|
 Welcome to the April Fools TG Challenge! Can you escape GOON MOUNTAIN?  Please use this thread for discussion! RULES • When you're called, post your character's Race, Class and Cool Thing. (e.g. "I'm Tordek the Dwarf Fighter and I'm here for the ladies" or "I'm Mavei the Orc Muscle Wizard and I'm Swole As Hell".) • Every dungeon room has a challenge you must try to overcome before moving on. Describe how you tackle it, roll 2d6 (use Orokos with the campaign name GOON MOUNTAIN, no rerolling) and try to beat 6. Once you roll two failures total, you are dead. • If you're using your Cool Thing to do something, and you make a funny post, you automatically succeed... usually. • If you die, another goon will take your place! • If you don't post for too long, another goon will also take your place. Gotta keep the dungeon fed. ROOMS Green rooms are entrances. They mostly exist for you to describe your character before moving on into the dungeon. Black rooms are regular rooms. They have challenges and sometimes loot. Blue rooms have special treasures that will aid you on your quest! Red rooms are super hard. You still have to roll to succeed even with your Cool Thing, and failure means you die. These have extremely special items and other hidden bonuses, though. Gold rooms are exits. Each gold room has limited escapes! REWARDS The first five people to escape get a free avatar. Other prizes might also be handed out to goons for participating! If you would like to contribute a prize (PDF copies of games you made, for example), post in the other thread. . . . I'm gonna make the next post and call up the first few goons. Sit tight! Ettin fucked around with this message at 22:26 on Apr 1, 2015 |
#
?
Apr 1, 2015 22:22
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 17, 2024 20:50 |
|
|
 When you're up, post your character to advance into the dungeon!kingcom  G1: GARBAGE CAVE This cave is dank, but not in a good way. You are standing in a cave literally filled with garbage. A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN for reasons he is taking like five minutes to say. There is nothing stopping you from climbing out of this cave and ditching him. Mr. Fowl and Viva Miriya  G4: TEMPLE UNDER RENOVATIONS You are standing inside an ancient temple, heavy with age and history. A group of goblins have been renovating it into a livable space by knocking down all the walls and putting up nice, rugged cave walls. They are on their lunch break for the foreseeable future and don't really give a poo poo about you. A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN for reasons he is taking like five minutes to say. There is nothing stopping you from walking out of this temple and ditching him. MaliciousOnion  C1: CLOSET You are inside a 5x5 closet. You're not sure why a wizard would send you into a closet, but he did. It is pretty cramped and awkward in here. A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN for reasons he is taking like five minutes to say. The closet is cramped and he is right up in your face and it is super awkward. You can just walk through him and out the door though. Aisar and Bushmeister  C4: CORRIDOR You are inside a dungeon corridor. It dead-ends behind you. There's nothing in this corridor to indicate why it was built, and it's just kind of there. A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN for reasons he is taking like five minutes to say. There is nothing stopping you from walking onward to more interesting rooms and ditching him. GruntyThrst, John Dough and blakyoshi D3: UNDERCOAST  You are standing on the edge of a vast underground sea. Specifically, you're standing on a lovely boat tied to a dock at what looks like a drow port. A big ship has docked next to you, and a bunch of non-drow merchants and tourists to drow lands are giving you funny looks as they disembark. A magical image of a fat wizard has appeared and started to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN for reasons he is taking like five minutes to say. There is nothing stopping you from pretending you don't know this guy and leaving. Kai Tave  A1: BRIDGE You are standing on the edge of a ruined bridge overlooking a vast abyss. Ahead of you lie the ruins of an ancient castle. It's mostly just a few bits of wall now, but these are pretty spectacular ruins. You can just tell they are steeped in history, or whatever. A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN for reasons he isn't getting around to any time soon because first he wants to explain the long and intricate history of this ancient civilization at you. Who the gently caress cares. sentrygun and Roach Warehouse  A2: DANK CAVE This cave is pretty dank, in every sense of the word. This is a rad as gently caress cave. It's the kind of cave you could spend hours marvelling at. A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN for reasons you don't catch because you are too busy checking out this cave. Not gonna lie though, Theodore is killing the ambience. Trasson and Elfface  B2: A CRYPT This is a crypt. I hope you like skeletons, specifically skeletons that lie there instead of doing anything interesting. There are lots of those and not a lot of anything else. A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN for reasons he is taking like five minutes to say. There is nothing stopping you from walking out of this crypt and ditching him. TurninTrix and DigitalRaven  B1: ALSO A CRYPT This is a crypt. I hope you like skeletons, specifically OH MY GOD THESE ARE ALL TINY ANIMAL SKELETONS WHAT THE gently caress A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN for reasons he is taking like five minutes to say. There is nothing stopping you from walking out of this crypt and ditching him. Siivola  A4: SOME LOW-EFFORT BULLSHIT CLIFF This is a ledge jutting out of a cliff on the edge of an abyss. What the gently caress is this? This isn't even man-made. It's just a piece of land. You can climb up to a way more interesting building from here. Why didn't you start there instead of this lovely-rear end cliff? gently caress. A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN. His monologue is even more boring than this cliff, but there is nothing stopping you from climbing up and away. Ettin fucked around with this message at 06:39 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2015 22:46
