We love the StarWars EU this much *outstretched arms nailed to Luu'uks X-Wing*

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > We love the StarWars EU this much *outstretched arms nailed to Luu'uks X-Wing*

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Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

what happened to that thread dedicated to goons reading and reviewing loving horrible star wars EU books and comics?

# ¿ Nov 24, 2014 06:43

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 08:33

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Neurosis posted:

and from what i have read in discussions on here whenever anyone like matthew woodring stover tried adding nuance to the sith and a little moral ambiguity an order came down from on high to keep it as simple good vs evil as possible

why don't the writers just tell george lucas to go gently caress himself and write what they want

like why is george THAT involved in dumb glorified fan-fiction

# ¿ Nov 24, 2014 17:32

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Blistex posted:

That loving Jedi droid has convinced me that there is no limit to EU content. What other inconceivable poo poo is out there?

Is there a "Post Padme" Vader love story?
Does Leia kill an Emperor clone?
Does Lando ever weild a lighsabre?
Are Star Destroyers post Endore avaliable on the black market?
Is there a third Death Star?
Does IG-88 ever drive around in an AT-ST?
Do Ewoks ever engage in space travel?
Does C3P0 have a love interest?

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Abominor

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 04:00

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Blistex posted:

So one of those had the hots for 3PO?

no, like the rest of the EU it's just terrible

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 04:25

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

what about the endor holocaust

basically some dude theorized that endor and all the ewoks would have been destroyed by all the debris from the death star being blown up in it's atmosphere

so someone said no it got sucked into a wormhole so we can keep selling teddy bear merchandise

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Endor_Holocaust

# ¿ Nov 28, 2014 05:00

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Aesop Poprock posted:

it's been mentioned already like 10 times in this thread kid. It's the top post of the last page in fact

i'm sorry

# ¿ Nov 28, 2014 09:19

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

TOILETLORD posted:

What is their SA username?

SuperMechagodzilla

# ¿ Dec 2, 2014 06:18

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Woolie Wool posted:

I wonder if that ridiculous stereotypical drug dealer with the stupid name from Episode II has an EU backstory.

Who am I kidding, of course he does.
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Elan_Sel%27Sabagno

Of course, since nothing can be called by its actual name in Star Wars because it wouldn't be space enough, he's a "slythmonger" and not a drug dealer.

They even gave his half-assed sub-Star-Trek-grade alien makeup a backstory too:

he completely rethought his life and then did the exact same thing

# ¿ Dec 4, 2014 07:02

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Woolie Wool posted:

What? You expect Star Wars to actually stick to its own plot progression and not endlessly rehash the same plot over and over again? Surely you jest. There's going to be wars between the heroic Jedi and space democracy with X-Wings one one side and the evil Dark Side empire of doom with TIE Fighters on the other until the heat death of the Star Wars universe. They won't let any of the main characters retire, nothing ever gets better, the war never ends, it's the same. loving. story over and over and over and over again. Even the Usury Bong were just a substitute empire to drop into the basic Star Wars structure.

E: the galaxy is Somalia and the New Republic is the Transitional Federal Government.

can someone explain the u-tsang vong for me or whatever the gently caress they're called because they seem really stupid and nobody has really gone into why

# ¿ Dec 4, 2014 07:21

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

i still have no idea what the gently caress they are and i've just had it explained

starwarsEU.txt

# ¿ Dec 4, 2014 07:35

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

but if the good guys won and nothing changed why did they even bother writing a story about them

what's the point of the EU if there's no consequences at all ever

# ¿ Dec 4, 2014 07:37

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Soulcleaver posted:

This is worse https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiDRgDmXGi4

i'll never figure out in my lifetime why george lucas felt this was essential to return of the jedi

jedi is already suffering from a lot of dumb stuff and this was the scene he needed to add, it boggles my mind

# ¿ Dec 5, 2014 14:28

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Bonzo posted:

You mean like this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj23dwWHukY&t=110s

the best part about this is that it manages to pull off a better lightsaber fight than the prequels

# ¿ Dec 5, 2014 17:15

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Otto Von Jizzmark posted:

bib fortuna

george lucas came up with this name at a seafood restaurant

# ¿ Dec 8, 2014 00:33

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

empire at war still had the best space battles in any star wars game ever

except maybe the x-wing series

# ¿ Dec 8, 2014 01:16

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

david... posted:

I remember nearly melting my pc trying to play a mod that redid all the ship models to scale including the super star destroyer...

those mods were always hilarious because the engine itself couldn't handle a ship size over a certain limit. you'd get these massive ships that would sort of turn aimlessly in random directions and barely ever respond to where you actually wanted it to go

# ¿ Dec 8, 2014 01:53

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Improbable Lobster posted:

