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I dunno, I get the feeling that no matter how many bags of doritos I eat, somebody else already scarfed down the magical one that literally transformed him into Le Wise Goon Who Can See Beyond, who can authoritatively state which elements of Star Trek Brand Fantasy TV Show of Made Up poo poo obviously can happen and what elements obviously can't happen on loving philosophical grounds Hey, just for my own peace of mind, thanks for allowing uhhh laser warp drives and subspace zapnortion fields to work, guy. It would have been a lovely show if your secret knowledge had decided against that poo poo. So, you know, on behalf of us normies. Really. Jumpin' jesus you loving human being
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Sep 22, 2015 21:36
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It's sort of bumming me out watching you guys flail around and and frantically try to land a sick burn on me with anything in reach so let me just help you out here I got this avatar from an enraged 100% legitimate unapologetic brony furry SA user named Reikachu in the following thread like three years ago http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3469348 It was a total blowout and like ten pedo bronies got purged, and one of them dropped 5bux on me in an effort to hurt my fee-fees as bad as I've hurt yours. I've kept it as a memento of the good old days. I dunno if you're literally retarded but many users on this forum have 'ironic' or humorously inaccurate avatars. So you can stop swinging so hard and wipe the agitated foam off your mouths because it's depressing to watch okay keep to the rivers and lakes that you're used to hth
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Sep 22, 2015 21:59
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BottledBodhisvata posted:So you kept the avatar for 3 years? Hey, you're getting better at this whole "I am Lord Wise Goon, arbiter of what is true and obvious" horseshit
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Sep 22, 2015 22:08
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It's kind of a shame that Gul Dukat died before he could notify the Bajoran people that he porked their spiritual leader. I'm sure it was on his catch-up list, organized guy like that.
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Sep 23, 2015 01:35
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We have remarked several times that having Dukat call Kira out of the blue to say "I plowed your mom" seemed like a contrived way to jump-start the episode. What we never considered was that he had a LOT of calls like that to make and it took him until season 6 to reach the "K" section.
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Sep 23, 2015 12:22
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It all would have ended with her dead body being blown out an airlock early one morning, dressed in a Dr. Bashir suit and clutching a nine-tailed whip
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Sep 24, 2015 05:32
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Dicere posted:horrible voyager episode Man, that was Virginia Madsen. And they actually banged out some p good scenes.  Garak directed it Tujague fucked around with this message at 04:30 on Sep 26, 2015 |
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Sep 25, 2015 22:15
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Met posted:Waching this episode because you bring it up. Harry starts the episode with technobabble and Chakotay will have none of that poo poo. Kim: The radar isn't working because Seven of Nine is still doinking with it Chakotay: I dunno, just fix it. Or fix it when it's ready. Dumbass. Kim: I don't have permission to order the computer to fix stuff. Chakotay: Well, just ask Seven of Nine to tell you when she'll be finished! Kim: I did. She pulled rank on me and cited my low information clearance. Chakotay: WELL BLOW YOURSELF OUT A loving AIRLOCK I HAVE TO PORK VIRGINIA MADSEN Kim: I HAVE TO ASK NEELIX TO OPEN THE AIRLOCK FOR ME
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Sep 26, 2015 19:12
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Actually now that I think about it, that episode was dildos. Voyager runs into Unheard Of Civilization That Can Make Spaceships Very Close To Voyager # 3704, which appears to be made up of plot-driving contrivances (People forget them! Computers can't scan them! They can't talk about it!), then it turns out that two of these people recently snuck onboard Voyager to clown around in poorly-lit flashbacks. Okay, the aliens don't show up on security cameras, but wasn't there some record of, I dunno, Chakotay talking to ghosts in the cargo bay or grunting and thrusting his pelvis into a blurry figure in his quarters? Or the captain of the ship having a diplomatic meeting with an empty chair? No? Well, then to wrap up the episode a third guy sneaks onto the ship and hoses the lady down wth a literal *MEMORY ERASING RAY* Which causes Chakotay to pull his phaser and say "Drop it!" but it was Toooooo Laaaaaate There were good scenes between Virginia Madsen and Chakotay but the poo poo stringing them together was so dumb it ruined everything Edit: Okay when I write it out like this it sounds like a TOS episode, except that was like 50 years ago, and it would have been either Kirk or Sulu who had fallen in love with the alien, and Spock and/or McCoy would have argued against the whole thing from square one, and it would have been better Tujague fucked around with this message at 23:13 on Sep 26, 2015 |
