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I have anxiety and have been through depressive periods. Even in the good times, I drink a lot and have insomnia. Currently, I'm in grad school and employed, dating, and ridiculously happy, so this isn't some kind of weird cry for help. I'm genuinely curious. My family is neurotic, and my friends and the girls I date tend to be similar to me. University students in the US are generally varying degrees of wacko. There's no one in real life that I would ask this question to without wondering if they were really stable. I'd love to hear from someone who's never suffered inordinate anxiety or depression. Here are some random questions that might start a discussion. What's it like when something really sad happens, like a family member dying? How do you feel when you see people who drink too much? What event or emotion if any has kept you awake at night? What's it like trying to date? What are your red flags? How are your finances? How do you feel about your ethnic and cultural background?
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Dec 3, 2014 16:04
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It's hard to relate to someone who does have issues. It is very easy to view others as "weak willed" but I understand that these issues are real. I just have no frame of reference. My wife says I'm a really emotional guy. Go me! When I get sad or something really bad happens then I do get sad and it hurts. After a while, I am distracted by something else and I am no longer sad. It's like changing train tracks. Shifting is not instantaneous, but I tend to not dwell on sadness or excitement. I am, then I'm not. Richard Cabeza fucked around with this message at 17:29 on Dec 3, 2014 |
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Dec 3, 2014 17:24
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Like the last poster said, it's hard for me to relate to someone with real issues because I don't have a frame of reference and how I cope with things may not work for others. I've gotten into emotional 'funks' before, mostly due to stress and boredom with my daily routine. exercise helps with that a lot. Although I've never had a problem finding and keeping stable work, the times that I've been in a lovely job keep me up at night, knowing that I'm stuck somewhere awful because I need the money until I can find somewhere better sucks. My wife has always supported me in those times which is a huge help. Although I'd never just walk out of a job without something else lined up, she's also told me that she'd support me if things were so unbearable that I felt that quitting was the only option. Having someone to talk to, even if they're not able to help you solve a problem is a huge help. I find that once a problem is out in the open, it's not nearly as bad as when I let it build up inside my head.
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Dec 3, 2014 18:14
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I've dealt with a lot in my life, having moved between the United States and Germany when I was 6, 11 and again when I was 22. While I didn't lose my friends, there's still the fact that they continue to grow without you, you fade out of their world eventually. I've never had that long life friend so I've developed into a a unique personality. While on the outside I am cheery, super social and everyone knows me, on the inside I have frustration, despair and feel lonely, but I don't show it because I feel like I cant! In order to cope with this I took on the artist name Fade and since I've been 15 I go out at night, spraying that word on walls, making people see it and think about it. Nowadays its not just a feeling but even an urge to do it. Even paper will suffice and in time when I feel lost, Ill get my markers and listen to music and remember the many lives I've touched and affected. While this doesn't quite match your question, Id thought Id give you some input on what my life developed into because of these changes in my life. I also haven't dated since I was 18, i am now 22. I'm rather popular with girls being blessed with above average looks but it does me no good because I cant seem to get close to anyone anymore, sometimes I feel like all that I am is a superficial personality striving to become a doctor, to have some purpose in life. I've often thought about just ending it all, I have a lot of respect for people who can reach the point of committing suicide. I often wonder if being able to end your own life is winning it. We all die someday, and all our human life is, is trying to attain positive experiences while negating the negative ones somehow. These thoughts keep me up at night. Often. Maybe someday Ill find a partner who gives me the feeling I'm searching for and maybe someday Ill be content with my life when I attain my MD title. Oh and, HELLO SA Forum again, I'm back after many years...
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Dec 3, 2014 18:21
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Being emotionally stable is pretty cool. You just chill out and take life as it comes, the good with the bad. Once my girlfriend broke up with me the night before I had to fly interstate to be a best man. That was a little bit stressful, so I hung around in the city a little bit and ate some nachos to feel better. Also people who get loud when they're angry are pretty dumb. You can be upset at something and still communicate your opinion without making a scene like a baby.
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Dec 5, 2014 06:57
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With a clap of thunder, my vagina slides open. You pass through the secret gateway of my labia into a damp and tropical paradise. My clitoris shines serenely. Far beyond your reaches, my anus winks like a waxing pink moon and you see the verdant trail of my taint leading away into the distant highlands. I fart thoughtfully. You smell rainwater and holy basil. I am raw. I am sexual. Let us make love.
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Dec 5, 2014 08:57
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Exactly what Avshalom said.