|
|
|
 My name is KRAG HACK the Australian Barbarian and I am the LOUDEST MAN ALIVE "HELLO WIZZY! KRAG HACK WAS TIRED OF ELFIES WHO LIKE METAL POTS AND ELFIES WHO LIKE SPIDERS ANYWAY. KRAG JUST HOPE THIS IS THE QUANTUM LEAP THAT GETS KRAG HOME!" Krag hurriedly scampers around looking for Al but if he can't find him decides to climb out of the pile of garbage. Story of Krag's life. kingcom fucked around with this message at 00:04 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2015 23:22
|
|
|
Ningyou E1: GROSS CAVE This cave is filled with rare and beautiful species of lichen. Most of them smell terrible. I'm not saying this cave shouldn't exist, it is probably vital to the cave ecosystem, I'm just saying it's a little gross. A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN for reasons he is taking like five minutes to say. He is also kind of gross, but you can safely ignore him. gnarlyhotep  E2: CAVE ELVES This cave village is the home of the cave elves, short elves with skin the colour of stone who are perfectly adapted to life in GOON MOUNTAIN. They spend most of their time talking about the good old days of a thousand years ago when they had more caves and complaining about regdates on internet forums. A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN for reasons he is taking like five minutes to say. The elves are politely ignoring him, and you can too.
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2015 23:37
|
|
|
Aw yeah, reporting in. I am Bryn of Tanna, a Human Fighter and I am rad as hell. "Look at that poo poo. Is it sexy in here or is it just me? Ha, just fuckin' with you man. It's just me. And all at once I'm on a bridge or something? Where the dick am I now? Like, this ain't the first time I've woke up in some unfamiliar dungeon, but usually I'm hung over or covered in someone else's blood or some poo poo. And there's some kind of ghost wizard? The gently caress? Blah blah blah, "I've called you here oh awesome and amazing adventurer 'cause I'm a wizard and I ain't got anything better to do than screw with random people," whatever nerd. And something about ancient civilizations too, 'cause that's just what I want after some shitass teleports me to the middle of nowhere, a history lesson. Aight, this is boring and this wizard is boring, but if I know anything (and I do, 'cause I'm awesome) I know that ruins of ancient civilizations mean fat stacks of cash and, like, magic demi-glaves and poo poo. Okay, quick rundown. Armor? Check. Sword? Check. Swag? Check. Good to go. I'm'a just walk through Elminster here and check out these Ancient Ruins for my own self long as I'm here." Bryn walks through the spectral wizard, flipping him the bird as she goes, and heads into the blue Ancient Ruins in search of sweet treasure.
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2015 23:54
|
|
|
I'm Wyrlack a frail old human magician with a pair of nikes and I have the power to turn into a foul-smelling gas! Ok, first of all I tell the elves to shut up their complaining or I'll banish them. Ignoring the boring wizard guy, I look around for anything that might be useful in escaping. gnarlyhotep fucked around with this message at 00:12 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 00:09
|
|
|
If you've entered the dungeon but don't reply in the next hour I'm moving you to the back of the queue to keep this moving! KRAG HACK (kingcom) G1: GOBBINGTON You climb out of the garbage and through a tunnel. Soon, you find yourself at the edge of a multi-tiered goblin town carved out of a tall cave: Gobbington. Goblins like to worship indie demons you probably haven't heard of, and their town is covered in crude statues and gargoyles of these obscure creatures. They're not super friendly to outsiders, and you're going to need to figure out a way past them. How would you like to face this challenge? And are you heading towards the Caves of Awkwardness, trying your luck to the east, or heading south? Bryn of Tanna (Kai Tave) A1: ANCIENT RUINS Yep, this temple complex is pretty sweet. What walls remain are covered in murals that tell the long and complex history of this ancient civilization and explain why they built their temple here; every single one of them is covered in vines so you can't actually read them. Up close, you can see that these ruins are occupied by vegepygmies. They are sentient fungus people who have an enlightened telepathic civilization, but everybody mistakes them for dumb monsters because they are super racist. When they a meatbag (you) coming, the older ones do their best to discreetly lock their vegetable doors and pretend it's not because of you while the younger ones throw rocks at you. How would you like to face this challenge? And are you heading towards the Decent Tower or the Collapsed Shrine after? Wyrlack (gnarlyhotep) As the cave elves slouch off to sulk about it in QCS, you explore your new surroundings. You find some mundane items which will be useful on your journey: a bundle of hemp rope, an elven phrasebook, and a battleaxe with an embarrassing anime girl etched into the blade. Would you like to visit the Fungus Elves or the High Elves? Ettin fucked around with this message at 00:55 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 00:52
|
|
|
I am Wo Mi the half-human monk and am a severe alcoholic. "Hey, where's my wine? What have you done with my wine?!" I swing at the magical wizard image but stumble and fall out of the closet.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 01:01
|
|
|
 I am Shelly the Skelly-puncher! and I have the power to punch the poo poo out of stuff. She ignores the wizard and punches the nearest wall. I Am Fowl fucked around with this message at 01:07 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 01:02
|
|
|
I am Jimothy Jones the Balder Knight and I Can't Stop Talking About Dark Souls. "I did a tour of duty in Sen's Fortress and we had a wizard captive there and by the look of your diminutive hat, sir, you are no wizard. I bet you can't even cast crystal soul spear."
