Write HuffPo Parenting Blog Headlines

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Write HuffPo Parenting Blog Headlines

BigBoss: Jan 26, 2012; by Lowtax

"How A Dream Bar Turned Into A Nightmare For My 6 Year Old Autistic Son"

"Why I'm Not Bothered When They Laugh At Kayden's Swimming Helmet"

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:27

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# ? May 1, 2024 17:04

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

These 7 Hacks Will Keep Your Child From Putting Things Up His Butt

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:43

Vin BioEthanol: Jan 18, 2002; by Ralp

"My Partner's Family Doesn't Understand Why We Are Raising Our Beautiful Child In a Gender-Neutral Way"

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:45

CISMALES DID 9-11: Jun 5, 2002; chaotic good STEM major; INTJ

"What I Said to the Woman Who Stared at My Special Needs Child on the Playground"

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:45

Xaris: Jul 25, 2006; Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

Science Finds Even More Evidence That Anxiety Isn't Just 'All In Your Head'

7 Strategies for Optimal Sun Safety

3 Steps To Truly Unwind On Vacation

There's Actually An Upside To Small Talk

A Matter of Life and Death: It's Time to Get Proactive About Cannabis and Opiates

7 Very Important Reasons To Take A Nap Right Now

'Eliminating' HIV Infections From Mothers to Infants

'Gluten-Free' Restaurants: A Cautionary Tale

Ending the Big, Fat Debate

Is Your Child Ready For A Smartphone? How To Tell

Why Positive Thinking Is Good for Your Heart

How To Tell If A Bug Bite Needs Medical Attention

When Does the 5-Second Rule Really Count?

Are GMOs Really That Bad?

How To Sleep Soundly On Hot Summer Nights, In One Simple Chart

14 Hacks To Help You Have The Best Morning Ever

How Breast Cancer Helped Me Summit Mt. St. Helens

16 Things People With Social Anxiety Want You To Know

Using Mindfulness to Revolutionize the Diet Industry

Why Women Live Longer Than Men

We're STILL Not Eating Enough Fruits And Vegetables

Nervous in the Kitchen: 9 Tips to Manage Anxiety and Health-Restricted Diets
The Bittersweet Reality of Planning a Wedding Amid Grief

ICYMI: Walking In Nature And How To Get Picky Eaters To Try New Foods

The Government Is Leaving Children at Risk -- Are You?

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:45

poisonpill: Nov 8, 2009; The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.

My Child Started a Thread on a Dead Forum.

For years, I imagined the first time my child would be old enough to start a thread. What parent doesn't? I thought of the way he'd carefully compose a topic, how he'd find articles and sources, and I even thought he'd put some effort into the OP. If you asked me, I'd deny it, but part of me even thought it could become a megathread. I know, I know, wishful thinking. But a proud parent can dream, right?

But then the big day came. BigBoss was always a strong individualist. And I supported him in his choices. I knew that what was right for me might not be right for him. So when he announced, "I'm going to start a HuffPo Headlines thread," I forced myself to smile. I knew better. I knew this would go badly. But I also needed him to learn it. I've read all the books. They say it's sometimes okay to let your child fail. I thought, "This is what parents do. Let him fail."

But then it all went wrong. BigBoss showed me his tentative post. It had two sample headlines. Both were good. Well above average when it comes to OPs. I was ready to see him post it. But he posted it on a dead forum. And one by one, I watched the other posters judge the OP. They judged BigBoss. And they made fun of it. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! They were being cruel! I reported them to the mods, but the mods didn't do anything. I took my grievances all the way to Lowtax, but received no reply.

Since then, I've been confining our family's OPs to safe spaces. Maybe one day, we can try a new OP in the larger internet. But not today. Not today.

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:49

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

"Guess What? It Actually Does Hurt You More Than it Does Him."

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:51

Xaris: Jul 25, 2006; Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

poisonpill posted:

My Child Started a Thread on a Dead Forum.

For years, I imagined the first time my child would be old enough to start a thread. What parent doesn't? I thought of the way he'd carefully compose a topic, how he'd find articles and sources, and I even thought he'd put some effort into the OP. If you asked me, I'd deny it, but part of me even thought it could become a megathread. I know, I know, wishful thinking. But a proud parent can dream, right?

But then the big day came. BigBoss was always a strong individualist. And I supported him in his choices. I knew that what was right for me might not be right for him. So when he announced, "I'm going to start a HuffPo Headlines thread," I forced myself to smile. I knew better. I knew this would go badly. But I also needed him to learn it. I've read all the books. They say it's sometimes okay to let your child fail. I thought, "This is what parents do. Let him fail."

