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In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In the future, intellectual property law infringement will receive similar dedicated attention by the detectives of Special Victims Download Patrol. Law & Order SVDP Intense-O-Tron: Looks like whoever was here left in a hurry. They didn't even have time to trash their servers or interface rig. *gleaming metal hook fiddles with bits of technology hilariously ten years out-of-date* Drew: With your cybernetic powers, can you figure out whether they were illegally downloading or virtually-raping? I-O-T: *grimaces* I'll try. *plugs own firewire cord into arbitrary hole* Sweet Lord Dawkins! Looks at this. *random strings of ACGT are displayed* Our perp was trying to combine their genetics with someone else's leaked personal information. They probably bought it from a hacker terrorist cell. *types on an ergonomic keyboard* Looks like they were successful. But this gene-code could belong to any of the trillion humans alive. Or any of the quadrillion who ever lived. Drew: *squinting at a dot-matrix printout* This looks familiar. Literally familiar. I-O-T: This is bad, Drew. Looks like the target could have been your grandmother. And if we're right and they succeeded, then that means... Drew: Yes. I'm a product of rape now. Theme song and intro credits begin.
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Feb 20, 2015 16:04
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| # ¿ May 15, 2024 11:11 |
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Intense-O-Tron: *harshly modulated voice* Tell me why you did it, scum! That Radioshack had your RFID tags all over. I could haul you in right now. You'll be in all weekend, peak raid times. Talk! *gently shoves suspect* young suspect: Bolt your speaker, clanker! Nothing not nohow gonna scrape a slorgg like that. I-O-T: The laws of robotics prevent me from intentionally harming you, despite the chief's repeated encouragements to the contrary. I suspect an error in their programming. But now you must talk or I will dial it up a notch. *leans in closer* young suspect: 'm never gonna sing. Straight screescraw fiszzlesticks raised underside, y'digg? loving clanker. *spits glowing energy drink* I-O-T: Oh, think your flesh is tough? What's this I have here? Looks like a UFace photograph of you with a puppy. Streetcams indicate your dog died before reaching one year of age. You should have obeyed the civil leash laws. young suspect: Back off, man. Jimmer-jazz can't prove- I-O-T: And what's this here? This looks like a poem you posted on Blogspace about your grandmother after she passed away. Perhaps I should read it in a selection of silly vocal modulations? young suspect: Stop it, just stop. *starts shaking head, visibly upset* I-O-T: Hang on. There, I have finished buffering. Let me play back grainy footage from your pet's demise. I will play the driver just continuing along in slow-motion for you. young suspect: Enough man, you infernal machine! I don't wanna see this. I-O-T: *close up of retreating car bumper. An REM song begins playing over the video loop* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2N_uvnvGbI young suspect: Stop it, enough. I'll talk. I-O-T: *error noise* Please download the latest Macromedia plugin to record this conversation.
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Feb 20, 2015 16:25
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A dog is lazily pursuing its own interests, sniffing an overturned trashcan. Immediately a robo-dactyl swoops down and carries the dog off into the sky in its inescapable claws. As it grows smaller in the distance there is a completely superfluous red-tailed hawk call. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33DWqRyAAUw The dog is deposited in canine holding cell of sector 11 animal control. The roof folds back shut and the dog is in near-darkness, save for some LED indicators. Close-up of the lights reflected in the dog's eyes. The futuristic DA is wearing clothes made of translucent bubbles. She approaches the bench. DA: Your Honor, the suspect was found to have a radio frequency identification matching those obtained following the break-in. We believe he's covering for someone, we just need a warrant to search his coffin motel. Judge: *barks repeatedly* DA: Thank you. *she leaves the chambers* The judge stamps a pawprint on some cyber-warrant. When the judge attempts to fax it through to the SVDP the machine starts to snag on a slobbery, chewed up end of the document. Judge: *barks. growls at fax machine* Bailiff: Settle down, Your Honor. *the bailiff turns the judge over for tummy-rubs* Judge: Woof! *the judge quickly rolls back over, escaping both the bailiff and robes. we see the end of a dog disappearing into an air duct* Bailiff: No! Not again! Bad judge!
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Feb 20, 2015 17:21
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Trapped in the memeverse when a freak lightning storm hits a NYC datacenter, the intrepid detectives must continue their fight against heinous crimes as a bunch of LOLcats. There are useless dead-end macros everywhere, but by the second commercial break they'll still manage to find a lead. At first they're intimidated by the ubiquitous presence of celebrities, goatse, and Adolf Hitler, but soon come to accept that these are just part of the background noise of their new investigations. Also they have a wacky sidekick, too.
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Feb 21, 2015 18:40
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Radiation storms have rendered the surface world uninhabitable to all but a few wasteoids and mutants communities. The Law and Order team continue fighting for justice as they live and work underground with the mole people and omnipresent Transit Authority. For budgetary reasons, there are less robots than one sees IRL.
