|
|
It's holiday time, and we all know what that means! Most of us tend to tack on some weight over the more festive months, but that's okay, because world-renowned nutritionist and personal trainer Sleepy Sip is here to help. Simply post your current weight and a weight goal and I'll get you right on track. Feel free to include anything else you think could be helpful to me. I'll make you a 'whitelist' of good foods to eat and a 'blacklist' of bad foods to avoid, and even a time table of when during the day to eat. Also, please include any major health issues and allergy information. Step right up and get fit! |
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 03:12
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 10, 2024 00:49 |
|
|
|
current weight: 155lbs target weight: 180lbs allergic to: penicillin and penicillin derived antibiotics |
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 03:18
|
|
|
|
yoober posted:current weight: 155lbs Alright, buddy. Here's what we're gonna do. Not only are we doing to get you to your dream weight, but we're going to eliminate that pesky penicillin allergy at the same time! And how are we gonna do that? By building up your tolerance. I've made you a convenient table to chart what i'm calling your 'penicillin cleanse'. You'll need to procure about 20 bottles of Amoxicillin (any generic brand will do) and six bottles of Bactocil. I know it can be hard to get that many pills down at once, so feel free to wash 'em down with distilled 60% isopropyl alcohol.  Now, you should experience a LARGE amount of swelling with this diet, which is why I haven't given you any dietary constraints. You'll be putting on about thirty pounds of inflamed tissue alone. If you really feel that you must eat, just pick something that tastes like medicine. Whitelist: Anything grape, cherry or orange flavored that tastes like medicine. Queen Anne cherry cordials taste suspiciously like children's cough syrup inside, so I suggest using them as a motivational reward to yourself! Blacklist: Literally anything else. Only medicine or medicine flavored foods until you reach your goal. Persistence is key! |
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 03:41
|
|
|
my blacklist of foods included pumpernickel bread and tootsie rolls my whitelist of foods includes whip cream and cum |
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 04:00
|
|
|
|
Sleepy Sip posted:Alright, buddy. Here's what we're gonna do. lol |
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 04:06
|
|
|
Current weight: 145 Target weight: 170-180 Allergies: Fire, bullets, pure love of a tender woman or unicorn. cannot eat small roundish foods such as grapes, cherries, cherry tomatoes, capers. does not like many sweet things, such as soda & candy. |
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 04:07
|
|
|
|
Dotcom Jillionaire posted:my blacklist of foods included pumpernickel bread and tootsie rolls Dotcom Jillionaire,get out there and eat :justpasta:. |
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 04:11
|
|
|
|
Sleepy Sip posted:Alright, buddy. Here's what we're gonna do. I got mad hives last time I took Amoxacillin what should I take to keep the hives down |
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 04:16
|
|
|
|
froward posted:Current weight: 145 Well, it looks like we've got a picky eater here! But buckle down and listen up for a moment, froward. Just because you're allergic to bullets doesn't mean you can't eat foods that are shaped like bullets. Some people find the mealy texture of round foods like peas or grapes unappetizing, but that doesn't have to be a problem. froward, I'm putting you on a strict diet of spherical items with a catch: you have to swallow everything you eat whole.  As shown above, you'll be eating three times a day- 10am, 3pm and 9pm. The numbers are full day totals, so divide by three for every meal. I've tried to spice up your diet plan by giving you plenty of variety, but do not stray from this! I am a longstanding figure in the field of nutrition and I have structured your plan this way for a reason. Several of the 'foods' I have listed here are not digestible by the human body, so you should experience the weight gain you've been looking for. In short: Whitelist: spherical foods, but ONLY the ones specified by my carefully constructed diet plan. Blacklist: Anything not on the chart. Square or cubic foods such as salad cheddar cubes or Chiclets are especially harmful. Traditional italian deserts that are served in square fashion such as tirimasu or chocolate Napolean are to be avoided as well. Take care to avoid even looking at foods of this shape. So don't be a square- follow this well-rounded diet plan and you'll be at your goal in no time! |
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 04:41
|
|
|
|
yoober posted:I got mad hives last time I took Amoxacillin what should I take to keep the hives down More Amoxacillin. These things tend to work themselves out. |
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 04:42
|
|
|
|
i am morbidly obese even though my diet consists of the thought of a wet cough twice a day please help
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 05:07
|
|
|
|
my daily breakfast is a bowl of iron nails and a bullet omelet |
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 07:05
|
|
|
|
Sleepy Sip posted:Alright, buddy. Here's what we're gonna do. |
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 07:07
|
|
|
|
Current weight: 180 Target weight: 160 Likes: burgers, steak, Salted caramel hot chocolate, weed, cider, kale, Dislikes: raw onions, stinky fish, poop Allergic to: Gluten, jews Check out the podcast - https://rudospodcast.co |
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 07:42
|
|
|
|
Current weight: 115 mg Target weight: 110 mg Likes: Nectar, honey, pollen Dislikes: Everything else Allergies: none
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 09:19
|
|
|
|
current weight: 155lbs target weight:160lbs likes: olives, heavy metal music, good times dislikes: sweet potatos, bad times allergies: the byob poster known as vapoursquid
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 09:29
|
|
|
|
bacalou posted:i am morbidly obese even though my diet consists of the thought of a wet cough twice a day bacalou, friend, you're far from obese. Why, you're nothing but skin and bones! Or just bones, I guess. Your issue isn't dietary, bacalou, it's psychological. You've got what physicians in the know call body dimorphism. This means you see a morphed image of your body when you look in the mirror. You might see yourself as an overweight man, but in fact youare a perfectly healthy skeleton. I'll be putting you on a two-week fast. You'll be satisfied feeling like you're losing weight, but in fact you'll be fine because your post mortem skeletal body does not require any food, so feel free to adhere to this fast for the remainder of your hellish eternity wandering the earth as a half-living abomination, not quite corpse and not quite man.  And I can't help but notice the green slime oozing from your empty eye socket. Where is that even coming from? You shouldn't have organs, much less an endocrine system, so I've just got no idea what the hell is going on with that. Maybe go to a real doctor? I mean, I'm a real doctor, not a shameless hack, totally certified, haha. Totally. But get that checked out. |
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 14:57
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 10, 2024 00:49 |
|
|
|
Diets suck...just exercise and eat right.
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 14:58
|
|
