Weird News Headlines: The male is in the czech

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Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Florida woman arrested after fight with twin sister over vibrator, boyfriend

quote:

A Bradenton woman was arrested Sunday afternoon after getting into a fight with her twin sister about a vibrator and her boyfriend, according to the Manatee County Sheriff's Office.

Heidi Creamer started fighting with her twin at 1:38 p.m. in the 5500 block of 36th Court East over "Heidi's boyfriend and a sexual toy (vibrator)," and the verbal argument soon turned to blows, according to a probable cause affidavit.

Because why should Florida man have all the fun? It's 2016, people!

# ¿ Sep 5, 2016 11:57

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# ¿ May 9, 2024 08:54

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

More from It came from Florida...

A Florida Walmart wants you to 'Never Forget' a great deal on Coke products

quote:

On Tuesday a photo showing arguably one of the worst 9/11 tributes in 15 years emerged on Twitter, and we're hoping it's not real.

The photo, which was posted to Twitter by user online_shawn, alleges that a Florida Walmart has a Coke display showing Ground Zero made up entirely out of Coke Zero.

...

UPDATE:

Charles Crowson, a spokesman for Walmart, told Orlando Weekly that the 9/11 display, which was located inside a Panama City Walmart, is currently being taken down.

Crowson also let us know that Coke typically approaches Walmart with display ideas, and they either approve or deny it. In this case, Walmart approved the 9/11 display.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 20:48

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDXA4PIThuA

Video's a bit poo poo but this is too good not to post. I especially love how the cop seems to perfectly position the cruiser in the shot. Like someone back at dispatch was watching the news and let the officer know.

# ¿ Oct 8, 2016 00:06

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Baron Corbyn posted:

Englishman spends 11 hours trying to make tea with wifi kettle.

Truly we're living in the glorious future the Jetsons promised us.

# ¿ Oct 13, 2016 14:10

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Florida man driving home from strip club falls out of truck and runs himself over

The headline leaves out the part where he decided to just run away as his truck continued on, hitting a house and injuring a woman inside.

Anyway doin' my hometown proud.

# ¿ Oct 29, 2016 00:25

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Elon Musk Says His Smart Solar Roof Could Cost Less Than Your Dumbass Regular Roof

Unfortunately it looks like that isn't a direct quote.

# ¿ Nov 18, 2016 15:07

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Is Florida cheating? Whatever.

Angry Key West woman really had to pee. Now she is charged with her second felony in a month.

# ¿ Jan 15, 2017 01:43

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Another pet cobra went missing in Central Florida last night

quote:

Police officials were told that a man was shadowing the owner of the cobra so he could get his license to handle poisonous/venomous reptiles and snakes. The man was at the home while the owner was at work.

The apprentice did not see the cobra in its confinement area so he tried different tactics to get the snake to move around. The man then got a shield and lifted the top cover of the snake's cage. The cobra jumped at him � almost standing straight up � and then slid away. The man made sure the room was secure and called the owner.

This is all you need to know about the last time a cobra escaped.

# ¿ Mar 15, 2017 01:20

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Depending on what you mean by "primitive humanity taking over their areas when we were evolving," maybe. Humans were anatomically modern long before any of us got to China.

More than likely, as others have said, it wasn't until relatively recently that the panda's eating and mating habits were a problem, so there was no reason for it to change. Natural selection doesn't work fast enough to change anything now.

# ¿ May 31, 2017 00:20

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

MisterBibs posted:

Now that I'm not on my phone, I can elaborate: the half-remembered-and-potentially-bullshit-thus-why-I-asked theory was that humans pushed out whatever-Pandas-came-from long ago from their earlier biosphere by being humans (long before industrial progress would do it faster), and that learning to eat bamboo was a ecological response to that displacement.

That's kind of what I meant, but I was also on my phone and also lost my train of thought. What I meant was, if you meant early human settlers of China pushing them out, that's possible for sure.

# ¿ May 31, 2017 02:21

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

hate hoot posted:

Not true! Peking Man feels he could totally have displaced some ancient pandas.

Semantics! H. erectus may have been an ancestor of ours, but it would be the African populations, the ones in Asia would have died out like the inferior apes they were.

# ¿ Jun 1, 2017 02:13

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Fun fact: Using Nimrod as an insult comes from Bugs Bunny using it sarcastically to describe Elmer Fudd.

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 01:19

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Baron Corbyn posted:

Pakistan's Prime Minister brought down by Microsoft Office default font.

This is like some poo poo you'd see on Monk.

# ¿ Jul 30, 2017 14:36

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Chuck Buried Treasure posted:

Trying to revenge yourself on an eternal, all-powerful being seems like a plan with a few glaring flaws.

It never stopped Greek heroes, though.

# ¿ Aug 27, 2017 02:28

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Zemyla posted:

I'd feel it would be more likely to be fake if it were shiny.

Like the Holy Grail in Indiana Jones!

# ¿ Sep 5, 2017 10:44

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Scathach posted:

That man and everyone who signed his petition are giant wusses.