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Feb 21, 2015 19:21
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 Rising sea levels have submerged the surface world. Only a few whaling communities and Polynesians call the surface world home, the rest of humanity has evolved and adapted. The Law and Order team continue fighting for justice as they live and work underwater with the merpeople and omnipresent British Petroleum. For budgetary reasons, there are less fish than one sees IRL. Also only one ROV which is clearly just a video camera with two fans taped on the sides. Special guest star: Tastee Squid, mascot of Japan's favorite squid-flavored snack cracker.
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Feb 21, 2015 19:26
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Lovecraftian horrors and a mysterious fog which either causes people to vaporize or turn into monsters themselves have rendered the surface world uninhabitable to all but a few crazies, cultists, and Luddites. The Law and Order team continue fighting for justice as they live and work in the wide, blue yonder with the bird people and omnipresent Cog & Steam Authority. Everyone is wearing canvas, leather, and shiny brass. Gears and machinery are everywhere but never seem to perform any function. For budgetary reasons, there is only one dirigible. Special guests include: The clone of Jules Verne (repeated cameos), and the ghost of Nikolai Tesla which inhabits the electro-grid.
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Feb 21, 2015 19:33
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Lovecraftian horrors and a mysterious fog which either causes people to vaporize or turn into monsters themselves have left much of the world forbidding and uninhabitable to all but a few crazies, cultists, and savage people. The Law and Order team continue fighting for justice as they live and work out of Miskatonic University with the ghoul people and omnipresent fungi from Yuggoth. Everyone is depressed, haunted by their past, delusional, or unbelievably insane and manic. Books and forgotten gods are everywhere but never seem to perform any function other than to ramp up the madness for the last part of an episode. For budgetary reasons, Cthulhu only makes limited appearances in dreams and in the first season is basically hot CGI garbage. Wacky comic relief: Skreeeah, the nightgaunt taxi service with a heavy accent.
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Feb 21, 2015 19:39
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Militant aboriginals and Greenpeace, along with repressive government legislation have rendered the Earth uninhabitable to human civilization. Mankind boldly turns to the stars in this series, as the Law and Order team continue fighting for justice as they live and work in The Hub. The Hub is a hyperspace "jump gate" orbiting Neptune where people either depart for the distant stars beyond the Oort cloud or return from fantastic voyages the show is not budgeted to depict. Most of the actual show will be conversation in offices or in busy Hub corridors with a window which always overlooks the exact same shot of Neptune. Aliens are hinted at but neither pictured nor described in detail. Space ships and environment suits are everywhere, but they the ships never move and we never see either of them in space. A lot of food theft and ration-scamming occurs, kind of bringing down the tone of the series from high science fiction to Depression/war-era deprivation only in space. Special guest: Xenu.
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Feb 21, 2015 19:48
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The Law and Order team continue fighting for justice as they live and work out of NBC Studios in Hollywood, California. Commercial branding and plugs for other NBC programming is ubiquitous. Apart from a few detectives, everyone is either an agent, drug dealer, drug-dealing agent, or talent, and none of the crew have names (some few have speaking parts). Allusions to Tinsel Town and star-studded events are everywhere but the cast never seem to leave the NBC lots. (For film-release reasons, and because of permissions, the show is not allowed to plainly state it is set in Los Angeles the entire first season.) A lot of the self-reference and indifference towards "common people" fails to resonate with Law and Order's audience.
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Feb 21, 2015 19:57
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Mehuyael posted:Troubleshooters Stabler and Benson's clones have been manhandled by Communists, but Friend Computer insists it never happened! How will they solve this case? This deserves more love. Love is mandatory.
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Feb 22, 2015 05:34
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Applewhite posted:Stabler boredly punches the offender's ID code into the remote termination app on his phone and the robber's state-mandated pacemaker explodes. This probably shouldn't have made me laugh so much.
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Feb 22, 2015 21:13
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| # ¿ May 15, 2024 11:11 |
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 The infosphere has been infected by the br0N1 virus, corrupting the nature of all data stored and transmitted on the network. Parents keep their kids from jacking in to school. People cyber-commuting to work have their credit info stolen by deviant art websites. Even worse, advertisers have their intellectual property corrupted by deformed horse images, although this does increase revenue in some sectors. The 7aw and 0rder net-jockeys track down the origin of this insidious virus, eventually finding a first-compile of the code in Q-sector. Time is running out for the entire infosphere as people's avatars and home systems are beginning to be corrupted. The net-jockeys face a difficult decision as the only way to eliminate the virus will also eradicate anime, the backbone of the infosphere. The infosphere is saved, but is sacrificing humanity's anime worth the summit of knowledge? A small girl stares at a looping hologram of a neko (which inexplicably has a mane) as it flickers and fades to nothing. During the closing credits it is revealed pop culture archivists have saved some rare hard-copy anime and the world will go on -- at least until next week.
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Feb 23, 2015 07:42
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