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 01:05
|
|
|
Bryn of Tanna Bryn is actually kind of racist herself, but it's mainly only against elves (which are a fantasy racism gimme) and kobolds (which is what she calls every vaguely scaly sort of person whether they're actually a kobold or not, so kinda racist there yeah). The vegepygmies are neither though so Bryn doesn't really have any reason to beef with them except for the fact that they're, y'know, being huge jerks and throwing rocks at her, loving rear end in a top hat mushrooms. "'Scuse me," she says, banging on a nearby door-like growth. "Hey, any you fuckers know where I am? And what's up with that ghost wizard, is that guy for real? Ow, poo poo!" Armor does a lot to keep rocks hurled by mushroom people from being more than a minor nuisance, but Bryn goes helmetless because she's an edgy rebel who doesn't give a gently caress, and even mushroom people can roll a critical hit once in a while. "That's it!" Bryn draws her sword which is approximately two to three times the height of the average vegepygmy (totally not overcompensating). "I'm lost, I'm sober, and I've got a flexible definition of morality! Here's how this is gonna work, either you cough up some treasure and maybe some information or we're gonna see what all that enlightened telepathy's worth when I put my foot up your pileuses!" Bryn is planning to combat racism the best way possible, with unthinking aggression and overwhelming violence. Assuming she succeeds in defeating racism forever, she'll head to the Collapsed Shrine next. I get an 8. Kai Tave fucked around with this message at 01:32 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 01:16
|
|
|
Krag strides through the goblin villain, confident, proud and loud. "HELLO LITTLE GOBBIES. KRAG HACK LOST! DO ANY OF YOU GOBBIES KNOW HUG HUG ? HUG HUG IS KRAG'S BEST FRIEND! HE A GOBBIE TOO! KRAG MISS HIM VERY MUCH! HIM AND KRAG KILL MANY STIRGES AND LICHES! KRAG THINK LICHES ARE DUMB. WELL BYE BYE GOBBIES" Krag obviously heads to the Caves of Awkwardness. Krag gets a 6 on his Loudomancy Check (if my loudness dont work here): http://orokos.com/roll/269879 kingcom fucked around with this message at 01:19 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 01:17
|
|
|
I pick up the items, pausing briefly to learn the Elven phrases for "I'm gay" and "What's that smell" from the book. The high elves sound cool, I'm going to go see if they are blazing some dank rear end weed and see what they know about this busta rear end wizard who's keeping me here.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 01:34
|
|
|
 I am Meruru-chan the Meruru-chan makes her way through the cave, daintily stepping around this and that and managing not to get a hint of that on her Meruru-chan listens with a polite smile on her face but he keeps going onnnnnnn and she's just like NOPE DUDE DON'T FUCKIN CARE I GOT ANIME POPE-CHAN poo poo TO DO and starts to walk away~
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 01:36
|
|
|
 Oh hey didn't see you there. I'm Mimi the Elf Rogue and I have the gift of being an olympic tier acrobat or some poo poo!. Mimi is quick to hustle out of this ancient temple. Its kinda hard to appreciate the history of the place when a fat wizard projects himself through the æther to tell you how this is totally JUST AS PLANNED. Time to exit stage...through that archway and into Goblinville.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 02:12
|
|
|
Xelkelvos F1: A CAVE, I GUESS This is a cave. That's pretty much all you can say about it. The cave just kind of sits there, as if to say "I'm a cave! What else do you want from me?". A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN. He takes a moment to apologise for the shittiness of this cave, and you are probably gone before he finishes. . . . Tendales  F2: AN ACTUAL TOILET This is an ancient public bathroom. Most of the urinals have fallen off the wall, and the toilets are covered in vines. The hand dryer is one of those old ones that are like full of bacteria. You have appeared in the disabled cubicle, which has just enough room for you and the magical projection of some guy. Speaking of: A magical image of a fat wizard appears and starts to monologue at you. The wizard's name is THEODORE QUIGLEY, and he has trapped you in GOON MOUNTAIN for reasons you probably don't listen to because who wants to stand around in a toilet cubicle listening to a nerd? . . . Wo Mi (MaliciousOnion) C1: 10"x10" ROOM You are in a 10x10 room. It contains an orc guarding a treasure chest. The orc is 5"x5". He does not seem impeded by his flabby cube of a torso and stands ready to defend the chest with a 1"x1" axe. He peers suspiciously at you as you fall out of the closet. What do you do? And once you have dealt with this room, where to next? . . . Shelly (Mr. Fowl) and Mimi (Viva Miriya) Shelly punches her way out of here, and Mimi follows! G4: GOBLINVILLE This quiet little goblin village is where they farm the fungus they eat. The goblins here mostly ignore you, because you're too wrapped up in an election campaign for the mayor of Goblinville. The current candidates are the High Priest of Akekzlu, Demon Lord Of Pranking Your Friends, and the Low Priest of Winsin, Demon Lord Of Dad Jokes. The goblins are trying to decide who they hate more, and are looking for something to sway their opinions. What are you doing on your way through, and which way are you going? . . . Jimothy Jones (GruntyThrst) The wizard is either wrapped up in the sound of his own voice or this is a pre-recorded message. A passing drow informs you that Theodore Quigley lives in a fortress in the center of Goon Mountain and is kind of a nerd, and points you to the safe path further into drow lands. D3: DROWVALES These caverns are where the drow farm the food they eat. Some of them farm regular cows, spider-horses, spider-pigs or scorpion-chickens, and others tend to fields of under-wheat (it's like wheat but underground) and under-corn. Gangs of young drow bandits sometimes attack travelers, but if you stick to the main road you'll probably be safe... It's up to you what you do in the Drowvales, and where you go from here! If you just stick to the main roads, you'll worry about bandits; if you want to swipe some food or supplies or something you'll need to deal with the locals. . . . Bryn of Tanna (Kai Tave) Bryn successfully mugs the vegepygmies. They throw a bauble at her in the hopes that she'll go away, while muttering under their breath about how this one action by one human validates their low opinions of every meat-based life-form ever.  Bryn gets loot! The Sword of Plant Racism +2 is basically a regular sword, only it passes right through plant matter.A1: COLLAPSED SHRINE This shrine is huge and impressive, even after centuries of ruin. An ancient vegepygmy sage lives here, and he tries to tell you the long and complex backstory of this ancient civilization while you explore the place. Unfortunately, he has made up his own racial slurs for them and keeps rambling about how he is sure the drow across the canyon are coming here to take his job, so you can't understand it. . . . Krag (kingcom) The goblins back away from Krag and look at him like he's socially awkward or something. They don't attack, so that's definitely a victory. On his way through, Krag can pick up a six-pack of goblin beer and a goblin comic for kids about how it's cool to not do drugs. G1: CAVES OF AWKWARDNESS This cave is barricaded for some reason, but the barricade is designed to keep short goblins out and Krag can climb over them easily. This cave sits on the border of goblin lands, and it's got a weird shanty town of mutated goblins that look like melting wax sculptures. They spend most of their time crying about how sad they are. The passage to the north leads out of goblin civilization and deep into the wilds, while the east tunnel heads past another barricade and towards Important Goblin Structures. . . . Wyrlack (gnarlyhotep) E2: HIGH ELVES Wyrlack is 100% correct! This enormous cavern is home to a town of elves who grow the dankest of dank-rear end weed and sell it to the rest of Goon Mountain. These guys are chill as gently caress, and invite you to a rad party they're having in the town square. They're going to vote in a new king at this party, because their last one put some kind of benzo in his eyes for fun and wandered out of the cavern and never came back. He's probably fine. If you can survive the party, they'll reward you! . . . Meruru-chan (ningyou) (wow) E1: SPORE CAVERNS This cave is a swamp, covered with a forest of giant mushrooms and roamed by fungus dinosaurs. Someone has installed ladders and walkways and other poo poo across the mushrooms, so you don't actually have to touch the swamp. But while you're traversing the caverns, a group of shroomodactyls swoop in and try to take you back to their nest! Oh no! Can you deal with them?
