2014 SASSY AWARDS

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > 2014 SASSY AWARDS

Shrecknet: Jan 2, 2005

I remember maybe 5 or 6 years ago we tried to do this, and well:

Mornacale posted:

Post the thread you want to see in the world.

Let's get it right and vote for the correct winners of the only awards that matter, the 2014 SASSIES!

I've set up an email address at sassies14@gmail.com; check the bottom of this OP for the format. I'll tabulate and report on all the results, and AT MINIMUM print out very nice looking awards on heavy cardstock paper and mail it to the players c/o their teams. If any TTM autograph hounds want to give me any advice on sending directly to players, I'm open to that as well.

Bonus! If anyone has a line on nicely-done but small plaques (that could be put in a bubble mailer and sent out), I can allocate up to $50 of my own money to get them ginned up, but the clock's ticking because I'd like to send these out NO LATER THAN the 15th of November. Which means-

:siren:

VOTING ENDS NOVEMBER 15th :siren:

I don't know what time, I'm on the West coast, so latish I guess.

Voting rules: You get 1 vote for each category, you knobs.

Categories Are:

quote:

Old Hoss Radbourn Trophy (2 awarded, AL & NL)
Given to the best pitcher over the 2014 regular season

quote:

Mike Trout Trophy (2 awarded, AL & NL)
Given to the best positional player over the 2014 regular season

quote:

Bob Hamelin Award (1 awarded, MLB-wide)
Given to the best player (pitching or positional) who exceeding his rookie eligibility in 2014

quote:

Voros McCracken a-WAR-d (1 awarded, MLB-wide)
Given to the player (pitching or positional) whose statistical contributions exceed traditional metrics

quote:

Pitcher of Record (1 awarded, MLB-wide)
Given to the pitcher who preformed best, in the estimation of the voters, while accruing 1 or fewer GS

quote:

Jamie Moyer Award (1 awarded, MLB-wide)
Given to the best player in MLB aged 35 or over on Opening Day

quote:

Ozzie Smith Memorial Trophy (1 awarded, MLB-wide)
Given to the key player in the best single fielding event of the year (highlight-reel stuff, share your YouTubes)

quote:

Joe Pos Memorial Script (1 awarded, MLB-wide)
Given to the author of the best writing about baseball in 2014

Please send your ballot to :siren:

sassies14@gmail.com :siren:

no later than November 15th. Use the following template please:

code:

Goon Name:

Old Hoss Radbourn, AL:

Old Hoss Radbourn, NL:

Mike Trout, AL:

Mike Trout, NL:

Bob Hamelin:

Voros McCracken:

Relief Pitcher:

Oldest Best Player:

Play of the Year:

Joe Posnanski:

Also, this isn't a Sheep thread. Feel free to post your ballots and debate them here. I'm also amenable to another category if you guys can think of something super-obvious I missed. Also new names to get us closer to the reality of a photo-op with a pained grimace of one of the players holding up our plaque.

Also, here's the link for your defensive play of the year vote:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CH6l2ToFTQE&t=630s

Shrecknet fucked around with this message at 04:44 on Oct 31, 2014

# ? Oct 31, 2014 03:44

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# ? May 2, 2024 09:30

bawfuls: Oct 28, 2009

Fielding? Relief pitchers? Maybe an award for guys over 35 or something?

I dunno, we might as well come up with some more gimmicky categories.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 04:06

Shrecknet: Jan 2, 2005

Added all three suggested categories.

Anyway, here's my ballot (feel free to quote if you want to publicly put your ballot in the thread)

Goon Name: Everblight Old Hoss Radbourn, AL: Felix Hernandez Old Hoss Radbourn, NL: Clayton Kershaw Mike Trout, AL: Mike Trout Mike Trout, NL: Mike Stanton Bob Hamelin: Jose Abreu Voros McCracken: Felix Hernandez, for being a 26 win pitcher. Relief Pitcher: Wade Davis Oldest Best Player: Ichiro Play of the Year: Russell Martin throws out Billy Hamilton bunting Joe Posnanski:Madison Bumgarner's Fastball is getting deadlier by Tom Ley

Shrecknet fucked around with this message at 04:40 on Oct 31, 2014

# ? Oct 31, 2014 04:09

Ammat The Ankh: Sep 7, 2010; Now, attempt to defeat me!
And I shall become a living legend!

Maybe a Wackiest Hit award because I want to vote Hunter Pence for something.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 05:02

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

You gotta give him a shoo-in, like craziest eyes or most tongue shown.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 05:07

Badfinger: Dec 16, 2004; Timeouts?!

We'll take care of that.

Spoeank posted:

You gotta give him a shoo-in, like craziest eyes or most tongue shown.

Most Successful Youth Baseball Camp

I really like the Over 35 award idea.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 05:08

Qwertyiop25: Jan 19, 2011; D is for Dank
It's Hammerin' Hank
Green in his name
And Green in his bank.

Gotta have a best TOOTBLAN category somewhere

# ? Oct 31, 2014 05:11

Inspector_666: Oct 7, 2003; _{benny with the good hair}

I think Cespedes' insane throw from right field has to be a contender for play of the year.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 05:19

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

How about "the biggest bullshit" award, essentially like instead of a normal out, there was a bloop hit that won a game, a wild pitch that loses a game, etc.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 05:24

Badfinger: Dec 16, 2004; Timeouts?!

