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Centripetal Horse posted:I can't remember why this guy still owes you money.Why does he still owe you money? Hasn't he been pretty unreliable with paying you in the past? I feel like he's promised to pay you several times. Lots of unpaid rent and utilities that accumulated before I evicted him and sold the apartment. For $100 I can eat about two weeks (as I said, it's not a lot of money but every penny counts.)
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Aug 31, 2015 19:56
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GAY 4 ORGANS 
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The Saurus posted:how many times does this kid have to not pay his rent before he no longer has a "good track record" in your eyes because it seems like he's owed you money for several months now without paying and i would not call that a good track record personally We're talking about two separate guys. I evicted Dad a year ago, while the new kid is only one month late with rent - and this is in fact the first time he's been late.
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Aug 31, 2015 20:16
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God dammit, I pwned myself once again. The other day I got high on Biperiden - something I won't do anymore because this drug has lost its novelty value and I once again ended up wrecking my poo poo. I ran outta smokes early in the morning, and went to the local bar because I knew they sell cigs. I barged into the bar in a full crazy bum mode, I slammed ten bucks on the counter and asked for two packs of cigs. I must have forgotten why I came in the first place so I staggered out the bar but then suddenly remembered that I forgot to pick up the cigs, or something, I have no clue. The bartenders weren't impressed when I came back to yell at them, so they kicked me out and told me never to return or they're gonna phone the pigs. I didn't fancy waking up in jail so I made myself scarce. Then upon returning home, I realized that I lost my apartment keys. My hippie neighbor opened the doors through an intercom so at least I could access the building. The walrus generally doesn't gently caress around, but this time he was kind to me: I was so high when I went out to buy smokes, that I forgot to lock my apartment anyway. It was a minor miracle, because I was already getting ready to kick the door in. I ended up having to replace three locks and it wasn't cheap. On Monday, I'm traveling to Dalmatia to deal with Uncle Bruno's poo poo - both proverbially and figuratevely. I have $8 on me, and it ain't gonna end well - I'll be traveling with my white trash inlaws who are expecting me to chip in for gas. My sister borrowed me forty bucks and I have to be very, very careful not to waste that money before Monday. To make things worse, the Awesome Kid who's been at my place since 2011 is leaving - he's gonna try his luck in Ireland. I'm going to write a heart-felt letter of recommendation for him, because as a tenant, he was nothing short of ideal. The other kid paid his rent and chipped in a few extra bucks - the following month I'm getting two rents from him at once. And he even recommended me a guy who's willing to rent the Awesome Kid's apartment from me, the way things are looking now, the apartment won't sit vacant for a single day. Studios truly are hot stuff in Zagreb. I think everything is going to work out just fine, but I shouldn't forget that I'm on a slippery slope and that I definitely shouldn't be doing Biperiden again since this never ends well.
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Sep 24, 2015 13:56
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I FOUND MY GODDAMN KEYS. They were hidden in the washing machine, I noticed a weird clanking sound when the drum was spinning, I inspected the contents of the machine and yeah, there they were. I can freely toss them in the garbage now, since I already changed all the locks (which cost me $100). God. drat. It. 
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Sep 24, 2015 20:33
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Hay guise, I'm back. I spent the last two weeks in a pretty joosed state but everything worked out pretty well in the end. First of all, my two aunts came from Germany and spent a few days at my place. I accidentally found out that I'm an extreme snorer - while I've known that I sometimes wake myself up at night with a loud "ARROUUF" sound, I didn't know it happens all night long. Could explain why I'm always waking up tired as all hell. The aunt made me shave off my UNIX beard I've been growing since January, because "I ain't giving a ride to a hairy Chetnik."  So this post will be dealing with Uncle Bruno's poo poo. Aunts and I attended the probate, I got half the estate - much to my Aunt's chagrin who still considers me "that weird smelly kid" who doesn't deserve what he got. More on this later. Now, these aunts are just as stubborn as they are naive. They don't understand the concept of toxic assets, especially if it's in real estate. Over the past fifty years, they have accumulated a ton of stupid poo poo that keeps their finances bogged down yet they're too proud to sell it; First, they have a house in Zagreb. It sat empty and abandoned since 1996 when they stopped renting it out - they too had a Dad the dad-like situation but their example was particularly nasty since both aunts lived in Germany and these people took an opportunity and robbed them: one day the house was simply empty. They even took the doormat. After this, instead of wising up and getting rid of the drat thing, the aunts simply abandoned the house - which is aggressively decomposing today. Not only that the house isn't paying for itself, it's a very serious drain on their finances - land ownership tax, utilities, etc. Then there's an unfinished house on the coast. Construction stopped in 1974 after money ran tight. As of 2015, it's sitting still an empty concrete shell with windows boarded over. A neighbor's toddler drowned in the unfinished septic tank - it was full of rainwater and someone stole the planks covering it and the kid fell in and died. All of this caused the aunts to be "extremely popular" with the neighbors - but they are too naive to see this. And finally, there's the Uncle Bruno trainwreck house, a shining example of a toxic asset. But let's take this in stages. My mom spent twenty years of her life trying to deal with these clowns. She accomplished nothing. I knew I had to resort to the IRL trolling method to get the things moving again. First of all, I had to create an aura of urgency and a valid reason why the aunts should buy out my half of the house. This was easy, I simply dropped the spaghettios and outed myself as a crazy druggie bum (I also made sure they saw me drinking a lot of Pelinkovac. It's a poor man's Jägermeister, has a bittersweet taste of broken dreams.) I then sacrificed my beard to get a car ride (for which I had to chip in anyway  ) and we attended the probate. Now, if you're reasonable, you'd be very worried about getting toxic real estate - but my aunts were happy - flattered even - that they inherited a run-down house and a bunch of olive trees. They already hemmorraged several thousand bucks of active, living money on their shithouse in Zagreb - now they're gonna have to pay the tax for this piece of poo poo house on the coast as well.I immediately sold whatever I could to cover the nursing home debt, I went in with $8 and came back with $9 in my pocket, but the entire debt is now paid. I took a lot of flak for being an alcoholic who has to sell stuff in order to support himself. My aunts have this weird mindset which mandates that We Do Not Sell Stuff. Unfortunately, this sort of logic leaves you littered with stupid poo poo which, in case of real estate, can lose you money at an alarming rate. By outing myself as a junkie who Sells Stuff, I created a situation in which "we the aunts have to rescue Our House from that drunken weirdo beardo." The coup-the-grāce is not dealt yet: I will soon make it clear that I do not intend to pay the tax on the house and that I'm willing to allow the country of Croatia to foreclose on it and sell the fucker on an auction. Since my aunts are hellbent on keeping the house in the family, this sort of poo poo-brewing ought to make them move. It seems that I was successful, at least, for now: When we came back to Zagreb, I allowed my aunts to use the computer and I later checked the browser history  and they were looking for real estate agents in Croatia. I threw them a bait; sell the house in Zagreb (which is a disaster to your finances anyway) and use the money to pay me out for my half of the house on the coast. Simple. I just hope that these clowns will understand the message.By the way, we tore apart Uncle Bruno's house and we didn't find anything of value. Just a lot of trash, 1980s candybars, and mountains of paper. The "mystery room" was opened, and it contained a mountain of paper that was beyond destroyed, it was pure compost. This was probably the last time I went there. I'll give my aunts a few months worth of grace period and then I'm going to lawyer up and (legally) tear the place apart.
