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  • Locked thread
WetNightmare

by sebmojo
GEORGE: It's over, Jerry! Over! She found it!
JERRY: Found what?
GEORGE: My waifu. And it wasn't even presentable. It was a Saturday, a day before I take it to the laundry every week. That's what bothers me, Jerry. She found it in its dirtiest, most cum-encrusted state! There's no way now!
JERRY: *half-listening* Dirty waifu, no way.
GEORGE: I got it. I tell her the waifu was yours. You come by, pick it up. Problem solved!
JERRY: I'm not touching your waifu. You just said how cummy it was. I'm not taking that thing out to the car.
GEORGE: Ah, c'mon Jerry! The waifu! I need you for the waifu!
JERRY: I said I'm not touching the waifu.
GEORGE: Ya'gotta touch the waifu! Touch the waifu Jerry!

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PandaCookies

Delicious endangered confection!
What's the deal with airplane food.

SIDS Vicious


the episode where kramer said the n word

Kayle7

Little solace comes
to those who grieve
when thoughts keep drifting
as walls keep shifting
and this great blue world of ours
seems a house of leaves
moments before the wind.

WetNightmare posted:

GEORGE: It's over, Jerry! Over! She found it!
JERRY: Found what?
GEORGE: My waifu. And it wasn't even presentable. It was a Saturday, a day before I take it to the laundry every week. That's what bothers me, Jerry. She found it in its dirtiest, most cum-encrusted state! There's no way now!
JERRY: *half-listening* Dirty waifu, no way.
GEORGE: I got it. I tell her the waifu was yours. You come by, pick it up. Problem solved!
JERRY: I'm not touching your waifu. You just said how cummy it was. I'm not taking that thing out to the car.
GEORGE: Ah, c'mon Jerry! The waifu! I need you for the waifu!
JERRY: I said I'm not touching the waifu.
GEORGE: Ya'gotta touch the waifu! Touch the waifu Jerry!

geroge would be a brony after hooking up with a hardcore brony chick, but he'd get too into it in order to try to impress her and she'd dump him.

WetNightmare

by sebmojo
^lol

Barco Fiesta




a fantasy of olives

WetNightmare posted:

GEORGE: It's over, Jerry! Over! She found it!
JERRY: Found what?
GEORGE: My waifu. And it wasn't even presentable. It was a Saturday, a day before I take it to the laundry every week. That's what bothers me, Jerry. She found it in its dirtiest, most cum-encrusted state! There's no way now!
JERRY: *half-listening* Dirty waifu, no way.
GEORGE: I got it. I tell her the waifu was yours. You come by, pick it up. Problem solved!
JERRY: I'm not touching your waifu. You just said how cummy it was. I'm not taking that thing out to the car.
GEORGE: Ah, c'mon Jerry! The waifu! I need you for the waifu!
JERRY: I said I'm not touching the waifu.
GEORGE: Ya'gotta touch the waifu! Touch the waifu Jerry!

loving lol

WetNightmare

by sebmojo
george becomes an adult baby. he isn't into it at all but he is into laying around doing nothing all day. when his girlfriend goes to work he take off his diaper and lays around her apartment all day. the only catch is the diaper. george hates it. jerry suggests why not be a naked ghetto baby but it doesnt work. georges girlfriend comes home early one day to find him smoking a cigar watching espn sans diaper. she asks what hes doing and he sheepishly says "goo goo ga ga?" and the cigar falls out his mouth and burns his chest a little "get out! out!"