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 02:13
|
|
|
Jimothy Jones As every intrepid undead knows, the first objective in any new area is to find the Bonfire so you can refill your Estus Flask and set a checkpoint. Unfortunately Jimothy is a mindless Hollow and therefore his predilection is more to stumble around and try to find shiny things to stare at and hopefully ambush the Chosen Undead when they show up. I search for supplies with a Finding swag: 2d6 7
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 02:28
|
|
|
Aisar, John Dough, sentrygun, Trasson, TurninTrix and Siivola weren't able to post, so I've moved them to the current back of the queue to speed things up. Tagging in Bushmeister, blakyoshi, Roach Warehouse, Elfface, and DigitalRaven!
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 02:29
|
|
|
Shelly Shelly charges the podium and punches both candidates, one then the other, literally punching the poo poo out of them. "GOD, THEY BOTH SUCK, I DUNNO, JUST PICK SOMEONE AT RANDOM." Shelly, also known in her hometown as Yelly, bellows her proclamation to the goblins. Exclamation points, she would tell her friends, are how you punch while talking. "CAN'T BE WORSE THAN DEMONS. ALSO, HOW DO I GET OUTTA THIS DUNGEON?" I Am Fowl fucked around with this message at 02:53 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 02:31
|
|
|
Mimi "Vote pranks, vote for High Daemon lord, whatever his name is. Yeah so whats that way?" Mimi says pointing towards the SLAVE PITS
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 02:37
|
|
|
My character is An'Twn the Elf Rogue who thinks he is a ninja. Judging by his position on a dock, An'Twn assumes he has arrived here on a mission, and has no time to listen to some old man. It wouldn't be the first time he completely forgot what he was doing. All he can do is move forward and search the nearest settlement for information.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 02:37
|
|
|
Bryn of Tanna Sword of Plant Racism +2 On the one hand, Bryn has a new sword! She already has a sword (a bigger, more bitchin' one than this), but hey, free sword. On the other hand it seems to be a sword of questionable use. Do vegepygmies count as plants even though they're technically a fungus because they have "vege-" in the name? Bryn "asks the GM" by stabbing several of the more annoying ones to check before following the trail leading north to what looks like a collapsed shrine. It turns out that's what it is. And there's another vegepygmy here, great, good, just what she needs. Whoever this wizard is he's lucky he's currently intangible or Bryn would be busy stuffing him into an ancient ruined locker. This vegepygmy doesn't throw any rocks at her (good so far) but tries telling her a long, rambling story full of what sound suspiciously like incredibly hateful slurs. She notes a few of the more colorful ones for later use, but frankly she's had enough of this poo poo for now. Like, drow may be overplayed but holy poo poo, dude, are you listening to yourself? Bryn makes an executive decision. Fortunately vegepygmies don't weigh very much. Maybe the sage puts up a fight but y'know what, Bryn is too dang rad for a crotchety old racist mushroom to threaten her. The collapsed shrine overlooks what seems to be water judging by the map. Is it a lake or something? How high up are they exactly? She finds out by pitching the sage over the side. One one-thousand two one-thousand three one-thousand... Dusting her hands off, Bryn surveys her surroundings. If there's anything worth taking now's the time to take it. The question then becomes where to next. There's a courtyard to the west but ehhhhh...something about it seems off. Maybe it's the sinister red border. There was another way to go, a tower that looked pretty decent. It'll mean going back through the ruins but the vegepygmies know what the gently caress's up by now, they can deal with it. Adjusting her swords and singing an obscene drinking song, Bryn heads back through the dungeon. I'm using my Special Thing to be radder than a racist mushroom grandpa. I'll then swing back through the Ancient Ruins and explore the Decent Tower. Kai Tave fucked around with this message at 02:56 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 02:39
|
|
|
Ettin posted:Meruru-chan (ningyou) (wow) uhhhhhhhh gently caress yeah i can i'm the anime pope-chan .... Oh, no! Meruru-chan is momentarily caught by surprise, letting out a little squeak of shock that might be adorable under other circumstances, but....a-ah, she can do this, okay~? She is going to use her Anime Pope Knowledge to tap into the natural friendship that clergy who are also animes have with shroomdactyls and treeradactyls and all sorts of forest-dwelling dactyls! For the GARBAGECHAN SKEPTICS in the audience, I'm going to illustrate this with a parable that is also a true story. You see, once upon a time, there was a crowd of five thousand starving daffodildactyls in a town, having sought rest after a great journey. Away from Dinosaur Egypt. They begged and pleaded for assistance in that way they sooooort of talk?, but the citizens' hearts were cold as stone. All seemed lost, but...as the first of them started to fade from hunger and exhaustion, a magical shoujo-chan called out to them~! She entreated them not to give up hope, because if someone tells you it's wrong to hope you should tell them they're wrong every time, and with a wave of her magical star wand, a well in the centre of town started to brim and burst and overflow with fish that were also animes and were also very loving edible like oh my GOD "CAW CAW WE OWE YOU OUR VERY LIVES HOWEVER CAN WE REPAYS YOU" "A-ara....I'm really nothing special, but I hope you will treat my holy servants with kindness, okay~?" There was an almost-forgotten greeting taught to priestesses of the Anime Church, a way to show any member of shroomdactylkind or dankdactykind or really ANY "CAW CAW C'MON YOU FUCKASSES HELP ME HELP YOU HERE" Ningyou fucked around with this message at 03:11 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 02:40