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Oct 16, 2015 16:20
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Something is very wrong with the other tenant (Nick, the one who owes me money) Around two weeks ago Nick the tenant went MIA, leaving all of his stuff behind in the apartment and even left the windows wide open, even leaving his cellphone charger behind. Peope generally don't waltz off into the night like that without prior notification, unless something in his life went horribly wrong. I'm afraid that something bad happened to his mom (who is a frail old woman) and that Nick rushed home to spend the last moments with his mom, and since it seeems to have been a major urgency, he didn't tell me what went wrong (not to mention his cellphone draining its batteries and Nick being unable to recharge teh drat thing. The apartment is empty, save for a few Nick's personal belongings, clothes and such. His cellphone is switched off but I have a landline phone number from his parents'home. I think tomorrow I'm gonna phone his parents (unless they're hospitalized or something) and try to patch together this Rashomon-like situation. Since both mine and Nick's apartments are in the same tower block, I always check if the windows on his apartment have been closed, over the past few weeks his windows were wide open which raised my suspicions; obviously noone is living in that apartment ATM. I'm now in a rather unpleasant situation, my money is propsterously tight and both of my for-rent apartments are sitting empty, and I'm in a dire cash flow crisis. Nick's dad passed away a month ago, now if his mom died too, it must have a tremendous blow for the kind-hearted Nick. At this point I'd like to say that Nick doesn't owe me much that much money, but since I'm operating on a shoestring budged, every penny is worth like gold to me. Not all is bad though, I got in contact with Dad the dad from the penultimate saga and he and I struck an agreement that he'll be paying me $90 a month in order to gradually repay the enormous debt he had going at the time I finally evicted him. Now for something entirely different. I began aggressively searching for job openings. It's not that I'm inherently poor, the reason behind this is that I'm horribly bored and I'm unhappy when I'm not working. Solitude can wreach havoc on human psyche and to be frank, I like to work menial labor (my favorite is being a janitor.) Besides, I'm in an urgent need for a physical, blue collar job, as I've ballooned after chemo treatment (  ) and I have an enormous deposit of lard around my stomach. Since I've never been fat, these fat rolls are now pressing the diaphragm and I always have this stuffy feeling below my ribs. A little bit of PE should take care of that. Before chemo, I was a 65kg weakling, after chemo I ballooned to 90KG or more. This is probably due to a 50% decrease in testosterone and a general sedentiary life style - brought about by general inactivity during chemo and afterwards (not to mention that the meds I'm receiving are notorious for making people extremely fat.)I'd like to solve this furball in a peaceful manner, so I'm turning to you goons: Can you give me a few tips on how to resolve this mess? One apartment is empty while the other one is semi-empty and as of few weeks ago, in a completely condition. I'm all ears.
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Oct 26, 2015 00:08
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I suppose Croatia is a pretty great place to live after all. This morning I went out to bum cigs and collect bottles. On the way home, I went through a park and checked all the trashcans for hidden gold, and one old guy saw me doing this - he had a half empty bottle of mineral water he'd been drinking, he poured the water out and gave me a bottle. We struck up a conversation and ended up chitchatting for 20 minutes. At the end we even shared a piece of chocolate - I told the old fella how I've battled with cancer, and I believe he gave me a chocolate as a *knocks on wood* gesture.  And to think that I used to be a pseudoautistic shut-in who couldn't utter more than two words in social situations. I've truly come a long way since. Also, today Dad the dad gave me fifty bucks - I'm on good terms with him, and by doing this he bailed my rear end since it seems I'll have to juggle with two empty apartments at the same time, leaving me with no income. The other kid who is late with rent deserves a name. Let's call him Waldo. Since both he and I live in the same apartment tower, every time I go to the store I check if his windows have been closed etc. What recently caught my attention is that his windows did not change one bit for a week or more. I repeatedly tried to phone him but his phone is permanently off. Last time I heard of him, he was in Serbia attending his dad's funeral. I then phoned his family but they shrugged it off as "maybe he's on vacation." I then violated the lease and entered his apartment to see what the hell is going on (also to close the window.) All of his stuff is there, laundry is drying on a hanger, bathroom is full of cosmetics and there are dishes drying on a rack. His shoes are in the lobby. This struck me as particularly odd because people don't generally waltz away into the night leaving all of their stuff behind. Both Dad the dad and my sister agree that I should file a missing person report. I know that Waldo was borrowing money just so he could pay the rent, and this can end badly in so many ways. So in the morning imma get high on trams and pay a visit to the police. Any thoughts?