WetNightmare fucked around with this message at 10:29 on Jul 14, 2014

Grey Skies

by FactsAreUseless
George: Ahh poo poo Jerry, I'm in trouble.
Jerry: Why's that George?
George: Ah I murdered Elaine, Jerry. I flat out killed her.
*laugh track*
Jerry: You killed her?
George: I think I raped her first
*laugh track*
Jerry: You think??
George: I was high on meth at the time Jerry, it was out of control!!
*laugh track, applause*

WetNightmare

by sebmojo
lmao

WetNightmare

by sebmojo
GEORGE: How does one go about it?
JERRY: Getting fisted?
GEORGE: Yeah. I mean do I just ask her?
JERRY: Well you don't wanna do that. There has to be a way. *sips coffee*

Pedantra

by Lowtax

WetNightmare posted:

GEORGE: It's over, Jerry! Over! She found it!
JERRY: Found what?
GEORGE: My waifu. And it wasn't even presentable. It was a Saturday, a day before I take it to the laundry every week. That's what bothers me, Jerry. She found it in its dirtiest, most cum-encrusted state! There's no way now!
JERRY: *half-listening* Dirty waifu, no way.
GEORGE: I got it. I tell her the waifu was yours. You come by, pick it up. Problem solved!
JERRY: I'm not touching your waifu. You just said how cummy it was. I'm not taking that thing out to the car.
GEORGE: Ah, c'mon Jerry! The waifu! I need you for the waifu!
JERRY: I said I'm not touching the waifu.
GEORGE: Ya'gotta touch the waifu! Touch the waifu Jerry!

Grey Skies

by FactsAreUseless
code:
117 INT. JERRY’S OFFICE – SAME TIME – NIGHT (PRESENT) 117
… the surface of the Pensieve, where Kramer quivers.
We RACK FOCUS and Jerry’s troubled face bleeds
through Kramer’s.

GEORGE
Sir –

Jerry holds up his withered hand, silencing him,
turns away. George studies him, waiting, the hush
palpable.

JERRY
(haunted)
This is beyond anything I
imagined. In my life I have seen
things that are unimaginably
horrific. I know now… you will
see worse.

Jerry looks off, his eyes distant. George watches
him intently, as do the NEWYORKERS in their frames
above. Finally, tentatively, George speaks.

GEORGE
Do you mean to say he succeeded,
sir? In making a Horcrux?

JERRY
Oh he succeeded. And not just
once. Think, George. He’s just
told us.

GEORGE
Seven. He made seven — the most
powerfully magical number. But…
what are they exactly?

(CONTINUED)

GEORGE COSTANZA… HALF-BLOOD PRINCE – Rev. 11/6/07 116.
117 CONTINUED: 117

JERRY
They can be anything. The most
commonplace of objects. A ring,
for example. Or a book…

Jerry slides open a drawer, removes the RING and Cosmo
Kramer’s battered DIARY.

GEORGE
Cosmo Kramer’s diary –

JERRY
It’s a Horcrux, yes. Four years
ago, when you saved Elaine's
life in the Chamber of
Secrets, when you brought me
this –
(holding up the
diary)
I knew. This was a different kind
of magic. Very dark. Very
powerful. But until tonight, I
had no idea just how powerful…

GEORGE
And the ring…?

JERRY
Belonged to Kramer’s mother.
It was difficult to find and…
(raising his damaged
hand)
… even more difficult to
destroy.

GEORGE
But if you could find them all.
If you did destroy each Horcrux…

JERRY
One destroys Kramer.

George begins to reach out for the ring…

GEORGE
But how would you find them? They
could be hidden anywhere, couldn’t
they…

JERRY
True. But magic, especially Dark
magic…

I Dunno

Jerry and Elaine are talking in Jerry's apartment.

Elaine: So the date goes fine and he invites me up to his apartment.

Jerry: Go on....

Elaine: When we get up there he goes into the bathroom for a second. So I'm waiting out in the living room and I notice that, on a shelf, he has a collection of anime figurines.

Jerry: No!

*audience laughs*

Elaine: Yes! And when I walked up to the shelf to get a closer look, I saw that there was a drop of cum on one of the figurines!

*audience laughs*

Jerry looks aghast.

Jerry: Not only does he brazenly display a collection of anime figurines, he has the indescretion to leave drops of cum on them?!

Elaine: I know Jerry, I know!

Jerry: So what did you do?

