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 Russia is a big country with lots of people, some of whom are decent at football. The country is a little bigger than it used to be, but not as big as it was before that, since annexing parts of neighbouring countries became cool again. Eventually some Crimeans will play for the Russian national team and Ukraine will be sad. Russia is the host country for the 2018 World Cup so they will be hoping for a strong showing this time out to try and prove that they deserve to host the next one on footballing terms, and not just because of their racist fans, autocratic government, crumbling infrastructure, terrible record at hosting major sporting events, and massive bribes to FIFA. Russia's best performance in a recent tournament was reaching the semifinals of Euro 2008 before losing to eventual winners Spain. They then failed to qualify for the 2010 World Cup and then didn't make it out of their group at Euro 2012.  Russia just barely beat out Ronald + 10 others to automatic qualification for the World Cup, but really Ronald should be happy for that because without the chance to show up Zlatan he never would have won his fancy balloon, so really Russia did him and the entire country of Portugal a favour. Russia have been drawn into Group H of the World Cup, and will face Belgium, Algeria, and South Korea. This is a fairly wide open group with no clear favourite. Pretty much the only safe bet is that Algeria will finish last because they're one of the weakest teams in Brazil. The Boss: The  He's a pretty obscure manager that no one has ever heard of, although he did lead a country no one likes (England) to embarrassing defeat at the 2010 World Cup so the rest of the world has a soft spot for him. Anyway, he's old now and basically just riding out the millions of rubles he's getting paid until his retirement which will probably be after the 2018 World Cup, provided he doesn't get fired or blown up by Chechens before then. The Squad: Literally everyone called up for the team plays in Russia, because Russians are nationalistic as gently caress and all their decent players who went abroad after Euro 2008 have now either returned home to Russia or become so poo poo that they didn't even get called up, or both. Also there's a shitton of money in Russian football but no one who isn't Russian wants to live in Russia, so it's very hard to sign players away from the Russian league. Goalkeepers: Igor Akinfeev (CSKA Moscow), Yury Lodygin (Zenit St. Petersburg), Sergey Ryzhikov (Rubin Kazan). Defenders: Vasili Berezutskiy (CSKA Moscow), Vladimir Granat (Dynamo Moscow), Andrey Eshchenko (Anzhi Makhachkala), Sergey Ignashevich (CSKA Moscow), Alexey Kozlov (Dynamo Moscow), Dmitry Kombarov (Spartak Moscow), Andrey Semenov (Terek Grozny), Georgi Schennikov (CSKA Moscow). Midfielders: Denis Glushakov (Spartak Moscow), Igor Denisov (Dynamo Moscow), Alan Dzagoev (CSKA Moscow), Yury Zhirkov (Dynamo Moscow), Alexey Ionov (Dynamo Moscow), Pavel Mogilevets (Rubin Kazan), Alexander Samedov (Lokomotiv Moscow), Victor Faizulin (Zenit St Petersburg), Oleg Shatov (Zenit St. Petersburg), Roman Shirokov (Krasnodar). Forwards: Maxim Kanunnikov (Amkar Perm), Alexander Kerzhakov (Zenit St Petersburg), Alexander Kokorin (Dynamo Moscow). Noteworthy Players:  Igor Akinfeev, Goalkeeper Akinfeev is a pretty good goalkeeper. He was one of the stars of Russia's Euro 2008 team and was expected to be a star of the future. Instead he got injured a lot and has never left CSKA Moscow. Expect him to be solid and play every game.  Vasili Berezutski, Defender This guy also plays for CSKA, but unfortunately his twin brother Alexei did not make the team so we won't get to see Capello make one of them the captain just so that he can tell them apart on the pitch.  Sergei Ignashevich, Defender Ignashevich is really old but apparently still pretty good. He plays everywhere along the backline and in defensive midfield. He was named in the Russian League's Best XI for 11 years in a row from 2001 to 2011.  Dmitri Kombarov, Defender Another identical twin, Kombarov is an aggressive left back who I would expect to start most games.  Yuri Zhirkov, Midfielder Zhirkov played for Chelsea for two years after Euro 2008, making him one of the more recognizable players to non-Russian football fans. His time there was pretty unremarkable, though, except for this one goal. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AyI_snsLI0  Roman Shirokov, Midfielder, Captain Jonathan Wilson called him "a deep-lying midfielder with an aptitude for getting forward to score goals" once and some random blog I found said he was basically a Russian Frank Lampard, so expect him to show up, be fat, eat pies, and score a goal by bouncing a ball off seven players in a crowded penalty area. Also, he called Spartak "pigs" once and described Slovakia as a kolkhoz (collective farm), so he's just a classy guy all round, as you can see from his excellent fashion sense, and an excellent choice as captain.  Igor Denisov, Midfielder Denisov is a tough defensive midfielder who is angry all the time and seems to want to fight everyone. He refused to play in the semifinal of Euro 2008 against Spain because he was mad about something. He has gotten in fights with his own coaches, other teams' coaches, and the management of his own club, which sent him to train with the youth team for protesting against his club paying black people more money than him, saying they had lost "respect for the Russian players which Zenit has always relied upon." He's also the Russian team captain sometimes, thanks to his forceful and winning personality.  Alan Dzagoev, Midfielder Frodo Baggins plays attacking midfield. He's still only 23 and holds the record for youngest outfield player ever to play for Russia. Some club is perennially linked with bringing him out of Russia and to be fair he's actually pretty good at football. He was joint top scorer at Euro 2012 with three goals despite Russia not making it out of the group stage.  Aleksandr Kerzhakov, Forward Kerzhekov is a deep-lying forward and the scoringest striker ever to play for Russia, with over 200 competitive goals to his name for club and country. He released an autobiography at age 20 and is a big-time celebrity who appears on magazine covers and gets articles about him on esteemed websites like https://www.whosdatedwho.com and celebrityhairstylez.com. The Verdict: Russia will probably get out of their group. If Capello is as good as Hiddink was they might make it to the quarterfinals, but he's notoriously bad at tournaments like this so they'll probably bottle it hilariously, only finish 2nd in their group thanks to a hilariously shaky 1-1 draw with Algeria, and then crash out in the knockout stage when they have to play someone better than loving Belgium. 
