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Bogard
Jan 20, 2013
Reposting from E/N.

Some basic info about me would help. 24 m US officer currently deployed to a foreign country. I got injured one year prior to now right before going to failing to go to ranger school and from there my life started spiraling out of control.

I have so little motivation to do anything other than the bare minimum for my job and nothing else. I lead a platoon and they are the only reason I still even try, for their sake. I rarely do any sort of self motivated exercise and hate my boss and most of my peers.

I feel like I've made a terrible decision regarding my life and the fantasy in my head of what I would have been is smashed beyond repair. I'm a loser, and just want to hide in the dark in my room. I don't have any family really nor any previous romantic relationships to speak of, so no one is relying on me but myself. My hobby used to be video games, but I haven't played any in the past 4 months. I just don't enjoy it any more. I don't enjoy anything anymore. It's like anything I can think about I chalk up as a failure on my part. I'm a broken, social reject. A stupid person, and I don't know what the gently caress I'm supposed to do with myself.

Sorry these thoughts are so disjointed.

I should clarify that I don't feel like this all of the time and above all else I want to go to rangers and get a tab. I hosed myself hard.

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Bogard
Jan 20, 2013

Genocide Tendency posted:

Did your injury disqualify you from the Rangers or did you just not attempt it because of injury?

Was it a head injury? THis matters because it can rewire your brain. Depression and a whole host of mental health issues can arise because of it.

Who have you talked to about this? Besides the internet. Because you need at least a friend close by in case you downward spiral one evening after a couple drinks.

Do you have fire arms? Are they unloaded and locked? If not, FIX THAT poo poo ASAP.

What is your career field? Because if you can not get into Ranger or do that really awesome thing you wanted to, at least you need to walk away with your GI Bill, but its better if you walk with that and training/experience in a civilian career field.

Did you make a mistake? Sure. The same one we all made. We sold ourselves to Uncle Sam for reasons. But you can get something out of it. Unless you do something REAL DUMB. Don't do something real dumb. Call a friend, call a chaplin, get help at MH if you go full crisis. gently caress, get into the google group and we can get you a phone a friend.

Don't spend a lot of time alone and not doing anything. Also don't spend a lot of time alone, not doing anything and drinking.

Talk to someone you trust.

And don't drink.

I had stress fractures down my shins that made it really painful to run or ruck for any distance. That was during BOLC so I would get a second chance if I went to the career course. I've seen dudes way more immature and stupid than I am pass through with flying colors so I don't think that it is that impossible. I don't have any firearms and am deployed for another 2 months. I work night shifts on base and rarely get consistent sleep. Everyone hates the battalion and everyone hates their stupid plans and policies. EIB during the last month of deployment= genius planning.

Bogard
Jan 20, 2013
Can't drink right now, due to always working all of the time. To be honest I was lucky even to come on this deployment with the way my pre deployment leave went. heavy drinking daily. Blacking out daily. I didn't care.

i bet everything on being a military officer in the infantry. And I keep messing it up. i loving hate my CO and chain of command. "An officer is 75% looking the part"=push others down to make yourself look better "I'm your friend but I'm not your friend." 'You're going to burn for this one"=never having my back on anything. Choice quotes from his "counselings" Both he and our 1SG are getting out so they could give a gently caress. Our unit is disbanding so they could give a gently caress. gently caress them.

I wasted college on this poo poo. No relationships, limited partying, in part due to my poor social skills and zero game. I kept to myself and tried to get good grades. i didn't relate well with civilian students and ROTC was clickish to such a huge degree. I feel like i've wasted my life. i have no hobbies. i have no friends. I would be lying if I said I hadn't had suicidal thoughts. if I lose this job I lose everything, in every sense of the word..

Bogard
Jan 20, 2013
Got fired today, pushed up to staff. I don't give a gently caress anymore. Everything's over.

Bogard
Jan 20, 2013
Internet is too slow/expensive here on base for voice chat. I'll have normal internet in a few weeks when I get back to the states. Many thanks to everyone who reached out to me.

Bogard
Jan 20, 2013
send me an invite

Edited out email :nsa:

Somebody fucked around with this message at 16:23 on Jan 11, 2015

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Bogard
Jan 20, 2013
hosed up email. Made a new one. Invite me.

Bogard fucked around with this message at 16:49 on Jan 11, 2015

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