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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46ivFpsmEVQ
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May 3, 2015 06:12
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 11:30 |
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i was outdoors with the baby most of the day. i was with friends. we had a cute baby and a cute dog. i spent too much money despite these advantages
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May 3, 2015 06:13
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Spaceman Future! posted:are you me god drat i hope not, i couldn't bear to have an ugly baby
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May 3, 2015 06:19
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true story of how cute my baby is a good friend of ours conceived at the same time, but her baby was a couple months premature. we have the angel baby and they have the demon baby. our baby is so well tempered, never cries, above weight, super easy to get along with and completely beautiful. their baby is crabby, angry, barely eats, cries all the time, a devious little poo poo who throws things at your face at four months old, and unfortunately not just preemie ugly but just plain ugly so my wife has pictures of both babies on her phone. some clients of hers were flipping through the album and they got to a picture of demon baby, at which point their facial expressions visibly changed. "i think the lighting on this one is a little different..." "no, that's not my baby" "oh! good!" when told this story, our friend laughed and told her own she was showing pictures of her baby to friends, and then a picture of our baby came up. they stared at it. "we like this picture a lot more! you should put this picture on your christmas cards!" "that's not my baby..." sorry to everyone in the world with an ugly baby
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May 3, 2015 06:24
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i will never ever post a picture or any information other than anecdotes about my baby on something awful
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May 3, 2015 06:28
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does your baby snore? my baby snores. my baby is snoring, right now
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May 3, 2015 06:29
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GhostofJohnMuir posted:Your baby will inherit a world with worsening environmental, economic and political crisis. They will be part of the second generation of Americans who will face living conditions worse than what their parents experienced. By conceiving them you have doomed them to see the last gasps of civilization before the world irrevocably changes. oh for sure, this is why i was adamanat about never having children. my parentage is entirely based in "i got really drunk one night" and "i had nothing better to do with my 30's anyways" and i plan on having an incredibly cynical child. it's like, baby, when you become a teenager and you want to be more nihilist and apostate than daddy, you better bring your loving A game
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May 3, 2015 06:30
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Jerry Manderbilt posted:man i follow slowbeef on twitter and he's become that one dad who documents his baby's life obsessively on on social media i have no photos of my baby on my person, ever. i also don't have a wedding ring (i call my girlfriend my wife because i am lazy) and the baby does not share my name so i fully expect to be accused at some point of kidnapping my baby
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May 3, 2015 06:32
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spaceman my baby is at least 15% cuter than your baby, which is a compliment, because my baby is extraordinarily cute
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May 3, 2015 06:32
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when my child has its teenage rebellion the only options are severe mental breakdown or vocally republican and investing in stocks by age 19
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May 3, 2015 06:35
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the other night i drank a six pack and read through the entirety of peter bagge's Hate!
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May 3, 2015 06:37
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EWc6vACztU
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May 3, 2015 08:34
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i was invited to a house party where they would show the fight and my lady was like "go hang out with your boys and see the fight" and i was like naw i'll just sit here and play with my baby until it sleeps and then go through my steam library, i dont really care to see a guy punch another guy in a punchmans thing where one dude wins and another loses and then absorb the opinions of a series of dudes, some of which i know, about events
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May 3, 2015 08:36
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yeah the stone mountain laser show is like the third most horrible thing i've ever seen while being so high i could barely walk or speak
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May 3, 2015 08:42
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deffo the worst thing i've seen while surrounded by thousands of drunk, wildly applauding people who only superficially understood what was unfolding before them
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May 3, 2015 08:43
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yeah thanks anonymous drunken benefactor this really knocks it out
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May 3, 2015 08:53
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nutranurse posted:really tho i dunno why people would blame mayweather for doing what mayweather does. they should be angry at pacquiano for not getting on mayweathers level its colonialism man
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May 3, 2015 08:55
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my baby will meet all of its remaining great grandparents tomorrow. all of mom's grandparents are dead, a little young imo. most/all of my grandparents are alive. both my genetic grandmas, a stepgrandma, and my maternal grandpa at my dad's dad's funeral, i was exposed to a tragic bit of family history. my stepgrandpa jim, who i loved a lot as a child, had a troubled journey through this earth. i have two distinct memories of him - leaping into his arms into a pool, where he would dunk me and toss me around. also once he threatened to cut my head off with a lawnmower blade. he was a tough love redneck good old boy but as far as i know he was good with kids, because even when he was claiming to stab me with a machete i was entertained and not scared. i dunno, little boys can accept threats of violence int he context they are given. jim died when i was a young child and i remember weeping at the news, it was my first taste of mortality. they said it was cancer so a few years ago at my dad'd dads' funeral my mom was drunk and told me the whole story. apparently jim had at one point been drinking and playing poker with some men, one of whom was the son of the county sherriff. words happened and jim got shot with a shot gun. it blew out most of his guts and one of his kidneys, necessitating a colostomy bag. this really cramped jim's style, also of course charges were never filed. jim couldn't really adjust to pooping in a bag taped to his side, so he killed himself in the brick carport where i would do laps on my tricycle. my dad and uncle drove eight hours to claim the remains and assist the cleaning crew so that my grandma wouldn't have to deal with it on a double shift. she never went back to that house, and sold it immediately thereafter, where she ended up living with us and doing all my stinky stained laundry in high school. anyway being an adult is garbage, thanks for reading
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May 3, 2015 09:08
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other memories of the rural south - video rental vans? like a blockbuster, but in a big box truck that would drive around once a week like an ice cream truck? anyone else remember this?