|
|
|
Krag stares uncomfortably at all the goblins, waiting for something interesting to happen and for anything at all to change in their development but realising that stagnation is their way of life decides goblinland sucks and proceeds north. "KRAG THINK YOU GOBBIES SHOULD GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE", He passed out his magazine hoping they can take inspiration from something better than they are. kingcom fucked around with this message at 03:29 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 02:41
|
|
|
Sweet. Wyrlack joins the party and after taking a massive elven bong rip, uses his cool power to turn into gas and infuses himself into the bong water, giving the high elves a stratospheric high and gets to know what it's like to be the bong rip. Over an after party snack binge of lembas crust pizza and root beer he asks around to see if anybody knows anything about that dang wizard.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 03:08
|
|
|
Jimothy Jones (GruntyThrst) + An'Twn (blakyoshi) Jimothy finds himself some swag! He finds an entire bucket of chicken, an adamantine glaive-something (you're not sure what and it really confuses medieval nerds) and an extremely choice hat. An'Twn gets some info from passers-by about his location: the farmers farm the vegepygmies across the cavern to the east for food, and drow civilization extends to the north and west. The center of the mountain is north-west-ish. You two can decide where to go now! Your options are exploring the edge of drow lands to the East or hitting up Old Town. . . . Shelly (Mr. Fowl) Shelly punches both goblins out, which incidentally makes her the new mayor of Goblinville. It's best to not ask too many questions about that. You both get information from the goblins about where you can go from here. The Slave Pits to the north are where the goblins take captured foreigners and train them to do things the goblins can't, like reach high shelves. To the west, there's a sweet FLGS you should totally visit and a wizard, they guess. You can split up if you like! . . . Bryn of Tanna (Kai Tave) The sword passes right through the vegepygmies without scratching them, but totally cuts the leather straps of their backpacks and satchels. They shout vegepygmy words that are probably racial slurs at you. The canyon seems pretty deep; the racist vegepygmy sage is still shouting about how the temple was guarding against something below when he falls out of earshot. Who cares though. A1: DECENT TOWER You circle back and cross a bridge over the canyon to the Decent Tower. This was built to let the drow to the west come and go as they please but keep the vegepygmies from leaving. It's guarded by Thraebreena Silkhat, a drow ranger. She is incredibly bored and uses her free time to master all the Street Fighter games, so Bryn is close enough to peer into the windows before she has a drow pointing a crossbow at her out of a window and asking for her purpose here. How are you dealing with this? . . . Meruru-chan (ningyou) Meruru catches a ride on a shroomodactyl. It's all kawaii and poo poo. From here, it looks like she can either fly to some less swampy and more glowy mushroom caverns to the south or down a long tunnel to the west. . . . Wyrlack (gnarlyhotep) During the after party Wyrlack discovers that his incredible high has led to the others declaring him King of the High Elves. Sure, he's probably leaving, but it'll still be one of the longest reigns in recorded history, so... The high elves tell Wyrlack that this Theodore guy has been summoning adventurers all over Goon Mountain so he can study them to create THE PERFECT DUNGEON. It sounds pretty lame to them, but whatever. There are also some lesser wizards who work for Theodore spread across Goon Mountain, and each has treasures that could make escape easier. Wyrlack can head south (or southeast) to look for one, southwest to head towards the center, or push west to meet other adventurers and scope out some non-elf lands. Ettin fucked around with this message at 03:16 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 03:10
|
|
|
Ettin posted:
 I am Thag Bonecrusherson, Troll Athlete, and I am the three time surviving regional champion Clubball player of the Northern Reaches. Thag doesn't have time to listen to this guy yammer on, he has to get to the big match! First, he makes sure that he didn't lose his regulation length clubball bat in this bullshit. If he DID lose it, he'll settle for stealing that lovely mop the janitor left. Then he
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 03:14
|
|
|
Shelly "THE gently caress'S A FLGS? WHATEVER, LET'S GO. MAYBE THE NERD THERE KNOWS THE NERD WHO TRAPPED US HERE." Shelly heads west, punching a goblin in the gut on her way out. Without breath, he can only mouth the words Why, Madame Mayor, why?