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Dec 5, 2014 14:53
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Avshalom posted:With a clap of thunder, my vagina slides open. You pass through the secret gateway of my labia into a damp and tropical paradise. My clitoris shines serenely. Far beyond your reaches, my anus winks like a waxing pink moon and you see the verdant trail of my taint leading away into the distant highlands. I fart thoughtfully. You smell rainwater and holy basil. I am raw. I am sexual. Let us make love. A poem by Meso Horny.
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Dec 5, 2014 19:20
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there's no such thing as emotionally stable, OP.
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Dec 5, 2014 19:24
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I've known people without any emotions and they were kind of comically constant. Looked boring, though.
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Dec 5, 2014 19:56
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Meis posted:there's no such thing as emotionally stable, OP. I dunno, assuming that this story is true (and who would make up a sort-of mundane story?): bewilderment posted:... Once my girlfriend broke up with me the night before I had to fly interstate to be a best man. That was a little bit stressful, so I hung around in the city a little bit and ate some nachos to feel better. it seems like that's a pretty distinct reaction than almost anyone I know would have. I guess I think that in the US at least, emotionally stable people are basically in the minority, but it's not that it doesn't exist. My experience is that in Muslim-majority countries - well, I'm thinking of Turkey - people come across as pretty even-keel. Thanks for y'all's input. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people don't have as much to say about being emotionally stable compared with, say, one of the many threads about mental health issues.
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Dec 6, 2014 16:20
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You wake up in the morning, feeling just a general haze of vague dread and eat your breakfast. You go to work with a morose kind of hatred for yourself that you ended up this way. You feel your brain fogging over and start to shut off by lunch, but some horrible mechanism in your body forces you to stay awake until the boss leaves. Then you leave, the commute home on the train and bus is quiet and empty of anything that you care about. All you can think about is dinner, then whatever passes for entertainment. A little of that to help you forget your growing feeling that tomorrow is going to be even worse. You go to sleep, trying to half-dream a more satisfying existence. At best, you feel content on the weekends. You don't remember a time when you were happy. You have difficulty imagining what being happy is. That's stability. Or at least my stability. Hope that helps.
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Dec 6, 2014 16:36
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WarpedNaba posted:You wake up in the morning, feeling just a general haze of vague dread and eat your breakfast. You go to work with a morose kind of hatred for yourself that you ended up this way. You feel your brain fogging over and start to shut off by lunch, but some horrible mechanism in your body forces you to stay awake until the boss leaves. hosed up if true
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Dec 7, 2014 08:06
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Mortley posted:I have anxiety and have been through depressive periods. Even in the good times, I drink a lot and have insomnia. Currently, I'm in grad school and employed, dating, and ridiculously happy, so this isn't some kind of weird cry for help. I'm genuinely curious. As something emotionally stable, I will answer your questions one - by -one 2) Family deaths, and other sad things, never happen to me. 2) I've only ever seen one person drink 3) No emotions or events keep me awake, some processes might 4) Wouldnt know 5) Chirps, beeps, freezing up 6) You could say I'm a numbers guy 7) I dont have one If you havnt guessed already. I'm your computer, the only emotionally stable thing you will be looking at when you check this thread.
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Dec 7, 2014 08:34
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quote:My experience is that in Muslim-majority countries - well, I'm thinking of Turkey - people come across as pretty even-keel.
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Dec 7, 2014 11:55
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Rent-A-Cop posted:Yeah the Middle East is well known for being super mellow. Corpses tend to be remarkably pacifistic. WarpedNaba fucked around with this message at 12:57 on Dec 7, 2014 |
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Dec 7, 2014 12:54
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WarpedNaba posted:You wake up in the morning, feeling just a general haze of vague dread and eat your breakfast. You go to work with a morose kind of hatred for yourself that you ended up this way. You feel your brain fogging over and start to shut off by lunch, but some horrible mechanism in your body forces you to stay awake until the boss leaves. 9-5 jobs in large cities does this to people. There are alternatives.
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Dec 7, 2014 18:33
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Mortley posted:What's it like when something really sad happens, like a family member dying? Mortley posted:How do you feel when you see people who drink too much? Let me tell you a story: There was a guy named Bill who had a watch with a plastic strap that he put on too tight. After a while, the skin underneath started to die. He said, "gahh, that's gross. It hurts and it smells bad." But then he put it back on and made it tighter. He didn't want to put it on any tighter. In fact, he hated doing it. Also, he had no reason to do it, certainly no sense that he deserved any skin problems. But he did it anyways. So you're reaction is probably, "That guy is just finding ways to inflict suffering on himself, and doing them over and over for no reason? He must have some sort of problem with his brain." And now you understand exactly how I react to anyone with a drinking problem or a drug problem or a weight problem, or indeed any personal problem whatsoever.