This is like the perfect opportunity for a "boy named Sue" kind of situation. That team will be the best by virtue of having to be to avoid heckling.

# ¿ Nov 17, 2017 02:11

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

I want to thank Orlando Weekly for this flashback article:

Orlando attorney John Morgan avoids jail time after head-butting a cop and calling him a 'fat fucker'

# ¿ Feb 7, 2020 19:36

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

chitoryu12 posted:

I got a kick out of explaining to people that the guy who head butted a cop, got his driver's license permanently revoked for too many DUIs, and is famous for getting trashed at dive bars in his suit and making out with dudes is a beloved local celebrity and very wealthy lawyer who created the Alcatraz East crime museum in Pigeon Forge.

My wife and I were just trying to explain the Wally's saga to our friend that moved away from Orlando 10 years ago and I think this sums it up:

John Morgan rips remodeled Wally’s as ‘hipster bar’

A man with a law degree posted:

“I don’t need to walk in to Arthur Murray dance studio to know it’s not for me," he said. “This is a hipster bar. I am not a hipster, if you haven’t noticed."

# ¿ Feb 7, 2020 19:57

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

ultrafilter posted:

https://twitter.com/HeadlineSmasher/status/1224289280752803840

Children of Men sequel shaping up I see

# ¿ Feb 13, 2020 00:16

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

A former coworker who is the sister in law of a current coworker went to work on a cruise ship (Carnival) and he told me the way they pay is a lump sum of like 10k or so for a period of time which sounds great until you work out it comes to just minimum wage or even less. And nothing is free on the ships so if you want internet you pay for it.
From what he said most of the Americans that work for cruise lines come out of their contract with almost nothing because they buy the duty free booze in their off hours and just party for their entire contracts.

# ¿ May 9, 2020 15:31

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/mar/19/experience-gwyneth-paltrows-vagina-candle-erupted-in-my-front-room

Are we sure this isn't the expected result?

# ¿ Mar 19, 2021 21:33

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Inceltown posted:

This has to be Gwyneth Paltrow's fault right?

# ¿ Apr 30, 2021 23:52

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

# ¿ May 20, 2021 15:10

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Except that people actually did this. They even used to print a braille version of Playboy that was, one assumes, just the articles.

Wait that scene in Robin Hood Men In Tights wasn't a joke???

# ¿ Oct 15, 2021 23:54

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Lady Disdain posted:

I am a curious fool who knows nothing of science, so forgive my ignorance:
Does this mean that the babies are clones of mum ? Or does nature have some other way of introducing variation ?

Yes they are functionally clones of either mom's entire genome or parts of it. Random mutation will happen but not enough to really provide genetic diversity without new individuals.

There is/was an Attenborough show on Netflix called Natural Curiousites and one episode had a segment on komodo dragon parthenogenesis, where the eggs produced by parthenogenesis are all male, which helps when there are too many females but useless if it's just one lone female.

# ¿ Oct 29, 2021 23:34

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

How much beefswelling is in the game? This determines the authenticity.

# ¿ Nov 10, 2021 08:59

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

Ok it is a bit confusing to be honest

(That's the napkin on the right)

https://twitter.com/tracyanno/status/948683885222809601

I swear this was a joke in a movie...I think Spy with Melissa McCarthy. Like this exact "napkin looks like a marshmallow" thing.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2022 14:44

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

They'll probably charge the wife with killing him, don't worry.

# ¿ Mar 17, 2022 23:47

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

# ¿ Jun 10, 2022 23:09

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Lady Disdain posted:

Don't worry, lads; the robot won't even have time to wage war because it'll be too busy telling every life form and electronic device it encounters that it's vegan.

That's actually basically the plot to this very chill book.

# ¿ Jul 21, 2022 23:55

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Pookah posted:

So there's no standardised, certifiable cleaning process, just maybe some pictures of a stockpot full of buttplugs?

This immediately popped out at me too. I was thinking this was "send us your dildos, we pay you, we clean them, we sell them to the next guy." This is just being a middleman for sex toys (and not in the fun way).

# ¿ Feb 3, 2023 21:48

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Jeremy Renner posted:

What are you going to do, crush me?

# ¿ Apr 8, 2023 22:30

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

There's no chance he brushes his own teeth, get real. I'd be shocked if he even knows how to tie his ironed laces.

# ¿ Nov 27, 2023 21:59

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

Cythereal posted:

https://twitter.com/TheTrekCentral/status/1773327617694847309

Is this because Lily says "Borg? Sounds swedish" in the movie? I hope so.

# ¿ Mar 29, 2024 15:18

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# ¿ May 9, 2024 08:54

Humerus: Jul 7, 2009; Rule of acquisition #111:
Treat people in your debt like family...exploit them.

The Lone Badger posted:

What if the shooter was also in the water? And was a dolphin?

Johnny Mnemonic reboot (prequel ?) shaping up nicely

# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 12:08

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Weird News Headlines: The male is in the czech