Literally Kermit posted:

On the fence, are we? How about you take a seat right there and we Meet the Main Cast!
Now, maybe you missed the hint up there about something happening at a certain part of the proceedings. Maybe Allison gets a new hairstyle, I don't know. So, for this post, anything that happens after strip #100 will be spoiler-tagged, in case you're the kind of rear end in a top hat who didn't gosh darn drop everything and read the archives this second, SHEESH.




Aurora is a kind and pretty girl who shows up from nowhere and starts attending Pasqualo's school. She and Pasqualo fall in love immediately, although he neglected to learn anything about her after their first meeting, including her name. She has an almost supernatural level of patience and understanding, and is just gosh-darn the best. Together, she and Pasqualo are totally going to kick-rear end at the annual talent show!

She's actually an angelic being, possibly God Herself. When she begins singing at the talent show it triggers an apocolypse that unleashes monsters upon the world. The name of the comic is from when she saw the look on his face [from witnessing the apocolypse] and instead of thinking "Go comfort him" thought "It hurts" and ran away. And then came back and is keeping his heart for safekeeping. Literally.




Pasqualo is an average boy who has gotten a bad case of the puppylove, which takes up a great deal of his time early on. He was raised by his father and has never met his mother. He is cheerful, well-meaning, and dumb. He's besties with Allison and Tubsy, they have a secret handshake and everything. Later on, Aurora becomes the fourth member of their club.

Pasqualo had no idea he was a cyborg until Aurora's song triggered his latent regeneration technology. He is now super strong and making the best of the end of the world. At the moment, he's torn between three seperate girls, on of which is a snake woman, and another who is maybe God. He's still a decent guy, although having no restrictions on anything anymore has brought out darker parts of his personality.




Allison is Pas' best friend since the age of 2, and has always been there for him and viseversa! She's a crude little thing, scrappy as hell, and gives zero fucks in general. She was adopted, 'possibly' black, and loves fruit snacks. She doesn't like Mark, who manages to be even cruder than she is.



Allison is so loving rad she gets TWO character establishing comics.

Allison dies.

Then Allison was a zombie.

Loss of her eye has only enhanced her badassness, and her deathwounds have been patched up with squirrelparts. Pasqualo and Ally are now the only family each other has, with Pas considering himself as her baby brother.





Tubsy is a dealer, serial killer, gentleman, and all around fat gently caress. He is very strong and tough, able to smash pallets over his head, just for kicks. He was thin until a few years ago, when he discovered deep-fried poptarts. Hell yeah.

He kills Mark for being an rear end in a top hat to Ally just a day before the Talent show, then dies being literally dragged to hell by demons. He hasn't been seen since.




Katie is a paranoid classmate of Pasqualo, who she may also have a crush for. If she does, she hides it under a blistering torrent of bullshit like how the dead will rise, asteroids will scour the earth, monsters will be unleashed, and how she has a bunker stocked by a cyborg friend of hers.

Absolutely everything Katie said was true. Her cyborg friend is Pasqualo's long lost mom, and it's because of her bunker that Katie survives the apocalypse. And she does have a crush on Pas, too.




Mark is nothing but a torrent of perversion. He has been verbally assaulting Allison with sexually explicit poo poo for like, years. He's the one guy Allison can't deal with, mostly because he kept getting off on her beating the poo poo out of him. Mark has attempted the same shtick on Aurora, but she seem genuinely amused by it, rather than repulsed.

Mark gets his motherfucking head punched through by Tubsy after breaking his promise to leave Ally alone. Ally deliberately baited Mark in an effort to get him to leave Aurora alone, but hadn't planned on Tubsy's straight up gangsta poo poo. Pow.




Christie is a girl who has a crush on Tubsy, but hates the girl who Tubsy seems to always hang out with. Maybe they can be friends some day.

She and Ally reconcile, and then team up to trick Mark into harassing Ally. She feels incredible guilt because of his death, and nearly hangs herself backstage at the talent show. Pasqualo's rap convinces her not to go through with it, but she dies anyway from spikes erupting from the ground when everything goes to complete poo poo.


I'll leave you all to experience the minor characters all first hand, some of them defy a proper, short introduction. Most of them die, anyway, during the talent show. Notable is Ally's sister, Kim, who has only been seen alive in flashbacks.

faaaaaaaaart posted:

no

Literally Kermit posted:

YOU ARE SAYING IMPUDENCE TO ME!!!!

THAT IS IMPUDENCE!

YF-23 posted:

It hurts good.

It Hurts! posted:

Aaron Diaz posted:

farrrrrrrrrt oh yeah check out how beefy my waifu is nngh so hot oh yeah DORK SCIENCE i guess w/e

Wicker Man posted:

I think she gets that they were both responsible, so it would be like honoring both a king and his queen or something. Still waiting to see how they all react to Katie...

Also:

Ratchu posted:

Nov 7, 2005

whut the actual gently caress