Sounds like they should have just made everything else smaller instead

really, most of the dumb ships were all EU stuff anyway so the only one that actually worked properly and was worth using was the executor

# ¿ Dec 8, 2014 12:09

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

blowfish posted:

carack cruisers
star galleon was already taken i guess

but why not caravel cruisers?

i mean the gently caress off huge ships that broke the game engine

like, some mods made the arc hammer absolutely enormous and it just completely broke it's pathing and made it useless

Hefty Leftist fucked around with this message at 12:47 on Dec 8, 2014

# ¿ Dec 8, 2014 12:43

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Arcsquad12 posted:

Did this mod happen to be called Phoenix Rising? Because goddamn if that isn't the spergiest game mod I have ever seen. Every single mentioned planet in its canonical position on the Galactic Map, every ship to scale, and it took three hours to research a basic Star Destroyer.

it was probably something like that, yeah. i found the best mod was by those german steiner guys, at least back then it seemed pretty awesome

# ¿ Dec 9, 2014 06:49

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Weird BIAS posted:

hmmm sounds too racist... hmmm how about Darth Naggerstompa68?

Naggerstompa66

# ¿ Dec 9, 2014 13:54

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Arcsquad12 posted:

No the best mod is and always will be Absolute Corruption 2.4. It "fixes" ground combat by providing you with multiple fuckoff troops that can kill entire maps from your spawn point if you don't feel like slogging it out. I always loaded up a ton of ATAT MK2s and Dark Troopers and let them go to town.

Those german guys were Nomada Firefox, right? He had the really crappy overdesigned textures and would have bitchfits if anyone told him his sense of aesthetics was poo poo.

the german guys did steiner's advanced units and awakening of the rebellion, from what i remember they were really solid even though there was a bunch of EU stuff in them

# ¿ Dec 9, 2014 15:15

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Arcsquad12 posted:

Thrawn's Revenge, Absolute Corruption 2.4, and Republic at War are all pretty good.

i gotta admit, out of these three thrawn's revenge actually looks really good

# ¿ Dec 9, 2014 19:09

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

thank you, sheev

# ¿ Dec 10, 2014 02:09

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

it's a good thing the new movies are going to kill the EU forever

unless the new movies are terrible themselves

# ¿ Dec 10, 2014 02:30

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Arcsquad12 posted:

Kreia's beef with the Force in KOTOR 2 isn't really about the Force as it is about Fate. She wants to kill Fate because she cannot stand the idea of being enslaved to some higher power. In that way, she embraces the Dark Side sense of freedom from responsibilities, but she doesn't follow the Dark Side's dogmatic code either.

Basically, Kreia wants to kill the driving force behind the majority of human storytelling.

rando calrissian should have been in KOTOR 2 as lando's ancestor who gives long, unskippable speeches about kreia's genius

# ¿ Dec 10, 2014 03:07

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

kingcom posted:

I think you just justified all your postings.

hey man, empire at war is some serious poo poo

# ¿ Dec 10, 2014 04:32

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

gohuskies posted:

Kreia can come off a little South Park sometimes - both sides suck! - but if you read the game as a whole, it tells a bit more of a story.

The worst EU content absolutely must be the kinect dance game - check out their take on the ROTJ Death Star II throne room confrontation. Watch for the emperor's intro around 2:00 in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84YXPw4htnQ

Edit: the emperor's unblinking stare is kind of out there

do those red emperor guard guys get the EU 'i'm a super bad rear end and connected to everything' treatment?

# ¿ Dec 10, 2014 08:25

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

why are star wars fans so much worse and convoluted than all the others

# ¿ Dec 11, 2014 09:55

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

is there a darth akimbo that uses two lightsabers

# ¿ Dec 11, 2014 14:32

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Frog-dog

doobie

# ¿ Dec 15, 2014 04:39

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

speaking of the battle of yavin, what happened to the enormous imperial fleet that was attacking the rebels?

surely the rebel ships didn't blow them all up, they straight up say they can't take them all. maybe the death star explosion also blew up the imperial fleet?