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Oct 27, 2015 20:03
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Sigma-X posted:You know he's gonna wake up and be all 3, 2, 1 BLASTOFF. I'm not going to chimp out on Tramadol. The worst thing that can happen is that I just might nod off during interrogation, and being frank with the inspector (I took strong painkillers because my back is killing me) is closest to the truth and won't rise any eyebrows.
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Oct 27, 2015 23:45
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detectivemonkey posted:Please don't say "chimp out". Or take drugs before you go to the police station. Point taken. I've been thinking about selling the apartment where Waldo used to live. Croatian people are generally too poor to afford both the rent and the utilities, and the type of studio apartments I have generally rent to the working poor class. I might get another tenant, just to have the same escapade repeat itself, not to mention that I'm deep in the red, both from the utility companies and the friends who borrowed me money (a lot of money.) It's my friends who in particular don't deserve this poo poo - one guy borrowed me no less than $1200 and I have absolutely no means to repay him this money at the current rate. Even if I got a job, it would take me nearly a year to save up enough money just to break even. I have wonderful friends, and they really don't deserve to be caught up in the quagmire of tenant-landlord relations. I can sell the apartment and make a tidy profit on it since I fixed up the place, and I would give the brand-new TV set from the apartment to my grandma. If I sold that apartment, my finances would actually recover. By the way, I'm aggressively looking for a job, applying to all the janitor job openings. Idle mind is the devil's playground and I'm unhappy when I'm not working. Some company is looking for a part-time janitor and I think I just might get that job.
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Oct 28, 2015 04:55
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Disco Infiva posted:I'm pretty sure he converts from HRK to $ which is around 7 times stronger. So $50 is 350 HRK. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Today I paid the heating bill in full, only to realize that I'm facing another foreclosure over the cable internet/TV thingy. Waldo still can't be reached by phone. I took the opportunity to change the locks on his apartment so if, and the word is if he decides to show up again, he won't be able to access the apartment without me. Later today I'll phone his mom and ask her if someone from the family will come to pick up Waldo's stuff - which is mostly clothes and cookware. If not, I'm going to stash his stuff in plastic garbage bags and put them in the basement, not much to do with this stuff. I also discovered a large stash of empty PET bottles in the apartment - I'll take those for recycling money since I'm down to $4 again.
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Oct 28, 2015 12:47
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Uhhhhhh. It's done, the awesome kid returned the apartment keys to me and now I officially have two empty apartments collecting dust. The awesome kid spent five years at my place and he was not once late with the rent and kept the apartment as if it were his own. I have to come to the terms with the fact that I'll probably never have another tenant that'll be as good as him. He left me some pasta and booze in the fridge. Oh boy. I'm now walking with a profound limp because I once again wrecked myself the other day. I bought some xanny footballs and yes - I gobbled them all down as if they were candy. Normally this sort of thing would have you knocked out completely, resulting in a 28-hour long sleep but no: for some reason I decided to stay up and get things done. A goon suggested a key leash. I took an old shoelace and turned it into a makeshift necklace containing my apartment keys. I seem to lose poo poo when I'm high (which is a surprise to nobody) but this time the tactic backfired. I went out to collect cans and bottles and stopped by the kiosk to chat with the seller lady. She later told me that I looked as if I was about to collapse, it's a major miracle I didn't wake up in the drunk tank. I went home, miraculously got the floor right but then got stuck at the doors: I forgot I had the keys hanging round my neck and realized that I must have lost the keys because my pocket was empty. I threw away my jacket in fury and tried to sleep in the stairwell but it was cold and miserable so I apparently decided to kick the door in just so I'd get to my god damned bed and call it a night. I worked up a horrible racket trying to break down the door, kicking and cursing, I even picked up someone's old chair and hurled it at the door - to no avail. I got completely owned by a piece of plywood. My hapless neighbors came out their apartments to see what the gently caress is going on, and someone must have pointed out that dude your keys are hanging round your neck. I woke up two days later. There is a nasty gash on my left knee (more like a coin-sized chunk of skin missing) and I must have done something to the ligaments in my right foot while kicking the doors because now it's hurting like hell to walk. I still haven't made a missing person report about Waldo. I don't have $2 to pay for the bus fare - the closest police station is five bus stops away from my place. Heh. 
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Oct 31, 2015 18:51
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I finally have some good news! Waldo came back. Turns out he was on a vacation, staying at his brother's and neglected to tell anyone (including his mom) about his absence, which is pretty childish but oh well. I'll get two months worth of rent from him on Monday. I rented out the other apartment to a nice lady, her name is Susan and she's 53 years old. She owns a flat in the boonies and decided to move here since her workplace is ten minutes by bus from my apartment, she used to travel by train to her workplace which is both unreliable, slow and very expensive. We're now fixing up the apartment, doing small but important repairs since she already paid the rent in advance. I'm sure she'll be a good tenant, just like the awesome kid. Funny thing is that when I ran an ad in the papers, the phone was ringing off the hook and I had a waiting list (with 10+ people) in a matter of MINUTES. I was in a very fortunate position to pick and choose to whom I'll rent my apartment, and I chose Susan. I'm celebrating the occasion with a lil' bit of Tramadol. This time I have a legitimate medical use for it because my right foot is hurting like a motherfucker and ibuprofen does jack poo poo for this kind of pain. The Saurus posted:How much did those Xanny footballs cost you, because I'm pretty certain that if you had not bought them you would have the $2 available for the bus ride I paid $3 for xannies at the pharmacy. Yay universal healthcare!
