I found the best photographer: "Christy, get down on your knees"

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Creative Convention > The Dorkroom > I found the best photographer: "Christy, get down on your knees"

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mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

https://www.reddit.com/r/EarthPorn/comments/9njx0k/one_lone_flower_stands_strong_amongst_the_giants/

Best comment "Needs more saturation".

:barf:

# ¿ Oct 12, 2018 16:21

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# ¿ May 12, 2024 03:34

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

xzzy posted:

(pretty sure the saturation comment was sarcasm)

Yeah I know, I enjoyed it. Literally was the best comment there.

# ¿ Oct 12, 2018 16:33

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

big scary monsters posted:

lol he faked the orange leaves on the trees

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3bjL4tr2Aw

"realistically"

I am not sure he knows the meaning of that word. Nothing about that photo looks real to me.

# ¿ Oct 12, 2018 17:06

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

#natgeo

Fire.

# ¿ Oct 25, 2018 03:13

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

Helen Highwater posted:

Tag yourself, I'm the dude doing the mirror selfie with my camera up to my face and the pop-up flash on.

I have a story of, maybe not a bad photographer, but definitely a very 'special' person. I got a FB message from some random dude a while ago. He'd seen me post in a local photography group and realised he lived close to me so wanted to know if I was up for a drink and some camera chat. I said sure and we met up, he was a nice enough guy, shoots mostly 6x6 medium format with a nice Hasselblad setup, seemed pretty chill. I told him about a place I'd been to recently with dead trains rusting away on a railway siding and he was pretty interested in going out there, so I gave him detailed instructions on how to get there and what to expect from security etc once there. I get a Fb message from him a few days later which was basically, 'hey I'm at that place you told me about and it's nothing like you described'. I'm like, ok, unless they literally dug the whole place up and replaced it in the last two weeks I don't see how that's possible. I ask him to send me his location, which he does, and he's in a completely different place. Like, not even on the same railway network. I point this out and he comes back with 'well there are trains here, I thought it was the same place!'. I spend an hour of my life that I will never get back trying to get him to understand that trains can be found in different places, and that just because he stumbled over trains in one place, that doesn't mean that there can't also be trains in a different location too.' I honesty thought he was winding me up because I didn't think anyone could be that dense. It wasn't a language barrier thing either, he's a native English speaker and so am I.

A few weeks later, he contacts me again. He's heard about Helios bokeh and wants to try it out. Do I have a spare Helios 44 that I can lend him? Of course I have a bunch of them so I invite him over, lend him an M42 to EF adapter (he wants to use it on his 5D4), a bunch of random Soviet lenses and explain to him how the preselector ring works because he's never seen that before. It takes a while, but he finally gets it. The very next day he asks if he can meet me at lunchtime because it's an emergency - my office is close to where he lives so he can be there in a few minutes. I go down to the lobby to see wtf. He tells me that the adapter (just a dumb mechanical adapter) is stuck. He can't get it off the camera. I take a look, and he's somehow managed to put it on upside down. It's a super cheap Polish bit of cast metal, but it has the EF/EF-S red dot/white square registration marks on the body side - just like every lens that he's ever attached to his camera - and it has laser etched text on the front that is the right way up when it's mounted properly. By applying a lot more force than I'm really comfortable in using on a $4000 camera that doesn't belong to me, I get it off and explain to him how to mount lenses. He is honestly astonished by this, it had never occurred to him that lenses would only fit one way, or that adapters would fit exactly the same way as lenses do. Apparently he had to hammer it on to make it fit and it didn't occur to him that this was a bad thing.

Today, I get another message from him asking how he can 'switch focusing' with the Jupiter I lent him. I ask him what he means. He says that when he uses his Minolta SLR, there's a split prism in the focusing window, but when he puts the Jupiter on his 5D4 it's really hard to focus, Can the Jupiter lens have that same split prism? I ask him how the lens can have those focusing aids without it being visible on the image and he tells me that's what the mirror is for.

I got a good laugh out of this during my morning dump. How do people this dumb make it so far into life?

# ¿ Oct 26, 2018 14:19

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

xzzy posted:

I'm the willing to look up a technique on google but lacking the dedication to do it well.

Don�t copy my style bro

# ¿ Nov 8, 2018 01:37

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

There are so many terrible photos on that Flickr account. Hard to imagine they�re worse than shots I take. Crazy.

# ¿ Nov 9, 2018 03:26

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

It�s okay there are several back of head photos to redeem it.