Elaine: When he came back I made an excuse and got the hell out of there.

*audience laughs*

Jerry: Well, I think you m-

Kramer bursts in through the door.

*audience applauds*

Kramer: Jerry! Oh, hey Elaine.

Elaine: Hey.

Kramer: Jerry, I need to borrow your computer.

Jerry: My computer? What for?

Kramer: You know, I'm mining those bitcoins!

*audience laughs*

Jerry: Bitcoins? Really? Don't you know that's all just a waste of time?

Kramer: Not a waste of time. I know a guy - Ronny - he got super rich doing this! He lives in a fancy penthouse uptown now and everything!

Jerry: And everything. Why do people always add "and everything" to things? "And everything," like it's possible to have everything.

*audience laughs*

Kramer: So can I borrow it?

Jerry: Absolutely not!

Elaine: Why can't he borrow it? He's just mining buttcoins or whatever.

Kramer: Bitcoins!

*audience laughs*

Jerry: Eh, I just don't like the whole idea of it. A computer is a very personal thing! It's like a big collection of your habits and doings - I wouldn't feel comfortable just letting other people use it!

Kramer: Oh, come on Jerry! It's a goldmine!

Jerry: No, and that's final.

Kramer: Fine! You'll regret it you know. I would've shared some of it with you.

Jerry: Yeah, yeah, sure.

Kramer: You'll see!

Kramer leaves.

*audience applauds*

Jerry sighs.

Jerry: Anyway, what are you going to do about figurine guy?

Elaine: He keeps calling me but I'm just going to ignore him and hope he gives up.

Jerry: Good idea.

i am he

I Dunno posted:

Jerry and Elaine are talking in Jerry's apartment.

Elaine: So the date goes fine and he invites me up to his apartment.

Jerry: Go on....

Elaine: When we get up there he goes into the bathroom for a second. So I'm waiting out in the living room and I notice that, on a shelf, he has a collection of anime figurines.

Jerry: No!

*audience laughs*

Elaine: Yes! And when I walked up to the shelf to get a closer look, I saw that there was a drop of cum on one of the figurines!

*audience laughs*

Jerry looks aghast.

Jerry: Not only does he brazenly display a collection of anime figurines, he has the indescretion to leave drops of cum on them?!

Elaine: I know Jerry, I know!

Jerry: So what did you do?

Elaine: When he came back I made an excuse and got the hell out of there.

*audience laughs*

Jerry: Well, I think you m-

Kramer bursts in through the door.

*audience applauds*

Kramer: Jerry! Oh, hey Elaine.

Elaine: Hey.

Kramer: Jerry, I need to borrow your computer.

Jerry: My computer? What for?

Kramer: You know, I'm mining those bitcoins!

*audience laughs*

Jerry: Bitcoins? Really? Don't you know that's all just a waste of time?

Kramer: Not a waste of time. I know a guy - Ronny - he got super rich doing this! He lives in a fancy penthouse uptown now and everything!

Jerry: And everything. Why do people always add "and everything" to things? "And everything," like it's possible to have everything.

*audience laughs*

Kramer: So can I borrow it?

Jerry: Absolutely not!

Elaine: Why can't he borrow it? He's just mining buttcoins or whatever.

Kramer: Bitcoins!

*audience laughs*

Jerry: Eh, I just don't like the whole idea of it. A computer is a very personal thing! It's like a big collection of your habits and doings - I wouldn't feel comfortable just letting other people use it!

Kramer: Oh, come on Jerry! It's a goldmine!

Jerry: No, and that's final.

Kramer: Fine! You'll regret it you know. I would've shared some of it with you.

Jerry: Yeah, yeah, sure.

Kramer: You'll see!

Kramer leaves.

*audience applauds*

Jerry sighs.

Jerry: Anyway, what are you going to do about figurine guy?

Elaine: He keeps calling me but I'm just going to ignore him and hope he gives up.

Jerry: Good idea.

dogcrash truther

I Dunno posted:

Kramer: Bitcoins!

dogcrash truther
George: He's reblogging!