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Nov 6, 2015 23:20
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Hey guys, remember Nicholas, the guy to whom I sold my old crackden apartment and who attempted to extort money from me? My friend and I are going to nail the fucker because he's a professional conman. My friend is called Johnny, and he's an antiques dealer. I sold him my grandpa's certificate of Aryan heritage from 1942, got something like eighty bucks for a dingy piece of paper which is great. Nicholas and Johnny used to be business partners: Johnny would scout apartments for sale and Nicholas would buy them - he's a real estate agent. The deal between these two guys is that Nicholas was supposed to pay a provision from the profits to Johnny, but he never kept the promise and he now owes a serious sum of money to Johnny, and Johnny is not willing to humor Nicholas' bullshit anymore. Johnny and I are going to lawyer up and sue Nicholas for fraud. I'm probably going to testify at the court and there might be some money in it for me. Hell, even if I don't get any money I'm still going to testify against Nicholas because he is a piece of human garbage. Today I gave some documents to Johnny (a bank statement) which will help him to build a case against Nicholas. Johnny already reported him to the police and he's going to lawyer up these days - unless Nicholas somehow gets a sudden change of heart and decides that it's better just to pay what he owes to Johnny and get it over with. Anyway, exciting things are right behind the corner. Will keep you updated.
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Nov 11, 2015 23:13
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redreader posted:Do you think maybe Nicholas and Johnny are working together, and you just gave away your main piece of evidence against Nicholas to his partner, Johnny, and now you have no case at all? They used to work together in the past - but their relationship has soured and now Johnny doesn't exactly pick kind words when speaking about Nicholas. Remember, it's Johnny who's the plaintiff, not me. I only wrote an eloquent statement in which I described in detail how the problem came into existence, and included a bank receipt - which I got for free anyway. If Johnny wants to sue Nicholas, I'm not going to try to stop him. Nicholas really has it coming because he's a con artist and a lying gently caress.
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Nov 12, 2015 03:57
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Forgot to add something; I'm glad I finally got Nicholas out of my hair. There is a lot of friction between him and Johnny, and I don't mind testifying in court against Nicholas because I smell a lot of money.
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Nov 12, 2015 04:02
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:Forgot to add something; I'm glad I finally got Nicholas out of my hair. There is a lot of friction between him and Johnny, and I don't mind testifying in court against Nicholas because I smell a lot of money. To clarify, if the court orders Nicholas to pay what he owes to Johnny, he and I are going to split the loot because I'm Johnny's key witness. Sorry for three posts in a row, I miss the post editing function
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Nov 12, 2015 04:11
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Captain Yossarian posted:Flatbread do u remember when I said you need to stop being so trusting when finding tenants? Captain Yossarian posted:Do property management companies exist in Croatia?
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Nov 14, 2015 21:10
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I'll keep this post brief because the power supply in my computer is on its last legs and it could crap out at any moment, and I can't afford to buy a new one at the moment. Waldo is seriously ill. Looks like one of his lungs collapsed while he was at work, and he was rushed to the hospital. I visited him at the hospital and he told me that doctors don't know yet what is the problem. Waldo must have lost something like 20 pounds because he doesn't eat well and works way too much unfortunately, I think he's a serious candidate for karoshi. Today I was rifling through the trash cans at the bus stop, and one young dude approached me and gave me a 20 Kuna bill (that's around $3.50) because he must have felt sorry for me. I was pretty surprised, I must say. I applied for a job at a car wash place but I didn't get the job because they said I was "too old for this kind of job". God dammit.
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Nov 28, 2015 23:01
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lazercunt posted:Can you sell all of waldo's stuff when he dies? This is something that happens frequently, tenants move away and leave stuff behind. Today I found a pretty decent bike in the basement, I cleaned the dust off and oiled the chain and the fucker now goes like crazy. Originally I intended to sell that bike, but now I changed my mind and I'll keep it. I didn't ride a bike for ~15 years and I almost fell down a few times but I soon got the hang of it, and I enjoyed the gently caress out a bike ride. The other tenant left me a tire pump so now I have complete bike equipment - I'd be a fool to sell that.
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Dec 1, 2015 22:06
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I finally have some good news. My grandad had a large deposit of hard currency money in the Bank of Ljubljana (ljubljanska banka) The assets got frozen in 1991 after Yugoslavia fell apart. LB reasoned that they can't pay out their clients because "all the money is in Belgrade" which was pure hogwash. Twenty-five years later, EU forced Slovenia to play fair and pay out their clients. I have something like $7000 in frozen assets, and after EU chewed out the Slovenians, they decided to FINALLY pay out their clients. I'll probably see my money in 2016, and it'll be enough dough to repay everyone who borrowed me money. Good thing I speak Slovenian, as the forms I had to fill in were printed in Slovenian language. $7000 is a rough estimation of the amount of money deposited in the 1980s, and there's a 25-year interest going to be added too. Hurray?
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Dec 2, 2015 01:00
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Lead out in cuffs posted:That's awesome! Bikes can be really empowering for people in your kind of position. Come ask in the bike commuting thread if you want tips on using it. We're pretty inclusive. I actually know very little about bicycles. Back in my heyday I used to cycle on my 70s tardcycle for around ~20 miles every single day after school (instead of studying and/or doing homework), then one day I got me a computer and I gradually became too lazy for long bike trips and eh. Actually the worst traffic accident I ever caused was when I was on a bike: I was riding down the road, going in parallel with a trail of parked cars and a dog suddenly teleported in front of me from between the cars and I didn't see him until it was too late - and ploughed my bike right into him. I ran over a dog, the pooch was fine but I was not: the doggie collision launched me over the handlebars and I ended up with badly scraped knees. The dog just kept barking in confusion, and I don't blame him. This happened in early 90s when there weren't any dog leash laws yet or dedicated dog parks at all. Lead out in cuffs posted:Also I checked, and apparently Zagreb has bike hippies. You can go to Frankopanska 1 (apparently look for a door with a bike pedal instead of a door handle) on Thursdays between 17:00 and 20:00, and some awesome people will show you how to check over and fix up your bike using their tools. Yeah, I might stop by them, I remembered just how FUN is to drive a bike. The bike I'm using now is more than 20 years old but it's in a pretty good shape, apart from the rear brake - the brake is actually fine but a bowden cable is missing altogether. The front brake is working really well though. Also imagine how many trashcans I could check out when on a bike! To me, trashcans are a Mario thing, Mario collects 100 coins and gets a 1-up, I collect 26 cans and get a beer. Lead out in cuffs posted:Getting involved with them might also be a good way of curing boredom, if you're struggling to find a job. IN FACT, looks like I got a job and will be starting this Thursday! I'll be reading out the gas meters in peoples apartments, the job is only temporary but it pays pretty well. I'm only worried about one thing, and it's that I might get bitten by a pissed dog while trying to read out a meter (should I carry an emergency steak to distract a dog with?)
