[THE KEYNOTE THREAD] apple is dead

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PuTTY riot: Nov 16, 2002

when is the keynote

# ? Sep 8, 2014 18:42

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# ? May 17, 2024 21:25

Silver Alicorn: Mar 30, 2008; 𝓪 𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓹𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓪 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮

tomorrow

# ? Sep 8, 2014 18:42

ass cobra: May 28, 2004; by Azathoth

poty posted:

iphone 6. we really iphoned this one in

# ? Sep 8, 2014 18:43

Metrication: Dec 12, 2010; Raskin had one problem: Jobs regarded him as an insufferable theorist or, to use Jobs's own more precise terminology, "a shithead who sucks".

i hope they don't have an even bigger one next year not sure how i'm going to fit it into my b hole otherwise

# ? Sep 8, 2014 18:47

program666: Aug 22, 2013; A giant carnivorous dinosaur

*apple releases a game console*

# ? Sep 8, 2014 18:51

Locker Room Zubaz: Aug 8, 2006; ~*~THE SECRET OF THE MAGICAL CRYSTALS IS THAT I'M FUCKING TERRIBLE~*~

program666 posted:

*apple releases a game console*

next apple tv will have an app store and will play flappy bird in big screen, you heard it here first

# ? Sep 8, 2014 18:52

PuTTY riot: Nov 16, 2002

I've been waiting for the new Apple TV for a long time now

# ? Sep 8, 2014 18:56

Silver Alicorn: Mar 30, 2008; 𝓪 𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓹𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓪 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮

remember when u could hack the appletv and it was just running desktop mac os x and you could even put mini-pcie cards in it

# ? Sep 8, 2014 18:58

Stymie: Jan 9, 2001; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

the keynote is just going to be tim walking out on stage, dropping trou, crouching down and grunting until the iphablet falls from between his cheeks

# ? Sep 8, 2014 19:07

med school head: Apr 17, 2012

Stymie posted:

the keynote is just going to be tim walking out on stage, dropping trou, crouching down and grunting until the iphablet falls from between his cheeks

Quoting Stymie

# ? Sep 8, 2014 19:40

Silver Alicorn: Mar 30, 2008; 𝓪 𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓹𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓪 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮

dont

# ? Sep 8, 2014 19:44

Kenny Logins: Jan 11, 2011; EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A WHITE WHALE INTO THE PEQUOD. IT'S HELL'S HEART AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I STRIKE AT THEE ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, ISHMAEL.

colbylol posted:

Quoting Stymie

# ? Sep 8, 2014 19:51

Dixie Cretin Seaman: Jan 22, 2008; all hat and one catte; Hot Rope Guy

poty posted:

hi

how are you. im fine too. welcome to the best apple products in 25 years*. but first a few words about friedrich nietzsche

i know most of us have read the original german version of his works but this is a party everyones invited to so im gonna quote wikipedia

1976. steve jobs pbuh built the first computer in history with his bare hands and founded apple inc. a string of successes. the lisa. the mac. 1985. mba and professional ceo john sculley thought steve was a nuisance apple didnt need. geniuses and numbers guys often clash.

steve was kicked out

the company was doing better than ever. system 7. the powerbook. looks like apple didnt need abrasive steve after all. it took a few years. then

the newton. the pippin. the apple digital camera. some hideous thing called the powercd

the 5.5 inch iphone. the iwatch. beats headphones. the 13 inch ipad

2012. tim cook kicks out scott forstall.

today the foundations of civilization are at steak. will jony and tim destroy 4000 years of philosophy by making these things actually own? or will nietzsche prevail and plunge us into a dark decade of ridiculous poo poo as we wait for scotts glorious return

What can everyone do? Praise and blame. This is human virtue, this is human madness.

post of the year

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:13

carry on then: Jul 10, 2010; by VideoGames
(and can't post for 10 years!)

how do you watch the keynote on winblows

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:19

graph: Nov 22, 2006; aaag peanuts

carry on then posted:

how do you watch the keynote on winblows

u dont. lol

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:22

Silver Alicorn: Mar 30, 2008; 𝓪 𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓹𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓪 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮

fArt

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:35

Moo Cowabunga: Jun 15, 2009; [Office Worker.

1st floor

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:40

theadder: Dec 30, 2011

Silver Alicorn posted:

cool thanks I think I'm busy all day though

qirex posted:

I have solid meetings through the keynote so you'll have to without me

weird lives itt

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:42

qirex: Feb 15, 2001

theadder posted:

weird lives itt

we're doing user research and since I'm the person who designed the interface they're testing it's somewhat important that I attend

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:43

Moo Cowabunga: Jun 15, 2009; [Office Worker.