But then it all went wrong. BigBoss showed me his tentative post. It had two sample headlines. Both were good. Well above average when it comes to OPs. I was ready to see him post it. But he posted it on a dead forum. And one by one, I watched the other posters judge the OP. They judged BigBoss. And they made fun of it. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! They were being cruel! I reported them to the mods, but the mods didn't do anything. I took my grievances all the way to Lowtax, but received no reply.

Since then, I've been confining our family's OPs to safe spaces. Maybe one day, we can try a new OP in the larger internet. But not today. Not today.

5'd
wow that thats a pretty good representation of huffpo. are you sure you don't work for huffpo

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:51

BigBoss: Jan 26, 2012; by Lowtax

poisonpill posted:

My Child Started a Thread on a Dead Forum.

For years, I imagined the first time my child would be old enough to start a thread. What parent doesn't? I thought of the way he'd carefully compose a topic, how he'd find articles and sources, and I even thought he'd put some effort into the OP. If you asked me, I'd deny it, but part of me even thought it could become a megathread. I know, I know, wishful thinking. But a proud parent can dream, right?

But then the big day came. BigBoss was always a strong individualist. And I supported him in his choices. I knew that what was right for me might not be right for him. So when he announced, "I'm going to start a HuffPo Headlines thread," I forced myself to smile. I knew better. I knew this would go badly. But I also needed him to learn it. I've read all the books. They say it's sometimes okay to let your child fail. I thought, "This is what parents do. Let him fail."

But then it all went wrong. BigBoss showed me his tentative post. It had two sample headlines. Both were good. Well above average when it comes to OPs. I was ready to see him post it. But he posted it on a dead forum. And one by one, I watched the other posters judge the OP. They judged BigBoss. And they made fun of it. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! They were being cruel! I reported them to the mods, but the mods didn't do anything. I took my grievances all the way to Lowtax, but received no reply.

Since then, I've been confining our family's OPs to safe spaces. Maybe one day, we can try a new OP in the larger internet. But not today. Not today.

"i've read all the books" :lol:

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:53

Top Hats Monthly: Jun 22, 2011; People are people so why should it be, that you and I should get along so awfully blink blink recall STOP IT YOU POSH LITTLE SHIT

poisonpill posted:

My Child Started a Thread on a Dead Forum.

For years, I imagined the first time my child would be old enough to start a thread. What parent doesn't? I thought of the way he'd carefully compose a topic, how he'd find articles and sources, and I even thought he'd put some effort into the OP. If you asked me, I'd deny it, but part of me even thought it could become a megathread. I know, I know, wishful thinking. But a proud parent can dream, right?

But then the big day came. BigBoss was always a strong individualist. And I supported him in his choices. I knew that what was right for me might not be right for him. So when he announced, "I'm going to start a HuffPo Headlines thread," I forced myself to smile. I knew better. I knew this would go badly. But I also needed him to learn it. I've read all the books. They say it's sometimes okay to let your child fail. I thought, "This is what parents do. Let him fail."

But then it all went wrong. BigBoss showed me his tentative post. It had two sample headlines. Both were good. Well above average when it comes to OPs. I was ready to see him post it. But he posted it on a dead forum. And one by one, I watched the other posters judge the OP. They judged BigBoss. And they made fun of it. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! They were being cruel! I reported them to the mods, but the mods didn't do anything. I took my grievances all the way to Lowtax, but received no reply.

Since then, I've been confining our family's OPs to safe spaces. Maybe one day, we can try a new OP in the larger internet. But not today. Not today.

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:54

CISMALES DID 9-11: Jun 5, 2002; chaotic good STEM major; INTJ

wtf some of you tried way too hard on this fuckin weirdos

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:55

Flo Cytometer: Apr 20, 2015; by Ralp

poisonpill posted:

My Child Started a Thread on a Dead Forum.

For years, I imagined the first time my child would be old enough to start a thread. What parent doesn't? I thought of the way he'd carefully compose a topic, how he'd find articles and sources, and I even thought he'd put some effort into the OP. If you asked me, I'd deny it, but part of me even thought it could become a megathread. I know, I know, wishful thinking. But a proud parent can dream, right?

But then the big day came. BigBoss was always a strong individualist. And I supported him in his choices. I knew that what was right for me might not be right for him. So when he announced, "I'm going to start a HuffPo Headlines thread," I forced myself to smile. I knew better. I knew this would go badly. But I also needed him to learn it. I've read all the books. They say it's sometimes okay to let your child fail. I thought, "This is what parents do. Let him fail."