vyelkin fucked around with this message at 06:10 on May 27, 2014 |
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May 25, 2014 23:18
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Do the Russians love their football too?
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May 25, 2014 23:19
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Apparently the forum did not like me trying to include Cyrillic in a thread title.
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May 25, 2014 23:19
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Pissflaps posted:Do the Russians love their football too? Yes, except when black people play it. 
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May 25, 2014 23:20
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давай сове́тские хуи́
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May 25, 2014 23:23
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слава!!!!
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May 25, 2014 23:23
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гей качестве уничижительное
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May 25, 2014 23:27
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You forgot to profile the russian Justin Bieber and biggest dreamboat on the team, Aleksander Kokorin. He usually plays on the wing, but can also be played as a central striker/center forward. Outside of Dzagoev, he is the next big thing in russian football. Have this lovely goal he scored in qualifications: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgfDMpEkcH8 It is to be noted, that russian teams have the temperament of bi-polar teenagers, there are three legit hotheads with Shirokov, Denisov and Kherzy. Although they should surely advance out of the group, there also a like chance of a complete embarrassing meltdown. That said, i'm a crimean and with my new found nationality(thanks to Puti!), вперед Россия! vivisectvnv fucked around with this message at 01:36 on May 26, 2014 |
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May 26, 2014 01:30
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i cheer this team after spain. thank yous comrades
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May 26, 2014 05:52
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Thanks Finn for helping out with the thread title.
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May 26, 2014 06:35
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This is my best Russian thing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOzkN8dHnjk
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May 27, 2014 02:28
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If this was Russia's World Cup song they would win every tournament forever. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGPRnzQY11U
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May 27, 2014 06:09
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The only way Mother Russia could be improved is if this man was leading them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTyvTv4lsD4
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May 27, 2014 06:59
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Russia are playing Norway in Oslo, and they took the lead after something like 3 minutes. I missed it, because it's sunny outside and I was having a beer. Some people are waving gay flags around. I will not be watching much of this.
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May 31, 2014 15:24
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I'm in St Petersburg for the summer so I will definitely be watching some of Russia's games. I hope they get to play England and I can wear my Scotland top to the bar and yell at the telly until I get kicked out.
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May 31, 2014 16:09
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I hope Russia lose and die (just imo)
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May 31, 2014 16:11
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Norway won 1-1 Russia is dead
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May 31, 2014 17:18
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Worrying that Shirokov still hasn't played, hopefully he is fully fit for WC.
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May 31, 2014 17:41
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Troy Queef posted:The only way Mother Russia could be improved is if this man was leading them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTyvTv4lsD4 This is basically how I imagine Capello spends most of his time in Russia.
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May 31, 2014 20:16
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Coohoolin posted:I'm in St Petersburg for the summer so I will definitely be watching some of Russia's games. I hope they get to play England and I can wear my Scotland top to the bar and yell at the telly until I get kicked out. It's nice that you found a proper Socialist wonderland to visit
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May 31, 2014 22:17
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Hilarious dashcam footage of Russian national team bus getting rammed off the road by a drunk old lady on a tractor with one wheel. Only in Rus. Like and subscribe for more videos
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Jun 1, 2014 13:21
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the sex ghost posted:Hilarious dashcam footage of Russian national team bus getting rammed off the road by a drunk old lady on a tractor with one wheel. Only in Rus. Like and subscribe for more videos One former KGB officer annexes a borderland. You won't BELIEVE the UN's response.
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Jun 1, 2014 13:25
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I will be in Novgorod for the World Cup sharing stories with my socialist tovarischi until they realize my fake Russian accent in English is retarded and proceed to kick my rear end while telling me to go to the khui.
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Jun 1, 2014 13:27
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TimberJoe posted:One former KGB officer annexes a borderland. You won't BELIEVE the UN's response. Moscow mom discovers this one weird trick for annexing territory. World leaders HATE her!
