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Two months ago my dad was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This was discovered when my grand-dad, his dad, died this year in the beginning of June and my dad proceeded to go into a bad manic episode as it became apparent my grand-dad would only have a few days to live. He went off lithium last December citing that his doctor didn't want him on it since my dad's liver and kidneys are in such bad shape. He said he was on something else but it was discovered that he was on no kind of bipolar medication since. My dad didn't come to the funeral and, for three weeks, proceeded to spend money he didn't have, calling me and other family members for money, threatening my grandmother to give him money, and harassing convenience store clerks before the mental hospital finally took him in. The psychiatrist was very blunt in telling us of my dad's diagnosis and that due to his age (he is 62) that his behaviour will more than likely not change. He can take meds for his manic depression but that there isn't a med for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Therapy is an option but she explained it really depends on the person if they really desire to change for some sort of improvement. I was told by an aunt that he went to his first session last week but many, including myself, are not on speaking terms with him due to how lovely his behaviour has been. Is my dad a write off? Is treatment going to be that difficult? Impossible? If there are those willing to share their experiences- that'd be very helpful.
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Sep 4, 2015 03:52
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Agreeable Employer posted:Two months ago my dad was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This was discovered when my grand-dad, his dad, died this year in the beginning of June and my dad proceeded to go into a bad manic episode as it became apparent my grand-dad would only have a few days to live. He went off lithium last December citing that his doctor didn't want him on it since my dad's liver and kidneys are in such bad shape. He said he was on something else but it was discovered that he was on no kind of bipolar medication since. My dad didn't come to the funeral and, for three weeks, proceeded to spend money he didn't have, calling me and other family members for money, threatening my grandmother to give him money, and harassing convenience store clerks before the mental hospital finally took him in. I'm not a doctor, but suddenly displaying symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder out of nowhere at 62 is really damned odd. Most people go crazy in their their late teens, early twenties. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the new polite way of saying Sociopath. Assuming your dad wasn't a total dick to you while growing up, the abrupt change in behavior sounds like maybe your dad suffered an undiagnosed stroke that may have caused him to act out inappropriately. You might want to get his head examined. That's not a euphemism for psychology, you should try to find a doctor to X-Ray or MRI your dad's head. Such an out of the blue change in personality suggests brain damage, and a stroke is the most likely cause. thrakkorzog fucked around with this message at 11:23 on Sep 4, 2015 |
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Sep 4, 2015 09:40
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thrakkorzog posted:I'm not a doctor, but suddenly displaying symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder out of nowhere at 62 is really damned odd. Most people go crazy in their their late teens, early twenties. Sorry. I should have put a bit more of my dad's history; I didn't want it to turn into a EN/ BS topic. My dad has displayed a number of self-absorbed habits throughout his life. This recent bit isn't anything new. Some of my family members are not even surprised by the diagnosis. My dad's teens and twenties consisted of parties and jail. He never graduated high school, so, he relied on his parents or friends to get him jobs in retail or equipment manufacturing when he wasn't doing shady poo poo for money. He would get in trouble with the police off an on during my childhood for drunk driving, speeding, and drug possession. My dad came from a family that always used money to solve a problem. If he broke something my grandparents would provide the money to get it repaired, if my dad spent all his money on dumb poo poo they would send a cheque. Cars and motorcycles never really lasted long since he would always get into accidents; his licence has been suspended many times. I remember, as a kid, at least 3 incidents where he up and left because he felt like going on a trip - taking the only car and forcing my mom to rent one so she could go to work. I also understand my grandparents would help him out to pay mortgage payments on occasion since my dad would spend money on electronics, car stuff, and weed. It was common for him to ask my mom, or me and my sisters if he knew we got Christmas money or money from our part time jobs, for some cash to go get cigarettes, weed, or to go to a fast food place by himself. He wouldn't really display any common courtesies, or empathy, except with his friends or people he knew he could get something out of. Many people in the apartment building he lives in complain of my dad because he plays music too loud, smokes in the hallways, or using items that you were not allowed to have on balconies like bird feeders and a charcoal barbeque. When my mom and dad divorced 15 years ago, his parents gave him money to start anew but that only ended up with him getting an apartment much too expensive for what he was getting via his pension every month. The rent is $1100 while he only gets about $1400 a month for his pension. His credit card debt would get bad enough that my grandparents would send him money to pay it off each year. It was also common for him to call me for money because he needed groceries or a carton of cigarettes. He'd get really pissy if he got a gift card for a grocery store instead of money. My dad's excuse for his debt would be because of all the meds he needed for his kidney health, diabetes, high blood pressure, and manic depression. He qualifies for a benefit program for cheap meds that would cut the costs close to half but he refused to go on it because of all the paperwork he has to do each year to qualify. Even when I, or others, offered to help he would get irrationally angry over it. My grand-parents seemed to have thought it was the easiest alternative to just give my dad money instead of experiencing his mood swings. Talking to him about lifestyle changes or budgeting would result in him getting pissed off or quickly changing the subject. He smokes at least 4 cartons of cigarettes a month, constantly drinks diet colas by the litres, and always eats out despite being a good cook. He also only shops at convenience stores for overpriced groceries because the real grocery store is "too far away", (it is about a 4 block walk) and he refuses to take the bus to go to other places. Since his licence is suspended until 2016, he relies on a friend with a car or one of my aunts to get a ride. I could go on with more of the stuff he has done. I really could. The psychiatrist indicated that giving my dad money needs to stop right away but I have my suspicions that my grandmother is still giving him money. I have not heard from my dad for about 2 weeks and the times he has called were only for requests of money since he claims "he has nothing." I guess I want to get some input from people who have also had family members with this. How does the therapy treatment even work? What is involved? Is the failure rate that high for rehabilitation? I also want to know how people cope with this. Do you associate with them still? Have shut them out of your lives? I think I am prepared to never speak with my dad ever again along with the rest of my sisters due to us just being very tired of him getting into trouble and always demanding money.
