|
How was the English Channel formed? A Scotsman was walking home from France when some money fell out of his pocket.
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2015 09:39
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 29, 2024 17:41 |
|
|
A Croat, Serb and a Bosnian comes into the bar, and the bartender goes: "Oh Christ, it's that rear end in a top hat with dissociative identity disorder again  ".
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2015 09:41
|
|
|
*interchangeable joke with politician I don't like*
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2015 09:56
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrRTau5jusU
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2015 10:02
|
|
|
An American and a Russian were arguing which country had more rights. I can march in front of the White House - says the American - and shout: "Down with Reagan!" without getting arrested Oh yeah? I can march in Red Square - says the Russian - and also shout: "Down with Reagan!" without getting arrested
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2015 10:10
|
|
|
I think you'll find we already have a political joke thread over here http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3710300
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2015 11:42
|
|
|
Ron Paul
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2015 12:53
|
|
|
Budzilla posted:*interchangeable joke with politician I don't like* i don't normally post political stuff, but this is too good to pass up!
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2015 14:18
|
|
|
Come on folks, you can do it, post them jokes! What does a Bosnian do when he finishes Law School? He moves the scaffolds to School of Economics.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2015 15:57
|
|
|
Q) Why did Ronald Reagan cross the road? A) I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember. I don't recall. I don't remember.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2015 16:14
|
|
|
A Communist, an Illegal Immigrant and a Muslim walk into a bar. The bartender says, hello Mr. President!
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2015 21:04
|
|
|
Those are good, keep them coming! A Montenegrin was lying in a shade as he usually does, while his little boy was playing in a sandbox near him. Suddenly the kid found a spoon, and yelled full of excitement: "Daddy, daddy, look what I found!" In a surge of activity never seen before, he slapped the spoon out of the kids arms. His boy, now confused, asked him why did he do that? Don't touch that ever again - he answered - for that is a baby shovel!
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2015 21:24
|
|
|
I can't wait for this guy's retarded meltdown
|
|
#
?
Apr 13, 2015 00:57
|
|
|
Two Spanish anarchists have just finished making molotov cocktails when one says, "Right, now time to decide who we're going to throw these at," and the other one replies, "What are you, some kind of loving intellectual?"
|
|
#
?
Apr 13, 2015 01:16
|
|
|
At Riga airport, a Russian was being questioned by border police in order to get visa into the country. - Name? - Ivan Vladimirovich Rozanov. - Occupation? - Nah, just vacation.
|
|
#
?
Apr 13, 2015 05:39
|
|
|
Stop making up nationalities, OP
|
|
#
?
Apr 13, 2015 10:44
|
|
|
Q: "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?" A: "Janet Reno is the father" -Actual joke told by Dick Cheney
|
|
#
?
Apr 13, 2015 14:04
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWyBlPWcB2Y
|
|
#
?
Apr 13, 2015 17:56
|
|
|
Remember that time the pope slapped Nancy Pelosi? Heh.
|
|
#
?
Apr 13, 2015 23:43
|
|
|
B. Hussein Obama.
|
|
#
?
Apr 13, 2015 23:44
|
|
|
A hotel. A room for four with four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing, and telling political jokes. The fourth man desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, in frustration he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes later, he bends to a power outlet: "Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please." In a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the prankster finally gets to sleep. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge what happened to his companions. "You don't need to know!" she answers. "B-but... but what about me?" asks the terrified fellow. "Oh, you... well... Comrade Major liked your tea gag a lot."
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2015 23:03
|
|
|
In the fifteenth century, when Russia wash occupied by Mongolsh, a peasant and hish wife were walking along a dushty country road...
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2015 23:10
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43hlXKg5FOo&t=26s
|
|
#
?
Apr 16, 2015 16:07
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9m9Fv9O6AnU
|
|
#
?
May 11, 2015 03:05
|
|
|
I much like the musical version better https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLDGoEh7jqA
|
|
#
?
May 11, 2015 18:37
|
|
|
moderate republicans
|
|
#
?
May 11, 2015 18:39
|
|
|
WhiskeyJuvenile posted:republicans
|
|
#
?
May 13, 2015 16:13
|
|
|
old as gently caress, but "I heard Todd Akin said he'd quit politics and open a bakery in Paris. Last I heard, he was planning on calling it 'Legitimate Crepe'..."
|
|
#
?