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Dec 7, 2015 11:36
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Oh boy, here comes my beer! (I even found a Starman - a 1 Kuna coin on the sidewalk)  Another thing, why is it that every time something interesting happens outside, I don't have a camera along with me? I witnessed a police raid in which a 20L plastic drum of something was seized, and an enormous 155mm howitzer shell. The shell was so heavy that a burly fella could barely pick it up and load it in the police jeep. Fortunately for everyone that the shell was defused, but I definitely wouldn't want to drop that thing, defused or not. The leftover ammo/weapons is a major problem in Croatia. You can hand over your loot to the police and you won't be charged with anything. This was instated after people started throwing their bombs and mines in the trash or by the roadside, where anyone could find and pick them up (mostly by children.) Hell, this isn't even news anymore. I'm reading the Croatian portals right now and they don't even mention finding an enormous bomb in Zagreb. News crews these days react only when there's something absolutely extraordinary found - such as that time last year, when the police found a complete and working AA cannon in some old guy's garage.
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Dec 7, 2015 14:50
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Geniasis posted:You live in the strangest country. I mean sure, lots of countries are dealing with the whole leftover armaments thing, but who just puts bombs in the trash??? People were afraid that they would be charged with "possession of illegal arms" if they tried to give their (rusted and badly aged) landmines and other illegal arms to the police. That's the reason you can now hand over your stash of poo poo to the police year-round and you won't be charged with anything, because calling the cops over 43 rusted landmines and two AKs is much preferred to throwing them out your car's window (and having them discovered by kids).
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Dec 7, 2015 16:24
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Well, so it happens again - a few hours ago I got some money from a guy on the street. He first saw me rifling through a bin at the bus station, he had an empty juice bottle with himself so he immediately gave it to me, as well as a baggy of empty plastic bottles he himself collected someplace else. I went on my way then, after thanking him, but the guy went after me, hailed me across the intersection and gave me a fistful of coins (it was roughly $3 in loose change.) I can buy no less than five loaves of bread with the bottles and money I got from him. Croats are a rowdy but actually a very friendly bunch, I guess. v  v
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Dec 10, 2015 03:26
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Boy did I mangle grammar in my previous post (that's why I'm missing the post editing feature in e/n) I took some trams, passed out around midnight, woke up at 3AM covered in drool, shat out a post and passed out again.
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Dec 10, 2015 19:30
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Data Graham posted:Whose drool? I dozed off in a sitting position and ended up drooling into my lap.
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Dec 10, 2015 22:17
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Buschmaki posted:Is this you, SWEATY FATBEARD? http://time.com/4141493/croatia-pants-fell-down/?xid=time_socialflow_facebook Nah, it ain't me. I could theoretically be Borislav kegro, the former Croatian minister of finances... who was caught stealing a bottle of grain alcohol on camera: https://youtu.be/Csf1CkIXg5g?t=2m34s In the youtube video our hero says that he didn't steal anything, even though the letterboxed video in the corner of the screen clearly shows that he swiped a bottle of rakija and attempted to hide it under his coat. :iamafag: Millow posted:Dude, you should find some recycling bins to stake out, and raid them and steal the empties before they get picked up on garbage day. Do they have garbage day in Croatia? Or do you just burn everything in a ditch? That way you could just get a whole bunch at once instead rummaging through loving bus stop garbage cans. Yeah, but then I'd be competing with a whole army of bums and gypsies who do exactly the same thing. I'm picking through trash at the bus stop since I'm using the "surprise" tactic; ambushing people for bottles (I sit on a bench and scout out people who are drinking something, then wait for them to throw an empty bottle in the trash and recover it post-haste.) None of my bottles/cans spend more than 10 minutes in the trash. Also, the garbage day is three times a week in my estate. Unfortunately, the dumpsters are kept locked in a dumpster room (which is not unlike a garage) and the other thing is that dumpster diving is called "diving" because you literally have to climb into the dumpster in order to recover anything at all from it. Another thing, clearance sales in the supermarkets are a wonderful thing. The other day I found loaves of bread for $0.30 each, so I traded in my bottles and took two loaves. One loaf was eaten immediately, while the other one was wrapped in a plastic bag and put into the freezer... "just in case" Susan paid her rent (200 euros) this Saturday, so today I reinvested the money and paid the inheritance tax on the Bruno estate. My aunts were getting incredibly annoying about how I didn't have money for the tax (150 euros); today I finally got them out of my hair. The downside to this is that I'll probably have to make do with fifty euros until January - Waldo's health recovered and he started working again, but most, if not all of his money was used to pay the utilities in his apartment. I'm not counting on him to pay me any rent this month either - maybe I'll get a few bucks - but I sure as hell won't be holding my breath for it. Dad the dad will probably have to bail out my rear end yet again. Also, today I bought a bike lock so now I can do errands around the town on my bike without having to worry that the bike will go MIA with my back turned. What's not so good is that my ankle is still hurting and I'm trying to rest my legs as much as possible. Maybe I'll ask my doc to have some x-rays taken of my ankle to see what's going on down there - as this has been hurting me for a really long time now and I'm getting kinda worried that I might have broken something for real.
