval office with kids, and I'm missing the movie because you believe that her having kids is more important than me not having kids."

The usher walks away and tells the woman that he can put her on a different aisle.

When the credits rolled I looked to my wife and said "It was a good movie, however, the experience sucked." I finished off my drink and said "Why the gently caress do these god drat parents bring their kids who can't stay quiet for more than two minutes to a movie and ruin everyone else's time?"

A father in the row in front of me looks me down as he's leading his kids out. I look him in the eye and said "Yeah, I said it, and I'm talking about your kids."

After I spoke to the manager. More free tickets. The usher apparently broke the rules by asking me to leave.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2014 15:25

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Haha yeah nothing better than discouraging people who are new to an instrument. That'll teach you to show off in public before you know the entire Led Zeppelin discography

# ¿ Aug 4, 2014 00:40

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

I have never in my life encountered a woman who gets mad when a man holds the door open for her.

I have, however, encountered a few guys who refuse to let a woman hold the door open for them.

# ¿ Aug 14, 2014 05:26

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Frostyhawk posted:

How does that work? Do they just kind of stop at the door, cross their arms and pout until the bewildered woman leaves?

They usually say "no no I insist" and awkwardly stand right behind you and hold open the door. Then you get to limbo under their armpit.

First person to get to the door holds it open, regardless of gender, that's my rule.

# ¿ Aug 14, 2014 16:48

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Popular New Anime Series was better imho.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2014 22:39

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Second City posted this article:

Some badass posted this comment:

I don't think they even read the article, they just wanted to post their totally cool story about condescending to a scary black man.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 19:50

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Toriori posted:

Yeah and I hear the king of Spain makes it.

Now he eats humble pie

# ¿ Aug 19, 2014 23:43

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

# ¿ Aug 21, 2014 03:23

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

quote:

The teenager from hell was in my store last night.

A little background, I work for a large cell company in the US, and though I�m just a sales rep, the managers entrusted me with training a few of the new hires. One such new hire, who shall be dubbed Adam, calls me over to ask about options available for limiting a smartphones� capabilities.

�Well, Smart Limits doesn�t work for that. The only way to cut off data is to go onto the app and manually do it.� I say, noticing the father give a resigned sigh.

�So you mean I have to be constantly monitoring him and shut him off? That�s so--�

�Why is that such a big deal, dad??� I look to my left and see a kid who looks as though he has a piece of dung taped under his nose. Hence why I�m going to call Shitnose. Or Alex I guess. He cuts off his father with a voice dripping with sarcasm, attitude, and contempt, topped off with a healthy slathering of self-entitlement. �You can just go on the app and shut it down if I use too much.�

The mother speaks up at this point, already ignoring the kid. �What about controlling the actual apps he�s allowed to use? Is there any way to do that?�

I look at the phone that they�re buying--the newest Samsung Galaxy--and shake my head. �Not with that one. The LG G3 has something called Guest mode where--�

�I don�t want that phone! That phone sucks, I want this one!� He brandishes the Galaxy at me like I�m a demon that he has to ward off, his already raised voice getting a few decibels louder.

�Um, no� that phone doesn�t suck. In fact I have both, and I prefer the LG. That�s why I actually bought it as my personal phone.� I frown at him, trying to figure out what the hell his problem is when the mother asks me what makes the Galaxy better than the G3. �Well actually, the only noticeable difference is that the Galaxy is waterpr--�

�No you�re wrong!� Shitnose cuts me off, again, and starts listing off �specs� that don�t even make any sense. Finally he gets to his last one, which is what really got me. �And the Galaxy has a better display!�

Adam and I laugh, because this is the first time he even made sense, and he was wrong to top it off. �Actually kid,� Adam pipes up, �the LG has a way better screen. Four times the resolution, to be exact.�

�No, cause the Galaxy has the amyoleed screen!�

�The what?�

�The amyoleed screen!�

I rub my forehead for a moment, trying to figure out--OH. �Do you mean the Super AMOLED screen?�

He�s starting to look frazzled, since he�s realizing we actually know what we�re talking about. �Yeah, yeah. That�s the one.�
I laugh again. �That means next to nothing. It only means that the black pixels are actually shut off. Quad HD kid.�
He folds his arms and gives us a little headbob. �Well I don�t care. I want this one. Dad, it�s not that big of a deal. You can just cut me off if I use too much.�

I blink at him in awe. �You realize�� I sigh, remembering I�m on the clock. �Nevermind. There�s so much I want to say right now, but I won�t.�

His expression gains a bit of satisfaction, he thinks he�s won. �So yeah, either you can just cut me off, or I�ll monitor myself."

