quote:

As a staunch member of the fyad community, I here by decree that on the day of April 20th, 2013, a post shall be erected upon this very spot.

no they will not posted:

hurrrr. duhhhhh duhahhhuhhhh uduhhhhh :by0dame:: in the iconic "hilbilly" voice] ADUHHHHHHH udhhh DHUHDUHDHHHH DUIHHHHH


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   - -/_/_/- ^ ^  |  ^ ^ -\_\_\- -  

YEAH YOU LIKE THAT DONT YOU YOU IGNORANT MOTHER FUCKERS> IdTS THE BYOB DRUG PLANT!!!!!!!!!FUCJK

no they will not posted:

[BYOB guy reading the weed leaf line by line]

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Oh my... all this for little old me/...? I feel honoured... and even a little spoiled!


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Ohhh yeah baby, this is the good stuff!! THis is going places baby!! MMMMmmmmm.... perfecté!!#

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OH YEAH!!! poo poo!! OH MY FFUCKING GOD. ITS STILL HAPPENING TO ME!! :i: WHHH oh my god... YES!! THATS THE STUFF

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[screaming, sound of breaking glass]

i am he posted:

Obama [in Shao Kahn voice]: We must work to strengthen the American middle class.

Biden: That sounds nothing like shao kahn, emperor of the outworld.

GEExCEE posted:

FluffieDuckie posted:

this is a legitimate conversation that just happened in my house


*son walks into the house after school*

SON: why's that picture on the door?

DUCKIE: he's thunk's friend

SON: ...

*daughter hears this and comes into the room*

DAUGHTER: you know that thunk's just a bird right?

DUCKIE: yes, that's why his friend is a bird

SON and DAUGHTER: ...



i just heard my daughter on the phone with dad asking him when he was coming home :/

gently caress. marry. t-rex posted:

Discussion of Simone de Beauvoir strictly limited to reading excerpts while pinching your nose and heavily exaggerating your gesticulation.

Illegal Carrot posted:

post-credits sequence:

Nick Fury: Mr. Christ, you;re needed for the Avengers initiative...

Classicist posted:

open on a dark basement. i'm tied to a chair and there's a table in front of me with gnarly torture stuff on it.

torturer *looking nonchalant and inspecting a blade*: you will talk.. everybody has a weakness, and i know how to find it.

me *unperturbed*: you don't scare me. anything you can do to me, my employer will do 10 times worse.

torturer *eyes light up*: oh, you mean this little thing? *holds up paper that says "401k plan" on it in big letters*

me: no...

torturer: yes, it' looks like you'll be well provided for looong into retirement

me *beginning to sweat*: that doesn't matter... i eat really unhealthy and stuff...

torturer *swipes the knife in one quick motion, cutting the little plastic thing off of a bottle of multivitamins*: we have ways of dealing with these things.

me *shaking and sweating*: h- h- h- heart attacks r- run in my family

torturer *grabbing my jaw and holding it open*: bring out the baby aspirin!

me *sobbing*: i'll talk! i'll talk!

WetNightmare posted:

doc: im sorry but you have three months to live.

me: really?

doc: yu[p

me:

doc: creepy. that is a really creepy reaction and i was not expecting it.

me:

Miss Psychosis posted:

Siri... find me Futa and order dominos.

GEExCEE posted:

Vendor Trash posted:

St. Peter: Looks good, you're free to enter.

Me: Yesssss

St. Peter: Welcome to Le Heaven

Me: Noooooooooooooo

Luvcow posted:

Game of Groans posted:

*licks the wetdream catcher* bleeeeeh

WetNightmare posted:

TWIST FIST posted:

Vendor Trash posted:

pros: Aaron Hernandez, OJ Simpson, Ray Lewis

cons: Aaron Hernandez, OJ Simpson

Piso Mojado posted:

Bwee posted:

seamen and semen are homophobes

Yonkers posted:

tj from recess did e

Yonkers posted:

randall: im going to sell tj some bad e

WetNightmare posted:

me @ dad funeral: lol!!! [standing over casket weeping] he's jacking off!!!!haha he's just jacking off!!! [coffin lowers into ground] lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gently caress. marry. t-rex posted:

I'd save it and then one day on the highway... boom teach u to pass on the right. Kiss yiur mortal coil goodbye buddy. Haha nice car... for a corpse to drive in hell bitch

POWERBALL posted:

Me: my heart is hooked up to this life monitoring device. If I die, the whole place goes with me.

