|
Only two things in the military are certain: dick art and dysentery. No matter how much you wash your hands, you will always wind up spraying liquid hellfire out of your rear end.
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2015 13:35
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 3, 2024 04:08 |
|
|
The military is a lot like playing Oregon Trail. Most people just join up to either avoid school or just hoping to gently caress around with guns. Everyone keeps almost getting killed by frontier disease and no one ever has enough money to safely ferry their poo poo or get an Indian guide because they blew it on bullets they're just gonna waste wildly firing at whatever moves and wagon parts because everyone behind the wheel is an idiot
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2015 16:34
|
|
|
Haha, speaking of, our old CO is spreading a bunch of bullshit accusing all of the officers and SNCOs hooking up with E4s during the deployment. He even went so far as to claim that one soldier is pregnant and that it was one of the PL's. In the civilian world, this would be a goldmine sexual harassment lawsuit. In the Army, it'll get brushed under the rug by the SHARP office.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2015 17:08
|
|
|
psydude posted:Only two things in the military are certain: dick art and dysentery. No matter how much you wash your hands, you will always wind up spraying liquid hellfire out of your rear end. The worst part is, it's totally preventable. Medicine has known about if for over a century, but it seems like every unit has some disgusting dickbag who doesn't wash their hands after using the bathroom or before going to chow.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2015 17:22
|
|
|
Dead Reckoning posted:The worst part is, it's totally preventable. Medicine has known about if for over a century, but it seems like every unit has Fixed that for you, sunshine.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2015 18:39
|
|
|
Does anyone or has anyone tried to re-enlist after a 2 year gap in service? I have an honorable discharge and whatnot but I'm curious of the option of rejoining as 18X is still possible with the ever constant drawdown. Every recruiter I've talked to has tried to hook me into the guard and won't give me a straight answer.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2015 23:45
|
|
|
Yo Army , are dudes constantly talking about going 18X because they're too hardcore for (MOS goes here) your version of our loving ammo techs and water-dogs who won't shut up about their MARSOC application?
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2015 23:48
|
|
|
Booblord Zagats posted:Yo Army , are dudes constantly talking about going 18X because they're too hardcore for (MOS goes here) your version of our loving ammo techs and water-dogs who won't shut up about their MARSOC application? Oftentimes they're POGs who've played too much Call of Duty and go to see American Sniper and then think that being a badass is as easy a completing a few training missions and then rocking a sweet beard.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2015 23:49
|
|
|
psydude posted:Oftentimes they're POGs who've played too much Call of Duty and go to see American Sniper and then think that being a badass is as easy a completing a few training missions and then rocking a sweet beard. Are they normally the person in their unit with the least amount of promotion points?
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2015 23:52
|
|
|
LeoMarr posted:Does anyone or has anyone tried to re-enlist after a 2 year gap in service? I have an honorable discharge and whatnot but I'm curious of the option of rejoining as 18X is still possible with the ever constant drawdown. Every recruiter I've talked to has tried to hook me into the guard and won't give me a straight answer. i understand man but if you don't make it through you're 11b at bragg most likely and then a suicidal alcoholic. go for it, see you in the help thread in a few months!
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 00:10
|
|
|
Cole posted:i understand man I was an 11b while I was in, at bragg. Which is the main reason, I heard that because of the draw down prior service now has two options, 88M and 18X. If I don't make it through I'm doing the same poo poo I was doing 2 years ago, which is fine really.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 01:26
|
|
|
So if anybody was unaware, Microsoft is doing the Home Use Program again. You can get Office 2013 for  . HomeUseProgram posted:To access the Microsoft Home Use Program Web site:
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 04:04
|
|
|
According to personal experience, the longer the gap in service periods, the more successful the NCO. Even better if they were a reclass, bringing absolutely no professional knowledge of their new career to the matter of supervising young soldiers fresh from AIT. I'm sure you'll do great. Good luck!
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 04:06
|
|
|
Zeris posted:According to personal experience, the longer the gap in service periods, the more successful the NCO. Even better if they were a reclass, bringing absolutely no professional knowledge of their new career to the matter of supervising young soldiers fresh from AIT. I just want to be back in the Army and be Infantry. It's all I know and I don't go a day without thinking about going back. They could pay me in pyrite and I would still stay in forever
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 04:21
|
|
|
LeoMarr posted:I just want to be back in the Army and be Infantry. It's all I know and I don't go a day without thinking about going back. They could pay me in pyrite and I would still stay in forever That is a problem, that you have, which the post-drawdowninfantry definitely will not solve. Go to therapy.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 04:36
|
|
|
Double post
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 04:37
|
|
|
LeoMarr posted:I just want to be back in the Army and be Infantry. It's all I know and I don't go a day without thinking about going back. They could pay me in pyrite and I would still stay in forever Yeah man I'm sure going to JRTC and NTC for months at a time and doing gay ruck marches in garrison while singing about killing commies in TYOOL 2015 will fill that niche. If you want adventure, go work on a loving fishing boat in Alaska or something. You'll face more danger, be better compensated, and have more interesting stories than a Joe stationed a Hood. You're already an honorably discharged veteran with a DD-214, why are you itching to waste another 4 years of your time putting up with retardation so that a few SNCOs and officers can boost their worthless careers?