�Alex, you already had that chance and blew it.� Mom is starting to get annoyed too. �You racked up hundreds of dollars in overages, you used 20 gigabytes of data in one month. You�ve been without a phone for two months to work it off� I think we�re just going to get the LG.�

�No, I don�t want that phone!� He leans forward, closer to me and his mom, and looks me dead in the eye. �And if you get me that phone and you limit me, I�ll just plug it into my computer and root it.�

�You�ll void the warranty.�

�I don�t care.�

�How exactly are you going to root it without the passcode?�

�I�ll� I� I have remote flashing software. I can bypass it.�

�Really. So you can do what even our warranty center can�t?�

"Yep. Otherwise� I�m a patient person. I can just wait. But I�m not having that phone."

�Wait for what, to turn 18 and buy your own phone with your own money? Because your parents have made it clear they�re not giving you this one.�

�Yeah. I don�t care. I�m a patient person. And I don�t see why YOU� --he rounds on his dad-- �can�t just shut it off!�

�Because your father is a doctor!� My exasperation is showing clear in my tone. �What if you�re using your Twitch or whatever it is and he�s in the hospital with a patient, or no reception, and you blow through the gigabytes again?!�

�And besides Alex, your father is a busy man. He and I have better things to do than keep track of you all the time.� I can�t believe the mom is still speaking in a level tone at this point.

�Alex,� I say, �how old are you?�

So much attitude. �Fifteen--ALMOST sixteen!�

I laugh. �What I was your age, I didn�t have a phone. I got one when I was 17, and that�s only because I was going to college and my boyfriend�s mother had one laying around� and you know what it was? One of those basic ones with the little slide-out keyboard. I didn�t have a smartphone until I was 18 and you know what I did then? I bought it myself and I paid for my own data plan.�

�HEY!� I look over at Adam, who has a huge smile on his face. Uh-oh, I gave him an idea. �Why don�t we get him a goPhone?�

I laugh, along with the parents. �Hey, that�s an option!�

Alex is horrified. �A goPhone??�

Mom nods. �Yep. Either that or you get this one.�

He looks like he�s about to have an aneurysm. �I� bu� that phone� I don�t want� FINE! I don�t care! Either you get me this phone, or you get me a goPhone! I don�t care! I�m not having the LG!�

I blink, speechless for a moment. �You�re ridiculous.�

�I know. I�m beyond ridiculous.�

I shake my head, then look at the dad and smile. �SO, what�s it gonna be, are we going to get him one with a little keyboard, or the little basic candybar phone with the numpad?�

Mom looks a bit confused. �What do you mean, it�s a choice between a physical keyboard and a--"

He cuts her off AGAIN. �Yeah, a physical keyboard or a digital keyboard.�

What? I look at him for only a moment, having almost totally lost my cool with him at this point. �You, be quiet. You don�t know what you�re talking about.� I look at the mom. �I mean a physical keyboard, or the super old fashioned one with just the numbers.�

I swear the mom snickered at this point. �Oh, you mean the one where you have to press a key three times to get to �c�? Oh gosh� I guess we can get him the keyboard��

Adam, who has had it by now (it�s at least a half hour after closing), claps his hands and starts to stand up. �Alright, goPhone it is!�

I look at Alex with a I�m-not-taking-your-poo poo-anymore kind of expression. �So, what�s it going to be Alex? Are you getting a goPhone, or are you going to lose the attitude and get the LG?�

He folds his arms again. �I�m a patient person. I don�t care. But I�m not having the LG.�

�Well, you�re not having the Galaxy.� Dad has had it. �So Adam, we�re going to do the keyboard one.