Heart: *makes the psyop monkey derp face*

beer pal posted:

ghost: uuuuuuuuuuuuggghghhhh
me: aaaaah
ghost: that tie with a gingham shirt... uuuuuugggghghhhhh

Miss Psychosis posted:

He won't be winking when this is over.

Putin has long been an upstanding member in the BYOB community, but I feel that it is of deathly import that everyone here knows the truth.

Putin is a dictator.


Putin, ordering the gassing of Drilldo Squirts Famous Futa Thread 2K15.


Putin looking disapprovingly as a poster he dislikes get's emptyquoted.


Putin when informed of I Am He's autoban.

These candid shots aren't the only damning evidence. Let's look at some of his offsite posts.

PutinMan posted:

I, today, will put through legislation that makes being a gay teen illegal. I can only hope this law spurns the formation of more laws in more countries. I dream of the day when I shall not lay up at night remember those I have executed for their sins, safe in the knowledge that Gay Teens no longer exist.

LetsGetPutinWithIt posted:

DAE love veal? I don't even feel bad when I eat it.

PutinLuvvvvver posted:

Putin placed his hand on my inner thigh, and slide it slowly towards my throbbing sex. I could sense his turgidity. I could sense his swell.

[EDITORS NOTE: The above quote was found in a Putin Erotica website. Nearly half the active userbase was Putin alt accounts.]

PutinFishlord posted:

What's the best speargun for dolphin fishing? I have a CP-3X but it specializes in killing without suffering :/

PUTINNNNN posted:

42069. lol

Miss Psychosis posted:

pre:

EDITOR: Is this true?

MP: I think so. 

EDITOR: Look its unverified.

MP: I need to make it public. If I don't I won't be able to live with myself.

EDITOR: I can't protect you from the repercussions. 

MP: Post it.

EDITOR: Fine. I hope this doesn't blow up in your face.

pre:

I Love Taylor's new single. Haha.. I'm dancing! I'm dancing!!!!
                                /

joke_explainer posted:

Weird... the full force of the russian offensive wasn't really known on may 25th, but in fluffie's AV workshop thread:



you guys don't think Putin For Real Tho is... could it be??

joke_explainer posted:

Hm, I didn't think I'd find anything, but this looks pretty suspicious:

Machai posted:

gently caress. marry. t-rex posted:

dogcrash truther posted:

CAT BRUSH posted:

a duck is essentially a feet-powered boat

lumpycnt posted:

there are no spices. just salt. they put pictures of sour cream and parmasan onions on the bag and then boom. your brain sees the bag and thinks "this is a bag of chips spiced with sour creme and parmasan and it will taste like parmasan and sour creme"

so, as you open the bag you smell the horrid pukey smell that is parmasan and the smell of sour creme - which sounds more disgusting that cheese that reeks of vomit imo. its sour throw that creme out now.

so, because your brain is taking control over you, you taste all those nasty flavors as you eat one of the chips - but the chip had only salt, there were never any spices added.


Behold, The Majesty of Cognitive Manipulation By Food Companies and Your Dumbass Brain.


I am a neurosurgeon who specializes in neurosurgery and covert goverment experiments involving psychoactive chips made to look as if they contain spices but dont just salt. MD. Esq. NSSNS.PhD Dr. Wayne B. Rayne

Chef Shimi posted:

If you ask somebody in the pit how it is, they'll yell up that it's actually really good. There's a reason for this.

dogcrash truther posted:

Ein cooler Typ posted:

hello my name is ein cooler typ and it has come to my attention that some of you are interested in knowing more about my dick. lets begin with the testicles. some people think the testicles are not technically part of the dick and I can respect that but in my case the testicles literally are part of the dick, they do not hand separately from the taintspace behind the shaft but in fact dangle halfway down the shaft like a roosters wattle. I assure you however thay theyre fully functional.