But then it all went wrong. BigBoss showed me his tentative post. It had two sample headlines. Both were good. Well above average when it comes to OPs. I was ready to see him post it. But he posted it on a dead forum. And one by one, I watched the other posters judge the OP. They judged BigBoss. And they made fun of it. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! They were being cruel! I reported them to the mods, but the mods didn't do anything. I took my grievances all the way to Lowtax, but received no reply.

Since then, I've been confining our family's OPs to safe spaces. Maybe one day, we can try a new OP in the larger internet. But not today. Not today.

your welcome you magnificent bastard

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:55

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

CISMALES DID 9-11 posted:

wtf some of you tried way too hard on this fuckin weirdos

I play hard, work hard, and try hard. drat, it's been over four hours, I have to go see the doctor now.

# ? Jul 16, 2015 20:57

Bethamphetamine: Oct 29, 2012

How Engelbert Humperdinck's "Lesbian Seagull" helped my autistic trans toddler find the courage to go down the slide for the first time

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:04

Flo Cytometer: Apr 20, 2015; by Ralp

Do It Once Right posted:

How Engelbert Humperdinck's "Lesbian Seagull" helped my autistic trans toddler find the courage to go down the slide for the first time

..but Mike Judge did that. :sigh:

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:06

Pththya-lyi: Nov 8, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

Pixar Fails At Body Positivity in 'Inside, Out'

Oh wait that one's real

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:14

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

Yes, I Absolutely Do Eat My Babies Poop
And why you should too...

You Might Be Causing Permanent Damage To Your Kids If You Drink In Front Of Them
It's time this came to an end...

Smoking In The Delivery Room? It's More Plausible Than You Think
A woman's stress levels are very high during childbirth, therefore...

World Of Warcraft vs Bedtime Stories. Which Is Better For Your Child?
Daddy read me a story, "Sarah" implored. "Not tonight honey, daddy has to finish....

If You're Not Living The Same Way I Do You Are A Bad Parent
I live in a closet above a bowling alley, but guess what? My child eats only organic kale...

There Is Some Kind Of Nutrient Or Something In Some Random Expensive Vegetable Your Kid HAS To Have
Scientists have only recently become aware of the health properties of muahicayata, a 20$-per-ounce root only grown in the Andes...

In This Article I Seem Like A Wound-Up Control Freak, But Somehow I'm The Expert
I shook with fear as I dropped my son off at his daycare. How can I trust my child with people who call themselves "pretty laid-back"?...

A New Media Frenzy Over Something With Very Little Evidence It Actually Occurred
Reports have surfaced that some teens are doing "Vodka Salve", where a person's skin is flayed and the bare dermis soaked in vodka....

There's A New Way To Raise Kids That's Better Than The Way Every Kid Before Ever, Anywhere, Was Raised And By Not Following It You Will Be Condemned By Your Peers
Open-Conflict Interparenting Cohesion, or OCIC, is changing the way parents everywhere deal with the exact same problems parents have been dealing with for the entire history of humanity....

Yes, I DO Watch Game Of Thrones With My 14 Year Old
Yes, even the occasional rapey parts

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:21

Hobohemian: Sep 30, 2005; by XyloJW

Pththya-lyi posted:

Pixar Fails At Body Positivity in 'Inside, Out'

Oh wait that one's real

I thought they were all real.

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:24

pathetic little tramp: Dec 12, 2005; by Hillary Clinton's assassins; Fallen Rib

The ultimate for of expression: Letting your child poo poo where it pleases

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:27

Xaris: Jul 25, 2006; Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

Pththya-lyi posted:

Pixar Fails At Body Positivity in 'Inside, Out'

Oh wait that one's real

gently caress this gay earth
:suicide:

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:29

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

pathetic little tramp posted:

The ultimate form of expression: Letting your child poo poo where it pleases
"In China, millions of children poo poo all over the place, yet their society continues to amaze the..."

Added byline

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:29

Quantum of Phallus: Dec 27, 2010

Pththya-lyi posted:

Pixar Fails At Body Positivity in 'Inside, Out'

Oh wait that one's real

quote:

I can't write with any real authority about Inside Out, because I haven't see the movie, but I'm pretty much 100% positive that seeing the movie isn't required to make this judgment.

THIS CAN'T BE REAL

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:32

Vin BioEthanol: Jan 18, 2002; by Ralp

Pththya-lyi posted:

Pixar Fails At Body Positivity in 'Inside, Out'

Oh wait that one's real

Anytime I read something like this I have to scroll back up and look at the author's name, just about every time it fits.