Adam and I realize that all the phones have been taken off the floor, and go on a search for a manager to let us into the inventory room. I�m shaking. Adam is getting pain in his chest. I end up walking into the breakroom instead of the inventory room because I�m just that out of it.

�Jesus christ! That kid� oh my god!!�

Adam nods, grinning. �Yep. poo poo, if I treated my dad like that I�d get my rear end kicked. Kid, you need a breather, stay back here for a bit.�

I take a few deep breaths and then follow him back out onto the floor, heading back over to where mom and Alex are, and I look Alex dad in the eye. �There is soooooo much I want to say to you, but I�m holding my tongue so hard� you have no idea.�

Mom looks at me, her eyes pleading. �Can you� would you say what�s on your mind? I want to hear it. He needs to hear it.�

�Are you positive?� She nods and I look back at Alex. "You better wise up, quick.� My tone is unforgiving. I didn�t even know I could sound this cold. �I�ve got a newsflash for you. I�m not that much older than you. I was you, five years ago. I treated my mom like she was nothing. You�re lucky to have parents that put up with everything you think it�s okay to put them through. I�m sure you�ve heard this before, because I�m so sure that other people have seen the way you treat them. I lost my mom for a long time because of how I acted when I was a stupid teenager. And I am so lucky that she took me back. Cause guess what? When you�re 18 and you think you have the world, you�re going to realize� when you don�t have gas for your car, or money for rent, and our fancy little phone doesn�t work because you didn�t pay your bill, you�re going to wish you hadn�t alienated your amazing parents. Figure it out, kid. Before it�s too late. Because you need them more than you�ll ever know.� And with that, I picked up my iPad and walked away to help Adam activate the goPhone.

�Dude, Ruby.� he laughs quietly, his voice low enough that only I can hear him. �Mike (the manager) just came over and asked me what the hell you were thinking, talking to that kid that way�.�

Well, I had to explain that one. But I didn�t get in any trouble, and man did it feel good to finally put a lovely customer in their place.

Edit: Wow reddit. Downvoting almost every one of my comments, even the ones that I'm trying to legitimately help people save money, just because you don't agree with what I said to the stupid kid? What a great community you guys are. I guess I'm not good at judging the situation and acting accordingly. I guess the fact that the mom thanked me after and came back the next day asking for me by name to buy the phone for herself means nothing and you internet strangers are much better at judging a situation than someone who was actually there. I guess the fact that they left Adam a great review doesn't matter either. The story was already long. I didn't feel I needed to add every detail of how affirming the parents were to what my coworker and I were saying. You guys are unbelievable.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2014 20:32

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

quote:

I was visiting So. Cal with my girlfriend of two years and we decided to make a trip to Disneyland for the day. That morning, she had packed us a nice lunch with lots of veggies and healthy poo poo. I had no objection to eating healthy for once, as the majority of my meals in LA consisted of Taco Bell and In-N-Out (I'm Canadian so I have to take advantage of this whenever possible)

Throughout this vacation, her and I constantly made back-and-forth jokes about our lovely eating habits and how we had left our healthy lifestyles back at home.

Well, that morning, she packs a big bag of spinach for us to munch on. Spinach is my favorite healthy snack. However, she did not take into account the fact that it would be sitting in the bottom of her backpack, squished by the weight of other various fooditems, for several hours in the Anaheim heat.

So I'm standing in line for the Indiana Jones ride, it's about 5 o'clock and I'm starting to feel snackish. So I reach into her backpack and pull out this gnarly looking bag of spinach. Most of the leaves had already turned into that flaccid combination of very dark green/brown pulp, not appetizing at all.

Feeling disappointed, I turn to my girlfriend and say jokingly, "Everyone here should just leave their vegetables at home. They have no reason to be at a place like this." She laughed and my heart melted a little bit.

"EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?"

I turn around and a mother with her severely disabled daughter is standing right behind me in line. Both are wearing bright orange shirts with some charity's logo on it and "DISNEYLAND 2014" in boldface across the chest. Then I look behind them. There is a large group of people wearing the same shirts. And they all have the same expression of disgust on their faces.