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May 3, 2015 09:12
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i kind of wish i could remember more about him, but then i remember that the fallibility of human memory is glorious, and i am comforted by the idea that all of the idiot and horrible mistakes i made that i never recorded, all of my skid mark memories i never wrote down or told anyone, will die with me. my lack of a paper trail in the end is what vindicates me into the overwhelming corpus of forgotten humanity, one voice in an infinite silent choir like it's probably a good thing that less than one percent of one percent of human experience is recorded, because some folks are all "but think of all the advances we would have made", and i think "just think how loving bored we would be if we had a cheat sheet FAQ of human existence"
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May 3, 2015 09:32
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idolizing which female character is more indicative of extremely low class status: betty boop or harley quinn
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May 4, 2015 17:24
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paranoid randroid posted:who gives a poo poo about betty boop in 2015 overweight receptionists who have a lot of anxiety about their fading youth and sexuality, apparently
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May 4, 2015 17:27
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joeburz posted:like i dont even know where betty boop comes from lmao how old is that poo poo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9Tb4TMibk0 at 4m betty gets everyone in town high as gently caress
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May 4, 2015 17:29
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oh yeah and i think there was a sassy female tweety bird
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May 4, 2015 17:33
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i see no reason to ever go to chicago when i've been to st. louis and toledo
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May 5, 2015 17:35
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i dont like getting my dick sucked its nice and all but i'd rather be loving. this is a double edged sword because telling a lady "i don't like getting my dick sucked" is like a hand engraved invitation to having them be all "maybe you've never had a good one" and then they try their damndest
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May 5, 2015 17:39
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getting my dick sucked is like going to a steakhouse and ordering chicken
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May 5, 2015 17:40
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zoux posted:also you can't get a girl pregnant and don't have to wear a condom uhh anal
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May 5, 2015 17:41
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i'll accept oral in a 69, thats like the only time its ok
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May 5, 2015 17:45
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Gravel Gravy posted:Also feel sorry for any woman that c an only get it through that. i eat pussy like a desert island man finding a rotisserie chicken washed up on the shore
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May 5, 2015 17:51
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this is my enthusiasm for giving oral sex https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4zw99VsoMA
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May 5, 2015 18:01
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Jagchosis posted:don't doxx your wife my wife is more like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJDHHELBAm4
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May 5, 2015 18:04
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mmmm pussy
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May 5, 2015 18:04
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the only artist who could really articulate the essence of my unrestrained joy wrt female genitalia in proximity to my face is GRRM
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May 5, 2015 18:10
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this is how i get ready to go to town on a big ol shiny gooch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsKUiC9bDLE
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May 5, 2015 18:14
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i will never apologize for my aggressive heterosexuality
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May 5, 2015 18:15
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her: come over me: can't, gotta clean out my storage unit her: i just shaved and got out of the shower me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMW3Q7TQars&t=70s
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May 5, 2015 18:22
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what is the most problematic component of wanting to gently caress the living poo poo out of an ewok
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May 5, 2015 18:30
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male or female
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May 5, 2015 18:30
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 11:30 |
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the only moral accelerationism is when you acknowledge that most likely speeding the pace at which things go to poo poo will just make people suffer instead of eventually producing a decent outcome, kind of like dropping a hundred bucks on scratch offs and buying more tickets with your winnings
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May 5, 2015 18:40
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