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Sep 4, 2015 20:28
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thrakkorzog posted:Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the new polite way of saying Sociopath.
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Sep 5, 2015 05:03
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I've seen a few threads come and go in this forum talking about people with NPD. The result has always been to sever. If you want to get a handle on the situation (for your own well being at least) I'd make an effort to educate yourself on NPD as much as you're able. A bit of education on whatever mental illness a person is dealing with in whatever capacity is pretty much always helpful.
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Sep 7, 2015 05:46
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Buried alive posted:I've seen a few threads come and go in this forum talking about people with NPD. The result has always been to sever. If you want to get a handle on the situation (for your own well being at least) I'd make an effort to educate yourself on NPD as much as you're able. A bit of education on whatever mental illness a person is dealing with in whatever capacity is pretty much always helpful. Ugh, just reading more on it is already bringing up more lovely memories and is making me think if I should consider some friggin' therapy. I found out my dad has been non-stop in asking for his share of grand-dad's inheritance. My aunt said that my dad was essentially, "Hey, I started going to therapy. That's good of me. When am I going to get the money dad promised me?" with my grandmother over the phone. The way he is salivating over getting this money is incredibly depressing. I'll be changing my phone number and will never speak with him again. gently caress that entitled and garbage attitude.
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Sep 8, 2015 01:06
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Agreeable Employer posted:gently caress that entitled and garbage attitude. I had a friend, who I've since figured out is a garbage sort of person, say that I really oughtn't worry about spending within my means, because I should be considering my parents' money as my own. I don't know where the gently caress that attitude comes from, but it was at that point I told him to gently caress himself and never speak to me again. I don't know if people who are that broken can actually be fixed.
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Sep 8, 2015 04:12
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My dad was very similar to your dad except add severe alcoholism to the mix. I did my best to have a relationship but eventually lost interest and cut all contact, about a year later he died, I still don't know what from exactly (his death certificate said "acute alcoholism"). The ironic thing is that he was a really, really awesome dad all the way through my childhood and through high school but the wheels kind of fell off the bus later on. Well I hope this was helpful for you.
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Sep 8, 2015 04:35
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Agreeable Employer posted:
I have some experience in this sort of thing and I can tell you that every case is different, the ability to cope with the situation will be different from person to person and the diagnosis itself exists on a spectrum where someone can be "slightly" impaired while others are profoundly impaired. For these reasons, the individual experiences of people won't be a lot of help to you because everyone's experience will be so unique. I would strongly encourage you to talk to a therapist yourself and ask exactly these questions; they'll be able to direct your conversation and elicit appropriate information to help guide you to a decision that's healthiest for you and your father. This isn't the sort of thing you should be left to explore yourself but it's also not the sort of thing that you're going to be able to resolve by posting a thread on a message board...
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Sep 8, 2015 10:52
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Talk to a therapist. But you're probably gonna be best off if you completely sever. Your dad will almost certainly be this way until he dies and he will suck all the life out of you if you engage him.
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Sep 8, 2015 16:33
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I don't know anything about NPD, but what you describe sounds like the natural result of a manic person going through their life constantly being propped up by enablers. Hard to imagine somebody changing their tune after 60+ years of being bailed out by their parents. What is your grandmother like?