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Dec 7, 2014 19:34
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Mortley posted:Here are some random questions that might start a discussion. When something sad happens I feel sad, then I eventually get over it. I see lots of (very) drunk people because I'm a bartender, and most of them are idiots. Not much has kept me awake at night besides poo poo like drinking too much coffee. Married, but when dating never had any issues out of the ordinary. Financially things are ok, I have a roof over my head with a bed, food, toilet and hot shower so I can't complain. I couldn't give two shits about my ethnic and cultural background(s), I'm a European Heinz 57. My grandma made awesome German potato salad, does that count? Have I ever had bouts of depression? Sure, but I saw a therapist and worked through it, and I'm in a better place now because of it. Applebees Appetizer fucked around with this message at 04:37 on Dec 8, 2014 |
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Dec 8, 2014 04:34
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As someone who was once very emotionally unstable but has been stable for several years, it's a pretty nice feeling. Just because you feel like you've never experienced any kind of stability doesn't mean it can't happen for you in the future. In my teens and early 20s I had some pretty severe struggles with depression, anxiety, and alcohol to the point where I was sure I wouldn't survive past the age of 25. Long story short I pulled through and have been well and med-free for about five years now. There's no way I could have done it on my own, and it was a very difficult journey, but life has leveled out. What's it like when something really sad happens, like a family member dying? Sad stuff happens. Stress happens. Just because you generally feel stable doesn't mean you won't feel depressed if bad stuff happens to you. You grieve and move on at your own pace, but grief shouldn't consume the rest of your life. How do you feel when you see people who drink too much? OP, if you know you drink too much and you want to change that, you have to make a conscious effort to do so. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to choose sobriety, but you need to set limits for yourself and stick to them. "Only drinking when I'm out with friends" or "Only buying one bottle of booze a month," things like that. To answer your question, I feel kind of sad for them because I know what it's like to feel dependent on alcohol regardless of the situation and it sucks. What event or emotion if any has kept you awake at night? Alcohol can really impair your ability to have a good night's sleep. If you're having trouble sleeping you could try some over-the-counter sleep med or see your doctor for something prescribed. However, you can't combine alcohol and sleeping meds so you need to choose if you would rather have a drink or a good sleep. Anyway, thinking about stuff I need to do keeps me awake, sometimes I think about my job if it was a particularly intense day. What's it like trying to date? This is really cliche, but you need to be good with yourself before you can date other people. Two unstable people trying to manage a romantic relationship rarely ends well and results in a lot of codependence and drama. What are your red flags? Depending on you to be happy, not maintaining their own friends or hobbies, and rushing the relationship. This was stuff I did and only realized how unhealthy it was in retrospect. How are your finances? Good, never really had a problem with that. Alcohol does cost money, however, and you could be saving it for something else. How do you feel about your ethnic and cultural background? Alcoholism and depression are very strong in my genes, and culturally, pretty much everywhere I've lived is full of alcoholic depressed people. I do think my life wouldn't have gone downhill so fast if I lived somewhere else during that time, but I probably would have had some trouble with depression or anxiety regardless. I will never know. This got pretty long, but my main point is, emotional stability is an achievable goal, but it takes work to get there. If you're a college student you could probably see a therapist for free through your school.
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Dec 8, 2014 09:11
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Koivunen posted:... Two unstable people trying to manage a romantic relationship rarely ends well and results in a lot of codependence and drama. Yeah, but the sex is fantastic. I do see a head shrink, and I am taking another running stab at the not drinking business. But my idea is that if I achieve hard-won emotionally stability, I am still different from someone who hadn't struggled. I guess I could've clarified that I was interested in the perspective of people with emotionally stable personalities over their whole lifetimes (although you don't count in that, and your contribution was insightful, even if you made my questions directed toward you about me, therapist-style), not necessarily focused on being overall emotionally stable at the present moment.