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 03:21
|
|
|
quote:Meruru-chan (ningyou) I am going to fly to glowy mushroom canada or w/e to the south heck yes
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 03:29
|
|
|
Jimothy Jones Jimothy Jones slowly patrols towards the OLD TOWN after donning his Extremely Choice Hat. When he gets back to LORDRAN he's pretty sure Frampt will let him break the entire bucket of chicken into 3 large chicken shards so he can upgrade his new adamantine glaive-something but for now he has to find a way out of GOON MOUNTAIN since he doesn't have the Lordvessel to teleport out of this unpleasantly lively place. He hides behind a corner in a long hallway in OLD TOWN and waits for someone to pass by so he can Talk about Dark Souls to them. This time, it's an anecdote about the time he saw some rear end in a top hat ganking fools in the UNDEAD BURG while wearing full Havel's armor. Checking out OLD TOWN.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 03:30
|
|
|
Wo Mi I If I need a roll: 5x5 orc: 2d6 7 Let's do some bullshit puzzles.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 03:36
|
|
|
Bryn of Tanna Sword of Plant Racism +2 Okay, first things first. The instant Bryn sees her new sword cut through the vegepygmies' satchels and packs and poo poo a wicked gleam comes to her eyes, and if the vegepygmies aren't too busy calling her all sorts of terrible names they probably have a brief moment to realize how badly they hosed up giving that thing to her before Bryn goes on a bloodless mugging spree the likes of which their insufferable civilization has probably never known. Bryn's not here to fight ancient evils or dick around with some wizard's dumb bullshit, she's here to get paid (and/or drunk, laid, blazed as hell, all of the above, etc). Besides which, these guys are all huge assholes and stealing is okay as long as you do it from assholes. That's alignment for you. Once the smarter vegepygmies have barricaded themselves indoors, Bryn takes stock of her loot. Sure, some of it's probably boring crap like rocks and twigs or whatever vegepygmies carry, but she takes anything that looks monetarily valuable, magically useful, edible, or intoxicating and stuffs it into the least damaged satchel, bringing it all with her. From there it's a quick and easy journey across the bridge to the tower west of here. The bridge looks like someone's been using it as a checkpoint, maybe to keep someone out or keep them in. Bryn idly considers that maybe there's some sort of story here before remembering that she doesn't really give a gently caress. Besides which it's probably to keep the vegepygmies out. The tower seems well kept at least. She wanders forward, scoping things out through the windows to see if maybe there's anything worth "Hold the gently caress up, is that Street Fighter!?" *** "...an' so I was like 'have a nice trip, see ya' next winter!' Then I dropped'im off the side, you shoulda seen it." Bryn laughs at her own joke as she leans back on the couch, furiously mashing buttons on her controller. Bryn's a Zangief player because spinning piledrivers own, but she's admittedly not as good as Thraebreena is. Drow are elves, but they're like cooler elves who don't constantly whine about nature, and at least they're open about their arrogance. In a way they're like a kindred spirit. I'm assuming that Thraebreena, as someone who plays Street Fighter all day and has to man a border crossing with racist mushroom men, has to have some good quality weed on hand, and if that's the case then she and Bryn are currently enjoying the hell out of some of that while Thraebreena busts out some bullshit 30 hit combo what the gently caress. She's feeling too good to do anything but laugh it off though. "So, like...what's the deal with this place?," Bryn asks. "Wizards and mushrooms and poo poo...is there any, I dunno, treasure or something? A way out, maybe? Or some pizza? gently caress I could go for some pizza right now, y'know? Aw c'mon I...I fuckin' hit the block button, goddamnit." There's nothing radder than smoking a bowl and playing some Street Fighter, hell yes. Bryn probably gets her rear end kicked by Thraebreena but handles it graciously thanks to the power of being blazed. Also I steal as much vegepygmy treasure as I can.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 03:51
|
|
|
Ettin posted:Xelkelvos  "What I want is for you to be bloody loving interesting and be useful goddamnit!" I am Richard Maximus and I am a coxswain (or a salty seaman in case you don't know what a coxswain is) and I have the force of presence and style to command Men to do anything. Richard looks the hologram up and down, sighs and strides out. "gently caress this cave."
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 04:21
|
|
|
Hey, so, bad news: I have to go buy computer crap, so I'll finish the rest when I get back.  I won't kick anyone out for inactivity, I guess! Hopefully I will be back soon.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 04:26
|
|
|
Greetings! I am Lionel Landingham III the Gnome Bard and I'm out of my depth. "Of all the places to get lost in on the way to the Cotillion, this cave... is pretty sweet actually." But this is no time to stand around listening to ghost wizards monologue. Those canapes won't eat themselves! Lionel spurs his Riding Beast toward the exit. There's probably a camp or something ahead where he can get directions.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 04:37
|
|
|
Mimi "Yeah you go scope that out. I'll meet you there in a sec, let me see whats up at the slave pits. Someone probably got yanked in here by that fat nerd bastard and could give us a clue on how he did it? Oh did you catch his name? I think it was Eleanor Bigsly or some poo poo."