ROTJ was kind of bad when you think about it, the only really good part is the emperor confrontation and final duel. people should have seen the prequels coming, honestly

# ¿ Dec 15, 2014 05:32

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Otisburg posted:

pro click, by the way

that one dumb frog monster in the special edition establishing shot of jabbas palace?

from a race of crafty aliens that are smart but pretend to be animals so they can be (what else) assassins, spies, etc.

i'm sure the one that was actually featured on screen has some insane backstory where he's the scion of a noble house cast out in disgrace for being too good of a jedi and now he's secretly friends with han solo and helped load the proton torpedo that blew up the death star at the battle of yavin before giving luke a pep talk to listen to any weird voices in his head during the battle or w/e

convoluted intertwined backstories... piled high

oh, and jabba's palace? it's actually an ancient monastery for a group of monks that put their brains into jars and worship them because they're really good thinkers

# ¿ Dec 15, 2014 05:34

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Frostwerks posted:

rotj really wasnt that bad. in fact, it was p good

it's a decent movie that has good parts and bad parts, but at least it makes sense plot-wise. the pacing is a bit poo poo with the ewok stuff going on and on, and the story really isn't all that original, but it's a satisfying conclusion to the original trilogy

Otisburg posted:

didn't they just sent literally one unsupported death star?

like i thought that was a plot point that they thought so highly of their invincible battle station and so little of the rebels they didn't even bother deploying it as part of a battle group with the wedge destroyers and some of those frigates from the X-wing PC game with like 50,000 lasers pouring out of them. You never see any other spaceships on the screen as they approach, and they only deploy 3 spacefighters* to stop them once they realized they messed up and the rebels are going to drop a hot proton load in their thermal exhaust port

*rogue squadron games notwithstanding

i rewatched this movie yesterday because of this thread and the imperial fleet does show up. the emperor orders them not to engage so he can blow poo poo up with the death star, according to the admiral dude on the executor. the rebel fleet engages them and then they move away once the death star run is over, so maybe the fleet is just blown up with the death star explosion

Hefty Leftist fucked around with this message at 05:48 on Dec 15, 2014

# ¿ Dec 15, 2014 05:43

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Otisburg posted:

what i don't get about the mission on endor is this:
they are attacking the imperial shield facility of their own initiative more or less at a time of their choosing. now in anh the crew was made up of just some random robots and people from the tantive and a smuggler and some desert people they encountered. in esb those people are all thrown together while escaping the base. a bunch of oddballs put together by happenstance p much

but in rotj they are deliberately picking their assault squad and they are like okay we're going to take leia, who is a good leader and okay in a fight so fair enough, han who is handy with a blaster and a great pilot okay, chewbacca who is a tough bastard who comes from a similar planet and might be good with the terrain, luke who's a damned jedi, so fine there. r2d2 has mobility problems but i guess i see the point of a general purpose utility bot on the mission. plus all the no-name commandos who we can assume are at least passable at commandoing, even if they do jack-all onscreen

but why would you take an effette golden translator robot on your jungle assault mission, and why wouldn't you at least hit him with some matte krylon forest green if you did decide he was coming?

because george wanted an overly long ewok exposition that takes forever to get through

# ¿ Dec 15, 2014 05:50

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

maybe george will digitally add in a camouflaged C3PO into return of the jedi and dub in him constantly complaining about it

# ¿ Dec 15, 2014 05:58

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

the worst part about the EU is that infects the actual movies, so you can't watch it without noticing the stupid secondary characters that have been turned into heroes like that stupid idiot on bespin with the ice cream machine. he's not just a secondary character anymore, he's an idiot with a loving ice cream machine that SAVED THE UNIVERSE. or when you watch the death star run, suddenly an image of IG-88 pops into your head and you think 'god loving drat it now i'm remembering that stupid IG-88 story about him plugging into the death star or something'

this thread is a curse

# ¿ Dec 15, 2014 06:24

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

SaltLick posted:

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Willrow_Hood

oh gently caress you

death to the EU

# ¿ Dec 15, 2014 06:33

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

it can always get worse

quote:

The B'omarr Order, which consisted of the B'omarr Monks, was a mysterious religious order that moved to the planet Tatooine around 700 BBY. The B'omarr believed that cutting themselves off from all physical sensation would further their studies, and allow them to ponder the galaxy and achieve enlightenment. When a monk became enlightened, his brain was removed through a special procedure, and was placed in a nutrient-filled jar. The brains were held in very high regard by the lower, embodied monks, who saw to their every need, though the brains rarely did anything other than think and wonder. When they did need to travel around their monastery on Tatooine, the brains were transferred into specially modified BT-16 perimeter droids.

lmao

# ¿ Dec 15, 2014 06:41

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Yolomon Wayne posted:

So ive been thinking, and i devised the weapon that Darth Rainbow shall wield.
Its one of these, but with light sabers instead of candles, each blade another color of the rainbow (photoshop anyone? complete with lightsaber handle?):

His special power will be Force-Fab, which turns people so fabolous they just prance away and dont bother fighting him anymore.

not mine

# ¿ Dec 15, 2014 14:00

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 08:33

Hefty Leftist: Jun 26, 2011; "You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."

Yolomon Wayne posted:

YES, just with rainbow colors!

# ¿ Dec 15, 2014 15:01

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > We love the StarWars EU this much *outstretched arms nailed to Luu'uks X-Wing*

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