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Dec 14, 2015 17:31
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Buschmaki posted:This thread makes Croatia seem like some sort of cartoon world or something. Croatia is colloquialy known as "absurdistan" so yeah. redreader posted:He has money coming in literally all the time and has no job, 'just' owns 2 apartments. Three.  Captain Yossarian posted:Lmao Fatbeard is NOT rich. He lives in destitute squalor. He's a cool dude, but "rich"? Lol Yeah I'm living on $220 a month. The "squalor" part is debatable, as my apartment is surprisingly neat and in a good shape. Even my white trash inlaws congratulated me for keeping my place clean and orderly. Lead out in cuffs posted:The results of letting him loose on Eurotrash tourists would be hilarious but short-lived. This. I could get a seasonal job at the coast but I'd be fired almost immediately for verbally assaulting an unruly Eurotrash tourist (and then I'd have to panhandle in order to raise money for the bus fare home.) Shithouse Dave posted:You left out the cancer and resultant chemo too Yeah, that set me back for a few years. Later today I'mma get high on trams, go to the hospital and have x-rays taken of my ankle because this poo poo has been going on for a proposterously long time and I fear that I broke something real bad. This sort of injury takes a few weeks to heal but my ankle has been killing me for almost two months now. And now... story time! Back when I worked in the warehouse, one of our elderly janitors (Elvira) was down with untreated schizophrenia. One evening I walked behind her on the way to the bus stop, and I caught her engaging in a rather animated conversation with nobody in particular. At first I thought she was using one of those handsfree cellphones (which was a crazy new thing in those days) but when I came closer, I saw no cellphone or earphones anywhere on her body - she was literally talking to herself and cackling to her own jokes like a madman. It didn't end there, however. Elvira later lured one of my coworkers (Zlatko) in a secluded room, took off all of her clothes, sit on the table naked and invited him over for some sexy time. Zlatko did the only reasonable thing and said "ELVIRA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU." Elvira apparently took a lot of offense to being shot down, so she lunged at Zlatko with a plank and Zlatko did the only reasonable thing he could do, he charged at hapless Elvira and punched her lights out in self-defense. This became a minor legend in the warehouse and after this, everyone stayed the hell away from Elvira because she was batshit insane and you could expect pretty much anything from her. This is just a minor story about the "hopeless" work unit which I was a part of, and I have more stories about these people. Anybody interested (to keep the thread going?)
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Dec 18, 2015 06:26
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szary posted:Wait, you had inlaws? I must have missed this part. Correction: they are my cousins that are so distant that they might as well be my inlaws. However, ditto for the white trash aspect of theirs.
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Dec 19, 2015 17:41
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Just a small update cause I'm tired as all hell. Dad the dad is homeless again - the restaurant where he used to work folded and the owner couldn't pay the back salaries which he owes to Dad. Dad didn't have any money to pay his rent so he was promptly kicked out - now he's couch surfing at his friend's place and looking for a new job. To add an insult to an injury, he still has to pay child support despite being in a dire situation himself.redreader posted:Yeah this is probably my favourite post and poster on the forums. You do a great job, ASF. Seriously, have you thought about writing a book? I don't like the book idea really - but some posters in this thread have said that they'd paypal me a few coins to keep the gravy train going. If the mods think it's kosher, I might open some sort of a paypal "tip jar."
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Dec 23, 2015 00:15
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Geniasis posted:What, like a camgirl? Are you going to camgirl for us? Well if you're just dying to see a fat guy jiggle on camera, Chris-chan has recently released a horrifying video of him and his floppy manboobs. My moobs are hairy tho, I'm pretty sure nobody has to see that. change my name posted:Does anyone in Croatia actually have any money? The entire country seems to run on debt. You are completely, absolutely correct. Our governments are pulling herculean efforts to hide the fact that we're borrowing money from the foreign banks just to pay for our daily bread and butter, and have been doing so for the past twenty years and more. The Croatian people are too dumb to see that the emperor is naked (and has been naked for a really long time now) and the foreign banks are too dumb to see that they're issuing textbook examples of bad loans. The unemployment is really high, paradoxically, many Croats refuse to work on the grounds that they are lazy. This morning I was waiting for the shopping mall to open and I struck up a conversation with an old fella who was waiting for someone to meet him. He told me that he has a poultry farm with 20,000 chickens near Bjelovar and that he consistently has trouble finding people willing to work on the farm. Not even the high salaries are enough to move these lazy asses, so paradoxically, despite the fact that around 21 percent of the workforce is unemployed, Croatia is forced to import foreign workers. I told the guy that I personally would be willing to work for him, but god dammit, I regret being a city boy. I don't mind doing gross stuff, but you won't find such jobs in the city and moving to the boonies just to get a job shoveling roadkill is ludicrous (even by my standards.) detectivemonkey posted:I mean I don't really mind. At least here people know what their money is going to. (It's drugs, you guys.) Booze. And cigs. And then more booze. As far as the drugs are concerned, I'm riding a few scripts now which means that I'm getting my stash for free. Captain Yossarian posted:Considering the mischief he gets up to living on scavenging from the trash, I think you're right I loving HATE the holidays. All the stores are closed, nobody buys soft drinks (ergo no empty bottles in the trash.) I went out five times today on a trash prowl, yet I didn't recover a SINGLE drat bottle. I got a few cigarettes though. Christmas is a bad time for the bums - I now have around fifteen US cents in my wallet. Millow posted:How many zlotys is one of those two liters of terrible beer in a plastic pop bottle? I'd buy you one of those. At the current exchange rate, a 2L bottle of nasty hobo beer runs up to $1.86. change my name posted:Can we mail all of our empty bottles to Croatia instead? Ehh I wish you could, but the "sellable" deposit bottles have to be manufactured over here (or the beverage importer pays 0.50KN per bottle imported which is then redeemed at the recycling yard.) dex_sda posted:indiehobo The beer crowdfunding idea was mostly a joke, but neither indiegogo nor gofundme care to cater to third world countries such as Croatia. I suppose I could use Paypal which is something I've never done before, it's like some sort of sorcery to me.