"My daughter is not a vegetable! She is the sweetest, kindest thing ever! Yatta yatta yatta. How DARE you tell me where I can and can't take my own child!"

Realizing what she thought I meant, I quickly tried to cover up my rear end.

"Oh no. No. No. No. I didn't mean it that way! I was just referring to this rotten bag of spinach!"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HER?"

I pull out the bag of spinach from the backpack. One of the guys from the group walks up to me and says "You think you're funny? Try taking care of a child with cerebral palsy, let alone suffer from it! I'm sure you wouldn't be loving laughing."

Before giving me another chance to explain myself, he walks between my girlfriend and I as to cut off our spot in line. Then he signals for the rest of the group to walk right by us. I had already waited in line for approximately 40 minutes, and now a group of 20+ people felt they had the right to budge us in line because of a simple misunderstanding.

"What do you think you're doing?" I ask him

"We're going on this ride before you."

"What gives you the right to do that?"

"You loving insulted my niece, that's what!"

My girlfriend is telling me to let it go, but I'm not letting this douchebag get away with this. So I walk ahead to the front of the group to reassert our position in line. The mother says "no, you're gonna have to wait in line like everybody else."

WTF?

I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. People from the group were forcefully pushing me to the back of the line. My brain was about to explode from the absurdness of the situation. Without thinking, I immediately turned around and swung at the douchebag who cut us off, hitting him square in the jaw. By this time, the rest of the people in line were watching us.

My girlfriend rushed over and pulled me out of there before I heard one of the ladies from the group scream "I NEED A CAST MEMBER!"

Two park employees came running up to us asking what all the commotion was. The mother of the handicapped girl told them how we had PERSONALLY insulted her child, as well as other disabled children in general. Then they said that I had tried taking their place in line because I thought their group was too large. THEN the one d-bag showed the staff his swollen cheek, saying how I turned violent when I wouldn't return to my place in line. That part was true, but the way he explained it to them made it seem like I went Marsellus Wallace on his rear end.

Then I told them my side of the story. They didn't believe it. A nice cast member by the name of Carl escorted us out of the park. I am now banned from all Disney parks for life.

We went to Knott's the next day without any incident or vegetables.

TLDR; my spinach went bad, some crazy woman assumed I was insulting her disabled daughter and I am now no longer allowed to visit the Happiest Place on Earth.

edit 1: The staff at Disney showed us the footage of the incident before we were escorted out. I did punch another man in the face, and that's probably the main reason why I am banned. I hosed up there but I choose not to dwell on it."

# ¿ Sep 1, 2014 12:51

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

# ¿ Sep 30, 2014 07:40

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

# ¿ Oct 2, 2014 04:20

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

# ¿ Oct 5, 2014 02:44

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

El Estrago Bonito posted:

Yeah the only place I won't book hotels through a third party is Vegas, because Vegas works very very hard to make sure that you get amazing deals by booking directly and most places there are taking a loss on the rooms anyway so they bend over to accommodate you (most of the strip has frankly amazing customer service all around for obvious reasons). Other places having used Hotels.com and Expedia has saved my rear end at the last minute a ton of times.

Third party sites like Expedia and Travelocity are a bad idea, they sometimes just book you to a random room without taking into account any considerations you've made (non-smoking, pet friendly, etc.). And then if you need to make any changes or anything, you can't get a refund through the hotel, you have to go through the website.

A better plan is to check the rates on the website, then call the hotel and say "hey Travelocity is offering X room at $XX.XX, can you match that?" 99% of the time they will, just to save everyone the hassle.

# ¿ Oct 5, 2014 19:33

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

The misspelling of Helen bothers me the most.

# ¿ Oct 16, 2014 20:32

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

# ¿ Nov 9, 2014 20:18

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

# ¿ Nov 12, 2014 04:38

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

People who are REALLY into Disney are weird as gently caress.

# ¿ Nov 12, 2014 08:49

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

# ¿ Nov 16, 2014 18:09

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Boris Galerkin posted:

What is a troper tia

Deadpan Snarkers

(aka "everything I say sounds like a bad Terry Pratchett book")

# ¿ Nov 19, 2014 01:32

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

quote:

So post Christmas, wife decided we should take bub to the local shopping centre to buy some bub stuff. Now, since becoming a parent, I LOVE Parents With Prams parking spots. They're usually in the shade, and oversized so its easy to get bub in and out of the car from their safety seats.