With that out of the way, lets consider each testicle separately. Left testicle: you’ll notice I don’t call my testicles “balls” and lefty is the reason why; this testicle is basically a hairy pyramid. The central chamber, easily accessible by a spacious hallway once you’ve discovered the entrance is full of beautiful but non functional sperm to confuse would-be robbers. The actual “home of the mummy” (sperm) is reached via a hidden passage (Vas deferens) co ncealed behind a statue one third of the way down the hallway.
Right testicle: the right testicle is a ball all right, it’s a baseball because I’m a true blue American. My right testicle features a cork center wrapped in yarn and covered in two strips of white horsehide tightly stictched together. It is signed b y the 1989 oakland athletics who not only swept the alcs that year but beat their cross-Bay rivals the San Fransisco giants in a classic world series and thus has sigifnicant collectible value having been signed by not only mark mcguire and jose Canseco but legendary base-stealer ricky Henderson, hall of fame manager tony larussa, and the 6.9 (lol) Loma Prieta earthquake which interrupted game 3 mere minutes before it was scheduled to start


_{the signature of the loma prieta earthquake, on my balls. I hope that because it is a close-up picture it is safe for work, please don’t probate}

Ok so now, my dick. because of the size its better to talk about my penis in terms of regions rather than as a whole.t he reason I haven’t posted a picture of my coworker measuring it is that she’s still going. she had to hire a surveyor. in truth certain regions of my wang are too far away for me to have direct knowledge of them, so some of what im writing here is summarized from the journal entries of the various cock explorers who have undertaken the perilous journey up the shaft.
Beginning with the region which is over the horizon, reports differ on whether I am circumcised or not. under certain atmospheric conditions which increase the clarity of the intervening medium I sometimes fancy that i can see a slight fleshy protuberance of the corona glandis which would indicate that i am as the jews would wish me to be. At the same time the sheer manpower, to say nothing of custom-made shears which such a project would necessitate argue against it. spending no more time on this mystery: all sources agree that my dickhole is graced with a single tooth, flat and sharp like an incisor which makes my peeny, when regarded from the front look like “a drooling idiot” (journals of Juan de las Pelotas).

Moving on to regions that are within the reach of high powered binoculars, the region behind the glans but in front of my testicles is a wild windwept plain inhabited by tribes of noble, savage horsemen who have developed an immunity to the secretions of my herpetic lesions; their society, though patriarchal in the extreme is dominated by the worship of a mother-goddess whose female attendants are tasked with chanting long penile-paeans to my fruictifying member. For instance. One of them might call it her little dille, her staff of love, her quillety, her faucetin, her dandilolly. Another, her peen, her jolly kyle, her bableret, her membretoon, her quickset imp: another again, her branch of coral, her female adamant, her placket-racket, her Cyprian sceptre, her jewel for ladies. And some of the other women would give it these names,—my bunguetee, my stopple too, my bush-rusher, my gallant wimble, my pretty borer, my coney-burrow-ferret, my little piercer, my augretine, my dangling hangers, down right to it, stiff and stout, in and to, my pusher, dresser, pouting stick, my honey pipe, my pretty pillicock, linky pinky, futilletie, my lusty andouille, and crimson chitterling, my little couille bredouille, my pretty rogue, and so forth.

i have never heard these chants myself but reportedly they involve complex counterpoints and hypnotic rhythms which may give rise to strange hallucinations and sudden rages when paired with a psychoactive liquor the horsemen brew from the residue of my seminal fluids.

The final region of my dick is a jungle of lush hair, home to over 700 unique species of birds and insect, three kinds of tree frog, and a rare giant panda. The thicket is too dense for human habitation, unbroken except for the clearings around the horny pustules that erupt from the base which I call “fairy rings” because they glow in the dark, and except for one small clear-cut space I maintain near the pubis, upon which I have built a shack for the caretaker of my penis.
The role of the caretaker is to provide for the livestock and maintain the machinery necessary to pump their blood into my dick during erectile events. given the immense girth and reach of my dick, the loss of bloodflow to other parts of my body would kill me every time I get a stiffy, so a series of biometric sensors have been rigged up to provide early warning in case of tumescence. When the alarm goes off, the caretaker starts the machines which drain the sheep, cattle, and pigs of their blood and transfuse my woody with the life essence of animals. A dorsal drainage canal run subcutaneously down the length of my dick releases the excess blood once arousal has dissipated.

Obviously theres a lot more I could say about my dick but I’m over my word count as it is. I hope that you understand why there haven’t been any pictures yet (my coworker entered the hairy region several days and has not retuned) , and why I cant take them myself (do not own camera with panorama mode or sufficient zoom). Sincerely yours ein cooler typ