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Sep 8, 2015 17:51
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PT6A posted:I had a friend, who I've since figured out is a garbage sort of person, say that I really oughtn't worry about spending within my means, because I should be considering my parents' money as my own. Funny enough, I remember a conversation with my mom and dad when I was 12-13. My mom was telling my dad off after he bought new stereo equipment that he can't buy stuff when she needs to pay the mechanics when our car needed repairs. He shrugged and said his parents wouldn't say no if they asked for the money. During a time I just graduated from my college program he needed money for a prescription refill, I was broke and wasn't sure he would actually spend it on what he claimed he would and told him I couldn't. He then said he would just ask my grandparents. I told him that he needed to budget better and that he shouldn't expect them to give him money all the time. He then said that they like to help and support him along with a nonchalant "My parents have lots of money." bewbies posted:The ironic thing is that he was a really, really awesome dad all the way through my childhood and through high school but the wheels kind of fell off the bus later on. Yeah, from age 4-9, I thought he was great. Then experiencing more of his terrible attitude just made me wary and cautious. Serrath posted:I have some experience in this sort of thing and I can tell you that every case is different, the ability to cope with the situation will be different from person to person and the diagnosis itself exists on a spectrum where someone can be "slightly" impaired while others are profoundly impaired. For these reasons, the individual experiences of people won't be a lot of help to you because everyone's experience will be so unique. I would strongly encourage you to talk to a therapist yourself and ask exactly these questions; they'll be able to direct your conversation and elicit appropriate information to help guide you to a decision that's healthiest for you and your father. This isn't the sort of thing you should be left to explore yourself but it's also not the sort of thing that you're going to be able to resolve by posting a thread on a message board... wilfredmerriweathr posted:Talk to a therapist. But you're probably gonna be best off if you completely sever. Your dad will almost certainly be this way until he dies and he will suck all the life out of you if you engage him. The psychiatrist did indicate that my dad is a severe case. Of the 9 main symptoms that indicate NPD - he displays at least 8 of them, IMO. You are both correct that I should look into my own therapy; I have talked to friends and my boyfriend about it but I'm fooling myself into thinking that it will suffice. Fruits of the sea posted:I don't know anything about NPD, but what you describe sounds like the natural result of a manic person going through their life constantly being propped up by enablers. Hard to imagine somebody changing their tune after 60+ years of being bailed out by their parents. She is always there to listen and loves engaging with her grandchildren and great grandchildren. Ditto for my grand-dad, too, when he was still alive. I want to say she is the one that is a bit more firm when it comes to saying no to my dad when he asks for money. 'Course, if she said no, he would just then ask my grand-dad -which 75% of the time he would say yes. Naturally my dad would just want to speak with my grand-dad first about getting money. Both are extremely generous. They regularly donated food , clothing, and sports equipment to their community. They also often donated to Doctors Without Borders and Oxfam. The thing though, as was mentioned before, my grandparents would use money when they think it was the best solution to solve a problem. It would be best not to talk about money problems with them because there was a good chance that they would offer money to you, or, mail something that would help out (like a toaster oven, or some luggage). Although, some other family members, not just my dad, would do lovely things by purposely mentioning money worries so they could manipulate my grandparents into offering money or random stuff. This generosity has clearly caused monstrous amounts of poo poo. I can only hope that this incident with my dad will change things.
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Sep 8, 2015 23:40
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My dad also displays a lot of signs of NPD (all 9 on that list you referenced, actually) and bipolar disorder. He was diagnosed as bipolar when I was very young but refused all medication and treatment. I cut off contact about 5 years ago. Life is better without him in it. As you go through therapy you'll probably realize he was in fact not so great a dad at all, ever. That will help with the no contact part. Good luck and good call!!!
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Sep 11, 2015 17:57
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Fruits of the sea posted:I don't know anything about NPD, but what you describe sounds like the natural result of a manic person going through their life constantly being propped up by enablers. Hard to imagine somebody changing their tune after 60+ years of being bailed out by their parents. Seconding this. Your dad sounds like a 62 year-old manchild. I would say sever, or at the very least don't enable him by giving him money. Good luck!
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Sep 13, 2015 01:43
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my dad sounds a lot like this, with a huge dose of violence and multiple substance abuse thrown into the mix. he spent all of my mom's money on poo poo for his trucks, guns, on weed, on music, on weird little projects around the house, while my brother, mother, and I rarely got clothes and never got new toys or books or anything. he's also extremely paranoid and hates the government, and severely delusional. he never actually wanted a daughter, so he made me repress anything girly and behave in a nongendered or masculine way, and absolutely hates women, especially smart women or women with power (for example, until I got away to college, I thought Hillary Clinton was a literal misandrist who beat the poo poo out of men). I severed with him years ago, and still have panic attacks if something reminds me of him. I went to a museum today and looked at things he used to force me to read and memorize from a very young age, and it was like I was 8 and he was standing behind me lecturing me loudly and making sure I was paying enough loving attention. I still feel sick.
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Sep 20, 2015 05:50
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