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itt I will be reviewing Cassie Miles's epic, "Lock, Stock and Secret Baby" (published by Harlequin Digital Sales Corp). This book is apparently from a wildly popular sub-genre of romance novels featuring pregnant leads. Now you might be inclined to argue the popularity of this genre, but I assure you my amazon recommendations are now overflowing with titles such as "The Pregnant Witness" and "Nine Month Protector", proving that people actually read and write this stuff. I plan on spending the next few weeks reviewing this book, chapter by chapter, or until i throw myself off a cliff in despair. I will summarize the best I can and then rate it using the standard criteria for steamy pregnant thrillers: - Story (plot, character development, etc) - Writing Style - Entertainment (personal enjoyment) - Sexiness - Overall thoughts on the chapter I should say, I have never read a romance novel, let alone one as avant garde as this, and I haven't reviewed a book since I was in BookIt! back in grade school. So hold on, it's going to be a bumpy, and possibly sexy ride. Book - http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8690191-lock-stock-and-secret-baby Here is losermeme's great thread where this came out of: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3713260 Piso Mojado fucked around with this message at 02:41 on Apr 16, 2015 |
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Apr 16, 2015 01:10
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| # ? May 4, 2024 20:06 |
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 During her frantic years as a single mom, writing books and working odd jobs to supplement her income, she hardly had time to breathe, much less to dream. Then something remarkable happened. She fell in love with a tall, sexy man who was an aerial photographer and the author of tough-guy mystery novels. Fortunately, he loved her back. She found her real-life hero, inherited three more grown kids and three grandchildren. -an excerpt from the Cassie Miles autobiography |
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Apr 16, 2015 01:14
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Oh goody 
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Apr 16, 2015 01:32
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Good luck OP!
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Apr 16, 2015 01:32
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Chapter 1 What's Your Shoulder Angle? Summary Cassie Miles' (or Cass, if your nasty) begins the story with the murder of Dr. Ray Jantzen, a world famous psychiatrist. After hiding a laptop he used to send a mysterious email to his son (Blake - who is "part of a Special Forces team working undercover in undisclosed locations") he is confronted by a man with a gun. This unidentified man is odd, and hard to describe. Cass's masterful handle on dialogue makes certain parts nearly unreadable and apparently the killer has a musical voice, "sheer music" actually. I have no loving clue what that means, but the killer (who the Dr. seemed to know) wanted secrets and I don't believe he was singing. Anyways, after a few pages, the doc gets shot up and the setting moves to his funeral.  This is where you first meet the protagonist, Eve Weathers (F/26/Single) - a shy but brilliant mathematician at Sun Wave Labs. Her parents were part of an in vitro fertilization study that Dr. Jantzen and his partner Dr. Prentice oversaw. As part of the study, she has been doing a yearly questionnaire's and physicals with the docs since she was born. I guess you're supposed to assume that this girl, albeit beautiful, is a nerdy loser. Eve has no friends, no life, and after reading a few pages of her inner dialogue, is an obvious crazy person. This is where things start getting reaaaal weird. While crying at what seems to be her only friends funeral she begins staring at his son, Blake (M/26/Single). Take the following excerpt for example - and keep in mind this is literally going on as they are lowering her psychiatrist/his dad's casket: quote:"She studied Blake with a mathematician’s eye, taking his measure. His physical proportions were remarkable. Her mind calculated the inches and angles of his shoulders, his torso and the length of his legs.”  ...this goes on for a while and when his eyes finally meet hers (OVER THE OPEN GRAVE OF HIS DEAD FATHER!!!) the author describes the moment as: quote:"his dark eyes bored into hers, and that little tremor expanded to a full-blown, pulsating earthquake insider her.."  The rest of the chapter is her thinking about how "perfect" this guy she had never met was until she is confronted by him leaving. He is super demanding and basically forces her to come to lunch at his aunts and to give him a ride. Despite being freaked out by his assertiveness, she is still being basic af and checking her make-up in the mirror, fixing the streaked mascara...from the funeral...that she is leaving...with the dead guys son. Unfortunately, creepy sociopath sexytime doesn't happen in chapter 1 cause he ends up being a dick in the car and is interrogating her about the program she was in with his dad. After asking about her recent physical with the medical doc (Prentice), where she was anesthetized, there are only a few lines of dialogue before the chapter ends. I'll end the summary with those poetic lines: quote:"Eve, I have reason to believe you're pregnant." Rating - Story 3/5 - not bad, already a murder, a pregnancy, and most important mystery! - Writing Style 2/5 - The author is absolutely terrible with dialogue, struggles deeply with non-sexual metaphors, and rushes every moment. - Entertainment 3/5 - Despite everything, i thought the book was unintentionally funny in parts. Mostly because how absurd it was. - Sexiness 2/5 - She was dtf but he was too concerned with his dead father they just buried, loser. - Overall thoughts on the chapter -  also my shoulder angle is 32 degrees, in case any byob women were wondering.
Piso Mojado fucked around with this message at 02:51 on Apr 16, 2015
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Apr 16, 2015 02:39
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Is Dr. Prentice's first initial A and middle initial P? This is very important
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Apr 16, 2015 02:54
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Qwerinty posted:Is Dr. Prentice's first initial A and middle initial P? This is very important I'm hoping it's Abe Prentice
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Apr 16, 2015 02:55
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This reminds me of The Red Pony
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Apr 16, 2015 02:58
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christ, I got a feeling this book is about to turn into about 10% plot and 90% getting it on. |
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Apr 16, 2015 03:37
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hide yo kids |
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Apr 16, 2015 03:38
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cool thread op. good luck
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Apr 16, 2015 05:18
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you are doing the lords work |
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Apr 16, 2015 14:04
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Piso Mojado posted:christ, I got a feeling this book is about to turn into about 10% plot and 90% getting it on. so it has more plot than porn?