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Sep 26, 2015 23:04
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Tujague fucked around with this message at 22:08 on Sep 28, 2015 |
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Sep 28, 2015 22:02
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I've never heard 'pulling his goalie' used as a euphemism for jerkin' it before
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Sep 29, 2015 05:49
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Yeah that's a p funny youtube although I'm not sure the difference between an actor voicing "I'm" vs "I am" in a line of rapidly spoken technobabble is enough of a masterstroke iceburn checkmate to hold up half the goddamn video
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Sep 29, 2015 17:48
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Ugh I changed my mind let's go back to talking about their dicks
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Sep 29, 2015 21:37
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Yeah, you know, it's a fantastical sci-fi setting, but it's human enough that you can imagine yourself serving on the Enterprise, exploring the stars with Captain Picard and Geordi LaForge, replicating a suitcase packed full of Nacho Cheese Doritos and designing a holodeck girlfriend with a black hole where her mouth should be
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Oct 1, 2015 02:32
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Hey, guy who wrote the best Trek series, we need some help, can you come in and talk it over with us? What's that you say? Big sexy tits dripping goo aren't making the show good? Naming the enemy race the Al-Qaedas was dumb as hell? The three most boring characters in all of Star Trek are on our show? Aw, man, you sound just like the Internet! I don't even know why you're telling us this!
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Oct 2, 2015 22:37
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Sure, we can do this. The series opens at Janeway's court-martial. A Bajoran terrorist from the Shi'a Wynn suicide-bombs the joint, demanding that the Federation get out of Bajor and take all its science and technology with it. During the chaos, Janeway is rescued by her former crew. Except Harry Kim, who is quickly recaptured and sentenced to 20 years hard labor at the one remaining actual legit prison in Federation space. The only other inmate held there is Miles O'Brien, who is halfway through a 110 year sentence of daily beatings. Janeway takes off back into the Delta Quadrant, leaving the wreckage of several dozen Borg cubes in her wake, and swears to harness the power of Omega particles and Q's god-seed to continue her reign of terror. Meanwhile, the main character is a promising young officer (Mary Sue) who, due to stuff that will be explored in Season 1, hosed up real bad and was assigned to be the First Officer on what is basically a refitted garbage scow with a special short-range EXPLORATION CRAFT piggybacked onto the back of it. She spends her time dealing with an unruly crew of screw-ups and discipline cases while being generally ignored by the captain, who is a mysterious guy who hardly ever comes out of his quarters except to confuse his crew and impose strange navigation orders on them with no explanation or discussion. The captain actually has a secret mission in a big red folder that says he is supposed to track down Janeway and snuff her with extreme prejudice, but that doesn't come out until Season 3. Season 2 is spent getting to know the leader of the SCIENCE CADRE (Marty Stu) who is technically captain of the EXPLORATION CRAFT, who is ambitious and by-the-book and is ticked off about the whole scenario and I guess we could do a sexual tension thing with the first officer. They will be enemies until Season 4, when the captain guy will get killed and they will have to decide whether or not to limp home or avenge him. Bam. Layer in some monster-of-the-week poo poo, some holodeck shenanigans and semi-fascinating secondary character plots and we're good to go. Tujague fucked around with this message at 02:01 on Oct 3, 2015 |
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Oct 3, 2015 01:55
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Jesus christ, every three pages with you morons farting out profound philosophical biotruths you realized after being made euphoric by your own intellect Maybe you should write clumsy, hilariously unexamined social commentary scripts for a hokey 1960's sci-fi show or something
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Oct 5, 2015 05:41
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My Q-Face posted:
You're really smart and perceptive. I can tell you've got this whole thing figured out and are seeing a truth beyond what normal people understand. Because of how smart you are. I'm absolutely going to be mad, like you say, when I do the poo poo you are saying I should do and realize the smart things you have realized. Newt Gingrich.