We'll take care of that.

seiferguy posted:

How about "the biggest bullshit" award, essentially like instead of a normal out, there was a bloop hit that won a game, a wild pitch that loses a game, etc.

Giants Win World Series Again

# ? Oct 31, 2014 05:43

Casnorf: Jun 14, 2002; Never drive a car when you're a fish

Spoeank posted:

You gotta give him a shoo-in, like craziest eyes or most tongue shown.

They should all be like that, honestly. MVP is boring. Though, to be fair, Hunter Pence has Silliest Home Run down, on that eye-high fastball off Jordan Zimmermann in late August.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 05:50

Ambassador of Funk: Aug 2, 2009; Whenever I'm put to the test, I'm gonna ace it.

seiferguy posted:

How about "the biggest bullshit" award, essentially like instead of a normal out, there was a bloop hit that won a game, a wild pitch that loses a game, etc.

The clear winner of that is "The Giants Entire Postseason" and I don't think many people want to give the Giants more awards.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 06:04

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

Ambassador of Funk posted:

The clear winner of that is "The Giants Entire Postseason" and I don't think many people want to give the Giants more awards.

If we discount the postseason I have a good candidate for that which isn't the Giants.

Hell if we include the postseason I have a decent one if we make it one game only.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 06:07

Ambassador of Funk: Aug 2, 2009; Whenever I'm put to the test, I'm gonna ace it.

Grittybeard posted:

If we discount the postseason I have a good candidate for that which isn't the Giants.

Hell if we include the postseason I have a decent one if we make it one game only.

Ooo, what game you have in mind?

# ? Oct 31, 2014 06:13

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

Ambassador of Funk posted:

Ooo, what game you have in mind?

This game, go down to the ninth inning.

The Royals try to steal third twice with 2 outs in the 9th and it works out somehow. The pbp doesn't mention it but Gore was running on Cain's infield single. If I remember anything other than the ridiculous wild card game about this Royals season it'll be that game.

e: Here's the MLB recap.

Grittybeard fucked around with this message at 06:29 on Oct 31, 2014

# ? Oct 31, 2014 06:24

Ambassador of Funk: Aug 2, 2009; Whenever I'm put to the test, I'm gonna ace it.

Grittybeard posted:

This game, go down to the ninth inning.

The Royals try to steal third twice with 2 outs in the 9th and it works out somehow. The pbp doesn't mention it but Gore was running on Cain's infield single. If I remember anything other than the ridiculous wild card game about this Royals season it'll be that game.

e: Here's the MLB recap.

I would love to hear what's Hawk's commenting on that game was like.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 07:04

Ammat The Ankh: Sep 7, 2010; Now, attempt to defeat me!
And I shall become a living legend!

Spoeank posted:

You gotta give him a shoo-in, like craziest eyes or most tongue shown.

Basically I feel this "hit" by Hunter Pence deserves some kind of award.

I guess it could apply to the "Biggest Bullshit" category but giving that award to a Giants player almost feels like cheating.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 07:30

mikeycp: Nov 24, 2010; I've changed a lot since I started hanging with Sonic, but I can't depend on him forever. I know I can do this by myself! Okay, Eggman! Bring it on!

Ammat The Ankh posted:

Basically I feel this "hit" by Hunter Pence deserves some kind of award.

I guess it could apply to the "Biggest Bullshit" category but giving that award to a Giants player almost feels like cheating.

It should be something like "The Made With This in Mind Award," or "Best Thrown Bat Base Hit." Something really on the nose.

Unless you want to count it as a batflip.

There needs to be a Best Batflip of 2014 Award.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 09:49

Inspector_666: Oct 7, 2003; _{benny with the good hair}

mikeycp posted:

There needs to be a Best Batflip of 2014 Award.

Belt is in contention on that one for me.

18th inning.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 15:40

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

No contest.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 16:23

bawfuls: Oct 28, 2009

Alan Trammell posted:

No contest.

This all day.

We should also award stuff like best outfield assist and best double play or whatever.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 16:31

Good Dog: Oct 16, 2008; Who threw this cat at me?; Clapping Larry

John baker pimping his walk against Chapman was one of the funniest things I can remember from this season.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 16:34

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

My intention for the bullshit award was a single play, not an event (because yes the Giants winning it all would be that).

# ? Oct 31, 2014 16:43

Shrecknet: Jan 2, 2005

OK, adding Best Batflip category.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 16:59

ZenVulgarity: Oct 9, 2012; I made the hat by transforming my zen

Dumbest way to win a game is a walkoff BALK

# ? Oct 31, 2014 17:25

Tedd_Not_Ed: Feb 16, 2014; I've seen games go perfect for 12 innings all for naught. I've seen no-hitters pitched on illicit drugs. Homer streaks lasting eight games and 20 run losses. I've seen pennants won and seasons collapse. All these memories will be lost in time. Like tears in the rain.

Time to die.

I propose a category of Most Absurd Baserunning, of which I nominate Josh Harrison, Josh Harrison, and Jarrod Dyson

# ? Oct 31, 2014 17:30

bawfuls: Oct 28, 2009

Agreed there should be a "most absurd baserunning" award, but really we need two. One for success (like those gifs) and one for the most noteworthy TOOTBLAN.

# ? Oct 31, 2014 20:16