May 13, 2015 16:22
|
|
|
Outdated by a couple of years, but eh: A woman from East Germany, a homosexual, a Vietnamese and a cripple enter a bar. Says the barkeep: "Hey, it's the German federal government!" Q: Why did the GDR only allow one-layered toilet paper? A: So that even the last rear end in a top hat would turn red! Walter Ulbricht visits China for a talk with Mao Zedong. Ulbricht asks: "How many counterrevolutionaries do you have here in China?" Mao replies: "Well, about seventeen million, I guess. How many do you have?" - "About as many, I'd say." (The GDR had about 17 million inhabitants) Hitler was driving through the countryside when the car suddenly went over a bump. Hitler ordered the car to be stopped, looked outside and realised that they had ran over a hare. Feeling bad, he went over to the next farm to apologise to the farmer. When he came back, he had a black eye. "What happened?", asks the driver. "The farmer got mad and beat me up.", replies Hitler sullenly. The drive went on, when half an hour later there is another bump in the road - this time it's a rooster. Hitler sighs, goes up to the next farm and comes back with another black eye. When again thirty minutes later they run over a pig, he says to his driver: "Now it's your turn to go up there and get beaten up, no way I'm doing this a third time!" Dutifully, the driver goes to the farm. Hitler waits... and waits... and finally, when it already has grown dark and Hitler almost has fallen asleep, the driver comes back, super drunk. Hitler is astonished: "How on earth did you manage to do that?" Answers the driver: "No idea, I simply went to the farmer and said: 'Heil Hitler, the swine is dead!'" A Bavarian boy tries to sneak home after a long night - without success, as the first thing he encounters is his very Catholic and very, very angry dad. His father says: "YOu get ten seconds to give me a good explanation why you're coming home only now, or you'll wish you had never been born!" The boy gulps and answers timidly: "Well, Dad, I've been to that party, you know, and I drank so much beer and the people there were so cool, and I got really drunk and we started dancing, and... well, long story short, but I lost my virginity tonight." The father stares at him, then bursts out laughing, pats him on the back and exclaims: "Why didn't you say so immediately? We gotta celebrate that, let's have a beer!" When the bottles have been opened and the two have sat down at the table, the father asks him: "And who did you pop your cherry with? But no, let me guess... it was Kreszenz, the sacristan's daughter, right? She always was looking at you all flirty!" - "No Dad, it wasn't Kreszenz." The father laughs: "OK, next guess! It was Resi, the teacher's niece, right? That one is a looker!" - "No Dad, it wasn't Resi either." The son shudders, gathers his courage and says: "Dad, I gotta be honest with you. It was neither Kreszenz nor Resi... it was Stephan, the neighbour's son. I lost my virginity to him." His father is speechless for a second, then jumps up from his chair and - BAM! - hits his son straight in the face, madly screaming: "ARE YOU MAD!? YOU KNOW FULLY WELL HE'S PROTESTANT!" Barack Obama and Wladimir Putin build a time machine and travel to the future. After their arrival, Putin picks up a newspaper and begins laughing. "What's so funny?", asks Obama. Putin points at a headline that reads: "US dollar falls to a record low". Obama scowls, picks up another newspaper, starts laughing even harder: "Again trouble at the German-Chinese border!" And this pun which only works in German: "Berlin war 1945 voller Warenhäuser - da war 'n Haus, da war'n Haus..." (In 1945, Berlin was full of shopping malls - there used to be a house, there as well...)
|
|
#
?
May 13, 2015 17:04
|
|
|
Wow, I killed this thread pretty hard. I think some republican "humour" should rectify that: Q: Barack Obama is on a sinking ship, who gets saved? A: The Country! Q: What drink do you get with the McObama Happy Meal in Pakistan? A: No drink JUST ICE! Q: Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack? A: He thought Barry sounded too American. Q: Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate? A: He accidently smoked it. Q: How did Barack Obama propose to Michelle Robinson? A: He got down on one knee and said "I don't wanna be Obama self. " A muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar. The bartender says "Hello Mr. President." Q: why do you want Obama in your band? A: He has smoked rocks and knows how to roll (weed). Q: How does Obama sleep? A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. ...goddamn, this is bad. I'm sorry.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2015 23:25
|
|
|
System Metternich posted:"Berlin war 1945 voller Warenhäuser - da war 'n Haus, da war'n Haus..." I guess you could translate it like this: In 1945, Berlin was full of warehouses. "Where's the house?" "Where's my house!?" System Metternich posted:...goddamn, this is bad. I'm sorry. Eh, at least it's not Burek Oboma.
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2015 08:47
|
|
|
When I was little, I heard this about the 2000 election and thought it was hilarious. Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring? Because he heard George Bush had a Dick Cheney!
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2015 09:06
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IC3W1BiUjp0
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2015 09:07
|
|
|
Disco Infiva posted:Those are good, keep them coming! lol
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2015 13:15
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 29, 2024 17:41 |
|
|
This joke is kinda out of season right now, but I enjoyed telling it in a few of my classes during my undergraduate studies: Why was Santa Claus put on trial? For allegedly participating in the Ho Ho Holocaust!
|
|
#
?
Jun 1, 2015 06:36
|
|