|
Egbert Souse posted:Deliberately hitting a sour note on the tuba in an orchestra Not even playing the triangle. At all. Just all be holding it up from its dangly string that probably has a pretentious Italian name and holding that stick in the middle of it.
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 04:43
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 19, 2024 22:04 |
|
|
Here are some perfect crimes I've been thinking up for the last few days, let me know what you think! 1. Hitting a blind man in the dark This one is a little bit redundant, but turning the lights off makes sure nobody strolls by the window and happens to see you (this is something most average criminals don't think about, and why they commit so many imperfect crimes.) Try to make your punch as quiet as possible by keeping your fist as flat and straight as you can. This is known as a "fork hand" in karate, because the fingers are close together like the fingers on a fork. After you hit him, be sure to yell something at him using a fake voice - this will throw him off your trail, especially if you are good at imitating popular Nickelodeon cartoon characters such as SpongeBob Squarepants or Goku. 2. Doing a number two (#2) on the floor and blaming the dog Everybody knows dogs like to poop on the floor, so this one is pretty easy to get away with. Just go into a room with a dog, pull down your pants, and do your business right there on the rug! Once you're finished, scoot your butt around on the floor a little bit to wipe up (hehe) the evidence and yell out "Bad Dog!" after pulling your pants up. Everybody will come running and when they see the mischief you have done, they will yell at and possibly beat the dog. You should join in, maybe even shoving the dog's nose into your fresh pile of feces, to really convince your friends it was the dog's fault. One good way to plan ahead for this crime is to eat Alpo at every meal for about a week. This will give your stool the consistency and smell of a dog turd, and really help shift the blame! 3. Rob a federal bank and don't get caught This one is pretty self-explanatory so I won't go into the details, but it's one of the best perfect crimes you can do. Well that's all I could think of right now but I'll plan some more soon. 
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 04:53
|
|
|
whos gonna believe a baby? Whiskey Sours fucked around with this message at 05:07 on Aug 21, 2014 |
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 04:58
|
|
|
Running a casino. Running a tow yard. Running for office.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 05:12
|
|
|
Waltzing Along posted:Running a casino. running by the pool
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 05:16
|
|
|
painting the word "PEDOPHILE" on your neighbors car with nail polish
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 05:18
|
|
|
running into a circle on the ground labeled "all crimes allowed inside" (commit a crime inside of it)
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 05:18
|
|
|
Puttin' on the ritz, if ya know what i mean 
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 05:20
|
|
|
Having sex with your 17 year old girlfriend on your 18th birthday.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 05:21
|
|
|
Not committing any crimes at all and generally being a responsible individual who has many great achievements throughout life and is loved by millions, but then on your deathbed you admit that you secretly liked anime the whole time.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 05:27
|
|
|
The perfect crime is living well! 
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 05:31
|
|
|
13/f/cali posted:Not committing any crimes at all and generally being a responsible individual who has many great achievements throughout life and is loved by millions, but then on your deathbed you admit that you secretly liked anime the whole time. this isn't a crime this is a tragedy
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 05:32
|
|
|
Destroying the universe, because who can complain?
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 05:35
|
|
|
Dexters Secret posted:a good start, but if you want to be really hardcore get rid of all your body hair and all your skin should probably steal the other guys hands and wear those while they're at it make the cops think it was suicide
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 05:50
|
|
|
thats a handy tip
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 06:17
|
|
|
Leaving. Your kid in a hot car and texting some jailbait
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 06:26
|
|
|
buying a nice outfit and wearing it once and then returning it.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 06:39
|
|
|
FartRomancer.EXE posted:I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier. “In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!”
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 06:39
|
|
|
Born rich, bitch.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 06:42
|
|
|
Stealing an orgasm from a pretty white lady.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 07:25
|
|
|
Lying to a robot
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 07:28
|
|
|
having children if you are lowtax because one you are lowtax so you're retarded and two the kids are double retarded because there lowtaxs' kids bitch (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 07:32
|
|
|
Jaywalk backwards, so it looks like you're actually just walking to the OTHER side of the street when they play the tapes in reverse
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 07:38
|
|
|
Tsinava posted:painting the word "PEDOPHILE" on your neighbors car with nail polish A better idea would be to mock up a most wanted letter that looks governmentish and send it from a random mail box with the return address of a police department stating that said person is a pedophile. Not to the person of course, but to all of his neighbors. I wouldn't think it was a crime since its free speech.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 09:38
|
|
|
GuyinCognito posted:A better idea would be to mock up a most wanted letter that looks governmentish and send it from a random mail box with the return address of a police department stating that said person is a pedophile. Not to the person of course, but to all of his neighbors. impersonating a government official and libel/slander are probably both crimes!
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 10:10
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 10:11
|
|
|
I used to kind of respect you lowtax but throwing beans at dogs is revolting
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 10:48
|
|
|
Chris James 2 posted:Standing under a falling icicle. They can't prove it's a suicide attempt, because icicles fall all the time and you just happened to be walking under one at the time it fell, so if you live, you can't be charged. And if you die, it's what you wanted anyway. Win-win. i thought the sneaky part about killing with an icicle was that it melts and so theres no evidence but i guess you have a point pal
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 10:53
|
|
|
loaning money to poors and essentially owning their asses
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 10:53
|
|
|
lobbying
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 11:15
|
|
|
waterboarding
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 11:31
|
|
|
Psychic Pissing.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 11:35
|
|
|
Nigmaetcetera posted:masturbating in a confession booth. the priest is prohibited by his god from turning you in and i think it would probably be inadmissible in court if he did tell on you. i guess you could do anything illegal in a confession booth as long as you confessed to it in realtime. Confess to being a compulsive masturbator while masturbating in the confessional.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 11:51
|
|
|
Nigmaetcetera posted:masturbating in a confession booth. the priest is prohibited by his god from turning you in and i think it would probably be inadmissible in court if he did tell on you. i guess you could do anything illegal in a confession booth as long as you confessed to it in realtime. it wouldn't be inadmissible in court. traditionally courts have not subpoenaed priests to break the confessional seal because it would be a huge can of worms to open but there's nothing legally preventing them from doing so. jfc look at this gay post
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 11:57
|
|
|
Do any crime you want! Then if the cops catch you just tell them, "Oh sorry! It was an accident!" They have to let you go if you did a crime by accident. You are pretty hosed if they figure out you are lying though!
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 12:17
|
|
|
poo poo in the priest side of a confessional booth before you go to confess, then blame the smell on the priest.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 12:34
|
|
|
Commiting any crime while sleepwalking/hypnotised
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 12:35
|
|
|
Shooting a gypsy in the face that you catch trying to scrump your apples/poach your game birds loving that'll learn the dirty oval office.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 12:47
|
|
|
Build a house and live in the house until you die. Also neglect to install grounded electrical sockets in the kitchen. No one will ever know...
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 13:17
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 19, 2024 22:04 |
|
|
smoking weed is my fave crime got caught a million times but belgian cops dgaf they never even took my joint let alone my weed
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2014 13:25
|
|