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Dec 8, 2014 17:48
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Mortley posted:I have anxiety and have been through depressive periods. Even in the good times, I drink a lot and have insomnia. Currently, I'm in grad school and employed, dating, and ridiculously happy, so this isn't some kind of weird cry for help. I'm genuinely curious. wall of text ahoy I've always been pretty even keel and stoic when it comes to my emotions, not particularly prone to being down or anxious, and usually am not paralyzed to inaction by bad things happening. That's not to say I don't get upset/scared/frustrated/discouraged/whatever when things happen day to day or during major life stuff. I used to have a hard time relating to people who were extremely emotional or had a hard time coping with stuff but I've made a concerted effort to become more empathetic to other people's situations recently and I'm less of a dick these days because of it (I hope). When family members have died I miss them, and feel sad, but I realized there's nothing I can do about it and having it negatively impact my life after I've given the even the proper time to settle in is something I've never had happen. I just realize there's a life to be lived so I just get distracted by all the other stuff in my life and eventually I feel better. Idle hands and all that. As far as drinking too much, the older I get and keep going to bars/playing in bands, the more often it becomes apparent that some people just can't hang and need to probably consider sobriety. I worry about them, sure, and I support them, but people can only do so much for others and the rest is on them, so I try not to feel too much guilt if I feel like I'm doing my best to help and they just are unable or unwilling to help themselves. It's mostly a feeling of helplesness because I can't MAKE someone change. I've had friends with serious drug problems and other than planning stuff to do with them that doesn't tempt or involve drugs/alcohol and let them know my door is always open, there's not much I can do and it sucks but it just is what it is. The emotion that keeps me awake at night the most frequently is anticipation, like I have trouble sleeping the night before going on vacation or going on tour but it's kind of excitement rather than anxiety. I tend not to dwell on things so anxiety doesn't keep me up much, but sometimes I'll have dreams about my grandfather who passed years ago and I'll wake up and sometimes cry as we were very close and I do still miss him in a sort of ambient subconscious way that never really enters my mind during my day to day but will creep up on me in my sleep maybe once a year. It's not really a big deal and honestly I kind of enjoy it once I'm not sad anymore because I have so many good memories of him it makes me happy to remember the time we had together and I feel like the successes I've had in my life would make him proud of me. Dating was always a weird one for me, I'm not 100% comfortable getting close to new people right away but I warm up quickly. I've been told that I'm very good with small talk and people like me almost instantly but I feel like I'm terrible at it, so when I was single I had kind of a Dunning-Kruger thing going on with the ladies (I thought I was an awkward mess when they actually had a nice time and thought I was charming or whatever). I'm more comfortable in LTRs so I've never been single for very long. The last time I was single was weird because I came out of a pretty long relationship and was pretty bummed about it but a lot of other things in my life were starting to go really well so I think that I looked like I was on top of the world but in reality I was pretty sad privately. A lot of my best friends' relationships ended around then too so we just kind of banded together in our hosed up state and tried our best to simultaneously enable each other's wild single lives and support each other when we were feeling low and while I never want to feel that lovely again, the camaraderie was so affirming I wouldn't go back and undo anything. I was really really low when my girlfriend broke up with me but I just stayed really busy, worked at my job, lived alone for a while, played lots of music, hung out with my friends almost constantly unless I wanted to be a sad sack and listen to the Magnetic Fields curled up in a ball in bed for a while. Eventually I just felt better, like she just faded to a dull ache and eventually to just a thing that happened that I didn't feel one way in particular at all. My dating red flags are mysticism/astrology and manic states. I think mystical stuff is tiresome and silly, and I don't have time for people who are always in a cycle of panic and repair. My finances are ok now, but I've always been fairly impulsive with money, but I think that's from how I was raised rather than some underlying mania or something. My background is aggressively white middle class suburbia, so I feel almost nothing about it, it was so vanilla. My parents were nice and kind of annoying in the way parents can be, but they did all right by me and even though we disagree from time to time they do love me. I honestly don't think about it much at all and if anything I feel a sort of survivor guilt when I talk to my friends who had hosed up home lives growing up since my childhood was pretty benign. I'm half Jewish so I can do Jewy stuff if I want but not have any of the drawbacks of being a "minority" since I don't look it at all. I grew up doing Passover and Hanukkah with my grandparents but never had to go to temple or anything as my mom is an agnostic and my dad was a lapsed Irish Catholic when I was a kid. tl;dr nothing has ever been that big of a deal and probably never will be, life is cool and chill I feel like this is a humblebrag honepot, so trap sprung I guess? himajinga fucked around with this message at 18:42 on Dec 8, 2014 |
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Dec 8, 2014 18:30