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Dec 26, 2015 20:14
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Shadow0 posted:I was thinking a while back about sending money your way in exchange for one of those Croatian mangas. I like languages and helping people, so I figured I might throw you 25€ + manga cost + shipping cost if you spend it on food or electricity or Steam games or something not drugs - If that sounds like a good trade to you. In particular, do they have One Piece volume 1? (I have that in a bunch of languages already.) I checked the website of a bookstore chain that used to sell mangas, looks like manga didn't really catch on because they have very few titles listed and all of them are out of stock. The whole 'comics' scene in Croatia sort of died out during the Yugoslav wars. Sure you can still buy good comics like Asterix but comics in general don't sell very well. In contrast, during the Yugo times, there were collectible sticker albums based on Macross, and kids used to consume comics by the truckload. Italian comics were by far the most popular of them all. change my name posted:Lol but really guys, he's gonna buy drugs if you send him money. Dude. Hey dude. duuuuuuude. How many times do I have to say that I'm not buying any drugs anymore? I went pro and I'm getting 'em for free. ...and that's the reason I was actually happy when I got cancer and had to have one of my balls cut off - I knew that this would've been a ticket for free opiates by the truckload! Millow posted:I'm pretty sure ASF got off of H at some point before he made this thread. I remember him posting about it in another thread. This. I kicked the really hard opiates (H/subs) during my chemo in late 2013. Now DIY detox from subs is something I wouldn't recommend to anyone, but it's definitely doable. I was DYING for around 20-25 days, getting something like 45 minutes of sleep every third day (maybe), every molecule in my body hurt like hell and akathisia wouldn't let me lay still - I had to move around despite being terribly exhausted from chemo and being sleep-deprived to boot. I was constantly shivering and sweating like a pig, and to add an insult to an injury, the apartment heating conked out while I was detoxing and this happened during a very cold January if I remember correctly, so naturally I even got bronchitis because it was cold in my apartment and I was constantly sweaty. All of this was "fun" to say the least, and I was constantly praying for death just to release me from this neverending stream of agony. I managed to pull through. And now, story time! Our warehouse was a veritable zoo of sorts - we had mice, rats, cats and bats. The rodents fed on spilled flour and coffee (mice in particular are CRAZY about coffee for some reason), cats would feed on mice and bats fed on flies - at any given time there was something rotting somewhere so naturally this surprise carrion would attract flies. Now, we were actually okay with out little herd of cats. They kept the rodents at bay and there were cute little kittens year round. I'd go to work in order to drink beer and play with the kittens. Now, a small side story before I continue. We used to stock a lot of sugar. I mean a LOT. At any given time there was at least 150 metric tons of this stuff in stock. With so much sugar around, the floor around the sugar pallets being coated in sugar was something you'd take for granted, especially as the reach truck operators tended to accidentally punch holes in large 100lb bags of sugar. We the janitors were in charge of shoveling that sugar and getting rid of the torn bags. Now, back to the kitties. The cats spent most of their time indoors, and they soon figured out that sugar on the floor is a wonderful substitute for kitty litter (it's diggable!) and they'd routinely take steaming craps in our sugar. Now, the cat turds were easy to scoop out from the pile of sugar, but cat piss was a serious problem. Cat wee would melt the sugar, and this stuff would stick to the floor and soldify into some sort of cat piss candy. This stuff stuck to the concrete floors so tight, that there was no way you could remove that stuff with a shovel. Now, I had this long metal rod with which I'd chisel out the cat piss candy from the floor, and I did this every day because the floors would otherwise get incredibly grody in less than a week. And then there was an incident when I caught a mouse on a glue trap I made. I picked up the mouse and went to the bathroom to drown the fucker in the toilet bowl, but judging from a stream of heavy grunting emanating from the stall, the toilet was very much in use. I felt like a complete moron, holding a sticky mouse (everybody wanted to see the catch), so I just dumped the little bastard (mouse w/trap) right into the garbage compactor and got it over with. ... I'm sort of highish right now. The next time I'll tell you how I defeated my autism using weed and anime therapy.
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Dec 28, 2015 18:27
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Geniasis posted:I could have sworn that Waldo returned at some point. Yeah, Waldo returned - he was at the hospital due to some sort of unspecified lung complaint. I didn't know this at the time, so I phoned his parents to ask about him, and it turned out they didn't know either. I visited Waldo at the hospital and at his insistence, took the rent money. I know it was in spectacularly poor taste, but yeah. As far as characters in these threads are mentioned, I'll try to give a quick rundown in order of appearance. Dad the dad: He was my tenant in the Large Apartment property for about a year and a half. The first year was not problematic, he paid all of his rent and the utilities, but then his wife lost her job and Dad the dad ended up having to feed a family of four on one minimum wage. This went about as well as you'd expect. Daniel and the Lady: Daniel is the son of my neighbor's. A womanizer. The Lady was his catch: he persuaded her to sell her apartment and then gradually spent her money before dropping her off at a homeless shelter. Nice kid: he was my tenant for about six years, never caused me any trouble. He expatriated and now lives in Ireland. Uncle Bruno: Lived his life like a goblin collecting trash, very much dead now. Blazeing with Jesus. Nicholas: A flipper. I sold my old Crackden property to this guy. As a poster above correctly mentioned, he tried to scam me over a damaged fusebox. Johnny: This guy introduced me to Nicholas. An antiques dealer. Waldo: Tenant in "property C", owes me rent money. Fighting tooth and nail just to survive, which makes me feel sorry for him. Susan: A new tenant in '"property A", the same apartment where Nice kid used to live. Not much to say about her yet. Now, for some actual content! Yesterday a mailman woke me up and brought me two letters! First, the good news is that I got my tax returns (two days before the end of the year, go figure ) aaaaaaaaaaand an invitation to the court. I'm getting sued again, oh man! I see that a water utility company is suing me, but I have no idea over which property or why. I'm going to look into this in a few days, after the holidays - I have no intention of appearing before court since this can be solved peacefully. I think. Maybe. Heh. 