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Oct 5, 2015 07:39
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*crowd breaks from grooming to hoot excitedly*
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My beef with the Jem Hadar was about poo poo that literally happened on the screen during a TV show and 100% didn't require me to thoughtfully stroke cheeto dust out of my neckbeard while having an Archimedes-esque epiphany about human nature and reality that is hidden from the un-fedora'd neurotypicals
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Oct 5, 2015 16:04
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BottledBodhisvata posted:You are a sad, strange little man...and you have my pity. 
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Oct 5, 2015 16:14
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That's bullshit, if anyone can come up with a list of mandatory ds9 it's us and not just because we have nothing better to do. For one thing, you have to make up your own mind about Ferengi episodes. I think they are good except the one where Quark has to become female which is s06 e23 "Profit and Lace" which is irredeemable. S06 e10 is The Magnificent Ferengi which is mandatory no matter what especially for goongranddad so write those two down. You can skip most of Season 1 on grounds of terrible acting and/or TNG-style Monster Of The Week crap, but catch these: The pilot S01 E03 and E04 - good introductory character development S01 E06 - "Captive Pursuit" O'Brien's first chance to shine S01 E11 - "The Nagus" Ferengi episode is a maybe S01 E14 - "Storyteller" Beginning of O'Brien / Bashir bromance S01 E15 - "Progress" Pretty good Kira / Bajoran poo poo S01 E19 - "Duet" super awesome drama episode S01 E20 - Nurse Ratched's first tour de force / Bajoran religious poo poo throwdown You have to watch p much all of Season 7, with the exception of these: s7 e04: Sisko and the crew play baseball against some Vulcans s7 e05: Bashir falls in love with an autistic girl s7 e11: Ezri Dax backstory is godawful Tujague fucked around with this message at 03:21 on Oct 6, 2015 |
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Oct 6, 2015 03:10
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Look if you pass every DS9 episode that has some cool funny poo poo in it, you won't skip any okay Klingon Chef blows it up in Melora. Is Klingon Chef good? Yes. Is Melora good? Ffffuuuuuuuccccccckkkkk. vvv I don't think there's a lovely Vic ep. The one where he helps Odo date Kira is awesome too. The one where Worf tears up the place is awesome. Tujague fucked around with this message at 03:22 on Oct 6, 2015 |
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Oct 6, 2015 03:18
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If I remember from six posts ago, the reason he wants a condensed list is because he doesn't have a ton of time to watch TV with his grandfather, who is presumably not a big sci-fi nerd Hang on, I'll go use my eyes to read what it says Yep
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Oct 6, 2015 03:39
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You say this to people in real life, don't you?