Jerry: So he's reblogging.

George: Without attribution!

tradjik

you guys are good at seinfeld its like im watchinfg

Pedantra

by Lowtax

dogcrash truther posted:

George: He's reblogging!

Jerry: So he's reblogging.

George: Without attribution!

dogcrash truther
"The Selfie" - Kramer finds himself mobbed by women when he takes the perfect selfie for his Tindr profile.

Pizzatime

seinfeld is german for his field

ulvir

WetNightmare posted:

GEORGE: It's over, Jerry! Over! She found it!
JERRY: Found what?
GEORGE: My waifu. And it wasn't even presentable. It was a Saturday, a day before I take it to the laundry every week. That's what bothers me, Jerry. She found it in its dirtiest, most cum-encrusted state! There's no way now!
JERRY: *half-listening* Dirty waifu, no way.
GEORGE: I got it. I tell her the waifu was yours. You come by, pick it up. Problem solved!
JERRY: I'm not touching your waifu. You just said how cummy it was. I'm not taking that thing out to the car.
GEORGE: Ah, c'mon Jerry! The waifu! I need you for the waifu!
JERRY: I said I'm not touching the waifu.
GEORGE: Ya'gotta touch the waifu! Touch the waifu Jerry!

read all this in jerry's and george's voice

ulvir

I Dunno posted:

Jerry and Elaine are talking in Jerry's apartment.

Elaine: So the date goes fine and he invites me up to his apartment.

Jerry: Go on....

Elaine: When we get up there he goes into the bathroom for a second. So I'm waiting out in the living room and I notice that, on a shelf, he has a collection of anime figurines.

Jerry: No!

*audience laughs*

Elaine: Yes! And when I walked up to the shelf to get a closer look, I saw that there was a drop of cum on one of the figurines!

*audience laughs*

Jerry looks aghast.

Jerry: Not only does he brazenly display a collection of anime figurines, he has the indescretion to leave drops of cum on them?!

Elaine: I know Jerry, I know!

Jerry: So what did you do?

Elaine: When he came back I made an excuse and got the hell out of there.

*audience laughs*

Jerry: Well, I think you m-

Kramer bursts in through the door.

*audience applauds*

Kramer: Jerry! Oh, hey Elaine.

Elaine: Hey.

Kramer: Jerry, I need to borrow your computer.

Jerry: My computer? What for?

Kramer: You know, I'm mining those bitcoins!

*audience laughs*

Jerry: Bitcoins? Really? Don't you know that's all just a waste of time?

Kramer: Not a waste of time. I know a guy - Ronny - he got super rich doing this! He lives in a fancy penthouse uptown now and everything!

Jerry: And everything. Why do people always add "and everything" to things? "And everything," like it's possible to have everything.

*audience laughs*

Kramer: So can I borrow it?

Jerry: Absolutely not!

Elaine: Why can't he borrow it? He's just mining buttcoins or whatever.

Kramer: Bitcoins!

*audience laughs*

Jerry: Eh, I just don't like the whole idea of it. A computer is a very personal thing! It's like a big collection of your habits and doings - I wouldn't feel comfortable just letting other people use it!

Kramer: Oh, come on Jerry! It's a goldmine!

Jerry: No, and that's final.

Kramer: Fine! You'll regret it you know. I would've shared some of it with you.

Jerry: Yeah, yeah, sure.

Kramer: You'll see!

Kramer leaves.

*audience applauds*

Jerry sighs.

Jerry: Anyway, what are you going to do about figurine guy?

Elaine: He keeps calling me but I'm just going to ignore him and hope he gives up.

