helldump your pets [petshaming ITT]

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Pet Island > helldump your pets [petshaming ITT]

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

candywife posted:

Fimmion, you are kind of the worst pet.
I thought you would die like, a month after I won you at the fair. Then I found out goldfish get huge and live forfuckingever.
You're only 2 years old, how are you already as long as my forearm? Stop growing so much.

I buy you beautiful plants to decorate your home, like this water lily, and you just uproot them and rip them to shreds.
Also, thanks for attacking the algae cleaning magnet til it fell into the gravel where I can't get it unless I stick my entire arm and shoulder into the tank.
When I do go to get it out, please don't bite my fingers cause last time you did you startled me so bad I jerked my arm back and bruised it really badly on the rim of the tank.

(Although I still think you're pretty badass, and that it's cool that you get excited when I come home at night, not like that lazy rear end cat)

Pro-tip from a fellow goldfish-owner; Go get some frozen Brine Shrimp from a pet store, defrost a little bit and give him it. He'll be your best friend forever and do you have more? We're gonna follow you around the room when you walk by now, do you have brine shrimp? Is it time to give us brine shrimp now?

No it isn't you fuckers, you got fed your regular stuff this morning, stop sitting and staring at me any time I go past your drat tank you creepy little shits. Other people's fish happily swim around the tank all day amongst their plants and things, but nooo mine have to be bored people-watchers.

# ¿ May 1, 2015 08:32

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# ¿ May 1, 2024 17:42

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

FactsAreUseless posted:

Is this like a big dog thing, because I knew a great dane who does this.

Yeah I knew a guy who had a pair of great danes that would just come up and lean against you for petting. If you were by a wall then, whelp, you were trapped until sufficient petting was given.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2015 04:21

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

grack posted:

Come home from work today, put the garbage away and there is another dead bird waiting for me.

Thank you Porchcat II

At least I'll never starve.

I think that cat's adopted you.

# ¿ Oct 15, 2015 09:09

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

grack posted:

Ooh, a dead squirrel today. What's the occasion Porchcat II?

Easy prey for someone who doesn't seem to know how to hunt. Can't you see how generous and kind Porchcat II is being? :colbert:

Reminds me of the time I found half of a (Australian) possum out on the front yard one morning. The rear half, to be precise. I don't know how one of the local cats managed it, only that they did and I still have no idea where the front half went.

# ¿ Dec 4, 2015 15:49

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Angrymog posted:

Jess, you are crap at fighting. Please don't try. You don't like being carried to the vets on the back of the motorbike, and now you're stuck indoors wearing a cone.

You say that, but that's the look of impending vengeance. Maybe against you for the cone, maybe against whoever she fought.

# ¿ Dec 6, 2015 13:59

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

grack posted:

Thank you for the lovely gift of a headless rat this morning Porchcat II.

I fear to ask but I must: What are you doing with the heads?
Are you eating them?
Are you doing feline taxidermy?
Do you have some little trophy case full of rat skulls a la Predator somewhere?

Or is it some sort of implicit threat that I'm just not getting?

PorchCat's leaving them in the bed of the dog across the street as a warning.

# ¿ Dec 10, 2015 22:24

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

BedBuglet posted:

Aeryn and Chiana, I've been meaning to ask, are you bigger on the inside? Because you somehow manage to crap three times your body weight on a daily basis. Who the hell do you think has to clean that up? I'd call you filthy rats but rats have the decency to not try and shatter my ear drums with squealing. You two should be ashamed of yourselves and I want you to know that I've been researching Peruvian recipes.

Farscape piggies are the best kind of piggies :allears:

.

Also you should know better than to open the fridge, rustle plastic bags, or just exist near their cage at certain times of the day, because that means VEGGIES! :byodood:

# ¿ Jan 18, 2016 16:45

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

grack posted:

Guys, horrible news, Porchcat II died last week. I learned this talking to my neighbour today, because apparently Porchcat II was leaving dead animals for a number of people in my neighbourhood.

Porchcat II. You were the most socially responsible cat.

Porchcat just wanted you all to be better hunters, you clearly had trouble catching them yourselves :ohdear:

# ¿ Apr 21, 2016 01:10

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

swenblack posted:

Pooser, you are a lovely cat. It's endearing that you bring us mice, but please kill them first. I don't like waking up to a live mouse in my bed. Seriously, what the gently caress, cat. You have one job. One job.

Pooser thinks you're a pretty crappy hunter and he wants you to do better because he cares.

# ¿ May 3, 2016 12:10

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

grack posted:

Found another headless rat behind my garbage cans this morning

I think I have a copyPorchcat

Seriously why do my neighborhood cats keep trying to feed me, I'm not starving.

Well you're clearly not hunting the local rats very well on your own. They're worried and trying to help because they care :ohdear:

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 12:29

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Distorted Kiwi posted:

Sukie, there's three other chairs, and lots of warm, cozy beds in this house.

But sure, sleep on my hoodie. I love shedding fur everywhere I go.