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:37

Pththya-lyi: Nov 8, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

Quantum of Phallus posted:

THIS CAN'T BE REAL

Even the commenters are tearing into her

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:47

Bolognious Assault: Jun 5, 2008; Grimey Drawer

Why I'm Superior to Other Parents Even Though My Womb is Incapable of Producing Anything More Than a Defective Drain on Society

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:48

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

I Love My Disabled Kid More Than You Love Your Non-Disabled Kid

# ? Jul 16, 2015 21:53

Cronodoculous: Jun 29, 2006; You light up my life

Why I'll Never Show My Child Another Picture of an Alligator

# ? Jul 16, 2015 22:01

Bethamphetamine: Oct 29, 2012

I'm a Huffington Post Top Commenter, AMA

Why haven't I killed myself yet? Yes, that's a very common question: I guess the best answer is that my transgender autistic 2 year old is an indigo child, and I need to be there to support xis genius and keep the pro-vaccinations crowd from making xim question xis love of veganism.

# ? Jul 16, 2015 22:04

Frijolero: Jan 24, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Cronodoculous posted:

Why I'll Never Show My Child Another Picture of an Alligator

# ? Jul 16, 2015 22:17

BigBoss: Jan 26, 2012; by Lowtax

"12 Reasons Why I'm Proud To Call My Family Kimye Fans"

# ? Jul 16, 2015 22:18

BigBoss: Jan 26, 2012; by Lowtax

"I Took My Special Needs Son To An Indigo Girls Concert and was SHOCKED At What I Found!"

# ? Jul 16, 2015 22:30

Blue Raider: Sep 2, 2006

poisonpill posted:

My Child Started a Thread on a Dead Forum.

For years, I imagined the first time my child would be old enough to start a thread. What parent doesn't? I thought of the way he'd carefully compose a topic, how he'd find articles and sources, and I even thought he'd put some effort into the OP. If you asked me, I'd deny it, but part of me even thought it could become a megathread. I know, I know, wishful thinking. But a proud parent can dream, right?

But then the big day came. BigBoss was always a strong individualist. And I supported him in his choices. I knew that what was right for me might not be right for him. So when he announced, "I'm going to start a HuffPo Headlines thread," I forced myself to smile. I knew better. I knew this would go badly. But I also needed him to learn it. I've read all the books. They say it's sometimes okay to let your child fail. I thought, "This is what parents do. Let him fail."

But then it all went wrong. BigBoss showed me his tentative post. It had two sample headlines. Both were good. Well above average when it comes to OPs. I was ready to see him post it. But he posted it on a dead forum. And one by one, I watched the other posters judge the OP. They judged BigBoss. And they made fun of it. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! They were being cruel! I reported them to the mods, but the mods didn't do anything. I took my grievances all the way to Lowtax, but received no reply.

Since then, I've been confining our family's OPs to safe spaces. Maybe one day, we can try a new OP in the larger internet. But not today. Not today.

haha

# ? Jul 16, 2015 22:32

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Some White Couple Parodied a Rap Song For Their Pregnancy Announcement; Watch the Viral Masterpiece Here!

# ? Jul 16, 2015 22:46

Tonsured: Jan 14, 2005; I came across mention of a Gnostic codex called The Unreal God and the Aspects of His Nonexistent Universe, an idea which reduced me to helpless laughter. What kind of person would write about something that he knows doesn't exist, and how can something that doesn't exist have aspects?

What I learned when I put my special needs infant in the microwave
To the Policeman that frowned at my special needs son's charred corpse
Why I interrupted the judge to tell him to suck my special needs dad dick during the sentencing

# ? Jul 16, 2015 23:22

BigBoss: Jan 26, 2012; by Lowtax

"Is It Safe For Indigo Children To Wear Indiglo Watches?"

# ? Jul 16, 2015 23:34

Flo Cytometer: Apr 20, 2015; by Ralp

"The 90s are back, and this is what you need to watch out for."

its a swatch promo you see

# ? Jul 16, 2015 23:36

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

"Why Caitlyn Jenner is a better parent than you"

# ? Jul 16, 2015 23:37

basement jihadist: Oct 3, 2002

America had 39 Daddies and It Turned Out Great-- Six secrets monarchs HATE

# ? Jul 16, 2015 23:38

gleebster: Dec 16, 2006; Only a howler; Pillbug

7 Must-Know Homeopathic Vaccine Alternatives

# ? Jul 17, 2015 01:34

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 1, 2024 17:04

du -hast: Mar 12, 2003; BEHEAD THOSE WHO INSULT GENTOO

Uncle Enzo posted:

A New Media Frenzy Over Something With Very Little Evidence It Actually Occurred
Reports have surfaced that some teens are doing "Vodka Salve", where a person's skin is flayed and the bare dermis soaked in vodka....

I literally giggled out loud at this one.

# ? Jul 17, 2015 15:38

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