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 05:09
|
|
|
I am Glutton, the ogre "Chef" and with my trusty bottle of sriracha I can eat anything. "What ho! My plump jailor appears before me! Avaunt, you scroundel!" I stuff the mewling wizard into my maw. Bushmeister fucked around with this message at 06:56 on Apr 2, 2015 |
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 05:26
|
|
|
I am Sir Aurinkoinen and I am positively shining with faith. I climb off this low-effort bullshit cliff. Maybe whatever is in that real room will help me in my quest for freedom.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 06:47
|
|
|
Heads up, first: Ettin posted:Yeah. This is going pretty well, all things considered, but I haven't done something like this before and it's clear that with timezones and all this will be at least a few days. So: Anyway! Krag (kingcom) "I'M SLIGHTLY LESS SAD," the goblins shout as Krag moves on.  K3: KOBOLD SWEATSHOP These chambers are full of scaly kobolds on assembly lines, making doors, crafting tools and assembling traps. This is the ugly side of dungeon building, the place where all the dungeon features are made by less fortunate people for little pay. The kobolds are overseen by a Young Adult Hot Magenta Dragon, who yells at Krag that intruders are not welcome and prepares to chase him off with his... whatever it is magenta dragons breathe. Oh no! . . . Thag Bonecrusherson (Tendales) F2: TRIASSIC PARK This cave is some kind of amusement park. Unfortunately it's closed, not just because building an amusement park in an underground dungeon is a horrible idea but because all the attractions are stupid monsters from practically-prehistoric books like armadillephants, giant sloths, and stench kows. These beasts have long broken free of their enclosures and overrun the place, and some of them have a taste for flesh. It looks like you'll have to find a way through to the next area! . . . Shelly (Mr Fowl)  G3: THE GOBLIN HOLE You get a view of an important-looking wizard tower on the other side of a wide chasm, then you find yourself in a cave the goblins use as an entertainment center. Goblin entertainment is legendarily terrible, and the main attraction is a tabletop roleplaying game store that smells like cat piss. Shelly is almost immediately surrounded by goblins who want to drag her to the store and play elfgames... . . . Jimothy Jones (GruntyThrst) Old Town is the oldest part of drow territory, and it's a microcosm of drow civilization. Drow ladies in outfits they think are hella cute hang out in classy, web-themed buildings, study magic and run the place, while menial tasks like cleaning and sedan chair carrying are assigned to the Dram—a strange subrace of stubby little drow men who grow lovely beards and mutter constantly to themselves about betas and being cucked. Jimothy manages to corner a young sorceress named Mez'alauesstra Cho with Dark Souls chat. Somehow, instead of being fireballed, he is given 350 DrowCoins to stop. (He can use it to buy some sweet armour in this ward, or save it!) Mez'alauesstra also tells him about what he can find nearby: the Cool Ward and the center of drow lands lies to the west, while north will take him to the dangerous lands near the mountain's center. . . . Wo Mi (MaliciousOnion) The orc reaches into the treasure chest, gives you a cube-shaped bottle of orc whiskey, and lets you go. C1: BULLSHIT PUZZLE ROOM This room is basically a box, but some jackass has partitioned it into a maze of smaller rooms with some cheap dirt-raising spells for walls. Each room has an intricate mechanical puzzle, riddling door or some other stupid bullshit. As you enter, a maintenance door opens and a fat gnome in an embarrassingly goofy hat steps out to monologue at you. "Welcome, interloper! I am the Lord Of Puzzles, and..." Oh no, it's a monologue. Well, how are you getting through here? . . . Bryn of Tanna (Kai Tave) After collecting her sack full of vegepygmy crap, Bryn heads to the tower and gets blazed with Thraebreena. She's actually pretty chill! Once she's done complaining about her job, Bryn gets some directions: Drow lands lie to the west! If she heads that way she'll find herself in the Drowvales. Once she enters drow lands she can head north instead and past the local sorceress to get closer to the center of the mountain. If she wants treasure she can try the Messed-Up Courtyard, any mage towers she passes and the Temple of Lolth, but they're all extremely dangerous! On her way out Bryn can collect some dank vegepygmy weed (made from vegepygmies), some cute as heck drow armour, and Thraebreena's Magebook deets if she wants to hang out later. More coming in the next post!
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 07:08
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 17, 2024 20:50 |
|
|
Ettin posted:GruntyThrst, John Dough and blakyoshi oh poo poo a dungeon I am Ryan Arrr the Barbarian with the power of Low-cost Bludgeoning I give the magical wizard the finger and shoot a funny look back to the tourists.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2015 07:31
|
|