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Mortley posted:Here are some random questions that might start a discussion. I'm told that I'm a pretty stoic and calm dude by the people around me so I'll try and give you my two cents. Any given time of day I'm generally sitting just to the happy side of neutral. Content I'd say. The best way I can describe it is it works sort of like a pendulum. Most of the time I'm feeling fine, but the pendulum swings around if I'm happy, sad, angry, frustrated, jealous, anxious, etc. But no matter where it goes given some time it returns back the center. I've had ups and downs, victories and disasters, but time heals all wounds. As for your question 1. Depends on the circumstances. When my grandfather died I was angry and sad because he died from a medical mistake. I'm still a little sore over it, but it's in the past and can't be changed and so that wound has scared over mostly. Like a dull ache. When my grandmother died I was happy and sad. She had Alzheimer's and didn't recognize us anymore and had no idea why she was in the Alzheimer wing of a nursing home and simply stopped eating. I was sad that she was gone, but happy that wherever she was she wasn't living the hell of Alzheimers. 2. I mainly just feel sad that I can't help them. 3. Either anger or creativity. If something made me angry enough, generally someone being poo poo to another person, I'll stay awake for an extra hour or so stewing on it. Very rare though. If my brain is churning over something I want to write or make then I'll also have trouble falling asleep. 4. I've dated a few times, but it never really worked out due to lack of chemistry. 5. My finances are fine. I have a lot of debt from school, but I'm budgeting to chip away at them and throwing spare money at them when I have some while saving enough for myself so I can eat out every once in a while or go to a movie or buy a video game or something.I figure I can throw every spare dollar at them and be miserable for 8 years or live a little and take 10 years. 6. Don't have an ethnic background. My family is originally German, but that's going a long way back. I am curious why you're focusing on people who have never suffered from depression or anxiety. The other people in the thread that have been through it and come out again would be a wealth of knowledge and can compare and contrast.
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Dec 12, 2014 01:08
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Thanks, last two posters. To the last guy: oh yeah I totally agree that the compare/contrast with other people who went through periods of emotionally instability is invaluable, especially for people like me, but that's the thing: I posted this out of genuine curiosity and not the desire for help. It's super easy to get people who've been through therapy to talk about their feelings, but it's super rare for other people to do so.
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Dec 12, 2014 02:21
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Mortley posted:Thanks, last two posters. To the last guy: oh yeah I totally agree that the compare/contrast with other people who went through periods of emotionally instability is invaluable, especially for people like me, but that's the thing: I posted this out of genuine curiosity and not the desire for help. It's super easy to get people who've been through therapy to talk about their feelings, but it's super rare for other people to do so. Ah gotcha. Let me know if there's anything else you want to know.
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Dec 12, 2014 06:14
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What's it like when something really sad happens, like a family member dying? - It's sad, but then you get over it. How do you feel when you see people who drink too much? - Entertained. What event or emotion if any has kept you awake at night? - Had some unholy taco shits the other night that kept me up for a while. What's it like trying to date? - Pretty cool. If it works out, you get to see some genitals. What are your red flags? - With dating? Crazy people, clingy people. How are your finances? - Fair. Nothing too amazing, but I'm not in the poorhouse and I have enough to have some fun now and again. How do you feel about your ethnic and cultural background? - I'm white, so pretty good!
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Dec 12, 2014 11:17
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I think the clinginess thing is one of the clearest differences with regard to dating between "steady as a rock" people and y'know, the rest of us. The thing is, people say "you shouldn't fall in love too quick" or "(s)he came on too strong" or whatever, but as far as a strategy or a decision going into the future, how can you avoid having strong feelings for someone? And that's the thing with "unstable" people: part of what we're dealing with is an emotional system that's tuned too sensitively. Yeah, OK, "I'm in love already" after a week is just self-deception, but so is "we're taking it slow because I've rushed into relationships in the past." You can avoid showing your feelings too overtly or talking about them too much, but it's almost impossible to talk yourself out of a strong emotion like lust or love, especially when it's not unrequited. Maybe it's not reciprocated to the degree you're feeling it, not yet, but you're not living a fantasy life: this person is touching your naughty places. I remember Dan Savage talked about first meeting his current partner, and how maybe six weeks in to dating him, instead of saying something nuts like "I love you", they'd say "I'm not gonna say what I'm really thinking" and just kiss or something. I thought it was the weirdest, most transparent thing to say: obviously they were just as nuts as the rest of us, they just had a relationship rule against talking about it too early. Personally, my red flag is for bad communicators, and not as much for instability. Obviously I have my limits for the latter as well, but garden-variety "clinginess" doesn't meet it. Mortley fucked around with this message at 19:43 on Dec 12, 2014 |
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Dec 12, 2014 19:41
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