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 04:41
|
|
|
psydude posted:Yeah man I'm sure going to JRTC and NTC for months at a time and doing gay ruck marches in garrison while singing about killing commies in TYOOL 2015 will fill that niche. If you want adventure, go work on a loving fishing boat in Alaska or something. You'll face more danger, be better compensated, and have more interesting stories than a Joe stationed a Hood. You're already an honorably discharged veteran with a DD-214, why are you itching to waste another 4 years of your time putting up with retardation so that a few SNCOs and officers can boost their worthless careers? I don't know, I just miss it heavily I can't explain what it is, but I just miss every aspect of it. Even the dumb amounts of flutterkicks and pushups because a dip can was discovered on the lawn, I miss that poo poo.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 04:51
|
|
|
French foreign legion
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 04:57
|
|
|
Cole posted:i understand man and yet I miss it everyday. 
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 05:12
|
|
|
Zip posted:and yet I miss it everyday.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 05:14
|
|
|
Zip posted:and yet I miss it everyday.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 05:16
|
|
|
Zip posted:and yet I miss it everyday.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 05:17
|
|
|
LeoMarr posted:I don't know, I just miss it heavily I can't explain what it is, but I just miss every aspect of it. Even the dumb amounts of flutterkicks and pushups because a dip can was discovered on the lawn, I miss that poo poo. Holy poo poo dude, maybe you should just check out one of those freaky websites and advertise yourself as an aspiring sub.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 05:17
|
|
|
it's the weirdest thing. i loving hate the army and glad i'm out and chilling on disney funbucks. on the other hand i strangely miss the army and (some) stupid poo poo. mostly i miss my buddies, the people i could count on, the camaraderie.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 05:23
|
|
|
LeoMarr posted:I don't know, I just miss it heavily I can't explain what it is, but I just miss every aspect of it. Even the dumb amounts of flutterkicks and pushups because a dip can was discovered on the lawn, I miss that poo poo. Mike-o posted:it's the weirdest thing. i loving hate the army and glad i'm out and chilling on disney funbucks. on the other hand i strangely miss the army and (some) stupid poo poo. mostly i miss my buddies, the people i could count on, the camaraderie.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 05:24
|
|
|
LeoMarr posted:I don't know, I just miss it heavily I can't explain what it is, but I just miss every aspect of it. Even the dumb amounts of flutterkicks and pushups because a dip can was discovered on the lawn, I miss that poo poo. One weekend my squad (SQUAD!) got two dui's and two guys pissed hot for weed. Our squad leader told us to pack a hundred pound ruck. I stuck weights from the weight room outside of our platoon sgt's office in mine. Had to have another buddy help me stand up. There was some monstrous hill going down from Ardennes to Area J up the street from us. It had wooden steps leading down because it was so steep so of course our squad leader is making us run, as best we could, up and down the dirt of that loving hill over and over. Eventually two people go down and have to get IVs on the spot. It still stands out in my head as one of the greatest days of my life because I didn't go down. And yea you aren't alone for loving that insanity.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 05:26
|
|
|
I just hate doing basic every day things with other humans and realizing they have no loving clue and nothing I can say will make them understand without making me look retarded/crazy. Every civilian should have "who else needs to know?" tattooed on the back of their left/right hand. Or reinstate the draft.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 05:42
|
|
|
Listening to you fuckers I feel like I got ripped off with my army experience. The dudes I was in with were a pack of loving degenerates, who most turned out to be wife beaters, child abusers, child molesters, drug addicts, closeted homosexuals, liars, rapists, thieves, and just general loving idiots. I couldn't trust most them more than you could trust a smack junkie with a pack of cigarettes. I could totally expect anyone in my entire chain barring a few dudes to sell me to terrorists for a can of dip and a monster, and not even feel bad about it. I'd expect them to do the torturing themselves if they thought they'd get another rank or a bullet point out of it. If I wanted to relive my army experience I could just tell a homeless dude to punch me in the face, take the 12 dollars out of my pocket and maybe pee on me a little bit, then I could get on with the rest of my morning instead of spreading it out over a 16 hour day.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 05:44
|
|
|
Zeris posted:French foreign legion a few years ago i was learning basic french with rosetta stone and reading ffl memoirs cuz i was planning on joining them. then i realized that would be like 100x stupider than when i walked into the marine recruiters office and signed up as an 0300 like some paint huffing simpleton of course, i encourage the motard wanting to go 18x to give the legion a shot!
