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So, I like to think that I have a decent grasp of how to be a good feminist, as a man. I try and be very conscious of how I act, not make people uncomfortable, listen more than I talk especially since men seem to de-facto dominate so many spaces in our society, etc. etc. I think as a person in the world I generally do a pretty good job, and more importantly am very open to being told when I fuckup. I also like to think I'm pretty good at doing activism w/in the space of gender & sexuality, specifically queer and trans stuff. Now, however, I really, really want to do something about street harassment rather than just comfort friends who've been harassed and try and stop it when I see it happening. The problem is, I'm not sure what to do. There are a lot of organizations doing great work, but I don't know how to not be presumptuous or co-opt what they're doing. I feel like just being a male in that space automatically colors whatever I do. Should I focus specifically on appeals to 'fellow men', or does that implicitly suggest that women can't effectively do the same/artificially limit what I can do? It's not like I haven't experienced street harassment as well (nights out in San Francisco alone have made sure that was the case) BUT I can't help but feel that since that was missing the male-female gaze/power dynamic and as a very tall large man I never was really afraid it would be presumptuous and wrong to suggest an equivalency. So, this leads me to my questions: When have you previously felt that men have done a good job of respectfully engaging and helping with an otherwise feminist movement? What advice would you generally give a man trying to help out in a significant way without being intrusive? Also, it may very well be that I haven't done a great job of asking the right questions, in which case please help! I'd also love responses dealing with it more generally. I apologize if I've offended or haven't been careful enough with my wording, please call me out on it and help me get better.
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Sep 10, 2014 22:04
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RIP ZEEZ 
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| # ? May 4, 2024 07:47 |
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Oh mah lawd. First, don't be a misogynistic shitbag. Easy enough. Two, tread lightly. If one of your feminist friends is being 'attacked' or 'feels threatened' or whatever by cis-scum and you intervene, you could be viewed as propagating the cis-scum hierarchy by rushing to protect her (after all, a TRUE feminist don't need no man!). But if you do nothing, and allow her to handle it, then you're propagating the cis-scum hierarchy by simply doing nothing. Third, don't be such a pussy and feeling like you're treading on razor thin ice with everything you do or say or every interaction. Hell, this post reads like you're expecting to be slapped at any given minute for fear of making someone angry or offending them. Then, I halfway think you were wearing a fedora when you wrote this post. Not sure if those are the answers you're looking for but there you go.
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Sep 10, 2014 22:53
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Sometimes in a group of women they have a hard time really projecting a view. They often like it if someone really loud shows up and can tell them just what to do.
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Sep 10, 2014 23:50
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My policy is to never discuss feminism and just treat people like human beings.
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Sep 11, 2014 00:44
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Act like a stereotypical gay black man.
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Sep 11, 2014 01:43
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Lord Windy posted:Act like a stereotypical gay black man. I know a guy this really works for. But he's a gay black man so...shrug. Your mileage may vary. To OP: Be a good person? Step in if you think they want you to? maybe chill out.
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Sep 11, 2014 02:21
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You're that guy, OP.
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Sep 11, 2014 03:44
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Yeah as I think about it the answer is probably "common sense" this was not a grest idea.
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Sep 11, 2014 04:08
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Try not to rape women when you pass them on the street, OP
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Sep 11, 2014 04:24
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You should stop reading the internet
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Sep 11, 2014 05:00
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This is a copypaste that floats around here and e/n a bunch
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Sep 11, 2014 05:53
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Don't ruin the fun.
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Sep 11, 2014 06:35
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Haha, some people actually think like this.
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Sep 11, 2014 07:23
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You should become a gay because the patriarchy isn't going to gently caress itself ...unless it starts doing that.
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Sep 11, 2014 09:32
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Make sure you make enough money for your wife. I heard some of dem womens feel right in cheating on their ms. if they can't support their life style.
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Sep 11, 2014 10:20
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Tautologicus posted:Try not to rape women when you pass them on the street, OP poo poo! Good etiquette is so complicated sometimes.