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Dec 31, 2015 07:13
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Just to add one thing; Nicholas is permanently salty because he bought my apartment at the height of a real estate bubble which broke in the following months, so one way or another he ended up losing a lot of money. He's currently MIA (sold and moved away from his office since there were apparently people coming by to ask where their money went, as reported by Johnny.)
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Dec 31, 2015 07:18
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The Saurus posted:Wait so if Waldo didn't vanish where did Fatbeard get that bike from The bike has been in the basement since 2009! It was apparently abandoned by the guy who was before the awesome kid in the property A!! 
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Dec 31, 2015 08:09
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Bobbie Wickham posted:This sentence makes me laugh so much, partly because I'm imagining the mailman just sticking his head through a broken screen door to yell at ASF until he rouses himself off the floor to take his mail.  The mailman knows that there's a 90% chance that I'm passed out whenever he comes over with a letter, so he banged at the door with his fist until I woke up. You're on to something.
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Jan 1, 2016 12:27
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Non Serviam posted:Please don't throw your money to someone that is probably making everything up. Woah, get a load of this guy. Please tell me about the time I tortured small animals because heck, I sure as hell can't remember any such incident.
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Jan 4, 2016 17:32
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Non Serviam posted:What do you call throwing a live mouse into a garbage compactor, you massive failure of a human being? It's called pest control, you massive bleeding heart pussy, and it was a part of my job. Should I call the waaaaaaambulance? Seriously though, you probably don't realize that rodents are the enemy #1 in a food warehouse. Mice would gnaw holes in the flour bags, spilling flour everywhere, and since rodents don't have time to waste, they would relieve themselves anywhere they could. If it weren't for the pest control, having to toss entire 950 kg pallets of produce because the rats constructed an elaborate system of nests and walkways in it would've been a daily occurence and we would have ended up with nothing to sell. How about that time when I was junking the whole pallet of pomegranate but had no idea that there was a football-sized rat living inside and it suddenly JUMPED INTO MY FACE? Oh, and the mouse in question made itself at home in our "office" (which in reality was a dilapidated kiosk stashed in the corner, but you get the idea) and the glue was used as a last resort because we couldn't chase the little fucker out? Rodents can go fuckin die in explosions as far as I'm concerned, I hate them. fake edit: it seems that the goons grew wary of giving money to random internet people after the doob fiasco. I passingly mentioned a possibility that I might do it in the future, and yeah some people are already treating me like I scammed them out of their hard earn'd money.
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Jan 5, 2016 10:10
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Mr Enderby posted:for when the Croatian government hit fatbeard up for undeclared rental income from his property empire? In fact, I'm doing everything legally, paying a 10% income tax on my apartments every month. That's why I got a hefty tax return the other day! Also, this is the reason I'm not eligible for welfare (i.e. government crazy people money) because I'm running a small business with these apartments; i.e. I'm self-employed.
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Jan 6, 2016 10:30
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Let me begin this post by saying that I got the latest MRI scans and had an appointment with my onco this Friday. The news is really good, the cancer is in stable remission and I should be thrilled about this obviously, but I'm not happy. I counted on this cancer thing to claim my life in a few years without having to guilt trip my friends and family about committing suicide. I belatedly realized that I've been self-medicating with drugs and booze because my psych treatment is not working. It's true that I've come a long way since my shut-in hikikomori days, but I'm still subconsciously afraid of interpersonal relations and the real world in general, and while drugs&booze make me not care about these things, it's hardly a solution to the towering pile of emotional baggage I've on my back. Good thing I have a shrink appointment on Monday, I'll ask my doc to switch my antidepressants from Escitalopram back to Maprotiline. I have used Maprotiline in the past and it worked very well, apart from the fact that it gave me a bad tooth (this is a common side effect) and back then I cared about my teeth a tad too much to stick with Maprotiline in the long run. I can't even remember which doc wrote me an Escitalopram perscription, the stuff does work but at the end of the day I'm left with a very vague and empty feeling. I tend to start freaking about about the most random of things, and negative and obsessive thoughts form into a feedback loop from which I'm not able to break free - at the present moment, I'm horribly afraid of running water which makes showering a horrible ordeal which I'm able to stomach maybe once a week, and I usually have to get high as gently caress just so I'd be able to step in the shower of doom. Today I washed my smelly armpits but I sure as hell ain't setting a foot into that unholy shower. I'm sure I was supposed to be born as a cat, God changed his mind at the last moment. The shower hasn't wronged me one bit though. It's just that the shower has become an object of an Ulillilliac obsession. Another obsession, which lead to agoraphobia, is my fear that I'll poo poo my pants in public yet again - so now I've completely stopped going outside, or when the situation calls it, I carry a full roll of toilet paper with myself in case of Code Brown. I realized that I'm hiding behind drugs which make me not give a rat's rear end about my wretched life. There's a lot of stuff that needs to be addressed, and this thread is obviously not the place for it. I often jokingly say that I'm collecting diagnoses like Pokemon cards, there is just so much wrong in my head that literally all of my therapists have been dumbfounded with the amount and magnitude of weapons-grade WTF. I know people will call me a liar for telling you this, but at the age 5 I made a jailbreak from the kindergarten, took a hostage (a derpy kid my age) and went on a grand tour of Zagreb before getting partyvanned at the airport several hours later. This started a long battle with psychiatrists, they put me on Thioridazine antipsychotic and my mom was forced to take me to regular psychiatric evaluations afterwards. What a way to get started in this world! Okay, sorry for getting gooey here. I'm off the sauce and I don't have the money to buy a single bottle of hobo beer, and I'm kinda freaking out. I know if I started drinking beer now, in a few minutes I'd be "so what the gently caress is the deal with this poo poo?", like hundreds of times before, I just seem never to learn - I'd get marginally tipsy and then a profound sense of self-loathing would set in... and this can only be fought away with Tramadol. And so the cycle begins anew. Really, at this point, I have no business asking for money from goons. Maybe after I've done away with the cycle of addiction, but sure as hell not right now. And things will be getting better I believe. 
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Jan 9, 2016 21:32
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