Jerry: Good idea.

ulvir

Pizzatime posted:

seinfeld is german for his field

Comedy? das ist sein feld

mags

I am a congenital optimist.
"Omegle" (2014): Elaine walks in on George showing his dick on Omegle. Kramer buys a Google Glass. (CC). New.

playground tough
Kramer: Well ya gotta juice up the profile description.
Jerry: So let me get this straight, you're pretending to be the lead singer of a boy band on the internet and you call that "Juicing up the profile?"
*Laughs*
Kramer: Nudes, Jerry, NUDES!
*Applause*

playground tough

CAT BRUSH posted:

"The Omegle" (2014): Elaine walks in on George showing his dick on Omegle. Kramer buys a Google Glass. (CC). New.

Diqnol

WetNightmare posted:

GEORGE: It's over, Jerry! Over! She found it!
JERRY: Found what?
GEORGE: My waifu. And it wasn't even presentable. It was a Saturday, a day before I take it to the laundry every week. That's what bothers me, Jerry. She found it in its dirtiest, most cum-encrusted state! There's no way now!
JERRY: *half-listening* Dirty waifu, no way.
GEORGE: I got it. I tell her the waifu was yours. You come by, pick it up. Problem solved!
JERRY: I'm not touching your waifu. You just said how cummy it was. I'm not taking that thing out to the car.
GEORGE: Ah, c'mon Jerry! The waifu! I need you for the waifu!
JERRY: I said I'm not touching the waifu.
GEORGE: Ya'gotta touch the waifu! Touch the waifu Jerry!

ulvir

"The Rights" (2014): Kramer learns about a rights movement for men through his friend Mickey Abbott. Elaine starts a supposed ancient diet after a comment from a kid.

mags

I am a congenital optimist.

ulvir posted:

"The Rights" (2014): Kramer learns about a rights movement for men through his friend Mickey Abbott. Elaine starts a supposed ancient diet after a comment from a kid.

"The Transformation" (2014): Kramer puts on a trilby and begins defending Ubisoft for not putting playable women in Assassin's Creed. George has an autocorrect mishap.

playground tough
Carol: Elaine, ya gottaa get on pinterest!

Pizzatime

ulvir posted:

Comedy? das ist sein feld

haha holy crap

playground tough
The pink sock: Jerry's new bimbo never spells out the word "you" in text messages. George and Elaine get trapped in an elevator in the new world trade building. Kramer has an accident experimenting with prostate stimulation after a routine colonoscopy.

Slaapaav

by Azathoth

WetNightmare posted:

GEORGE: It's over, Jerry! Over! She found it!
JERRY: Found what?
GEORGE: My waifu. And it wasn't even presentable. It was a Saturday, a day before I take it to the laundry every week. That's what bothers me, Jerry. She found it in its dirtiest, most cum-encrusted state! There's no way now!
JERRY: *half-listening* Dirty waifu, no way.
GEORGE: I got it. I tell her the waifu was yours. You come by, pick it up. Problem solved!
JERRY: I'm not touching your waifu. You just said how cummy it was. I'm not taking that thing out to the car.
GEORGE: Ah, c'mon Jerry! The waifu! I need you for the waifu!
JERRY: I said I'm not touching the waifu.
GEORGE: Ya'gotta touch the waifu! Touch the waifu Jerry!

this is a work of art

WetNightmare

by sebmojo

I Dunno posted:

Jerry and Elaine are talking in Jerry's apartment.

Elaine: So the date goes fine and he invites me up to his apartment.

Jerry: Go on....

Elaine: When we get up there he goes into the bathroom for a second. So I'm waiting out in the living room and I notice that, on a shelf, he has a collection of anime figurines.

Jerry: No!

*audience laughs*

Elaine: Yes! And when I walked up to the shelf to get a closer look, I saw that there was a drop of cum on one of the figurines!

*audience laughs*

Jerry looks aghast.

Jerry: Not only does he brazenly display a collection of anime figurines, he has the indescretion to leave drops of cum on them?!

Elaine: I know Jerry, I know!

Jerry: So what did you do?

Elaine: When he came back I made an excuse and got the hell out of there.

*audience laughs*

Jerry: Well, I think you m-

Kramer bursts in through the door.