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Sep 11, 2014 10:29
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Tide posted:Oh mah lawd. fedora mra redditor lmfao
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Sep 11, 2014 14:48
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foutre posted:What advice would you generally give a man trying to help out in a significant way without being intrusive? What's to know? Just join your local chapter of the Feminist Party and ... ... Oh, you're in the US. Never mind that, then. We'll do this the slow way: 1. When you have children, raise them to not be sexist shitheads. 2. Everyone else does the same 3. Street harassment averted!
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Sep 11, 2014 15:28
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N-thing just be a good person. If you feel anxious around women as though you're on thin ice, then either you're friends with a bunch of mentally unstable tumblrites or your view of women as a whole is a strawman feminist caricature. And that is prah-blah-matic.
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Sep 11, 2014 17:26
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There are clear differences between the genders. Many animals have different genders as well guided by generally two sexes. Humans are different too. In all things legal they should be identical. But in nature there are differences. The sexes evolve separate traits. I don't deny my nature. I naturally feel protective of my girlfriend. There are bounds of reason. I don't look for fights, I don't think she can't handle herself, but there are things my bigger body and deeper voice can accomplish which hers can't. This doesn't make me a misogynist, just a decent BF that cares enough for her safety to forgo my own. She doesn't ask for it, I don't offer it, it's a dynamic that's formed on its own. A lot of women refer to this as: "feeling safe." She feels safe around me. I feel safe around her. I don't feel obligated, I just act that way. A lot of men do. It's a natural impulse. Some of that is learned from society for sure. Most of it is evolution/survival. Everybody knows men are violent--so are chimpanzees--Do you think we'd be here today if men didn't protect their progeny and loved ones? Not just from each other but from the environment too (including predators.) You think a pack of wolves gives a gently caress about your cis-gently caress gender studies notebook? They'd piss on it after tearing your children to shreds. Enter testosterone. I'm not saying cavewomen couldn't whoop your rear end but a pack of cavemen are probably way more dangerous: Bigger, stronger, faster, more determined to kill. Even male eye-structure is better suited to tracking quick movements. Need I say more? You might say this is old-fashioned and not needed in today's society. I would agree with you. Women didn't evolve to be violent psycho killers. Men did. You can't just breed out millions of years of aggression in a couple generations because you feel like it. It takes a lot of time, prolly as long as it took to become aggressive in the first place. My GF can accomplish things I can't. Socially her mere presence changes people in unique ways.... just as a quick example, who do you trust more at first sight all things else being equal: 2 guys, or a guy and a girl together? It's not a competition. A lot of people treat it like a competition: It's not. There's a reason ancient societies worshiped women: They give their bodies to create men. This is a huge gift and reason enough to respect women in all walks of life. THEY CREATED YOU, DEAR READER. There's a reason ancient societies worshiped men: They give their bodies to create stability. This is a huge gift and reason enough to respect men in all walks of life. THEY FLEX FOR YOU, DEAR READER. Brass tacks we're all capable [men and women] of advanced education and higher learning. My most intelligent professor in college was a woman, who I deeply admire to this day. Women in a vacuum are just as good as men in professional and academic pursuits. This is obvious to anyone. Women make the same emotional jumps in logic as men do when they're unenlightened. Being an idiot isn't a male or female thing. It's just a thing. So what was the OPs question? How to be a good feminist? Don't hurt others. Try to get into as many relationships as possible. Be kind. Learn as much as possible. Accept your limited intelligence (even if you're Hawking.) Feel less shame.
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Sep 11, 2014 18:51
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 OP
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Sep 12, 2014 09:12
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This thread needs more trigger warnings.
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Sep 12, 2014 10:26
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1. Accept that gender is a completely social construct 2. realize that everything you've ever achieved happened only because of your privilege. 3. denounce your masculinity and all associated traits. Or just accept that men and women can be different whilst still deserving equal treatment and opportunities. Accept that sex is hard wired into everyone's brains and will always effect the way men and women interact and perceive each other, as well as the traits they find desirable in a partner.
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Sep 12, 2014 12:34
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