wheez the roux posted:

it’s on espn. if you don’t have espn good for you because theyre a terrible company that gives work to matt millen ansd they made craig james famous, those mother fuckers. do your civic duty and pirate it from somewhere

are you ready for some footballl!!?? that’s too bad, because it’s the r**sk*ns**!!! ha ha ha!! they are a shitfuck dumb idiot team for losers quarterbacked by some guy who works at subway??


turn left robert!! noo

well okay then, due to rg3 currently being held together by masking tape and gumption apparently washington is throwing Kirk Cousins onto the field. who the gently caress iskirk cousins you may ask?? I know I didn't!! lets check google


okay so apparently a disney prince is going to be playing football tonight, this warrants further investigation


oh boy a b1G quarterback!! russell wilson went to nc state for 3 years so preemptive shut up

anyway enough about the dumb fartass skins lets turn our attention to the best team!!! the seahawks!!



gently caress everyone else we have a loko truck at our tailgate. im talking a real-rear end no-fuckaround caffeine loaded 12% avbv poo poo, five buck bottomless cup straight from the keg riot punch look at the goddamn thing its beautiful


oh yeah!!! but oh no, the game is in washington dc, a town so bad that we put congress there. jesus Christ.

players to focus on:

russell Wilson – midget qb, td jesus
Richard Sherman – chaotic good ball hawk, adderall inhaler
marshawn lynch – battering ram, skittle inhaler
kam chancellor – defensive battering ram, probably does cocaine *and cooler than you
earl Thomas – rogue quidditch bludger
*probably doesnt**

protip: post this photo full size every time marshawn scores




now to mike in the news room, take it away mike


my prediction???

hawks: a bunch
washington: lol


drinking game rules: never stop drinking

smoking game rules: take a hit every time seattle scores
finish the bowl if it’s a pick 6
if seattle fumbles or Russell throws an int, take a hit and shotgun a ranier tallboy before exhaling

psychedelic rules: do a bunch of them and watch the game. or don’t. follow .the positive energy man it’s all good
if washington scores, you took way too much man




God Bless. Go Hawks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kWvlglt5b0&t=22s
ps. get hype b*tch

**probably does

hellzno posted:

10 interceptions please

Grozz Nuy posted:

Kirk Cousins beating the Seahawks on primetime national TV would be pretty much the funniest thing ever so if you're not rooting for that then gently caress you

haljordan posted:

Even though I live in Albany, NY I will overturn several cars in my apartment parking lot and light a dumpster on fire if this happens.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

That would probably improve the smell of Albany

Mike Tanier posted:

Seahawks at Redskins

Monday, 8:30 p.m.

Line: Seahawks -8.5

Richard Lipski/Associated Press
This was the exact matchup for a Wild Card Game two years ago. Remember? Really, it wasn’t that long ago. You didn’t watch it on a 19-inch television with rabbit ears while listening to Seals & Crofts on 8-track and wondering why Gerald Ford pardoned Richard Nixon?

It was recent: One or two cellphone upgrades ago. It just feels like a long time ago.

Here are some ways the Redskins can pull an upset:


Expired Catering

They probably have some potato salad from the Wild Card Game lying around in the cooler where they keep the World Cup Budweiser.

Serve it to the Seahawks, along with some juicy steaks from Rustler's Steak House and some Marshawn Lynch Skittles that are actually shriveled old Ronald Reagan jelly beans.

Cartoon Confusion

Now that the Redskins were immortalized on South Park, they have the powers of cartoon characters!

They can drop anvils on Russell Wilson’s head, or paint a hole in the side of a wall for Alfred Morris to run through, but the Seahawks smash into the wall when they try to chase him.

Plan backfires when Redskins only acquire the powers of characters in Regular Show.

Creative Landscaping

Camouflaged six-foot deep pits in the FedEx Field playing surface should slow the Seahawks down. All the grounds crew must do is slightly fill a few of the existing pits.

Quantum Leap

Send head coach Jay Gruden back to Jan. 6, 2013, to slap Mike Shanahan silly, take an injured Robert Griffin III out of the game, perhaps replace a divot or two, and change the course of history.

It might not stop the Seahawks, but it would do wonders for the Redskins.


Prediction: Seahawks 31, Redskins 13

The Puppy Bowl posted:

Watch Ditka go for Washington because they have a good ole fashioned football name.

itskage posted:

9/11 was an inside job! Open your eyes people!

Grozz Nuy posted:

Kirk Cousins beating the Seahawks on primetime national TV would be pretty much the funniest thing ever so if you're not rooting for that then gently caress you

Quest For Glory II posted:

Am i the only person who finds the 10 seconds of random GMC trucks hilarious

wheez the roux posted:

Quest For Glory II posted:

Am i the only person who finds the 10 seconds of random GMC trucks hilarious

itskage posted:

9/11 was an inside job! Open your eyes people!

Dr_Strangelove posted:

It's the boner lady again...