I'm not going to watch the keynote at all, op

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:44

theadder: Dec 30, 2011

qirex posted:

we're doing user research and since I'm the person who designed the interface they're testing it's somewhat important that I attend

tell them to get stuffed op

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:44

teen bear: Feb 19, 2006

I'm excited. I'm also drinking green tea

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:48

Ericadia: Oct 31, 2007; Not A Unicorn

theyre going to announce that every phone since the 4S(teve) was a mistake and will go back to just making that

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:50

Silver Alicorn: Mar 30, 2008; 𝓪 𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓹𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓪 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮

theadder posted:

weird lives itt

my lil company doesn't give 2 shits about apple

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:53

THE BIG DOG DADDY: Oct 16, 2013; Rasheed was, with Aliases, the top 7 PvPers in Bone Krew.

No one talks about this.

*Tim cuck enters the stage*

"Hellow all in the press and all you wannabe bloggers at home. im just thrilled to have spent the last 3 weeks preparing for this bitch idiot show and wasting all of my time that could have been used fighting whatever killed my dad, stefe jorbs"

"Now, I want to talk to you a little bit about what it takes to create great products, and then maybe you'll understand what it means to really truly embrace the 'apple way'"

"Have you ever heard of the ancient egyptian honor guard?"

*confused silence descends the room*

"well for those that havent, the egyptians would carefully select the strongest and brightest from the peasantry and pluck them from their mothers as children. tehy were put into rigorous training and at the age of 14, they would chop their testicles off and present them to the pharoah as a sign of devotion"

"It was the sacrifice that the state demanded of its closest members and followers..."

"...And it's what we are going to begin asking of you, the tech journalists"

"You see, because there have been some....leaks...lately. And we're very disappointed in you"

*An operating table is rolled onto the stage. on it is a bucket, garden shears, and a mysterious box*

"We here at apple swore fealty to steven a long time ago. i think that in his absense some of you have grown lax, petulant even."

"In this box is the new iWatch. It will be on sale in 3 weeks, but today I will let you handle it and use it. At a price."

"Come forth, all ye faithful and render unto caesar that which is caesars."

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:53

Mario Incandenza: Aug 24, 2000; Tell me, small fry, have you ever heard of the golden Triumph Forks?

i like apple's things, will probably tune in live by using my ipad mini retina (2013) connected to an airport extreme (2012)

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:53

Kenny Logins: Jan 11, 2011; EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A WHITE WHALE INTO THE PEQUOD. IT'S HELL'S HEART AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I STRIKE AT THEE ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, ISHMAEL.

Santas Ainol Elf posted:

*Tim cuck enters the stage*

"Hellow all in the press and all you wannabe bloggers at home. im just thrilled to have spent the last 3 weeks preparing for this bitch idiot show and wasting all of my time that could have been used fighting whatever killed my dad, stefe jorbs"

"Now, I want to talk to you a little bit about what it takes to create great products, and then maybe you'll understand what it means to really truly embrace the 'apple way'"

"Have you ever heard of the ancient egyptian honor guard?"

*confused silence descends the room*

"well for those that havent, the egyptians would carefully select the strongest and brightest from the peasantry and pluck them from their mothers as children. tehy were put into rigorous training and at the age of 14, they would chop their testicles off and present them to the pharoah as a sign of devotion"

"It was the sacrifice that the state demanded of its closest members and followers..."

"...And it's what we are going to begin asking of you, the tech journalists"

"You see, because there have been some....leaks...lately. And we're very disappointed in you"

*An operating table is rolled onto the stage. on it is a bucket, garden shears, and a mysterious box*

"We here at apple swore fealty to steven a long time ago. i think that in his absense some of you have grown lax, petulant even."

"In this box is the new iWatch. It will be on sale in 3 weeks, but today I will let you handle it and use it. At a price."

"Come forth, all ye faithful and render unto caesar that which is caesars."

go sexy tim cook the pharaoh wizard

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:54

cremnob: Jun 30, 2010

tomorrow will be the beginning of the end for sarnsung

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:57

theadder: Dec 30, 2011

all apple.com is now the countdown by default

# ? Sep 8, 2014 20:58

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

the Apple Store is down

# ? Sep 8, 2014 21:21

teen bear: Feb 19, 2006

lol can't wait for the cremnob probation

# ? Sep 8, 2014 21:22

Joe 30330: Dec 20, 2007; "We have this notion that if you're poor, you cannot do it. Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids."

As the audience reluctantly began to applaud during the silence, Biden tried to fix his remarks.

"Wealthy kids, black kids, Asian kids -- no, I really mean it." Biden said.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEeFNvvR-ng

# ? Sep 8, 2014 21:23

HAIL eSATA-n: Apr 7, 2007

i can't wait to install quicktime

# ? Sep 8, 2014 21:29

carry on then: Jul 10, 2010; by VideoGames
(and can't post for 10 years!)

reminder that if you watch the keynote you are new hitler and playing right into fat capitalist plans hth

http://valleywag.gawker.com/how-apple-owns-the-media-1630628325

# ? Sep 8, 2014 21:48