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 05:51
|
|
|
I miss being deployed, but FTA. Contracting was way the hell better.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 05:54
|
|
|
I miss nothing. The Army took the fun out of things like shooting machine guns. Not a scene I'd go back to.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 06:08
|
|
|
not caring here posted:Listening to you fuckers I feel like I got ripped off with my army experience. Yea I don't miss it at all. Between the Bn XO who got caught putting porn on SIPR (rumor was his BC caught him stroking off to it; either way he got relieved for cause), my soldier going through a court martial for child porn, a few getting thrown out for pissing hot (weed, coke, benzos, take your pick), a CO that thought 'leadership' meant loudly berating your subordinates in front of your soldiers (for tasks that he hadn't told anyone about but were somehow supposed to magically be done anyways) or it meant 'hiding in the loving TOC while his PLs, PSGs, and 1SG all get blown up repeatedly while he stays safe', and soldiers trying to murder other soldiers in retaliation for testifying at a high-profile court martial (anyone remember Danny Chen's suicide? That was a unit in my brigade, and my soldier testified at that court martial...there's a murder prevented by yours truly), I had enough. That was before my ETS and deployment awards got shot down by that same shitbird XO (who got moved to my Bn after getting fired at his first one). gently caress that unit and just about anyone associated with it.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 06:15
|
|
|
jesus christ Icon you sucked the fun out of this thread.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 06:39
|
|
|
It's not too late. Post more poop stories. There was an MI weenie in my platoon for a while who was a Mormon. This dude was like some sort of textbook Mormon; no alcohol, no cussin', magic underpants and everything. He claimed to have been, at some point, a really "bad" person, whatever that means. The most profane words that came out of his mouth were "you dirty sow." Anyway, one beautiful day in Afghanistan, he finally gets to go out on a mission. We get dropped off somewhere in the night, set up a patrol base, etc. On day two or three, while the patrol is out checking out a village nearby, a handful of us are chillin' in the PB and this dude suddenly discovers an urgent need to poo poo. He hasn't yet poo poo since we've been out. He grabs his wipes and hustles off to a wadi about a hundred meters away. Some time passes, maybe twenty minutes. As we're starting to wonder aloud what's been taking him so long, we finally see his head appear. Cool, he hasn't gotten himself kidnapped, everything is normal. He keeps walking up the slope, slowly more of him is revealed until... wait, he's not wearing any pants. What the gently caress, oh poo poo. This dude had his combat shirt pulled down past his waist and his belt tightened around it like a loving skirt. Rather than just poo poo in a ditch like everyone else, he didn't want anybody watching so he made a dash for the wadi... and didn't make it. The pants, the magic undies... total losses. Now, as everybody's coming back from the patrol, he might not be able to get picked up because you need to be wearing pants to fly in a helicopter. And really, who the gently caress brings spare pants on a mission like that? gently caress that, I've got two packs full of goddam radios and poo poo. We finally find the one dude who packed an extra pair of pants and he agrees to give them up. Turns out that over the course of the deployment he had developed some sort of thyroid condition that caused uncontrollable twitching and making GBS threads problems. Now he's medically retired and collecting Disney dollars. Naked Bear fucked around with this message at 07:16 on Feb 10, 2015 |
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 07:12
|
|
|
Holy motherfucking poo poo. How much poo poo do you need to demolish those massive mormon undies AND your pants. How. I'm surprised his boots were still good.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 07:20
|
|
|
I feel cheated. All the mormons in my company weren't hardcore weirdo mormons. In fact, one of them was SSG Gibbs. You know, the guy that ended up wasting some afghans after he got kicked out of my company. The rest were just normal dudes who drank and cussed. No smoking among them though.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 07:43
|
|
|
Going back in as infantry during peacetime would be one of the worst things I could ever imagine. It's pretty drat intolerable even during times of conflict. I would just wait until WW3 or some poo poo like that if you wanted to go that route.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 07:47
|
|
|
The truest words I've ever heard were said to me by a retired army doctor: "The Army produces a lot of outstanding administrators, but very few good leaders." All the people that I've ever talked to that missed the military, but can't explain why, fall into two categories: they miss the camaraderie, or they miss the easy paycheck. There's nothing quite like either on the outside. The thing is, unless you truly enjoy being treated like a child, you don't really miss The Army. At some point in your adult life, it should occur to you that having another grown adult very literally screaming in your face, pushing you to physical injury, and threatening your paycheck for smudged shoes or other people's hosed up life choices shouldn't be acceptable. On top of that, the crucible of the war is pretty much gone. The only hardships left to bring people together are all artificial, manufactured specifically for that purpose, or for a bullet point somewhere. Self-interest is the name of the game now. If you're gone, stay gone; I promise it's not what you remember or want. Peacetime Army is the worst thing you could inflict upon yourself.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 08:12
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 3, 2024 04:08 |
|
|
^Thanks friend.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2015 08:14
|
|