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Apr 16, 2015 15:53
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i mean not that i've watched porn. i've just heard...
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Apr 16, 2015 15:53
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well maybe more like Showtime soft-porn or something. not that I would know such things. |
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Apr 16, 2015 16:04
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Piso Mojado posted:might be time for the ol "so I'm part of this Internet community..." talk with my gf, as she is using my Kindle today and no doubt just saw this purchase. tell us how that went, and spare no detail |
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Apr 16, 2015 17:46
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mojado is single now |
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Apr 16, 2015 18:05
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Nosfereefer posted:mojado is single now buddy, when you have shoulder angles like mine, you're never single |
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Apr 16, 2015 20:23
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so the secret baby was actually a secret from the mom? that's a switch
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Apr 16, 2015 22:09
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Never heard of this genre before I saw this thread last night. Now the woman sitting in front of me on the plane is reading "the tycoon's proposal - baby for the billionaire book 3". Makes u think |
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Apr 17, 2015 00:17
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P grossed out rn, she is waaaaay into it. Get a room, lady! This is your fault, somehow. |
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Apr 17, 2015 00:24
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How well can a virgin analyze a man's shoulder angles? I doubt the factual accuracy of this book |
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Apr 17, 2015 04:01
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Lock, stock and two smoking babies |
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Apr 17, 2015 05:35
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As a scientist myself i can tell you i am constantly checking people out and sizing up their... geometry. Piso has incredible angles 
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Apr 17, 2015 12:10
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whew, just flew through a couple more chapters. I'm actually starting to really get into this book now. reviews coming tomorrow. |
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Apr 18, 2015 21:20
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I'm not sure I can read a review of this type of literature on a Sunday.
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Apr 18, 2015 21:39
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That sounds like Stockholm Syndrome, Piso |
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Apr 18, 2015 22:05
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if Cassie Miles can get published, there's no reason why I can't, right?
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Apr 19, 2015 11:22
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where's the review |
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Apr 19, 2015 23:17
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Lizard Wizard posted:where's the review https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ppaiQ6mhbE losermeme fucked around with this message at 00:38 on Apr 20, 2015 |
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Apr 19, 2015 23:22
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i'm afraid he got super involved in the book and forgot about us
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Apr 20, 2015 00:03
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Chapter 2 Lock, Stock and Stockholm Syndrome Summary So chapter 1 ended with Blake bluntly telling our virgin heroine that she is pregnant, SUPRISE!  . Obviously she does not take the news well, and Chapter 2 deals mostly with her coming to terms with it. After hearing the news, she purchases candy, three pregnancy tests, and some beef jerky sticks and then her & Blakey cruise down to his dead father's house where the rest of the family is meeting for lunch. Having lunch at the deceased's house sounds normal enough after a funeral i guess, but given that the uncleaned bloody crime scene is only a room over from the guests, I'm not quite sure what Cassie was thinking here. Then again, who am I to question the motives of an artist. And what an artist Mrs. Miles is. This chapter is funny, well-written, and kind of makes you forget your on a pregnancy trainwreck to smutville. Numerous times I found myself laughing at Eve as she dealt with it all.quote:She was pregnant, pregnant and pregnant. After she verifies the babby with the pregnancy tests, Eve remains locked in the bathroom and decides to call Dr. Prentice. And just like that we are back on the train to creep city, ALL ABOARD! The plot begins to thin itself out again as you learn that Dr. Prentice took an egg out of her in one examination, then fertilized it and put it back in her a year later. They spend the rest of the chapter debating the ethics of rape and how she cannot sue him due to a waiver she signed  quote:“You might as well have raped me” The important thing here is that Eve realizes that she is not just a surrogate, but rather this is her baby. We would have found out more but right as Dr. Prentice begins to explain more about the program, she faints. Rating - Story 3/5 - pretty slow chapter, but seems to be setting the stage. - Writing Style 4/5 - What a turnaround!  This chapter was funny, interesting, and Eve's character really developed! The only thing missing is a plot that makes any sense, but let's be honest - who was really even expecting a plot at all!- Entertainment 4/5 - I really enjoyed it....not sure what that says about me. - Sexiness 1/5 - Nothing saucy in this chapter, sorry fluffie. - Overall thoughts on the chapter - I really want someone else to read this book to see if I am going crazy or not. It was a good chapter, well done Cass.
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Apr 20, 2015 01:51
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FluffieDuckie posted:i'm afraid he got super involved in the book and forgot about us this is 100% true. I am currently in Chapter 6 right now. Unfortunately it takes longer to organize my notes and write these reviews than it does to read the chapters.
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Apr 20, 2015 01:53
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I'm invested in this story
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Apr 20, 2015 01:54
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thanks for the thread, seriously enjoyed the update |
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Apr 20, 2015 01:57
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Luvcow posted:I'm invested in this story |
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Apr 20, 2015 01:58
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Luvcow posted:I'm invested in this story
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Apr 20, 2015 01:59
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Piso Mojado posted:
wait what? i'm not sure whether i'm more confused about why there wasn't any sex in the chapter or why you're apologizing to me about it 
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Apr 20, 2015 02:18
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wait, so whose sperm was it |
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Apr 20, 2015 03:31
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| # ? May 4, 2024 20:06 |
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Puzo you just won first place in a GBS cob test for your baby thread. Congrats.
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Apr 20, 2015 03:39
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