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im a hostage negotiator. im the funny one, i try to make the crazies laugh. if they ask for $90,000 i tell them the best we can do is $80,081.35, and as it dawns on them, i send the boys in. |
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Aug 4, 2014 18:51
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| # ? May 29, 2024 14:23 |
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attica! attica! atticaaaaaaaaaa! |
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Aug 4, 2014 18:52
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*crowd goes wild and starts heckling the cops* |
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Aug 4, 2014 18:52
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me: what do you want buddy? lets do this easy, no funny business. criminal: blue eyes white dragon me: what about 69 blue eyes white dragons haha criminal: just one, or i'll shoot this woman. me: dammit, we got a live one |
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Aug 4, 2014 18:54
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im the crazy one, i toe the line. i dare the criminals to do it. my boss hates me, but i tell him, hey, if a baseball player had my success rate he'd be above average |
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Aug 4, 2014 19:00
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me: so why did the hostage taker cross the road hostage taker: why me: i dont know I was hoping you could tell me hostage taker: you suck me: im sorry the other guy called in sick |
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Aug 4, 2014 19:02
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hostage: i need 10 million and a helicpter NOW! hostage taker: Hey... waot a minute me: you got it just donw hurt anyone, just bring the hostagetaker outside with his hands up and hostage taker: wiat noooo you guys |
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Aug 4, 2014 19:06
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me: what are you gonna do? kill them? why? criminal: give me what i want and i wont. me: i dont care haha, do it man, whatever. criminal: what the gently caress? i'm going to kill these innocent people dude, if you dont give me a car. me: ya? so? i dont care man, you seem like you care a lot criminal: *shoots people* me: ah haha, poo poo. |
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Aug 4, 2014 19:27
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me : its ok guys im not a cop at all, see? *shoots hostage* hostagetakers: hmm maybe hes right actualy, come in and join us do you want tea? me: snicker these terrists are so easely fooled |
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Aug 4, 2014 19:40
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bad guy: im getting fed up with this! im gonna kill someone in five minutes if you dont start playing ball! me: oh haha, sure, i thought you wanted money or something, thats cool though lets shoot some hoops buddy |
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Aug 4, 2014 21:11
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criminal: Ive had it with you clowns! Stop fooling around or the civvie gets it !! me: *takes off clownshoes and red nose 
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Aug 4, 2014 21:19
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gonna give him the ol' lead breakfast eh?? hes gonna get a new piercing? haha gonna make him a holey man?? hahah i hear he's got an iron deficiency maybe you can help!! |
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Aug 4, 2014 21:19
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I'm the passive aggressive negotiator. me: okay we're sending in your pizza and soda now! dude: what the gently caress all the pizzas are anchovy and the soda is fresca!! *laugh to myself* |
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Aug 4, 2014 21:21
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bump |
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Aug 5, 2014 02:00
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me: i dont negotiate with terrorists *smokes cigarette* terrorist: yes you do thats your actual job me : poo poo |
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Aug 5, 2014 02:01
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I'm a loving and caring hostage negotiator. After hearing their plights I join them and help with the executions/escape. |
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Aug 5, 2014 02:04
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I find the hostage-takers' toothbrushes and rub them on my gooch |
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Aug 5, 2014 02:08
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me: [calm and deliberate tone through megaphone] sir, i need you put the barrel of your gun into her ear and squeeze the trigger *entire police force looks at me* me: gently caress...so bad at this |
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Aug 5, 2014 02:09
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Air Julio posted:I find the hostage-takers' toothbrushes and rub them on my gooch he's crazy! he's a loose cannon chief! |
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Aug 5, 2014 02:10
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| # ? May 29, 2024 14:23 |
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criminal: Playtime is over!! Our demands shall be met!! WE have a getawaycar and 10 million in cash!!! criminal: You will bring us TEN hostages or we will blow up the car!! negotiator to chief: chief did u get the okay for the deal? chief: no we only have 8 hostages so far, you have to stall them some more! |
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Aug 5, 2014 16:18
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