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Oct 6, 2015 16:30
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I think you have to get lucky to have much of a career after being on the regular cast of Star Trek, especially if you're basically a muppet
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Oct 7, 2015 04:52
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Good thing it wasn't constantly getting jammed in his rear end crack I mean the costume okay
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Oct 8, 2015 03:43
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Non-shameful Trek romances: Picard and that one archaeologist thief chick Riker banging Bebe Neuwirth Quark banging that klingon lady Bashir and Leeta I changed my mind about Picard and the thief chick
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Oct 9, 2015 22:18
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Yeah honestly that marriage was over the day Keiko got turned into a ten-year-old and Miles sexually rejected her
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Oct 10, 2015 05:49
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That porno one was actually sort of good, the worst thing in it is the gruesome, joyless loving
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Oct 12, 2015 01:58
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Shadow posted:I won't pretend to be an authority on that Look, somebody said something totally unprecedented in the Star Trek thread! The next Star Trek series will be on a paid cable channel, but hoping for HBO is  optimistic. It will be on a shittier channel, and it will be a dark, gritty reboot where the lights are turned down low, the captain is a secret heroin addict and the science officer is a BDSM slut and there's a terrible civil war going on in the federationIt will be Battlestartrek Galactica, written by the shitheads who wrote Heroes, filmed by the lens flare coordinator from JJ Trek
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Oct 12, 2015 19:19
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STAR TREK: What I said in the post you quoted Or any of the other ideas that are spammed on every fifth page in every star trek thread Edit: A show-inside-a-show set on a spaceship that is the studio for a subspace morning show, Start Your Stardate With Bashir and Garak, including lots of on-screen segments where Big Fat Klingon Chef shows you how to prepare tasty nutritious breakfasts your little warriors will love, and then behind-the-scenes poo poo where Bashir and Miles O'Brien are constantly having gay sex in maintenance corridors and Sisko is the show runner and accidentally gets them banned from the Federation Tujague fucked around with this message at 21:10 on Oct 12, 2015 |
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Oct 12, 2015 21:02
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Star Trek: Citizen of the Federation which follows our hero as he gets up every morning and tells the computer to teleport all the dirt, grime and bacteria off his body, then tells the computer to teleport clothes onto him, then goes into the holodeck where he is programming a sex partner with eight boobs and a tiny black hole for a mouth. Every once in a while, he goes out to "dinner" at this wacky hipster retro place called "sisko's" where they actually make food by hand instead of just staying home and having the computer beam food into his mouth. In Season Two, he gets a 'job' on a freighter that drives itself and spends his days playing a video game that plugs directly into his brain and smoking replicated weed Edit also the freighter doesn't really move anything because the main character has a machine in his house that can create stuff at a molecular level, so it's more like a really big cosplay hobby Tujague fucked around with this message at 02:10 on Oct 13, 2015 |
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Oct 13, 2015 02:02
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I watched Galaxy Quest and it was p good but I'm going to be really surprised if a series based on that premise has legs
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Oct 14, 2015 22:07
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Maybe your SA account should be called "Star Trek: Asperger's"
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Oct 15, 2015 04:00
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The supporting characters in Enterprise were also a full class shittier than the ones in Voyager
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Oct 16, 2015 01:07
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The boring black pilot guy from Enterprise was Postmaster P in "Leprechaun 4: In The Hood"
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Oct 16, 2015 04:02
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Yeah most of Worf's crap could be explained by him being psychologically incapable of missing a chance to honk on and on about his ideology. I mean, I know actual human beings like that. The real annoying poo poo was when Data knew everything on the internet and then some but kept having to have two-minute long sidebars every time somebody said "Well, the shoe's on the other foot now!" or "Those are your chickens coming home to roost!" The goddamn robot character in Dark Matter started doing that in episode three and I think it might be a dealbreaker
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Oct 16, 2015 22:01
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Yeah, I dunno, it doesn't have a lot of narrative heat. If they were playing with real world rules and one person reproduced by sticking a penis in a vagina and the other one reproduced by sticking a facehugger on a cow, they would know going into it that adoption was the only possibility.
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Oct 16, 2015 22:27
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So, before Sisko took over DS9, he was in charge of building ships in orbit over Mars, right? How is that not the best idea for a show? Get Donald Glover to play Young Sisko back before he calmed down and found religion, screaming at an office full of nerds about how he wants his ship built. His archenemy could be a Bolian safety inspector and a Vulcan human resources clerk
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Oct 17, 2015 20:52
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In case anyone is wondering, this Dark Matter show is ummmmmmmm Well I'd give it a C- More specifically, it's a stylish bag with chunks of other sci-fi shows and a bad smell inside Are there any good spaceship shows currently running?
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Oct 18, 2015 19:02
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