*audience applauds*

Kramer: Jerry! Oh, hey Elaine.

Elaine: Hey.

Kramer: Jerry, I need to borrow your computer.

Jerry: My computer? What for?

Kramer: You know, I'm mining those bitcoins!

*audience laughs*

Jerry: Bitcoins? Really? Don't you know that's all just a waste of time?

Kramer: Not a waste of time. I know a guy - Ronny - he got super rich doing this! He lives in a fancy penthouse uptown now and everything!

Jerry: And everything. Why do people always add "and everything" to things? "And everything," like it's possible to have everything.

*audience laughs*

Kramer: So can I borrow it?

Jerry: Absolutely not!

Elaine: Why can't he borrow it? He's just mining buttcoins or whatever.

Kramer: Bitcoins!

*audience laughs*

Jerry: Eh, I just don't like the whole idea of it. A computer is a very personal thing! It's like a big collection of your habits and doings - I wouldn't feel comfortable just letting other people use it!

Kramer: Oh, come on Jerry! It's a goldmine!

Jerry: No, and that's final.

Kramer: Fine! You'll regret it you know. I would've shared some of it with you.

Jerry: Yeah, yeah, sure.

Kramer: You'll see!

Kramer leaves.

*audience applauds*

Jerry sighs.

Jerry: Anyway, what are you going to do about figurine guy?

Elaine: He keeps calling me but I'm just going to ignore him and hope he gives up.

Jerry: Good idea.

this is the hardest ive ever laughed @ anything written on byob and im only midway through

WetNightmare

by sebmojo

CAT BRUSH posted:

"Omegle" (2014): Elaine walks in on George showing his dick on Omegle. Kramer buys a Google Glass. (CC). New.

hahahaa gently caress

Pinche Rudo

I am laughing to myself on the bus thinking of George yelling "My waifu!" In that annoying squeal

WetNightmare

by sebmojo

Squirrel007 posted:

The pink sock: Jerry's new bimbo never spells out the word "you" in text messages. George and Elaine get trapped in an elevator in the new world trade building. Kramer has an accident experimenting with prostate stimulation after a routine colonoscopy.

KRAMER: It's all about the prostate, Jerry. Stay with me on this one. The prostate is a walnut-sized gland located between the bladder and the penis. Still with me so far? Good. It's in front of the rectum -- literally up your butt *makes wild spiral with hands; whistles* and around the corner. Now when that little baby is tapped, *Kramer spasms entire body dramatically* oOOoo boy. It's the p-(*makes popping noise with mouth*)-rostate or it just ain't. I'm a real "prostate man". :smug: A fan, if you will.

WetNightmare

by sebmojo

Colonel Wood posted:

I am laughing to myself on the bus thinking of George yelling "My waifu!" In that annoying squeal

haha that fkkn rules!

dogcrash truther

WetNightmare posted:

KRAMER: It's all about the prostate, Jerry. Stay with me on this one. The prostate is a walnut-sized gland located between the bladder and the penis. Still with me so far? Good. It's in front of the rectum -- just up your butt *makes wild spiral with hands; whistles* and around the corner. Now when that little baby is tapped, *Kramer spasms entire body dramatically* oOOoo boy. It's the p-(*makes popping noise with mouth*)-rostate or it just ain't. I'm a real "prostate man". :smug: A fan, if you will.

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GEExCEE

23:10 * george shakes his head.
23:10 <george> my mother caught me..
23:10 <jerry> caught you? Doing what?
23:11 <george> you know... I was alone...
23:11 <elaine> you mean..?!
23:11 * kramer laughs.
23:11 <kramer> She caught you?
23:11 * elaine laughs.
23:12 <jerry> Where?
23:12 <george> ..I stopped by the house to get some of my tyranids and I went inside for a few minutes..
23:12 <george> nobody was there - they're supposedto be working.
23:12 <george> I found my external and booted it up just for kicks. one minute I was looking at some of my roms, then I found my old doujins, and other thing lead to another...

  • Locked thread