Your hoodie? I think you mean Sukie's blanket :colbert:

# ¿ Aug 4, 2016 18:07

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

bunnyofdoom posted:

You little fluffy deviant. I let you run around my parents garden because you love it, and you break my Mom's fancy hollow statue. Why? You are why we can't have nice things

(I love her, but goddamn is she destructive)

To release the evil contained within the statue and drain it for her own nefarious powers of wanton Chaos, of course.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2016 08:50

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Show Me A Chicken posted:

Also, where are you getting the chicken bones you keep leaving in the hallway? The last time we had a whole chicken was nearly two months ago, yet you've been leaving bones in the hall for a week. It started out with a little thigh bone and then went up to a raggedy breast bone. Are you somehow sneaking out into the garbage and then sneaking back in through two layers of locked doors? Did you hide the bones for safekeeping? Did a chicken somehow get into the apartment? I do not understand.

The answer is in your username. Jules is only obliging your request like a Good Cat.

# ¿ Oct 13, 2016 03:40

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

We found a tiny snail in our goldfish tank once. It must've come in on a fresh bundle of plants, and we figured it was big enough to not get eaten while watching it happily climb along the wall of the tank.

Then one of our fatass goldfish swam over, stopped in front of the snail whilr clearly giving it a real hard look, and swallowed it whole :rip:

# ¿ Oct 23, 2016 20:08

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

bunnyofdoom posted:

Dear Harriet.

I have a sprained knee. I do require this cane. I would appreciate it if you stopped charging my cane and body slamming it out of my hand. I'd rather not be lying on the floor when my leg gives out.

The moment you fall to the floor, Harriet's gonna go for the throat and finish you off :ohdear:

# ¿ Nov 14, 2016 09:34

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

hogmartin posted:

I had a cat who took up the same hobby by leaping up from the floor. We cleared everything off the counter, stacked empty soda cans 3 high around the wall of the counter, and sprayed cooking oil on the surface. Then we waited. He was dumb as a box of hammers, but one encounter with sliding uncontrollably into loud things falling on him and then scrabbling uselessly on the floor with greasy paws trying to escape was enough for him to seek other pursuits.

And you didn't capture this on video why? :colbert:

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 13:19

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

DoggPickle posted:

Thanks! It was a huge bag of pistachios. Lol - our mostly white terrier was just sitting there next to a big pile of shells and a completely red nose and front feet.

"What? I didn't do nothing, Human. :shrug:

# ¿ Feb 27, 2017 11:37

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Werong Bustope posted:

Macready I'm sorry I've been working late a lot recently but is it necessary to insist on pets while you eat, you incredibly demanding little trashcat.

You have a pet raccoon?! :swoon:

# ¿ Oct 7, 2017 03:23

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

THE RAGGY posted:

Caught this little fucker removing the face from the last toy that had a face

She hates faces, she's a dick.

Oh god, she's looking at your face! :stonk:

# ¿ Oct 15, 2017 14:10

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Dreylad posted:

you can't perch on that you idiot

The image proves otherwise.

# ¿ Mar 18, 2018 02:46

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

iospace posted:

What a dick for sitting on your laptop.

I think you'll find that's Sammy self-heating seat, thank you very much :catbert:

# ¿ Jul 14, 2018 11:58

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

DrHammond posted:

Oliver, I know the discovery that lifting then dropping your automatic feeder just so would occasionally reward you with delicious kitty kibble was revelatory. I'm sure it was frustrating when I built a wooden base for it, and velcroed that poo poo to the ground. But cat, how in the gently caress did you get it into your fluffy little brain that trying to knock over the water fountain was the second best thing?

The apartment has nice hardwood floors you little rear end, and I'd rather not lose my security deposit to water damage.

Are you REALLY going to force me to go back to the hardware store? Cute little fucker.

The photogenic little bastard looks like he knows EXACTLY how handsome he is and how to weaponize his looks to get out of trouble.

# ¿ Dec 17, 2018 05:11

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Werong Bustope posted:

sweet, perfect cats of mine: im glad you're such good friends but please stop wrestling on the bed next to my face at 3am

How else are you going to officiate and declare a winner?? :catstare:

# ¿ Dec 27, 2018 04:12

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

MrYenko posted:

Cougars. Reintroduce cougars.

There are already plenty of older women in my neighbourhood, at least according to all the ads I see online :confused:

# ¿ Nov 10, 2019 05:09

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

crunchytacosupreme posted:

why are you like this?

That spot's clearly right in The Sunbeam, dog is smart and operating correctly :colbert:

# ¿ Mar 22, 2020 05:07

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Invalido posted:

One of you chewed up my headphones last night. I don't know for sure who did it though I have my suspicions. I know I forgot to buy more wet food but c'mon there was dry food and I even bought you a water fountain show some appreciation or at least respect my stuff sheesh.

What I'm hearing is you should've bought more wet food when you were supposed to.

You're not gonna forget next time now, are you? :colbert:

# ¿ Nov 4, 2020 10:17

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# ¿ May 1, 2024 17:42

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

nunsexmonkrock posted:

(I don't have a picture because I am not quick enough)

Squiggles I keep putting my backpack on the couch or hiding it somewhere else from you but you always find it and drag it right next to floor by my desk chair so you can sleep on top of it next to me.

You adorable kitty! - Cats!

E: Here is a picture it's very hard to clean when the kitty just stands in front of you meows and will not move lol.

Nut he is about 17yo so can't really blame him.

Have you tried putting a pet bed where he drags the backpack to?

# ¿ May 20, 2023 17:11

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Pet Island > helldump your pets [petshaming ITT]