Driving down to the PWP section, I spot a lady just finishing loading up her bub and about to leave. She gives me a thumbs up, I give her a wave and wait. She backs out and then as she drives away, some guy revs his car into the spot from the opposite direction! This guy proceeds to get out of his car, and it was obvious he doesn't even have a kid with him.

Fine, I'll find somewhere else. But as he leaves towards the mall, I wind down my window and politely ask if he wouldn't park in a PWP space if he doesn't have kids. What do I get in return? "gently caress you! I don't care if it's a handicap spot, it's still space!" He storms off, wife and I left speechless.

So I drive a bit further down and there was an empty spot. We got out, pram deployed, and proceed towards the mall. Passing douchebag's car ignited a degree of hatred in me and then I had a light bulb moment. "Go ahead inside honey, I forgot my phone in the car."

As they walk off, I walk back to my car. Now during the journey over, bub had a bit of an accident and we had to change her diaper en route. Grabbing the bagged diaper, I also grabbed a piece of paper and wrote "KIDS, EH?" on it. Returning to douchebag's car, I smear the "accident" all over the insides of the driver side door handle, dropped the diaper on the bonnet, popped the paper on his windscreen wiper and walked away. Satisfied.

I don't know what happened to douchebag, because when we came back 2 hours later the car was gone. Even the diaper was no where to be seen.

# ¿ Jan 2, 2015 05:22

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. But Reddit would.

# ¿ Jan 6, 2015 23:00

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

EmmyOk posted:

Did you know niggardly is a real word but is not an adjective for niggers? Yes you did because you're not a spastic. Some people don't apparently, and here's some STDH based around this hilarious misunderstanding

http://imgur.com/gallery/RAKPS

The only time anyone ever uses that word is to show how ~edgy~ and un-PC they are. There are so many synonyms that are way clearer, why not just say "stingy" or "cheap"?

# ¿ Jan 12, 2015 05:42

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# ¿ May 12, 2024 16:32

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

quote:

Hi everyone, I work at a big box retail store that charges people a membership fee in order to shop at our store. Due to this fee some customers act very entitled which is to be expected I guess. Here is an interaction I had last week with an entitled bi**h aka EB.

I get a call on the walkie saying that there is a problem in one of our healthy food isles. I quickly make my way there and hear EB yelling at a fellow employee who I will refer to as Ryan.

EB: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT HAVE ANY MORE QUINOA!!??!"

Ryan: "Sorry mam I've checked the computer and its showing we do not have any more in stock."

EB: "You people are so useless. What's the point of paying to shop here if you people are good for nothing?"

This is where I cut in.

Me: "Hi there. As Ryan already told you there is no more quinoa is there anythjng else I can help you with?"

EB: "Yes get me some drat quinoa."

Me: "Sorry mam there isnt any in the isle and someone's already checked to see if its in stock if you come back tomo..."

EB: "I OWN YOU. I DEMAND THAT YOU BRING ME QUINOA NOW. I DON'T CARE IF YOU NEED TO GO TO ANOTHER STORE TO GET IT! I WANT MY QUINOA AND I WANT IT NOW. I PAY THE PRICE YOU'RE NO MORE THAN MY MAID!!!!!"

The amount of anger going through me was incredible. I've never dealt with someone this hostile and ridiculous in my life. I'm usually a pretty calm person but after being mistreated like this something inside me snapped.

Me: "Just because you pay to shop here does not give you the right to act like a stuck up bitch."

She was stunned. Her jaw dropped and she turned completely white. This didnt last more than 5 seconds because she immediately started to turn bright red.

EB: "I'M GOING TO HAVE YOU FIRED. I'M GOING TO FIRE YOU. YOU CANT TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!!!"

I walked away and expected to be fired. But I didn't care I felt so relieved. About 15 minutes later I find out my manager had heard the whole thing, revoked her membership and banned her from the store. Ah sweet justice.

# ¿ Jan 18, 2015 04:02

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

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