# ¿ Nov 10, 2018 19:15

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

New flickr posts for the WH are great! I've combined two of them for your viewing pleasure.

https://imgur.com/XyKOXAx

# ¿ Nov 14, 2018 16:57

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

President Beep posted:

Very cool to see stereoscopic stuff making a comeback!

It's a pleasure to provide this service, but I couldn't have done it without the original photog showing us the world is not meant to be level.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2018 17:22

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

I�m still confused at wall of text. Good lord.

# ¿ Jan 5, 2019 03:42

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

Daryl is gonna be hosed soon unless he goes pro. Gotta retain them high quality bus photos.

# ¿ Jan 8, 2019 16:51

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

xzzy posted:

Very subtle troll how the whole image is tilted right.

Boom!(mic)

# ¿ Jan 10, 2019 00:05

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

hope and vaseline posted:

elmer130 sure does sound like a sexy teen girl

Elmer sounds exactly like the name of a guy running a group like that.

# ¿ Jan 18, 2019 14:21

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

Helen Highwater posted:

No you see, F is the 6th letter of the alphabet. If you subtract 6 from 45 (God-Emperor Trump), you get 39. There are 5 people in the photo so subtract that and you now have 34. 34 is 2*17 and the 17th letter is Q. Clearly this is a doubly important Q drop telling us something. Christmas trees? Being put into boxes? The only logical conclusion is that Hillary has already been executed for treason at Gitmo.

That went pretty deep. Color me impressed.

# ¿ Feb 4, 2019 15:01

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

Constantly seeing crappy photographers promote their page on Instagram. Why waste the money? I mean that�s like me promoting my crap. It�s crap mostly. Nobody wants to see that.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 03:00

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

Instagrams algorithms for finding what I like just don�t work 99% of the time. Constantly seeing ads for removing the dark circles around my eyes.

What if I like them Instagram?

Also the comment about can�t wait for IG to die. It�s the only social media platform I use and I�ve grown to hate it recently, it�s literally an ad every 4th post for me.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 13:34

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

xzzy posted:

You could always move to Vero! It's gonna take off any day now!

The manifesto is hilarious.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 16:17

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

timp posted:

I know this is the thread all about ~~making GBS threads on~~ praising great photographers, but I really hate to read this! As ~~bad~~ interesting as these self-promoted Instagram photographers are, that doesn't make self-promotion itself worthless, or something that only "good" photographers should do. Self-promotion can be as simple as just saying "look at this thing I made!" and I don't think anybody should be shamed for that. Shame them for their ~~lovely~~ cool photography, sure, but hating on someone for telling the world about their work? Seems unfair.

Plus I'm sure your stuff is just fine! No need to call it crap

I dunno, I just feel differently about it. Obviously I have to accept this stuff might just come up, but I feel its the same as pay to win games that have ruined many aspects of gaming.

I'm just turning into a cranky old man. Oh and most of my stuff is crap, I am okay with that since there are some gems that I really like. I think the issue is just with folks thinking their stuff is so great everyone wants to see it. Anywho .. again .. cranky old man ranting.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 18:13

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

red19fire posted:

Yeah, more eyeballs = better chance for paid work. But I work in a small niche of sports photography so it does me no good if ig shows my promoted posts to normal people.

I also get the �this photo is doing better than 90% of your posts� message for every post. It�s meaningless

They don't clearly define what "doing better" means? That with the private algorithm makes me wonder if it does anything at all or of its just a feel good thing.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 19:49

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

InternetJunky posted:

Self-promotion goes against my very nature, but I can tell you from experience that if you ever want to sell your work you need to lay it on thick (Peter Lik being the apex example of this). Most people are utterly clueless as to what makes a particular photograph "good" and need you to reassure them that your work is amazing and you are amazing and they are making the right decision by buying your stuff.

Make no mistake, I get that totally. You have to sell yourself and I understand that need. This guy that popped up in my feed wasn't selling anything, it was just some random dude who decided to promote his page for .. whatever reason .. but not business reasons as there was no contact info or any offer for work, etc.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 21:05

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

That truly is.... Something Awful.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2019 00:47

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

torgeaux posted:

New forum title?

Madman!

# ¿ Mar 3, 2019 20:58

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

We will look back after many years and realize the pure talent we are witnessing and be in awe that we did not recognize it.

# ¿ Mar 16, 2019 13:53

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# ¿ May 12, 2024 03:34

mAlfunkti0n: May 19, 2004; Fallen Rib

The Nikon lens post was great. All those images are quality.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2019 13:23

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Creative Convention > The Dorkroom > I found the best photographer: "Christy, get down on your knees"

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