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Jun 1, 2014 13:55
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Capello named final squad. Goalkeepers: Igor Akinfeev (PFC CSKA Moskva), Yuri Lodygin (FC Zenit), Sergei Ryzhikov (FC Rubin Kazan). Defenders: Vasili Berezutski (PFC CSKA Moskva), Sergei Ignashevich (PFC CSKA Moskva), Georgi Schennikov (PFC CSKA Moskva), Vladimir Granat (FC Dinamo Moskva), Aleksei Kozlov (FC Dinamo Moskva), Andrei Eschenko (FC Anji Makhachkala), Dmitri Kombarov (FC Spartak Moskva), Andrei Semenov (FC Terek Grozny). Midfielders: Igor Denisov (FC Dinamo Moskva), Alan Dzagoev (PFC CSKA Moskva), Roman Shirokov (FC Krasnodar), Denis Glushakov (FC Spartak Moskva), Viktor Fayzulin (FC Zenit), Oleg Shatov (FC Zenit), Yuri Zhirkov (FC Dinamo Moskva). Forwards: Aleksandr Kokorin (FC Dinamo Moskva), Aleksandr Kerzhakov (FC Zenit), Maksim Kanunnikov (FC Rubin Kazan), Aleksei Ionov (FC Dinamo Moskva), Aleksandr Samedov (FC Lokomotiv Moskva). Really odd to see Kanunnukov over Dzubya, who was the highest scoring Russian player in the RPL this season. Also Shirokov has an achilles injury, no idea of the severity.
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Jun 2, 2014 17:16
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Aren't there any good Russian players playing in other leagues outside Russia?
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Jun 3, 2014 00:06
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Not really...Cheryshev has huge potential and has been in the Real Madrid system for a bit, Izmilov has seen better years and was pretty good for Sporting....that's about it.
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Jun 3, 2014 02:56
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Aside from Cheryshev there's not much. As I said, some of their better players went abroad after Euro 2008. Think Zhirkov at Chelsea, Arshavin at Arsenal, and Pogrebnyak at Tottenham. But six years on, all the players who went abroad have either returned to Russia (Zhirkov), gotten bad enough that they didn't get called up (Pogrebnyak), or both (Arshavin). There's also serious motivation for Russian teams to keep Russian players, because they have a quota system for Russians on the team, I believe it's 6 + 5 (so 5 players out of the starting XI have to be Russians in every game). The big Russian clubs have enough money backing them that they can pay big wages to the best Russians in order to ensure that half their team aren't garbagemen each week. So even though the best Russian players may want to leave Russia, it takes a lot of money to convince the club to sell them and for the buying club it's usually more trouble than it's worth.
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Jun 3, 2014 05:59
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This guy has the right idea about the state of Russian football:
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Jun 3, 2014 09:58
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Final warm up results in a comfortable 2-0 over Morrocoo, although they looked like absolute dog poo poo in the 1st 15'. Shatov just doesn't belong yet and i really hope Capello uses Dzagoev IF Shirokov is never fit. Have a lovely volley from Zhirkov to make it 2-0:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mt4Ppyu8N2c
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Jun 6, 2014 16:56
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By the way, does anyone know why Russia doesn't use Cyrillic on their jerseys? Is that a FIFA thing?
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Jun 6, 2014 17:14
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vyelkin posted:By the way, does anyone know why Russia doesn't use Cyrillic on their jerseys? Is that a FIFA thing? Yuppers...standardized script and whatnot.
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Jun 6, 2014 17:36
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Welp, Shirokov is officially out,going to have surgery on monday, son of a bitch!
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Jun 6, 2014 17:39
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go rosiya :3
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Jun 17, 2014 22:38
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Capello needs to realize how transformative Dzagoev and Denisov are, please do not start Glushakov or Shatov again.
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Jun 18, 2014 04:22
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vyelkin posted:Moscow mom discovers this one weird trick for annexing territory. World leaders HATE her! Moscow MILF discovers very NICE trick for keeping husband beak like empty toothpaste tube. Husbands love her. http://www.intimfitness.com/
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Jun 18, 2014 04:47
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lol forget everything I said about Akinfeev, he's the Russian Rob Green.
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Jun 18, 2014 07:22
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I remember when he used to be good and there were talks about him moving to a Big Club, but drat, what the gently caress
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Jun 18, 2014 08:54
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Capello has lost the plot, totally destroyed this team. Maybe knowing we have to win against Algeria will make him start dzagoev, kherzy, denisov and have kokorin on the wing....but i doubt it. At least Kozlov looked good before coming off, Yeshchenko is poo poo, still don't understand how he was picked over Anykov.
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Jun 23, 2014 02:47
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vivisectvnv posted:Capello has lost the plot, totally destroyed this team. Maybe knowing we have to win against Algeria will make him start dzagoev, kherzy, denisov and have kokorin on the wing....but i doubt it. It won't. Capello is notoriously bad at knockout tournaments like World Cups. He literally started Matthew Upson in a knockout World Cup game against Germany. And he scored! And the midfield in that game was a Gerrard/Lampard supershow. Capello's game-changing substitutions to try and win from behind were to bring on Joe Cole, Emile Heskey, and Shaun Wright-Phillips. He's pretty clueless.
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Jun 26, 2014 06:53
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